At this point the conductor comes down the aisle to your seat with a message from your friend. The message is very simple but it changes night into day and bitterness into joy. He tells you that your friend was indeed going to the same place as you. He was on his way to see his father. During the night the conductor received an emergency message that instructed your friend to get off the train at the next stop and catch a plane so that he could arrive home quickly, because his father needed him. The conductor leaves you a phone number so that you can contact your friend as soon as you arrive.
This simple message given by the conductor turns your frustration into peace.
You are still sorry to miss the two days of discussion you had anticipated, but your sorrow is no longer bitter or blind, rather it is sweet with the knowledge of where he is, and the assurance that you will see him again.
Of course you have anticipated the ideas in this story. We are all on the train journeying together, getting on and off the train at different times and different locations, and meeting all kinds of people along the way.
Our final destination is when we reach the end. There we meet others who went before us. Sometimes the getting off appears to be premature but knowing the reasons why calms the troubled spirit. For death is about getting off, going from one room into another.
If you are one of those who believe death is the end of life and there is nothing beyond the grave, then you had better live life to the max, because you will be a long time dead.
Small Things Do Count
Keeping the big picture in mind is an important aspect of life. To have an overall view of the whole is essential in understanding what life is all about. In doing this we should not forget that the whole is made up of many smaller parts. As
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Coleridge put it, “The universe of which we are conscious is but merely a mass of little things.”
The small things can be just as important as large things: The tongue, one of the smallest members of the body, has such great capacity for its size. With a few words it can exalt or debase.
A speck of dust in the eye can be disabling.
The rudder on a ship, although very small in size, has the capacity to change the direction of the world’s largest ships.
One extra chromosome, so small it cannot be seen by the natural eye, can change the physical appearance and the intellectual capacity of a person.
Emerson reminds us, “The creation of a thousand forests is in one acorn.”
In life it is the attention to small things that enables us to enjoy the large things.
Do not ever underestimate the value of paying attention to, or focusing on, the small things in life. Out of that which is small comes that which is great.
A gentleman commented to Michelangelo, “I cannot see that you have made any progress since my last visit.”
“But,” said the sculptor, “I have retouched these parts, polished that, softened that feature, brought out that muscle, given some expression to the lip, more energy to that limb, etc.” “But they are trifles!” exclaimed the visitor. “It may be so,” replied the great artist, “but trifles make perfection and perfection is no trifle.”
It Was Only a Shoebox
In 1981 my family and I were living in Jerusalem. A few times each week I would go to the post office.
On one particular day, as I reached the counter, there was a small shoebox sitting on it. The guard was trying to find out who owned it. This shoebox became very important when the owner could not be found. People were now motivated to get out of the post office in case there was a bomb in it.
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Right at that moment two girls came into the post office asking if anybody had seen their shoebox. After they took their shoes and left, those remaining in the post office breathed a sigh of relief.
Although it was only a small box, if it had contained a bomb, the damage and destruction it would have inflicted upon the building and the lives of the people would have been immense, as we have all witnessed with the Bali bombing of 2002.
The Keys
I was running late for an appointment. I grabbed my keys and my study door locked behind me. I looked at the keys I held in my hand. They were not the keys to my study. I had picked up another set of keys. I was locked out of my world, a world that contained thousands of books, hundreds of videos and audios, volumes of photos, thousands of colour slides from all over the world, filing cabinets full of stories, quotes and writings, books of personal correspondence and genealogical records and my computer that gave me access to the world.
In that split second my focus was lost and I had created a problem that I had to solve. I could smash a window, but the cost to replace it and the mess to clean up was too expensive in both time and money.
I called the locksmith. He arrived and, with a little piece of metal in his hand, manipulated the lock. In a few minutes the world that I had been shut out of was once again open. Just that little piece of metal, about the size of a match, was able to provide access to my world.
A philosopher said it this way:
The difficult things in this world must once have been easy; the great things in this world must once have been small.
Set about difficult things while they are still easy; do great things while they are still small.
The sage never affects to do anything great and, therefore, he is able to achieve his great results.
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The tree that needs two arms to span its girth sprang from the tiniest shoot.
Yon tower, nine storeys high, rose from a little mound of earth.
A journey of a thousand miles began with a single step.
There is a Process
As life unfolds we are exposed to opportunities where growth will be experienced. As newborn babies we are programmed to suck, this is what keeps us alive. No other baby taught us how to do this. It is just the way it is. This is instinct.
Genetically I am programmed to act and to do things a certain way, like the birds in morning and evening are programmed to all start chirping together.
As children we are always learning. We look to our mother and father, and our society, to socialize us in a certain way. The way I act is encouraged by positive or negative responses. I know who I am because of my relationship with my mother and father. My life is developed through a series of stages.
At an early stage if a toy is taken from my hands and placed under my pillow I do not look for it because to me it no longer exists. It is not until the next stage of my development that I realize it has gone and I begin to search for it. I find it and everybody claps because I am so clever.
My world consists of a bassinet then I move on to much greater things – a cot.
Wow! Now I am getting bigger. Eventually I realize there is more to my world than a cot. I climb out of it to explore the other worlds within the house, a room where water runs free, and a room where my bottle and food are prepared. Yet there is another room filled with music, and coloured pictures that move in a box.
This is a wonderful world. Now I see my brothers and sisters going out the door.
What is out there? Is there another world? If so, I want to see it. When the door is left open, I crawl out and see all this brown stuff. It looks interesting and there is so much of it. I am going to eat some.
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This is a wonderful world. My knowledge continues to expand. I soon discover that I am a boy not a girl. My booties are blue not pink. My father tells me I will grow up to be like him. To do that I will have to attend classes like he did.
When the Student is Ready the Teacher Arrives
Our world is like a giant classroom where we are all required to take classes.
Some classes we get to choose. When the choice is ours we take all the easy classes, the ones that give us the most pleasure.
On other occasions, someone else sets the curriculum. Then we only get to choose how we will work within the curriculum. This makes the learning experience difficult. These are classes that we do not want to attend. While we must attend the class, we can refuse to learn. We can fight against the experience and the teacher; however, if we choose to do that, another teacher will present the same lesson to us at another time in another place.
If you are still making the same mistakes you were twenty years ago it is time to learn the lesson. Until you have learned the lesson you cannot move forward.
You are like a broken record stuck in a rut. Remember, the school door is always open because learning does not end.
Our Great Teachers
You first learn lessons as a son or a daughter. As a son or daughter you are in a subservient role and must conform to the demands made of you by your parents.
As an adolescent this is most difficult, but there are lessons to be learned.
Eventually your role changes to where you become a mother or father.
As a parent your role will be to teach your children. In this process something happens, you find that your children are teaching you. The greatest teachers we will ever have are our children or those closest to us. They will teach us lessons that others cannot. They have been chosen as your teachers because you are less likely to be able to avoid them. You have to deal with whatever lessons they present to you.
If you do not like the lessons that others are teaching you, then you do not have to stay in their presence, you simply leave. There are no emotional ties so it is
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easy not to listen to them. This is not so with your children, the bond of love is too strong.
In this way the playing field is unfair. Have you ever noticed that your children can do things against you that you would never do against them? Some adolescents do not seem to have any difficulty in sinking the boots into their parents, knocking the stuffing out of them. Some use abuse and discard their parents at will.
One of the things that we need to learn in life is that our children will never love us like we love them. It has to be this way. If not, our children would never leave home or love and marry someone.
A father complained after making a great effort to take his daughter to the distant airport, she basically ignored him and spent her time and attentions on her boyfriend. His comments were, “I felt superfluous.”
That is because he was superfluous. No longer are our sons and daughters as interested in us once they reach a certain age. This is how it should be. They have to make their own way in life and we must, in fact, take the back seat or, for that matter, get out of the car. It is probably safer anyhow. This is an important thing for us to understand. It enables us to get on with living so as not to be weighed down because our teenagers will not do the things we want them to do, or live up to our expectations.
Parents are the ones who must come of age, otherwise, as the proverb says, “The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge”.
Let me make the point again. As parents we will always love our children more than they will love us.
If you do not believe this, it could be for a number of reasons. Firstly, you do not have any children so it would be difficult for you to know. Secondly, you do have children but they are young and constantly shower you with their love and kisses. Thirdly, you do not have teenagers, that species that see themselves as the center of the universe to which we all must pay homage.
Finally, if you are not convinced, and still believe that your children will love you as much as you love them, then have a look at the number of parents that are placed into old folks homes by their children. These places are bulging at the
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seams or, at least, that is how it is in the west. I understand that sometimes this is the best and only alternative, and so I am not making any judgments in this regard, only observing the way it is.
The Refiners’ Fire
It has been said that it rains upon the just, as well as the unjust. Someone added that it rains on the just more because the unjust have stolen their umbrellas.
No one is exempt from experiencing the trials and tribulations of life. It is the common denominator of being human. These are the lessons we do not choose.
Dolly Parton said:
“In order to see the rainbow, you must first experience the rain.”
Helen Keller expressed it this way:
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
Through our suffering there is a refining process that takes place where the dross is burnt out of us. You must expect trouble as an inevitable part of life.
What Was Happening to You in 1992?
In a speech in November 1992, Queen Elizabeth II used the Latin term ‘annus horribilis’, for ‘horrible year’.
She was referring to all the horrible things that had happened to the Royal Family during that year - Princess Anne’s divorce, the separation of Andrew and Sarah, the fire at Windsor Castle, Andrew Morton’s exposé about Diana, etc.
Like Queen Elizabeth it was also an annus horribilis or one hell of a year for me.
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Gillian Barre Syndrome
Some years ago my mother had a heart transplant. At the beginning of 1992 she went to see her local General Practitioner who suggested that she have an influenza injection.
Under normal circumstances an influenza injection would have prevented influenza, colds, etc. but, because my mother had been a heart transplant recipient, complications set in and my mother contracted Gillian Barre Syndrome. This syndrome shuts down all the body’s systems. My mother was placed on a life support machine as she was paralysed from the neck to the toes.
She remained in this condition for some months.
As we lived in Melbourne and she was in an Adelaide hospital, we travelled there to see her. I have seen a lot of sick people in my life but I do not think that I have ever seen anybody in the condition she was in.
My father, who was in Adelaide to be at my mother’s bedside, began to cough up blood. After being x-rayed he was diagnosed with lung cancer. So, while my mother was in hospital endeavouring to recuperate, my father was sent to surgery where he was operated on and had a part of his lung removed.
From that point onwards his health quickly deteriorated. Within a matter of three weeks we were preparing for his death. My mother had been released from hospital and returned to Broken Hill.
Considering my father’s position I decided that I would go to Broken Hill and visit with him. My wife remained in Melbourne and attended to her work commitments.
The Stolen Car
While I was in Broken Hill visiting my sick mother and my dying father, my wife came home from work one evening and after going to bed, she heard a noise at the front of our home. Our car was being rolled out of our driveway. She immediately got up, jumped into our other car and gave chase to the thieves.
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Our car careered around the corner, out of control and wrapped itself around a tree. My wife, at this stage, pulled up behind the car and raced to the front door of our stolen car only to find that it was one of our sons who was at the wheel with his mates beside him. The car, of course, was written off. My wife rang me to tell me of the dilemma in which she had been placed.
Life is like that. “One door closes and another one slams shut.”
The Recession We Had to Have
1992 was the year of slamming doors. It was the beginning of the slide of our economy and the recession we had to have. We suffered great financial difficulties during this year as detailed in my earlier book ‘Get Out of Debt Before It Kills You’.
In that same year our offices were burgled. Our tenant’s contents were stolen and he claimed the insurance. Strangely, our contents were not touched.
Later that year at about three o’clock in the morning we received a telephone call from the fire brigade. They informed us that our offices were on fire. Our offices were severely damaged and, of course, we had to evacuate and save whatever could be salvaged. What the fire did not get the water did.
It was established later that the tenant who had had his contents stolen, had set fire to the premises so that he could make another claim against the insurance company.
For the next six months we experienced the difficulty of running a business from our home.
Could Things Get Any Worse?
Yes, and they did, but that is life! This is illustrated by the following story.
Imagine you are a lonely male frog who is looking for a companion with whom to spend your life. There does not seem to be anyone interested in you no matter how hard you try. This has shattered your self-image. You are feeling depressed and unhappy.
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In an act of desperation you telephone your Psychic Hotline to ask what your future holds. Your personal psychic advisor tells you, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.’’
This wonderful news has turned night into day. You croak, “Where will I meet her? At a party?’’
”No,’’ says the psychic, “in her Biology class.’’
Fire Is The Test Of Gold
Through our experiences we learn great lessons. Overcoming difficulties is what develops strength and character. You might ask, “Strength, to do what?” The answer is, “To overcome more difficulties”. You can reach a point where difficulties are easier to overcome, and not as daunting.
Your attitude towards them is such that you view them as another experience, or lesson, that you have to work through. It is of little value to yourself or anybody else to complain, whine, or moan, as eighty percent of people could not care less and the other twenty percent are actually glad. You simply have to work through them. It is the process that is important. Maxers come to know that sometimes it is the journey that is more important than the destination. So enjoy the journey.
Gold is passed through fire while being refined and so are you. This process yields a number of benefits.
In experiencing trials and tribulations you are exposed to life from a different perspective. You experience another way of looking at things. If you have been financially comfortable all of your life and things turn around to where you become ‘poor’ or ‘lose it all’, then it allows you to see life from the angle of people living their life in poor circumstances.
You identify with others who have had similar experiences. In other words there is a connection made. Something happens between people who have experienced difficult things.
Through this process we develop compassion for others. No longer are we cynical, judgmental, and critical of others. We are now compassionate, as we
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have travelled the same way, having walked in their moccasins. Now we are in a better position to help others.
Through our difficulties our experiences are greatly increased. Our repertoire, if you like, has been expanded. Figuratively speaking, we can now play more tunes, speak more languages, paint more pictures and do more things.
It is during these gut-wrenching experiences that you are taken to new frontiers.
You walk to the edge of the darkness, and then walk into it. You hit the wall and go beyond the pain-barrier.
You are humbled during the process. When you endure difficulties you are brought down to a level equal with others. You leave, or are thrown out of your ivory tower, hitting the pavement, you now see who else is there.
Those things we have called our weaknesses, once overcome, now become our strengths. Weakness is the birthplace of strength.
Experiencing trials and tribulations gives us a greater appreciation for life. It brings reality to our doorstep. All of a sudden we appreciate the simple things in life: the air we breathe, the flowers we smell, the water we drink, and the clouds in the sky. We unclutter our lives.
Through our extreme difficulties we become acquainted with God, each in our own way.
Adversity Overcomes Procrastination
Have you ever procrastinated about making an important decision? We all have at some point in our lives. We keep putting it off, sometimes for years.
Making decisions can be a difficult task. We may not be sure of the outcome or the consequences of the decisions, therefore there is an element of fear involved.
We suffer what might be called temporary insanity. Our mind is in turmoil as we swing back and forward. One moment we will, the next moment we will not.
This may go on for days, weeks, months, or even years. What adversity does is quicken the process. Adversity causes us to make decisions.
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It may be likened to standing at a door of an aircraft with a parachute on. This is your first jump. You are scared, the palms of your hands are clammy, and beads of sweat are forming on your forehead. You think, “What if the parachute does not open?” Your jumpmaster is encouraging you to jump. You exclaim, “I just cannot do it.”
At that moment the aircraft engine begins to run rough, something is wrong, it splutters and, with a violent surge, it stops. Only the wind can now be heard rushing past the open door. It is going down. The thought of the impending crash and your death, acts as the catalyst for you to jump.
There is no time to think or procrastinate. You jump. You watch the aircraft plummet to the ground. It gets there before you do and explodes on impact. You are horrified and saddened for those people who went down with the plane. You cannot help but think how thankful you are that you made the decision to jump.
Adversity acted as a catalyst. It forced you into making a decision. It provided a sense of urgency that motivated you into taking action.
Do we enjoy learning lessons through trials and tribulations? No, not unless we are masochists. Being exposed to new experiences is not easy. If we learn the lesson the first time, will the teachers have to come again? No, not in that lesson we have learned. We move on to the next level of our development. We can be sure we will continue to learn new lessons. Once we stop learning lessons then life is over. Or is it?
Freedom To Choose
The greatest gift you have been given is the freedom to make choices. Use this gift to its maximum. Do not let it sit on the shelf and rust, or gather dust and become a museum piece. Do not give anyone your Power of Attorney to make decisions and choices about your life.
Freedom is the stuff life is made of. Sometimes you will make mistakes. Well, that is all right. Anybody who ever achieves anything in life will make mistakes.
Say to yourself