distribution. I attended the morning class, sat for the examination and failed. I then came back for the afternoon class, studied further, sat for the examination and failed. I do not mind telling you I was pretty discouraged.
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I stayed for the night class, studied further and failed again, but by now I was devastated and went through my usual repertoire of, “Why me? Why do I not understand these abstract concepts like others do? Why am I so slow to learn these principles, etc?”
It was my habit to walk back through the building to the parking area. This night I had to get out of the building at the closest exit where I burst out crying. I was so upset and emotionally exhausted. I cried most of the way home but yet I was determined it was not going to beat me.
Next week I was back. Now on the fourth attempt I finally passed this unit and only had two units to go. On the second attempt I passed the next unit.
Then on the last day of the course I sat the final unit and passed. I was the last student in the room. The teacher said, “That will do”.
I thought, now knowing that I had passed, “It’s my turn to say something”. I said to him, “Why have you been such a mongrel during this course?” He looked rather surprised and said, “What do you mean?” I said, “This whole semester all you have done is discourage students from being here”. His answer to me was “I don’t have time to waste on students that are not fully committed”. I said to him,
“But don’t you think in some cases you are throwing out babies with the bath water?” He shrugged his shoulders and walked off.
I learned many things from this experience, some of them penned by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, who wrote:
"You will be what you will be;
Let failure find its false content
In that poor word, ‘environment’,
But spirit scorns it, and is free.
It masters time, it conquers space;
It cows that boastful trickster, Chance,
And bids the tyrant Circumstance
Uncrown, and fill a servant's place.
The human Will, that force unseen,
The offspring of a deathless Soul,
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Can hew a way to any goal,
Though walls of granite intervene.
Be not impatient in delay,
But wait as one who understands;
When spirit rises and commands,
The gods are ready to obey."
Focus
Perseverance can take the place of natural talent only if we stay focused on the issue at hand. When things get difficult it is so easy to lose focus and allow your mind to wander off into other areas, soon to be followed by your body.
Some years ago we lived in Adelaide. My son who was five years old was taking an interest in sport. One Saturday morning I took him to join a local soccer team.
Because of his height he was chosen to play the goalie. There was not much action taking place at his end of the oval. Some of the little boys in the back line became bored, so in the middle of the game they walked off the field and went and played on the swings and slippery dip that was close by.
It may be a humorous story but it does depict how quickly we are inclined to lose focus particularly when there does not appear to be any action or progress in what we are doing.
What makes focusing so difficult is that we generally do not have the privilege of paying attention to one issue at a time. It is a combination of events all happening at once. It is not juggling two balls that are hard. It is when there are five or six balls in the air that focus and concentration is required.
Put another way, when you are up to your waist in alligators it is hard to remember that the objective was to drain the swamp.
Have you ever wondered why it is so hard to remember someone’s name? The major reason for this is, at the time we are being introduced we are not focused on the introduction. Our body may be there but our mind is elsewhere. It may be on another conversation that you are earwigging on or you may be thinking about what you have to do when you arrive home, or any other random thoughts.
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Try this exercise the next time you are being introduced to someone. Give the person your full attention, focus on the name of the person, and repeat it over and over in your mind. If it is an unusual name, ask for its spelling. They will be happy to do this. After all, their name is the sweetest word in their language. If you give full attention to this you will remember people’s names with less difficulty.
Landing Without Focus
You cannot make a good landing out of a bad approach. When I was learning to fly about thirty years ago, I was being tested by an ex-World War II pilot to see if I was ready to fly solo.
As we turned on to final, the runway was in our view but I was way too high. I was going to overshoot. He said, “Aim the aircraft at the runway”. I did but then I was too fast so I pulled the nose of the aircraft up and we started to climb.
In an impatient manner he snatched the controls from me and said something like, “At this rate we will both be killed”. With my confidence shattered he applied full power as we flew another circuit and he landed the plane safely.
Focus and judgment are the keys to a good landing. There are a lot of things happening all at once. The aircraft is descending, the airspeed must be right. If the airspeed is too low on final and you stall the aircraft, you will die. Flaps must be chosen by degree, speed and altitude. The use of power must be adjusted according to distance from runway, too much power and you will overshoot, not enough and you will undershoot. Eyes scanning the instruments but focusing outside the cockpit. The runway is the target. Is it flattening out or are you still too high? Reduce power, another stage of flap, drop the nose, and maintain airspeed. It is all happening, over the road, over the fence, one hundred feet, fifty feet, twenty feet, power off, nose up, more back pressure. The aircraft settles onto the ground like a pelican settles on to a lake. You are down; the runway is under your wheels.
Life is not much different from this. Without focus you are scattered, going from this to that, never finding your target. You are never in the same place long enough to succeed. Focus is the foundation that gives perfection to the end result.
William James said, “That which holds our attention determines our action.”
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Emerson wrote, “That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the thing has changed but our ability to do has increased.” Les Brown said it this way, “What you resist will persist. But what you embrace you can control.”
A Disciplined Mind
After winning several archery contests a boastful young man challenged a Zen master who was renowned for his skill as an archer. The young man demonstrated remarkable skill as he hit a distant bull’s eye on his first try and then split that arrow with his second shot.
It was then the old master’s turn to see if he could match his skill. Undisturbed, the master did not draw his bow but rather motioned for the young archer to follow him up the mountain.
The young man followed him high into the mountain until they reached a deep chasm spanned by a shaky log, which served as a bridge. Calmly stepping out onto the middle of the unsteady and dangerous bridge, the old master picked a distant tree as a target, focused all his attention drew his bow, and shot a clean, direct hit.
“Now it is your turn,” he said as he gracefully stepped back onto the safe ground.
Terrified, all the young man could see was the bottomless and beckoning abyss.
The young man could not force himself to step out onto the log to take aim at the target. Fear had paralysed action. The master commented, “While you have much skill with your bow your unfocused mind has betrayed you.”
Physical skills are important but there has to be a balance between mind and body. Your may have talent but without a disciplined mind your journey will be short. A disciplined mind is the most crucial element in mastering any art. Focus is the first born of a disciplined mind. The mind is our most powerful asset and must be tested under many different circumstances.
The young archer was skilled under specific conditions, but lost focus in an unfamiliar environment. Everyone is clever on stable ground but when your stability is taken away, you are simply a child learning everything anew including lessons in humility.
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You Were Created to Win
You were not created to fail. You were created to win, to live a meaningful life, and to fulfill the measure of your creation. To win you must risk failure. Even in failure you win. You learn what does not work. This is a valuable thing to know and saves you time in the future.
We should never forget that failure is an essential part of winning. If you are not prepared to fail you will never win. This is because winning comes out of failure, good comes out of evil, order comes out of chaos. Failure is not failure. It is a learning experience. In life you can have positive experiences and learn or you can have negative experiences and learn. This is because all experience grows on the same tree. You will recall the famous story of Adam and Eve.
Eve was tempted to eat of the fruit of a tree that stood in the midst of the garden.
The tree was not down in the corner of the garden where it would hardly be noticed but right in the centre. She had to pass by it every day. What was the fruit Eve was tempted to eat? It was the fruit of good or evil. Both of these fruits grew on the same tree.
All your experiences can be used for good because, with hindsight, we understand that we are richer people because of them. It is true that there are some experiences that we would not want to have again. No, never. Now that we have had them they are ours and we cannot give them back nor do we want to give them up.
This is probably a hard concept for some people to understand, particularly those people who are now enduring the hardships and tragedies of life. If you find yourself disagreeing that all experience can be for your good, it is probably because you have not dealt with, or resolved, the experience. We are stuck at the level we were at when we had the experience. We have not moved on and probably have no intention of doing so, or as a famous Australian Prime Minister once said, “We must maintain the rage.”
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Chapter Summary
Major points to think about
What dreams do I have that are waiting to be fulfilled?
Who is the school bully in my life - the fear waiting for me to conquer?
Do I understand the relationship between preparation and fear?
Am I too afraid to think about the final enemy?
Will I cross the Rubicon to live my dreams?
How long will I persevere to achieve success?
Do I really believe that I was created to win?
Suggested points to act upon
I will make a list of all of my dreams and decide which ones can be acted upon now.
I will give each dream a starting and finishing date.
I will talk with people who live their dreams and refuse to listen to the dream busters.
I will identify each of my fears and then plan a strategy to defeat them. When fearful I will repeat to myself “I am bigger than anything that can happen to me”.
I will pay the cost to cross the Rubicon; somehow I will do it.
I will use self-discipline to control my mind. It will become my servant.
MY NOTES
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5. Maxers are Lovers
Love is a Spiritual Fire
ove underpins the whole of human civilization. Love is what glues humanity together. Without it the world would rip asunder. A separation Ltakes place wh
en a person ceases to love another person. Love is about
caring. It has been said, “I don’t care how much you know, until I know how much you care”. Preach love to one another every day of your lives and then, if necessary, say a few words. Love is a verb. It is something that we do. In the Symposium, Plato emphasizes the value of love.
Socrates, along with other guests, was invited to a banquet. As the guests arrive and sit at the banquet table they decide that something of substance must be discussed. Many suggestions are put forth as to which of all the gods could be spoken about. The god that was finally chosen as the most important of the gods was the God of Love.
Most agree that all people need to be loved, but many of us conclude, “Let someone else do the loving”. There are some people who are not as easy to love as others. To love other people you must be able to separate their inherent or intrinsic value from their behavior. This is not always easy to do. If you cannot do this then it is difficult to love all people, as their behavior will never meet your expectations.
Conditional love is the love that is practised by the masses: “I will love you provided you meet my conditions. If you do not meet my conditions I will withdraw my love from you.” This concept of conditional love is seen in all aspects of life. The love we give to our spouse, our children, relatives and friends is nearly always conditional.
Unconditional love is rare and only practised by those few who have been through the refiner’s fire. There are no conditions required to qualify for their love. The love a mother has for her children is probably as close as we can get to
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understanding unconditional love. A mother will continue to love her child regardless of the behavior of that child.
Unconditional love is where there are no expectations. If we could love at this level, love would become a great and powerful motivating force in changing behavior. To love unconditionally does not mean that we are blind to people’s behavior or that we condone it. It is just that we love them in spite of their behavior.
In Jail
Some have the ability to recognize the intrinsic and inherent value of another person. Deep within the breast of every human being is a goodness that stands separate from the actions of that person.
Recently I was privy to a discussion that took place in a jail. The inmates were discussing some of the most terrible things they had done to other people including members of their families. Some of these actions took place under the influence of alcohol and drugs, others through greed, anger, etc.
You could say they were not the kind of people you would want to invite to a family gathering. However, there was one thing they all had in common. They wished they had never hurt other people. Deep down inside there were feelings of remorse and guilt. There was still goodness in their hearts. To recognize this we have to develop a belief in the goodness of all humanity.
In Victor Hugo's classic ‘Les Miserables’, the main character is Jean Valjean who spent 19 years in jail for stealing a loaf of bread.
After being released from jail he must now wear and display the yellow badge that condemns him to be an outcast. Only the saintly Bishop of Digne takes him in and treats him with dignity.
Valjean repays this kindness to the Bishop by stealing some silverware. The police catch Valjean with the silverware and take him back to the Bishop. The Bishop, recognising Valjean's intrinsic value, lies to the police, stating that he gave Valjean the silverware and reminds Valjean that he forgot to take the candlesticks. So astonished at the goodness of the Bishop, Valjean is motivated to change his life. His first act of kindness was to befriend Cosette, a little girl
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who was in dire distress. Victor Hugo wrote, the Bishop had caused the dawn of virtue on his horizon, Cosette evoked the dawn of love.
Valjean reformed his life by serving others, sacrificing much for the well-being of Cosette. In a final letter to her he wrote these words: To you I bequeath the two candlesticks which are on the mantel. They are silver, but to me they are gold. I do not know whether he who gave them to me is satisfied with me. I have done what I could.
There is a great message in this for us: always look for the good in people - it is there in abundance.
Standing for the Teacher
I attended a philosophy class some years ago. About half way through the year, it was suggested by the secretary of the class that when the teacher entered the room we, as students, should stand. Most class members objected to this idea.
Some said that the last time they stood for a teacher was back at high school and they had no intention of starting that habit again. The suggestion was not well received.
There came a time when we were able to ask the teacher questions. Knowing that the other members of the class were reluctant to ask the question, I decided that I would. I said to the teacher, “Why is it expected that when you walk into the room we have to stand to recognize you as the teacher?”
His answer, I felt, was revealing. He said, “No, you have it wrong. You are not standing to recognize me as the teacher, you are standing to recognize the divinity within me and I am recognizing the divinity within you.”
Put another way, he was saying that, over and beyond whatever our roles or behavior are in life, there is an inherent or intrinsic value worth recognizing in each human being. This, of course, is a lofty concept but once it is understood and practised, it enables you to love all people. You no longer have to be the judge and jury of their behavior as there are no judgments to be made.
When judgments are removed compassion can take its place. We need more compassionate people in this world to bandage the wounds of the victims and
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their perpetrators. We need more messengers of hope. Please apply for the position, as there are plenty of vacancies.
Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, said:
“Be compassionate. My message is the practice of compassion, love, and kindness. Compassion can be put into practice if one recognizes the fact that every human being is a member of humanity and the human family, regardless of differences in religion, culture, colour, and creed. Deep down there is no difference.”
This principle is worth thinking about and, more importantly, putting into action.
Loving someone unconditionally means that you are not expecting anything in return. There is no reward. You simply do it because that is the right thing to do.
The person whom you love cannot hurt you because you have no expectations. If the other person does not appreciate your gift of love, then it is not an issue.
Your love is not conditional upon appreciation. If you can practice this principle, it will not only change your life but it will change the lives of others.
If you only get one thing out of this book let it be this: make it a practice to love all people unconditionally. No, it is not easy. That is why it has to be a practice but it will become easier. It never has been easy and never will be. This is because we are so full of ourselves that we believe that we are the center of the universe. This may have been fine when we were fourteen, but not now. We must move beyond the limitations of our past. Those who live this principle of loving unconditionally find liberation.
The Russian Immigrant
A true experience that happened some years ago is worth repeating. Rabbi Levy tells it this way:
“Galveston was one of the main ports of entry for immigrants and refugees during the flood of immigration into the United States.
Among those immigrants was a Russian who, when he landed at the port, was immediately arrested by the police. An extradition order was issued against him at the request of the Russian government.
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Rabbi Cohen was visiting the prison and, hearing of his plight, interviewed him and was convinced that he was not a criminal but a political refugee who was entitled to political asylum. He intervened with the authorities but to no avail.
Making the man’s cause his own, he entered an appeal against the decision and lost the case.
Undaunted and undeterred he took the case to the Supreme Court, however, with the same negative result.
As a last resort he sought an interview with the President of the United States himself. After many frustrations he was at last granted the interview and pleaded the cause of the unfortunate detainee.
Roosevelt listened to him and then shook his head, “I am sorry, Rabbi,” he said.
“Much as I admire the way you Jews stick together and try to help one another, I cannot see any reason for intervening.”
“Jew?” said the Rabbi, “Who said he was a Jew? He’s not a Jew, he is a Russian Christian.”
“A Christian?” echoed the President in astonishment. “But why are you, a Jewish Rabbi, concerning yourself with him?”
“Mr. President, if you ask me why I am concerned with another human being, then you know very little about the Jewish religion and even less about the role of a Rabbi.”
So impressed was the President that he gave orders for the cancellation of the extradition order.”
The action, when it became known, was recorded in the Library of Congress and gained for Rabbi Henry Cohen the coveted prize for humanitarianism in America”.
The French Quaker Stephen Grellet said:
“I expect to pass this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show for any fellow creature let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
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The Hajj
Hajj is an interesting Arabic word. It is one of the five pillars of Islam. The Hajj is the pilgrimage that a faithful Muslim is expected to make to the Holy City of Mecca. Mecca is the birthplace of the prophet Muhammad and the location of the Kabba, a shrine many centuries older than Islam.
The Kabba is a square building, the sides of which measure approximately thirty feet and whose height is approximately forty-five feet. The pilgrim walks around this building seven times and then kisses a black stone built into the base of one of the walls. This stone is the most holy object a Muslim knows. At least once in a lifetime a believer is expected to go to Mecca to worship.
Of course there are a number of places and cities that people consider to be holy or sacred. O