CHAPTER 4
Tradition & Ceremonies
During the next several months, Ron and I attended many Inipi (sweat lodge) Lakota Ceremonies conducted by Phil Crazy Bull. We became part of the local Lakota community of Tatanka Wi in Clackamas, Oregon. The people in the community gave their time and visited Sharon providing Reiki treatment, prayers, and emotional support when we needed it. They listened to us talk about Sharon and hugged us when we would break down in tears. The sweat lodge ceremony is for purification and to honor life events of the people. It is a ceremony given to the Lakota people by the White Buffalo Calf Woman. The ceremony is conducted in a structure made of willows that are tied together to form a dome. The dome is covered with blankets. Rocks are heated in a fire outside of the structure and seven rocks are brought in for each round of the ceremony and placed in a shallow pit in the middle of the lodge. Water is poured on the heated rocks while traditional Lakota prayer songs are sung. There are four rounds in the Inipi ceremony. Before each round, seven rocks from the fire are brought into the lodge and blessed with cedar. The first round is called Mitakuye Oyasin (all my relations) and honors all of our relations recognizing that we are all connected. In this round, the people pray for themselves. The second or Ohchi Maka (mother earth) round is to pray for the Earth and for others. The third, Tunkashila (grandfather and grandmother) round honors the stone nation and is the healing or medicine round. It is during this round that healing is done. The fourth or Wankan Tanka (Creator) round is done to give thanks for the healings, blessings, and answered prayers.
On January 9, 2000, Ron and I were honored to be part of a Lakota Yuwipi Ceremony conducted by Chief Phil Crazy Bull in Gresham, Oregon. The Yuwipi Ceremony is for healing. Before the ceremony, people petition the Medicine Man to be a part of the ceremony and are asking for a specific healing in their lives. Once he has agreed that it is appropriate for them to be part of the ceremony, they are seated in a row apart from others attending the ceremony. During the ceremony a special altar is constructed, and the Medicine Man allows himself to have his hands securely tied behind his back. He is then wrapped head to foot in a Native American star quilt so that he is entirely covered like a mummy. Ropes are tied around the blanket to hold it in place. He is then laid out full length on the altar. The lights are extinguished, and the medicine man prays out loud. The ancestors then come through the Medicine Man and address each person who has asked for healing and give that person specific guidance regarding their problem or situation. Ron had petitioned to be part of the ceremony, and when it came his turn to speak about our daughter Sharon and her situation, he was told Sharon had been given a choice as to whether she wanted to return to her body and was having a hard time deciding to do so, but if she decided not to return, the ancestors would help her pass over to the spirit world. Prior to the ceremony, Phil had told us we needed to surrender and accept Sharon as she was and to accept the situation and to let go and not to own a part of it and then healing could take place.
On the night of February 2, 2000, I awoke and glanced at the clock on my bedside. It was 11:10 pm. I saw what appeared to be a white shadow figure moving down the hallway to our door. It stopped at our doorway, and I heard very clearly the music we had previously recorded for Sharon on one of the tapes for her. The figure moved slowly toward the bed and lay right next to me. I knew in that instant it was Sharon. I realized at that moment while her body was lifeless, her spirit was very much alive and trying to communicate with me.
Twice a week over the next several months, I administered Reiki to Sharon, sometimes eliciting a physical reaction and sometimes not. Occasionally when doing the Reiki and positioning my hands over her head, I would get a deep sense of sorrow that was coming from Sharon. She was communicating to me her deep sorrow for what had happened. She continued to have physical and occupational therapy on a daily basis and medications were adjusted from time to time. On March 16, 2000 Sharon had another CAT scan. It still showed her ventricles enlarged and no improvement.
On March 18, Ron and I attended Chief Phil Crazy Bull’s workshop on healing and participated in the sweat lodge ceremony following it. I had lived in Arizona for eighteen years and was accustomed to intense heat but this sweat was profoundly different from any heat I had ever felt. During the third round (healing), I felt an intense burning sensation in my knees and thought I was too close to the fire pit. Within seconds, I panicked and could no longer stand the pain of the burning in my knees. I asked the Chief to be excused. I crawled out of the sweat lodge and laid on the cool grass outside. The Chief then told the person watching the fire outside to pour some water on the back of my neck. As the water came over the back of my neck the intense heat within me was extinguished. I laid there for what seemed like a long time just thankful for the coolness of the air and the dampness of the grass. As I became more aware of my surroundings, I tried to figure out what had happened. After the ceremony I spoke to Phil and asked him what happened. He said Sharon’s spirit had come into the lodge and wanted to touch me and when she touched my knees it created that overwhelming heat. I was thankful for her visit and began to realize the overwhelming power of spirit.
Chief Phil Crazy Bull told us about a Lakota ceremony called Hanbleca (Vision Quest). It was held each year in Albuquerque, New Mexico, usually in the spring. As he explained the ceremony, I felt a strong sense it was something I needed to do to find the answers regarding Sharon and why she did not seem to be responding and what we should do next. I had lots of questions and no answers. Hanbleca is a traditional Native American ceremony where one participates in two rounds of the sweat lodge for purification and goes into the mountains for four days and four nights with no food and no water. You are asked ahead of time to prepare four reasons for your wishing to participate in this ceremony. Never having done any camping in my life, my head was trying to convince me this was a bad idea. Couldn’t you die without having food or water for four days? I decided to stick with my decision listening instead to my heart and intuition and not logic. When I told Ron of my decision, he was surprised. He, as well as Chris, had wanted to do the same thing. We all submitted our requests to the Chief and the answer came back to us that Chris and I would be the ones allowed to do the Vision Quest and Ron would go as a supporter. The supporters are people who carry the sleeping bag and bare essentials that the participant needs and sets up an area in the mountains for the person they support. They go to the sweat lodge each evening and pray for the people on the mountain. They will offer a portion of what they eat and drink during the day to spirit so that their specific person is nourished throughout their fast. There are also duties at the site of the sweat lodge that need to be done. Someone needs to always watch the fire in the fire pit at the lodge that is burning day and night while the people on the mountain are praying and fasting. Another person is assigned the duty of always being at the base of the mountain so that someone is there if someone needs to come down and needs attention. Hanbleca this year would be in May of 2000.
In April 2000, the physical and occupational therapists informed us Sharon was no longer making any progress, and they felt it necessary to discontinue the therapy. The therapists also told us the insurance would no longer pay since there was no sign of improvement. Ron and I felt we needed to talk to Sharon’s doctor who should be the one making this decision. We made arrangements, and Sharon returned by ambulance to see her neurosurgeon and physiatrist. Both doctors suggested more Botox and phenol injections and more occupational and physical therapy. Sharon seemed to hate these injections. She would grimace in pain when they were given. We were trying every means possible to try and rehabilitate her and bring her out of this coma. As I looked at Sharon in her pain the thought came to me. Was all of this in her best interest? Were we causing her more pain by trying to bring her back?
Each Sunday for the four weeks prior to Hanbleca, I sat at our kitchen table for three hours and made my prayer ties for the ceremony along with six prayer flags. Each person is asked to make 405 prayer ties, which will surround the six-by-six-foot area called a Hochaka, in which they will be for four days. Six prayer flags are also required, one each of black, red, white, yellow, blue, and green cloth. On each side of the Hochaka, 101 prayer ties are hung attached to a willow stick. On the North side is a string of red cloth prayer ties, in the East 101 yellow prayer ties, in the South 101 white prayer ties, and in the West 101 black plus 1 red prayer tie representing one’s self. I put tobacco in each colored cloth of red, white, yellow, and black and said a prayer into each of them and tied them with continuous red string. The prayer ties are supported on all four sides by five-feet-high willow sticks. The prayer flags are placed in each corner of the Hochaka at the top of each willow stick. The blue and green prayer flags are placed on a willow stick that is at your altar site inside the Hochaka. In addition to the prayer ties and flags, it seemed an overwhelming task to get the things needed for this endeavor.
Two days before leaving for Hanbleca, our youngest dog, Kaci, died suddenly. I was in the kitchen when Chris called me frantically from the living room. Something was wrong with the dog and he said to come quickly. I ran into the room to find her not breathing and lying on her back, and she had lost urine on the rug. Frantic, we immediately rushed her to the emergency clinic a few miles from the house. We sat anxiously in the waiting room, and after an hour, the doctor came out and told us she had suffered a seizure, and they could not save her. I was in shock. Just a few hours ago, she was a healthy, happy dog. We went into the room where she laid on a steel gray cold table. She lay lifeless on the table. I broke down in tears and couldn’t stop crying. With Ron and Chris beside me, we left the room in shock. I glanced back at Kaci on the cold gray steel table and still couldn’t believe my eyes. We made the arrangements to have Kaci cremated and told the doctor our wishes. Chris, Ron, and I left the clinic in total silence and spent most of the day just sitting in the living room in shock and disbelief. Why were those we loved being taken from us? Just six months before, Scruffy, our older dog, a member of the family for eighteen years had died of kidney failure. Both of Ron’s parents had died within a year of each other the year before.
Kaci was three years old when she died. She was six weeks old when we got her from a private owner. She was a member of the family and a terrier with her own distinct dominant personality. She was always up for a game of fetch the ball and not afraid of any other dogs in the neighborhood. She was constantly teased by the squirrels outside our living room window and would bark ferociously at them while they in turn would just look at her and turn around and wave their tails at her as if knowing she couldn’t get at them. It was a shock to all of us, and we felt lost without her. We talked about canceling our plans to go to New Mexico for Hanbleca, but decided with all that had happened and the fact we were once again faced with issues involving life and death that it was important that we attend Hanbleca.