Pattern… Complex Equivalence is where someone is describing two things that they think are the same, when they most likely are not. Something you’ve
probably heard before (or similar) may be, “He never tells me how beautiful I am, so he must not love me.” Or “My clothes don’t fit, that must mean I’m
overweight.”
Response… The response to a Complex Equivalence is to ask a question that is designed to create a distinction between the two experiences that the person is
referencing, in order to help the person notice that they are indeed, not the
same. Here’s a response for the above examples: “Are there people you love who
you don’t always tell them how attractive they are?” and “have you seen clothes
fit someone who you think is overweight?” The result of the answer will rely to a large extent on the quality of the question you ask. Did it cause them to assess
their complex equivalent experience deeply enough to reassess whether it was
actually true or not? If they can think of people they feel love for, but don’t
always express how beautiful they are to them directly, then that will serve to
break their negative thinking around love being directly measured by another’s
impressions of their outer beauty.
Outcome… Usually someone will pause for a moment and think about what
you’ve asked them, and open up to the idea that possibly how they thought it
was, wasn’t actually how it really was. In many cases they may have another
response that will require an additional Meta Model question, but they will be
one step closer to clearing away the mental fog of their problem.