Who Are You?

To develop an open mind, it’s essential to take an honest look at who you truly are. It’s a difficult question to answer. You may believe you know, but seldom do you truly know without outside input. In 1955, Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham developed the Johari Window, named for both their first names of Joseph and Harry. The Johari Window helps you to better understand your personality.

The Window is made up of four panes, representing the four areas of personality.

 

1. Only You Know 2. You Show to Others

 

That part of yourself that only you know

That part of yourself that you know and share with others

3. Only Others Know 4. No One Knows

That part of yourself that others see, but that you are unaware of its existence

That part of yourself that no one knows — not yourself or others

Quadrant #1 — Only You Know. This is the area of yourself that you do not wish to disclose to anyone else. It’s the very private and vulnerable part of your personality that holds your fears and doubts. It holds any embarrassing or hurtful event that you did or has happened to you. You choose very carefully whom you allow to know this part of you, if anyone at all.
Quadrant #2 — You Show to Others. This is the area of your personality that you share with others in varying degrees, depending upon your trust level with each individual. You feel safe and confident with this part of your personality and the information contained in this quadrant. People are welcome here.

Quadrant #3 — Only Others Know. Though you may not be aware, there is a part of your personality, information about you, which other people know, but you do not. This quadrant holds that part of you. Such knowledge may be bad habits you do without knowing, such as the habit of biting your lip when you’re unsure of something. Maybe, something like the follow example.

Dan didn’t realize until he was video taped that, when he speaks, hr looks like he’s waving down a freight train. He knew he used his hands for emphasis, but Dan never suspected that he used his hands to such an extent.

Knowledge in this quadrant also may be your potential. Sometimes, others see in us, what we don’t see in ourselves. These are just a few examples. So many things may reside in this quadrant for you.

Quadrant #4 — No One Knows. This area holds any knowledge and potential that you or anyone else has yet to discover. Science has proven that we use only a small portion of our brain’s capacity. Some things from this quadrant, you will discover between now and when you leave this world. The majority of it, you will never know. The fourth quadrant also is the area where dreams are made real, where new theories are born, where new science is first thought and then discovered, and where creativity is given birth. New thought develops here. New ideas that change the world develop here. It’s the unknown part of you ... the creative part of you.
How Does This Apply to You? We’ve already shown why it’s important to know more about you. In the last chapter, we began working in Quadrant #1 of the Johari Window in Exercises #1 and #2. To truly answer the question, “Who are you?, you need to know as much about all four quadrants as possible. To be truly open, you need an unflinching self-assessment in order to take full responsibility for who you are and where you are on your path of life.

Exercises

Exercise #3 — Who Are You, Quadrant #1

 

• Make eight copies of the table on the next page. Put seven copies aside.

• On the remaining copy, complete the table, using ten words or phrases (both negative and positive) to describe each area of yourself and your personality.

Exercise #4 — Who Are You, Quadrant #2, Part 1

 

_• Using another copy of the table, complete it again as you believe others see you.

_• You should now have two tables completed with six blank tables remaining. Store the completed copies of the tables for Exercises #3 and #4 in your journal for now.

Insert 10 words/phrases that describe: ____________________________

Philosophy Total Physical Temperament Personality Behaviors of Overall Appearance (mood) (good/bad) Life Person

Exercise #5 — Who Are You, Quadrant #2, Part 2

• Now, choose five individuals that you would like to know how they feel about you, and one truly close friend/relative that you trust. Of the five individuals, some should be coworkers, a boss, close friends and/or relatives. Mix it up a bit. You want a range of people with whom you associate.

• Meet with the close, trusted friend/relative, and tell him/her what you are doing. “I’m participating in a workshop on self-growth” is a good example, with details of what the other five people will be asked to do. Ask if he/she would be willing to have envelopes mailed to them to collate into a similar table, destroy the five tables received in the mail, and then giving the collated table to you. Give a copy of the table to your trusted friend/relative to use for collating the information received.

• Fold the five remaining copies of the table and insert into generic, stamped envelopes addressed to your close friend/relative (there should be no way to differentiate between the envelopes or copies of the tables). Put the close friend/relative’s address as the return address, too.

• Meet with each of the five chosen individuals, again explaining what you are doing. Ask each of them if they would complete the table about you. Ensure they know that the envelope is going to a friend/relative to collate, and they are not to put their names on either the paper or the envelope. Ask them to complete the table and mail it within five days. Be sure to thank them for their time and assistance.

(If anyone declines, choose someone else, who is in a similar position as that person — whether friend or someone with whom you work.)

_• After you receive the collated table from your trusted friend/relative, block off some personal and private time to review the results. Don’t get angry over any comments. Remember, these are honest thoughts on how others view you and important for you to know. Also, don’t worry about who said what — that isn’t important here.

• Were there any surprises? Make notes in your journal of your thoughts or feelings.

• Now, compare the collated responses to the two tables you previously completed. Were their responses closest to the table you completed in Exercises #3 and #4? Did they know you better than you thought they did? Or, did they give the type of responses you thought they would?

• Make notes in your journal of all the traits in the collated table that matches the traits from Exercises #3 and #4. These validate that these are definitely part of who you are. The collated responses answer Quadrant #2 of the Johari Window, “You Show to Others”.

• Now, everything that remains in the collated table should be things you didn’t know about yourself — whether you agree with the statements or not. Write these in your journal, noting that these are Quadrant #3 of the Johari Window.

Exercise #6 — Who Are You?

 

• In this last exercise, review the three tables and the information you have gained within them.

• Now, write down on paper who you are. Use all the words and phrases within each of the three tables, including any with which you disagree. Use as many pages as you like. You don’t have to complete the description in one sitting. You can do this over a couple of days, returning to the writing periodically.

You want a complete and thorough description of YOU.

• When finished, put the description in your journal. Note in journal what you have learned from the exercises in this chapter. How did they help you?