Rewrite Your Reality

In the last chapter, we looked at the Johari Window and three of its quadrants. Now, we will work in Quadrant #4. This is the part of your personality that no one knows. It’s that part of you that holds the infinite possibilities for success. We may not know what’s in this area, but we do know that it’s the area that creates with the universe, processes, and achieves success.

To rewrite your reality, you must reinvent yourself. To do this, you need to change your thinking, your speech, and your actions/reactions. You cannot change the current life your mind created, with the same mind that created it. You must change the way you think. Change your mind — change your reality.

We’ve already touched on the mental elements that you need to address — enculturation programming, your need to be right, negativity and self-speech. Now, we’ll show you how to change your mind by changing these obstacles to success.

Programming

You know what programming is and why it’s detrimental to achieving your dream. In Exercise #2, you should have determined what some of your programming is. We all have a lot of programming by the time we’re grown. It’s a continual process to rid ourselves of this, as well as new programming that is thrust upon us as adults. Just remember, though you may be doing everything correctly in your life, you didn’t write that rulebook — someone else did. Now, it’s time to write your own.
You first want to give up your history. That doesn’t mean to deny who you are within your family or culture. It means to let go of the programming and the negative cyclical events that have further programmed you.

For example, you keep ending up in dead end jobs with abusive bosses. By now, you believe that you’ll never get out of the rut. You’ll never get a job you love with a great boss.

This is a negative cyclical event that further programs you in a negative manner; because if you believe you’ll never find the perfect job, then you won’t. Remember, the Introduction quote from Henry Ford — If you think you can or if you think you can’t, you are always right.

The past does not drive you forward, unless you allow it. Just because things have progressed a specific way up until now, doesn’t mean it must continue to do so. Allowing a negative cyclical event to control your future makes you a victim.

By allowing your programming to continue, you empower your past instead of your present. You hold onto old habits, beliefs, and self-defeating behaviors.

Cherish the good you remember from your past — the events, feelings and people. Confront and accept the bad, because nothing happens in our lives by accident. Regardless of how bad things may have been in your past, you wouldn’t be the person you are now without this past and the events it holds. You had to go through all that you did to be YOU.

You are not what you’ve done, what you’ve been, how others have taught you, or what has been done to you. Your past and all its hurts are no longer in this reality, unless you allow them to be here to continue to cause hurts, conflicts, and negative cyclical events. You cannot change your past, but you can change your response to it.

Changing Programming. Each time you recognize programming in your thinking, write it down on paper, determine from whom the programming came, mentally thank the individual (this removes any negative feelings you may have), write a new response for your future.

Continuing with our examples in Exercise #2:

Programming: Others and I were always told I was shy. Who: My mother
New Programming: I am not a shy person. I love people and work to ensure they are comfortable, just in case they are shy.

Programming: I was always taught that people who earned their living worked hard. This guy doesn’t do much of anything.
Who: My father
New Programming: Working “smarter” (not harder) makes me a success.

Now, use the response as affirmations, and tape them on something (like the bathroom mirror) that you’ll see each morning and evening. Then, make a point to read all of your affirmations, when you first awake and just before going to sleep. Do not remove an affirmation, until it is a belief that you not only believe in your mind but you reflect in your speech and reaction/actions, as well.

This is giving up your past and eliminating your programming.

 

Time, the Immobilizer

 

Another obstacle to an open mind and achieving success is an off-shoot of programming. That obstacle is Time!

Time can be our biggest enemy. We try to reclaim the past. We avoid the challenges and pressures of today. And we worry about what the future may bring.

We have all met someone who lives in the past. Terry was an old friend from high school. It’s been over 20 years, and the guy still cannot let go of his glory days as captain of the football team and all the adoration that was showered upon him. He was picked up by a pro football team but was in a car accident right before training started. Terry blew his knee, which effectively ended his career as a football star. He does everything possible to forget the car accident that ended his career, instead reliving his high school days. It’s cost Terry his family and any decent career, since nothing is as good as the glory days. He cannot see all that he is missing in life. He’s alone and an alcoholic. The truly sad thing is that Terry’s a really nice guy, but he can’t even see that.

What about a person who lives for the future?

 

The woman who is still waiting for her true love and refuses to move on with her life.

The guy who moves from one big scheme after the other, dreaming of the day he’s rich.
The guy who’s still pining for his ex-wife, waiting for the day she returns (it’s only been ten years).

The woman who puts most her paycheck into lottery tickets, dreaming of making a killing and letting her bills go.

These people and many more are missing out on the present, just like Terry. They, too, lose opportunities for relationships and career successes. And as focused as they are on the past or a future that hasn’t arrived (always wanting), they will never be happy in this life, nor will they succeed at what they desire — your cannot redo the past in the present, and always wanting something in the future keeps pushing it away from you, keeping you “wanting”.

All we truly have is now — today! The past is gone, and the future has yet to arrive. Living in either the past or future causes you to lose the now.

Now is when you can make a difference in your life, not the past or future. Now is where you find happiness and inner peace. Now is where you enjoy what the universe has given you — family, friends, and whatever brings you joy. They may not be there tomorrow. NOW is the place to plant seeds for tomorrow’s success.

Devote a section of your journal to time. Whenever you notice yourself living in the past or future, make a note of it. Write down the thought. Then, revise it for the present:

Terry reliving his glory days — revision for the present: My high school sports taught me leadership ability, teamwork, and how to succeed. I will make notes on how these lessons can help me in my

present, my now.

Living in the past? It’s in the past. Good or bad, confront and accept it, then deal with the present only. View the past as a milestone for your current success, which is only a milestone toward your ultimate goal.

The woman waiting for her true love — revision for the present: I know my true love will manifest himself in my life, when I’m ready for a loving relationship and commitment. In the meantime, I will live my life, developing friendships, dating without immediately evaluating the man as a possible husband, and buying that home I’ve wanted. When my true love is here, I will offer him a whole woman with a full life.

Do you perceive problems will happen or are you “wanting” something? Distance yourself from such thinking. Instead, focus on something positive in the here and now.

Continually be aware of your state of thinking, which affects your speech and actions. Don’t allow the past or “wants” of the future to immobilize you in your present.

Need to Be Right

 

In Exercise #2, you noted the times when you felt you had to be right. Be alert to these times. Begin to catch yourself doing this, while it’s happening. Then,

• Tell yourself that nothing in the universe is personal. It’s only energy moving back and forth. So, don’t take life, the people or events so seriously.
_• When someone attacks you personally, they wish to anger you. They are upset over something (which may have nothing to do with you) and have built up a lot of negative energy inside. They wish to feel better; and, in order to do so, they must release the negative energy. You are their target. As long as you don’t react negatively and keep a positive posture, then the other person retains the negative energy.

Here are some ideas to help you change the conditioned reflex of needing to be right:

 

• Change how you view yourself.

 

• Compare Exercises #3 and #6. What is difference between the two? What did others tell you about yourself that you didn’t know?

• Relish the nice things you learned about yourself. Be sure to feel good (not egotistical) about yourself, whenever you project such traits.

• Of the traits that were less than favorable, don’t ignore them or not agree. Review the one success goal you chose earlier. Could these unfavorable traits inhibit your path to success? Be honest. You need not tell anyone about them, but you can turn them into opportunities for growth. Write them down on paper in one column. In a second column, write what you can do to change them to positives. Then, begin working on them (just don’t try to do everything at once, you’ll become overwhelmed).

• Now, compare Exercises #4 and #5. Were you projecting to others the image you thought or wanted to project?

Sara is a very outgoing and direct person and believed she appears as aggressive and controlling when people first meet her. She thought her coworkers saw her this way. When she did this exercise, she was pleasantly surprised to find that all five people knew she was an outgoing but non-controlling person, who spoke very directly. Even two individuals, with whom Sara worked only occasionally, knew this.

We hope your experience was as positive as Sara’s. If it wasn’t and your “others” see you negatively when you thought you were projecting a positive image, then you need to be unflinching honest with yourself. You’ve been closing your eyes. In the future, pay closer attention to how people react to you. If you’re seeing signs of negative reactions, ask the people about it.

The purpose of this exercise isn’t to conform to the expectations of others. You are not your reputation. You are not who others believe you are. However, at this point in “changing your mind to change your life”, you need as much information as you can get. The Johari Window gives you a lot of input about where you currently are that wouldn’t be available otherwise. It also lets you evaluate personal traits that may be hindering your success.

• Be happy and at peace. Too often we believe that if some event (i.e. win the lottery, meet our true love) happens, we’ll be happy or at peace. The problem is that as soon as you gain what you seek, you soon become disappointed, disillusioned and dissatisfied again. You probably won’t even know why. It’s because you have attached conditions to your happiness and peace. You do not bring to you or receive from someone or something else happiness and peacefulness.

No one and nothing can make you happy or at peace. You either are, or you’re not. You decide to be happy, and you decide to be at peace. Again, it’s a determination and belief. Once you determine that you are happy and at peace, you act in happiness and peace. When a negative situation presents itself, just remind yourself that you are happy and at peace. It allows you a moment to mentally step back from the situation and find a positive reaction.

• Be open-minded in all situations. Respond to new situations, ideas and knowledge with an open mind. To keep the “need to be right” at bay, say to yourself,

“I may never have thought of this before or in this way. I want to listen without comment, even if it’s only
to learn more about this person who is speaking.”

You will find that people become more interesting. You begin to enjoy conversations again. And people begin to engage you in conversation more often.

• When you encounter a person who believes there is only one way to do something and is determined to make you see this and agree, keep the following in mind:

• Compared to the vast universe, this conversation has very little meaning.

• Whether you agree or not, if the person truly believes what he or she is saying, then:
You won’t change their mind, regardless of what you say.

If they believe it, then it is TRUE for THEM, and it doesn’t affect you or who you are.

When you see the conversation isn’t going anywhere, look for an opening. Then say, “You’re right. I’m glad we discussed this.” Or, “Sounds interesting. I’m glad you mentioned it.” Then, walk away and don’t allow the topic to resurface again.

Negative Energy

In the first chapter, we discussed how negative energy weakens you and positive energy empowers you. In Exercise #1, you kept a list of negative thoughts, speech or actions you experienced for seven days. In this chapter, you have learned how to reprogram your thinking, the importance of time and living in the now versus the past or future, and how to overcome the need to be right. Once you have changed these traits, you still will be dealing with negative energy. That’s because it becomes a habit, and the habit must be changed. Let’s look at the graphic on the next page.
1= Conscious part of the brain

A & B= The subconscious

part of the brain — the warehouse of thought

 

A= Readily Accessible Memory (RAM)

B= Stored information but not accessible without a “key” to open the door (Cold Storage)

As we allow negative or positive thoughts into our mind, they are stored in the brain. What we have most recently thought is in the conscious section (1).

As we continue to have thoughts, eventually the older thoughts in section 1 are pushed into the subconscious, specifically to the front of the warehouse or RAM section (A). To make room for these thoughts, the older thoughts already in RAM are then pushed into Cold Storage (B).

To access RAM thoughts, you need only have the desire to do so, and the thoughts are automatically again in the conscious section of your brain (1) for use. Access is almost immediately. The slight delay is negligible.

To access Cold Storage (B) thoughts, however, is more difficult. It takes a key to open the door. Deja vu²is an example of a key. Reminiscing with an old friend will bring up memories (thoughts) you haven’t remembered for ages. How many times have you thought or said, “It’s on the tip of my tongue,” yet you never quite bring a thought to the forefront? This is an example of a key to the Cold Storage area of your brain — sometimes, the key is strong enough to open the door; sometimes, it isn’t.

²The illusion of remembering scenes and events when experienced for the first time; a feeling that you have seen, heard or felt something before.

As negative energy builds, your thoughts, speech and actions become more negative more often in direct proportion with the negative energy inside you, as well as the negative energy surrounding you. As your negative thoughts grow, they push the positive thoughts (you used to have) into the RAM portion of the warehouse. Eventually, they’re at the back of Cold Storage.

What does this do to your thoughts and internal energy? It attracts more of the same. Eventually, any positive thoughts are long forgotten, and you seldom find a key to unlock their door. This is the effect of negative thinking, which is far reaching into your future — unless you stop it right here, right now.

To stop this snowball effect, you must change what’s inside you to positive. As you can see from the graphic, the only way to change what’s already there (negative) is to replace it with positive thoughts. You must avoid all thoughts that weaken you (negative). To do this,

• Become more aware of your thoughts by continuing to do Exercise #1. The more you pay attention to your thoughts, the more you’ll become aware of them. Eventually, you’ll be able to stop such thoughts in your mind, before they become speech or actions.

• Each time you catch yourself thinking something negative, stop and mentally distance yourself from the thought. Why are you thinking this way?

• Then, replace it with a positive thought. Here’s an example of changing your thoughts:

In the past: You don’t agree with something the U.S. Senate has done. You rant and rave for hours about how stupid the legislators are. If it affected them, they’d sure think twice, and many other negative statements.

Revise your thinking: The government has done something that angers you. Before you speak, you stop yourself and mentally step away from your emotions, which effectively shuts them down. Does this event drastically affect my life? My family? Is it that important in comparison to the universe? Of course, the answer is no. So, let it go.

Keep the following in mind:

• Negative thoughts are our way of avoiding pain, which the ego avoids at all costs. So, confront and accept pain or negatives, then let them go and move on with your life ... preferably, to something more positive that gives you pleasure.

• The types of positive thoughts that empower you are: love, harmony, kindness, peace, joy, generosity, happiness and goodwill toward others.

 

• Allow the world to be as it is. Accept that it’s suppose to be this way at this moment in time, and be positive about yourself and your life.

• Concern yourself only with those things you know you can change. The rest doesn’t matter.
_• The words problem, failure and obstacle are incorrect naming on your part. Problems and obstacles appear when you take your eyes off your goal; otherwise, you would see them as merely opportunities for growth and success. Failure is only a result and should be viewed as a milestone toward success.

Lee Iacocca, the once CEO of Chrysler, once said that if you haven’t been fired from at least a few jobs, you haven’t been trying hard enough to succeed. Then, he said to remember that at least “you” hadn’t been fired from the position of voluntary chairman to renovate the Statue of Liberty — he was! You would believe that this is a great example of turning a negative into a positive, but it’s not. Successful people don’t see negatives. They only see opportunities for success. And in this instance, Iacocca took every firing to jump higher in his career.

• Affirmations are positive statements about yourself and your world. They are excellent for pushing the negative into Cold Storage. Use them as often each day as possible.

Self-Speech

Self-speech is an extension of negative thoughts and programming. Both contribute and cause negative self-speech. To remove it, you must change your attitude toward yourself and cultivate an inner voice that only supports and loves you.

As you remove your programming and change your negative thoughts to positive ones, you’ll automatically begin to say less negative things about yourself; but remember, self-speech is a habit, too.
Change the habit by:

_• Stop using labels to describe yourself. Stop referring to yourself as shy, American, fat, ugly, short, too tall, overweight, and so on. Labels place you in a very tiny box that is difficult to escape and cancels out who you really are. If you must use labels, then use only positive ones from this point on. You’re assertive, outgoing, just the right weight, just the right height, attractive, and so on. Each time you catch yourself using a negative label, create a positive affirmation to repeat often and tape it up with the rest of them.

• Learn to love and respect yourself. Schedule one day each month with yourself. This means you plan to do something just for yourself and by yourself that pampers you and shows you love. If you live with others, do this outside the home to ensure your time with “you” is not interrupted. It could be a day at the spa, a day doing something you love to do, walking in the park — what would make you feel relaxed, self-love, and selfrespect? Eventually, this love and respect for yourself will spill out to include how you feel about and treat others; and, since like energy attracts like energy, you’ll receive love and respect from others. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it will happen.

“It is never too late to be
what you might have been.”
George Eliot (aka: Mary Ann Evans)

Exercise

Exercise #7 — Reinvent Yourself

 

Now that you’re thinking, speaking and reacting with an open mind, you’re ready to determine.

• Taking the success goal you previously chose, imagine the ideal result of this goal. Imagine it in detail. Write it down in your journal. Take plenty of time.

• What will it take to achieve this goal? Write down everything in your journal. You may find that you need to do some research to write it all in detail.

• Put the “need to do’s” in order of importance (the order always can be revised). Underline the most important ones and make these your milestones.

• Decide when you’re going to start. Remember, starting may be researching topics and is seldom quitting your job and jumping into some venture. If research wasn’t part of your to-do list, go back and revise it.

• Once you have a start date, create a plan of action and date the milestones. Give yourself some leeway in between, so you don’t become single-minded in your quest. It’s important to balance your time to include your family, friends and the rest of your life.

Then, resolve to work on your goal each day. It doesn’t have to be major efforts. Maybe, you will look for an article that is important to your goal. If you must miss a day or two because life has gotten in the way, don’t worry. Just ensure you get back on your path to success as soon as possible.

Determination

Determination is making a statement of fact and following through on it. You declare yourself to be what it is you desire. You raise your ceiling of expectations for yourself and the world around you. You know that all things are possible, and you’re capable of achieving this success. You’re enthusiastic and passionate about yourself and your goal, so much that others feel it. You’re at peace and happy. You know your purpose at this point in life. You take the necessary risks, knowing that they will move you toward your goal.

If you begin to experience obstacles, then you’ve taken your eyes off your goal. Refocus. Frustrated? You’re off purpose. Refocus. Don’t daydream about your success; just keep your focus on each step and milestone of your plan of action.

As your determination moves you toward your goal, you’ll begin to see results manifest. Note these in your journal. Mark off your milestones once completed and celebrate each one.

Everything in this chapter helps you turn the internal negative energy into positive. The chapter entitled, “Trade-Offs”, will help you with the external.