I have been too busy, but only, too busy enjoying myself and living life as it was meant to be lived.
Life, was always meant to be enjoyed.
So some time ago I was in a "taster class" (first dance class), when this ex professional performer says this, as if reading my mind:
" - Dancing is like a prayer without words. When you dance, you are peeling the many layers of
this onion to find yourself (the many layers of the onion are a metaphor for the many masks and
social shields we learned to wear in our lives since we were kids growing up to the present day).
That's it, that is what dancing is all about - finding your true self, your core (the centre of the onion
!) and express it in movement! The steps to any dance style are the language, so here, you are just
learning the language, but your essence, your energy, what moves you, has been there all along
since the very beginning, long before you learned to speak any language! When you dance, you
don't worry, you don't even think! When you dance, you empty your mind of all your thoughts,
worries and fears. Here, while dancing, you live on the moment, you live in the NOW!
Nothing else matters!"
Well, so in a couple of sentences she took my breath away! Then I understood why there was this
awful emptiness within me for some years - artists learn to express themselves in the language of
movement and rhythm. This is the silent prayer I have longed for, for so long, the one that I have
been repressing for all these years. When I dance, it feels like coming back home, the self imposed
social layers drop off, one by one!
It's feels good to be back doing the things we love. I will finish this message just the same way as I
started - be busy, be too busy enjoying yourselves and living life as it was meant to be lived. Life,
was always meant to be enjoyed! And if your heart is singing, you are in the right path, on your
way back home!
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MIRROR, MIRROR !
There is another part to the dance class story that I haven't mention yet, until now ;)
In the room there is a massive wall mirror, and one of the very first exercises that the 15 of us had
to do on the very first day of our class, was to walk towards that mirror across the massive dance
studio room, whilst locking our gaze without flinching with our own eyes reflected on the mirror.
Once we were face to face with our own reflection, we were instructed by the teacher to look
deeply and quietly within the eyes of our own reflection, and say:
"Hello!"
Basically, the idea was to greet our true selves, the one that we cover up under a lot of social
masks. We were not allowed to stare at our colleagues and not allowed to stare at any other part of
our bodies. We were not allowed to judge, only allowed to stare quietly for a full minute into our
own eyes...
And then I had this thought - how many times have I dared to look deep within, without any
judgement, just quietly accepting what I see in me ? How many times have I tore myself into
shreds with myself criticism because of a black spot, an extra gray hair showing off, or some fallen
eye lash?! How many times have I seen myself as just a physical body, full of imperfections and
dismissed my core, my true self, my soul ??
For many of us these would be the most disturbing 60 seconds of our lives!
So I dare you all, to do the same - walk towards the nearest, biggest mirror available, lock your
gazes with your own eyes reflected on the mirror, and when you are face to face with your own
reflection, greet yourselves, look deep within these eyes and say - "Hello." Would you now go one step further and dare to say, whilst staring at the reflection of your own eyes: "I deserve love, peace and joy." Go on, say it, and mean it!
Surprisingly simple, and yet, so profound!
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THE MUD HOLE - The Story of a Premonition
Thursday evening to Friday morning, 1st November 2013
(after Halloween)
I woke up, after a disturbing dream. In my dream, there was this place that looked like an old dusty
and gray storehouse with many ladders and rooms with shelved walls. In the storehouse, I did not
know what was I looking for, but I knew that I was searching for something. Nothing really looked
that interesting, but I just kept walking and climbing ladders to access more rooms and more dirty
dusty shelves. I don't remember to have anyone with me in the dream. Then, all of a sudden, I
found a little red dragon, it looked like a porcelain / painted clay statue. So I reached out to touch it and pet it on the head, just like you would do to a small child, and exclaimed:
" - Oh look, so cute, I have never seen one of these before!"
As soon as I finish saying this, the little red dragon moved his head and stared at me right in the
eye with a strange creepy smirk that smelled trouble! I backed off a few steps and as I was about to
turn, the last scene my eyes captured were of the red dragon physically attacking someone that
resembled one of my female friends. I turned around and run off, leaving her behind, with the
disturbing feeling that I could have done more, I shouldn't had left her there! But why the heck was
she there now, precisely at the exact time of the attack?! She wasn't there before, I could swear that
I had walked in that store room on my own!
I woke up, and tried to shake off the memory of that weird dream. I was making some coffee to
help me to keep my eye lids up, when I switched on my laptop and started reading the first
message on my email box - the first message I read related to the petite red dragon I saw in my
dream! I was baffled!
................
Monday, 4th November 2013
I rang Kate, and I felt very disturbed after listening to her talking to me on the phone. I sat in front
of the laptop after she switched off the phone and wrote down the following message to my dear
friend Joe.
My email message to Joe:
Dear Joe, I am having a sh!t day. Not very often I have days like this. So, I am just going to
cascade my thoughts here like a waterfall... Is it normal to become a lot more sensitive to other
people's little tantrums and to take on your back the weight on your shoulders of your friends'
problems ? Like, really feel on your skin their pain and the crushing sadness of their lives on
yourself ? I am not coping too well, it is like, I feel as if I left a big door open and all sorts of
unwanted things are attacking me, I am talking about people's negativity. Crap... I hate this! But
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then, the mad crazy part is that I kinda feel really sorry for these people and I feel so sad because I
wish I could help them, but I can't. I am so fed up! I am fed up and I will explain you why I am fed
up: because there is such a big gap between the things that really matter in life and the things that
people fight over for money! I am so freaking fed up of the rows and problems generated around
the cursed piece of paper called money. Sick of it! Do you ever wish you just had 50 thousand in
your bank account and could just openly and freely give it to your friend that is living in deep sh!t,
not because she is a bad person or because she asked for it, but because people around her just keep
f*cking up her life ? And somehow you just wish you could pull her out of the mud hole and ease
her pain and stressful life somehow?! This is the story about Kate, a dear friend of mine that works
full time as a nurse. Her ex hubby is out of jail this week, and he decided that it would be a great
idea to come to collect the furniture and electric appliances from her house, and that includes to
take the furniture from his own daughter's bedroom and leave the mom and daughter sleeping on
the floor of the apartment until after Christmas... Ah! But wait, the crazy part is that he actually
does not even need the furniture or electric appliances for himself, he is just doing it because these
were offered to Kate by his parents... I was talking to Kate earlier on and she was saying that she
suspects that the many years of drug use / abuse have left some serious psychological scars on him,
to the point that me and her are starting to suspect that or he is Bipolar, or he is Schizo ! If you are
a father, it's not normal to do this and just leave your own daughter sleeping on the floor. I do
understand he no longer gives a f*ck about his ex wife (Kate), but come on!! Do not act like a
bastard towards his own daughter ! I mean, if you love your children dearly, is that the way you
show your affection ? Really ?!
I kinda feel like ... am I normal for caring and feeling bad ? Should I live my life as a walking brick
that does not care about anybody's life ? And how can I block this negativity from becoming stuck
to me like resin and mud on my clothes? I feel her pain, but I am so powerless to do anything to
help!
I really do not understand, you know, some people just seem to attract only disaster and trouble
onto their lives, one after the other, after the other... in a vicious circle! So, I have known my friend Kate for about 10 years... and there is always sh!t happening in her Life... Darn, is she cursed or
what ?! Looks like someone is sending her all sorts of sh!t and nasty events. But I admire her
hugely, I really do and I mean that. She is like my hero ! Darn, sh!t happens one after the other and
she does not sway, she is still there, fighting, just fighting and surviving a day at a time. I do not
know where does she get the strength to keep up with the many life assaults and punches. And it is
so weird ... So weird for me to think about this because, she is a nurse, she wipes everyone's crap,
washes them, clothes them, medicates them, listens to them, changes beds, runs up and down in a
massive building without a lift operating, and she is still there, just living every day as best as she
can. Plus she has a daughter to look after on her own, since "daddy" does not really bother at all.
But, it makes me so sad... I actually met this guy in the beginning of their very tormented
relationship about 8 years ago, and, he actually always gave me the impression to be a reasonably
sensitive and very intelligent guy, and he actually is also a very likeable person. He is naturally
charming and funny. But... something just smells odd. Someone that has all this potential and yet,
he was always so freaking jealous of my friendship with Kate. He was almost intimidated by me,
perhaps because he was envious that my friendship between me and her was a lot stronger than the
bond he had with her ?!?! Strange... But there is more... He also had a big fascination and love/lust
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for heavy drugs. I actually dare to say he has always loved cocaine more than he loved his own
family. I wonder what made him start to consume them in the
first place - lack of self respect ? Feeling unworthy ? Lack of self love ? Feeling that no one cares
about him... ? Loneliness maybe... ?
So, it is strange, I feel weird, in one hand I wish something awful would happen to him and he rots
in jail for another 10 years or more, but there is a side of me that actually feels sorry for him, as a
human being. It saddens me because he is in his late 30's and he could be so much more, SO
MUCH MORE! It saddens me because about 8 years ago I looked at him in the eyes and saw
someone with intelligence, bright, sweet and funny... His daughter is a gorgeous, loving and
charming little girl.
Maybe she will be a heart breaker like "daddy" when she grows up.
My friend Kate, on the phone, was describing to me what she felt when she first saw her baby girl
in her arms and the promise she made to herself:- to love this little girl unconditionally and protect
her with claws and teeth, no matter what.
Unconditional love...
Ok... the flood gates are going to close now, I needed to get this out of my chest. Few understand,
and fewer give a darn !
.............
Tuesday, 5th November 2013
Joe's reply to my email:
I woke at 2am with a terrible feeling of dread. I can't seem to shake it. I don't know why. Have you
ever done that? I went to bed in a good mood... Had a positive outlook on things... Was figuring on
having good dreams. I was dreaming about prison... I was a prisoner. It was terrible... I was so
scared. I was secretly plotting to escape. In the dream I could levitate, and so when I was afraid
someone would hurt me, I would float up above them and away from them. It was the only way I
could survive. When I woke up I was so full of anxiety, and dread. I feel like something is wrong,
and I can't shake it. I hate this. I figure you are probably up, or will be soon....
I was thinking about the last email you sent. I did understand exactly how you were feeling, and
exactly what was going on. I frequently feel others pain and heartache. It's a good thing though. I
also understand what drives people like her despicable husband. I fingerprint sorry for people like
that too. They are so blind, and naive.... And let money or "things" rule them. Looking at it from our perspective with clear eyes, they seem so stupid and childish... And utterly selfish. It's all so
stupid. Unfortunately, their stupidity frequently hurts others that don't deserve it. It's so frustrating to not be able to do anything about it. Your friend is probably well grounded with her little girl...
She keeps her focus on what's important. The husband is only focused on himself... He can't see
beyond that.
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Anyway, I understand your empathy... I am the same way. I have helped a lot of people whenever I
could... That's why I have no money. I always give it away. I'm like you... I think it’s the devil. It
drives people to do all kinds of crazy things.
..................
Thursday, 14th November 2013
My email to Joe:
Dear Joe, do you remember the message you sent me about the crazy dream you had on the 6th of
this month ?
Ok Joe, so let’s start, shall we?!
- Yesterday night I called my friend Kate, the nurse, the one whose ex husband is from hell. (you
know the story, I told you about). So Kate was in work a few days after our emails and something
bizarre happened. There was this male patient in his mid 30's who used to be a prisoner and from
what I understood, he got out of prison recently. He has a type of cancer that is developing from his
nose into his brain. So, he is staying as a patient in that place where Kate works as a nurse and
carer. Someone above the staff decided that it was time to move this patient / ex prisoner to another
"hospital" without any warning. Naturally, this made him very nervous and anxious because now
he felt very attached to these nurses that cared for him every day. So, last week he was packing his
bags absolutely annoyed and frustrated because he felt he was being treated and kicked like some
stray dog, and thought he deserved to at least choose where he could stay (some people react very
badly to sudden changes because they feel very insecure and have got very little support or
understanding from others). So, here comes the interesting bit: that day, last week, while he was
packing his bags, he was shouting to everybody:
" - If you want me to go away, I will go away !!", the staff were trying to calm him down and
persuade him to take it easy, because this was about transferring him to a new place, and not about
kicking him out! But in his head, because he was so annoyed, he had a clouded judgement of the
whole situation, so his plan was leaving that place and perhaps live on the street, since he has
nowhere else to go. The argument was starting to heat up, until my friend Kate the nurse, faced him
and had a chat with him, since he is very fond of her, so maybe she would be the best to settle
down the mad argument. But things took a turn for the worse, and before she could blink, he took a
gun out of his bag and pointed it at her.
Remarkably, Kate remained very calm and cold blooded and talked him out and even could
persuade him to give up the idea of shooting her or any of the staff. She was talking to him and
persuading him by saying:
" - Do you really want to shoot me ? Yeah, are you gonna shoot those that love you and care for
you? I know you are not gonna shoot me because you know why ? Because I do not deserve it and
you know that ! " - yeah, Kate is a cold blooded mighty b!tch!
( yeah... she is my hero, always was, now more than ever before !! )
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So , the guy dropped the gun and started crying a river and even hugged Kate, while apologizing a
million times for the incident. Now... how similar is that to your dream description Joe ??
.............
Friday, 15th November 2013
Joe's email reply:
Wow!! Yes... I think that REALLY WAS the connection with that strange dream. Nothing ever
happened in my direct life... So I didn't know what to think about it. When I had the dream it felt
very much like a premonition. My dreams have certain feel to them, and I know when one is trying
to tell me something or warn me about something. We had just been talking about Kate, so I must
have picked up the connection to her through you.
Well... Welcome to my world. It's not like everyone else's, but I would never change a thing :))
Thanks for sharing that... That explains that dream, I'm sure!
………
I also suspect that this event was also the connection with my weird dream with the mysterious red
dragon.
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AND THEY SAY THAT MIRACLES DON'T HAPPEN IN OUR LIVES...
ARE YOU SURE?
Yesterday I felt drawn to give a call to my friend at home (I am talking about Kate - the nurse). She
is in Summer holidays now so I have to call her as often as I can because she has time to talk to me
now, once she goes back to her crazy life working full time as a nurse, we have very little time to
talk.
So, on the 13th August was her birthday, but something weird happened - she met a young girl at
her party that started talking to her (after a few drinks) about how she was raped when she was a
young kid (same age as Kate, by the same guy that raped my nurse friend)!!! Ok... your birthday
party SHOULDN’T BE the best day to talk about something as awful as this, I was shocked! My
friend nurse (Kate) said on the phone:
" - What the f*ck?! On my birthday, talking about this stuff ??!! Is this some sick coincidence or
what??!! While she was describing it, it was as if I was reliving all that SH!T that happened to me
ALL OVER AGAIN!!!"
So, yesterday while I was on the phone with her, she told me what happened days after her
birthday party. It was on the night of the 17th August 2014, Sunday night, she went to a party
outdoors, like a concert/festival with live music. She went with a couple of friends and her
boyfriend. Kate described that when she was returning home with her crowd after the concert, she
saw a church that was still open, this was 1 am !!! That's right, 1 AM night time!!! Strangest part
was that she felt so strongly drawn to enter the church, she can't really explain or describe the
reason and strong pull that brought her there. So she asked her companions to give her a minute.
As she was about to come in, the priest was just about to close the door and she begged him to
please let her in, because SHE REALLY NEEDED IT! (I must remind you that Kate is NOT A
CHURCH OR EVEN A RELIGIOUS PERSON AT ALL! ) As she sat down on the bench, she was
overwhelmed by a deep and unexplainable feeling of overwhelming love and peace, which led her
to cry a river uncontrollably! She just sat there asking to be happy, and she also says that the
"uncontrollable sobs" felt like a “soul cleansing”. This had to do with the rape / sexual abuse story that was brought to life during her birthday party.
I was really REALLY intrigued, and because I have this mad ability to put pieces of the puzzle
together, I suddenly had a really intense flashback - I remembered clearly the email message I had
sent to Kate EXACTLY ONE YEAR BEFORE, in August 2013!!! This is not a joke, I swear this
is true! The message that I sent to my friend Kate can be read on:
THE MANY MANIFESTATIONS OF HEALING
(this message was sent exactly on the day of my friend's birthday LAST YEAR - the 13th August!)
and
LETTER FROM A HUMAN HEART
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(on this story, I remember clearly when I wrote down to my friend this prayer –
"Dear God, I thank You for helping me in my times of struggle, sharing with me the load of my
burden and wipe away my tears, thank You for healing my heart, thank You for always leaving
Your door open in my times of trouble" - well, to me kinda sounds very similar when you think
about what happened at the little church at 1 AM one year after on that Sunday night, exactly one
year after I sent to her those emails to her! Specially the part about, “leaving the door open in times
of struggle”!)
I remember clearly that, one year before, after she read the following paragraph:
"when I referred that I ask God to help me to bring "healing" to all in need whose Life I have touched throughout my existence, I am simply asking for help to bring to these people the healing
of their hearts that have gone so cold and numb with rage, violence, depression and hopelessness."
- she reacted in an extremely similar way (August 2013), she was overwhelmed by a cascade of
tears, a soul cleansing sob, not out of sadness, but out of a very deep sense of love and inner peace.
I have to say, this is really, REALLY intense! And they say that miracles don’t happen in our lives!
Well, think again…
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TAROT’s SHOCKING NEWS!
I have a Mauritian friend of mine, she works as a beautician, but that is not really what she wants
to pursue in life. What she REALLY wants to do is teaching Pranic healing.
So a few weeks ago, on Sunday 10th August, she asked me to do a distant Tarot reading for her (a
distant Tarot reading is done when the person is not present, so I have to pray for guidance and
dedicate the reading to that person, and read out loud the questions that that person wants guidance
on). Ok, so pay attention to this - I arrived to my apartment late at night, got the candles on,
organized my table and asked for guidance. As I opened the paper in which her questions were
written, I read the first question out loud - her question read:
" - I need guidance and help to open a class to teach people to do Pranic Healing, am I on the right path, what do I need to know??" - seconds after