PART-I
INTRODUCTION
ETERNAL YOUTH
LEARNING THE ART OF SEXUALLY BURNING AGAIN
WHAT ARE SEXUAL PROBLEMS & DYSFUNCTIONS
Men by default, are the cause for the survival of human species since time immemorial. Men have that urge to impregnate women when they see one. This led humankind to increase and spread his species around this world. Therefore, the act of having sex is built into humankind, in the same way he breathes and feels hungry and eats to survive. Man by nature is a confirmed potential rapist, like any other animal.
Sex is not only a great pastime but also the most pleasurable and a good way to make up after a quarrel or anger. There are numerous benefits attached to having sex anytime of the day or night. It keeps you calm and you get a good night’s sleep. Besides, it burns calories, improves your blood circulation and takes away your stress. It also helps psychologically and strengthens relationships. In a way, it keeps you young and energetic. After a long day’s work, the best thing you can do is have sex to relax you before sleep. When you miss this gift of god, you miss something that could take away your aches and pains, your stress and insomnia. Unfortunately, sometimes in life the ability to enjoy sex diminishes, bringing so many related miseries into one’s life. One naturally feels frustrated and low when one cannot perform sex, as one did a few years ago, sometimes, sending a wrong signal to the partner who may get a feeling of not being attractive to his or her partner anymore. All these create more problems, which gets worst with the passing of time; creating a distance between the partners.
When sexual act cannot be performed normally at any time, it may be a sign of sexual problem. Hindrances in having sex, like the loss of desire, arousal, orgasm or inability of penetration, are reasons that keep away couples from enjoying sex. There is no exact measure of what exactly is normal sex in terms of frequency. Some people may want to have sex everyday while some may remain satisfied once a week. Only when the desire dies down completely or there is a genuine sexual performance problem, it may be regarded as a dysfunction.
Sexual dysfunctions may be of several types, common are the loss of desire, inability to reach orgasm, loss of arousal, loss of erection and painful sex. These problems are the reasons for aversion to sex between couples. It is not uncommon for young people to suffer from sexual dysfunction. Over the years again, middle age sexual problems begin to set in, such as menopause, pre and post included.
Our physiology and biomechanics are all made to last for us over a hundred years, but unfortunately stress, distress, alcohol abuse, rich diet, smoking, sedentary habits and all similar self-abuse hinder the body from staying youthful and in good working condition. A very gradual onset of diseases spread in such people; due to the disease, there is a loss of health, which is further enhanced due to medication. Diseases such as diabetes, sclerosis, tumors, venereal diseases, thyroid dysfunction, vital organ dysfunction, are all reasons for low testosterone, estrogens and androgen. Certain conditions such as increased sound level, bright light, psychological disturbances could lead to loss of intimacy, depression, distractions and fatigue, which ultimately manifests itself as low sex drive. Physical appearance and attractiveness of the opposite sex also influences the desire for having sex with the partner. Unhealthy and sickly people also have extremely low libido. They are forever picking and finding faults in one another, which puts off the partner in having sex with such a person. Overall, such people undergo physical deterioration and mental depression. This ultimately leads to sexual problems. Such people ultimately withdraw themselves and become averse to sex.
In a relationship the desire to have sex with the partner is very important. Loss of sex drive in any one of the partner can lead to problems in relationship, infidelity in men, poor understanding and communication between the partners.
It is therefore, very important for parents, teachers and elders to inculcate good habits in children, such as good food habits, active sports, cleanliness, conscious of the bad effect of alcohol, smoking and drugs. They should also be provided some sex education so that they know good from bad. This way they will not suffer from sexual dysfunctions until their old age. It is very important for people to discuss their sexual problems either with their partners or with their doctors. Sexual problems are mostly reversible and curable.
In ailing people, drugs should be administered after considering it’s after effect in the patients’ sex life. Alternatively, the patient should be informed of the temporary bad effect of the drug on sex. This way the patient will be aware of any temporary sexual setback due to those drugs. Drugs like antihistamines, stimulants, anti-hypersensitive, and certain psychotherapeutic drugs leads to loss of sex. Neurological problems and spinal cord disorder are other reasons for sexual dysfunction.
Partners should make it a point to be open to each other about their sexual inabilities. This way one partner will be able to confide in the other and find help to improve the sexual condition of the other partner.
If you feel that your partner is sexually abusing you, due to which you do not enjoy sex, bring the matter to the notice of your doctor or to your local family counselor, who will sort out this problem for you. Sexual problems between partners arises either at the beginning of their sexual experience or after a few years when the thrill dies down. Only good understanding between them can let the sexual relationship survive.
Sometimes, physical and physiological distress becomes the cause of sexual dysfunction in a person. Distress and uncomfortable feelings, ultimately does not allow the person to like sex anymore, gradually this leads to complete aversion.
Everyone, during their lifetime, sometimes experience sexual dysfunctions, such as loss of libido, erectile dysfunction, loss of desire and loss of orgasm, vaginal dryness and similar sex disturbances. This is common and a normal way of life. Every human being, at any time during their lifetime, undergoes mental stress or physical stress or both which effects the sex life of the person, it could be from financial burden, academic examinations, disease, illness, court cases, enmity, fright and fear of someone or something. It could also arise from psychological and emotional stress, relationship problems; disagreement between partners, Pain during sex is a great deterrent for women.
Some people believe women in their 30’s turn sexually very active, they have more orgasm at thirty than any other time in their life. However, fact is, sexual deficiency could strike anyone at any age; there is no hard and fast rule here. It is a fact, by thirty women know themselves and their body well, they are more confident about themselves and worry less or have less anxiety when indulging in sex with her partner. They are more open to their partners than when they were in their twenties. Between men and women the testosterone level in women decreases very slowly with age, meaning at thirty women are more virile than men are.
Surprisingly, research shows that young women even experience sexual dysfunction and pain at the time of sex. Some even found no pleasure in sex while some were suffering from anxiety. Men generally experienced sexual dysfunction as they reached their 50’s and 60’s. With medication, people report higher sexual problems. Men generally attribute their sexual dysfunction to ageing. This is not correct. Problems should be discussed with the doctor to find a cure. Some sexual problems resolve on its own and with time and corrective lifestyle.
Unfortunately, most of the time sexual problems are never reported. Sexual problems are regarded as a normal way of life and a part of ageing. Sexual debility, especially amongst the poor and middle classes, are regarded as normal and therefore, never discussed.
If you light a bulb with electricity it is healthy but if you hold the live wire with your naked hands it could kill you. In the same way, sex is bliss for most of us but when it comes to child abuse as well as rape, it turns ugly and those victims may suffer mentally and physically all their life. They may even be averse to sex later in life. Sex without the consent or feelings for each other is always unhealthy and injurious. Sometimes excessive sex drive is injurious too, it tells upon one’s career and character.
When people are used to having sex without any bonding or commitment with their partners, they get into the habit of mechanical sex life without any bonding or emotion. When such people get married they show such signs to their life partners too, leading to loss of emotion, bonding, love and trust. This could also be a cause of aversion to sex by the partner, who experiences such emotionless sexual gratification by the other partner.
Free sex leads to undue abortion and diseases like AIDS and HIV and venereal diseases. Free sex ultimately leads to diseases with loss of libido and erectile dysfunction in course of time. Many famous people destroyed themselves by indulging in undue sexual acts.
Sex should be regarded as a gift of god to mankind. All living beings (sentient-beings) indulge in sexual practice; mankind continues to experiment and enjoy it the most, lingering the sexual session for a much longer time than their other sentient counterpart.
Patients, when put through a series of questions and information checklist, will only be able to identify the reasons for their sexual dysfunctions. If they are made conscious of the time they were sexually healthy and active; between then and now, when they are unable or averse to sexual activities will only enable them to find the underlying cause of their problems.
However, not everything is lost when one experiences a sexual dysfunction or any sexual problem. You can get back that youth again provided you follow certain rules and seek the advice of your doctor, if all else fails.
With medical progress there are several remedies now available in the market for male as well as female sexual dysfunctions. Some are reliable while most are doubtful and a colossal waste of money. For females, the solution is more complex because, their sex is influenced physically as well as emotionally.
Later in this book, you will come to chapters that will provide you with corrective methods to overcome your sexual deficiency.