You are in your first office meeting
party and you're trying your best to
appear as good as you can be, you're
standing in a circle including your boss
and some new colleagues when one of
them suddenly says:
- Congratulationsforyournewjob!So
It's a nightmare, isn't it?!
How would you feel?
Violated? Invaded? Worse?! What will your first impression be about
this colleague?
Would you ever consider being his
friend?
But you see this was just a small talk;
why should it bather you at all?!
The answer to that question has two different levels:
psychological concept that everybody
adopts at least three different types of. These images are:
These images are:
"I" as I see myself.
"I" as I see myself.
"I" as I wish to be.
"I" as I wish to be.
"I" as the others see me.
A very few people have two of those
images superposed, and almost no one
have this superposition of them all!
We are talking about the average kind
here.
The difference between these three
images can be small intangibles like:
Being a calm person rather than a
tempered one. Being confidant or secure about
your weight or looks rather than
otherwise.
Or being a better student, worker,
spouse or parent or whatever you
are.
What you get when you meet new
people is a brand new chance to express
your favorite self image; which is the
second one of course! You get a new
chance to actualize this favorite image,
to start developing a new idea for
someone who has no previous impressions about you which in fact
gives you somehow the key to really
"be" that kind of person you dream to
be instead of only pretending to be.
But when these new people begin to ask
personal questions demanding detailed
explanations for things that they don't
really need to know except out of
curiosity, this causes a dramatic
disruption of that image you were trying
to express, which causes you a
complete discomfort. This can never be to their favor, can it?!
of trust which symbolizes the number of
people that are allowed to know things
about him.
It's not only one
circle but several
circlesCT3 CT2 CT1
(three for most
people) differ in
their diameter, placed inside each others
sharing the same center. See figure #3. CT1: refers to your most confidant one;
most your most intimate person which
could be your spouse or your best
friend maybe, it’s very hard to win this
place, in most cases it’s just one person
and in other cases there’s absolutely no
one in this circle. Within this circle you
can express your maximum revile and
still be comfortable about it.
CT2: refers to your closest relatives like
your parents, kids, brothers and sisters.
People in this circle know so much
about you, yet not as much as the CT1
knows. But still a very close circle and you can be open and natural as you can
be.
CT3: this is the widest circle and less
confidential, this one refers to relatives,
friends, school or work colleagues and
close neighbors.
Within this circle you are somehow
conservative, but still can share some
private information in need.
This of course differs from one to
another, but it still the most common
scheme. Now, when you meet a person for the
very first time you classify them as
outsiders or total strangers; they are
not members yet of any CT of yours.
You are not ready at all to share any
kind of personal information. So if these
"outsiders" start to comment at you or
ask you personal questions about any
thing this would instantly take away
your ease and puts you in a very
uncomfortable place. This can be even more annoying and
discomforting than the physical
interference into your FC.
The only first impression you would
have about these people that they are
rude and inappropriate! And unless
you're extremely calm and polite you
would most likely embarrass them with
an answer like: (None of your business!)
or something of that sort!
At both levels it's not appropriate at all
to ask any personal question when we first meet someone, it's much better to
simply stay out of what doesn't concern
us, and try to avoid any kind of details
with others unless of course they offered them.