The delusion of self is one of the most powerful of human instincts and one of the most potent sources of feeling wounded, becoming defensive and of retaliation. Selfishness or rather the feeling that we are the centre of the universe i.e. self centeredness is the root of most of our undesirable and destructive thoughts. The manifestation of this massive overemphasis on the self is excessive pride and in being driven by our ego. In our day-to-day lives we experience the ego through its vulnerability and it is always there ready and almost waiting to be wounded. Similarly, the self is always seeking to be gratified. An exaggerated sense of self importance is guaranteed to cause you pain several times a day when that pride is hurt – as it is bound to be.
I deliberately referred to the self as a delusion because that is exactly what it is. The truth is that we are fundamentally interdependent and connected with other people and our environment. Our mind arrogantly tries to delude us that because we are conscious beings, that very consciousness is proof that we are separate, distinct and autonomous – the famous idea that we are all ‘islands’. Just the opposite is true. The problem comes because with the belief in ‘separateness’ follows the demand and expectation that we are special and our wants must be satisfied at all costs. And the next logical consequence of reinforcing the separate identity of the self is that we fall out of synch with reality. Think of a massive shoal of fish or flock of birds-and you will see the true perspective of the individual. That I am afraid is all we are as humans- one of a large community of human beings living and working together and supporting each other in an almost infinite number of ways, and fundamentally dependent on the universe, all other live forms and the environment for our very existence.
You must eliminate the pride, ego, and self- importance that place oneself at the centre of the universe. The ego tries to create the illusion of being separate from the world in order to protect and isolate itself. We imagine that by living in a sort of bubble we will avoid pain and being hurt. But it does not work and in fact the opposite is true and allowing ourselves to be driven by the ego perspective and feeling self important will cause us a great deal of wounding and feeling hurt. Living trapped in an isolated bubble of the ego also causes loneliness and depression even when surrounded by company. Conversely, being open to and genuine with others, sharing your true self with courage can lead you to wonderful relationships and pleasure.
You should guard against and be on the alert for negative knee jerk negative emotional responses fired out by your ego. An exaggerated sense of self-importance causes and enables us to be hurt by past and current events, or words. Your ego leads you to feeling resentment for those who may try to belittle you or are jealous of you due to their own lack of confidence. It is common for people to feel that they are being humiliated but you should ponder the fact that without ego humiliation could not and would not arise.
You should avoid negative mindreading-that perceives neutral comments as criticism or an attack. Check what is meant before becoming defensive.
Do not be seduced by short term highs of petty conversations which belittle others and gossip which amuse your ego. Rise above this behaviour; you are better than this.
Paradoxically a person who appears to have a big ego often lacks confidence underneath and their behaviour is a cover for this underlying lack of confidence. This is because the ego will often generate such nonsense as feelings of: Inferiority, for example, ‘I am not good enough’; Insecurity, for example, ‘I am not popular, I lack friends, I am socially inept, I lack social skills’; or Inadequacy. Try to be relaxed, confident and comfortable with who and what you are and act naturally. Ignore any such undermining thoughts from your ego.
We get so accustomed to attaching the label of ‘I’ to the mental flow that we develop an attachment to the self and the notions of mine, my mind, my possessions, my friends. This erroneous sense of separateness forms the basis of many of the negative emotions that we discussed in your ‘energy bank account’. It is the cause of believing that when anything adverse happens to you, however trivial, it is personal and an attack on you - the self. It nearly always is not personal and nobody has even thought about you. If tragic events befall us, for example war, terrorism or accident we have not personally been selected - we are just caught up at random by chance. However, the ego interprets such events as a personal attack and as such are ‘bad luck’, or being cheated or punished.
It is ironic that most of the time when the ego feels the need to defend a view, or knowledge, the very thing that the ego wants to defend was not your thought in the first place but originally came from someone else.
People who free themselves from their ego think and act with genuine , honest and true motivations. It sets them free and allows them to approach every situation with natural ease, benevolence, and serenity.
There is another benefit too; as we progressively drop the ‘Self, Me, I’ perspective then we start to see others more clearly. Through this increasing insight we will naturally become more compassionate towards others, and feelings of compassion for others drives away egoism. When the self ceases to be the most important thing in our world we find it easier to focus our attention on others and we have the resolve to work and act on their behalf.