15. Grasping, Craving And Sensual Desire
As I have already explained the servicing of sensual desire gives temporary pleasure but not inner happiness. Pleasure has its place but do not confuse it with happiness-they are not the same. There is nothing wrong in taking pleasure from enjoyable experiences big or small - the danger lies in the wanting. We must understand that the mind constantly craves pleasure and is insatiable.
The way to view it is to group all sensual desires together as a bundle-including sex, food, drinks, music, beauty, art, warmth, scents, pleasant touch sensations and entertainment, etc and also include the craving for feeling good from the company of your loved ones or friends. Being sexually demanding and having frequent sexual expectation and desire is a common form of craving. Another example is being over demanding of time with the one you love because it makes you feel good.
A large part of the mind is an insatiable fire which craves to be fed with continual sensual pleasure. As soon as one sensual desire is satisfied, the mind immediately moves onto the next. The truth is that all searches for happiness which are lead by the senses are doomed to failure. This is because all sensual pleasure is temporary and worse still, we get used to it over time, which means that any sensual experience which is continued for too long, or to excess, will lose its attraction and ultimately become an irritation or boring. It is frustrating that even after the best possible meal, or sex, or whatever, the mind very quickly starts to seek a new stimulation to amuse it or even worse, seeks a repeat of the very same experience that it has just enjoyed. Sensual desire arises again and again but the more pleasure you get the more you want and need. The mind is insatiable and our senses can get more and more dulled.
So don’t confuse the pleasure of sensual satisfaction with true happiness. And if you look around you at people who are truly happy, I can guarantee that they will not be drinking greedily from the cup of sensual desire; they will embrace it, but with an awareness and moderation that retains its value.
A development of craving is the urge to try to hold onto sensual pleasures (rather than just repeat them). When we see beautiful sights, or experience a wonderful taste, we ache to be able to preserve it, or permanently capture it but, of course, we cannot as everything is momentary and impermanent. What is more, the way our senses work is to respond to change and if any sensual input remains unchanged we quickly become numb (habituated) to it.
All the time that we are preoccupied with the desire for temporary sensual pleasure, and the possibility of its gratification, we are by definition not investing in more worthy and virtuous thoughts and behaviours that would enhance our enduring happiness. Remember you cannot be living in the moment all the while you are beset with desire. If we allow ourselves to be like leaves in the wind, blown about hither and thither by our desires then we are missing out on much deeper fulfilment. That means we have to ‘manage’ our desires – and practising moderation is a good way to start. For example how about trying, for starters, moderation in eating. The thinking is that if we are able to put a fence around one of our desires, it gives us a chance of addressing some of our others because it frees up our mind and energy
Craving will always end in disappointment and dissatisfaction. Always believing that you want and need whatever material thing is fastest, biggest, best or newest leads to feeling dissatisfied and never feeling you have enough. When we are obsessed by a person or thing they / it takes on the illusion that they are 100% desirable and ignores the reality of their faults and disadvantages. The possession of what we desire is precarious, momentary and constantly threatened. It is illusory as ultimately we have very little control over what we think we possess. This is not to say that you should not enjoy material things-that is absolutely fine-just keep them in perspective and do not become dependent on them.
Thinking about the future excessively and imagining all the changes that you want that will supposedly make your life ‘happier’ is also craving. You know by now that happiness comes from inside you and is not dependent on external things. When the future arrives and you have perhaps attained greater wealth, success, power or responsibility that future is often an anti-climax and a disappointment because you still do not feel any happier and can’t understand why. This is because you are looking in the wrong place for happiness. Wealth, success, power, and greatness usually turn out to feel quite different from how we imagine they will feel.