This subject is so often high on the wish list of most people who are seeking to change and improve their lives that it merits its own chapter. People who want a better life frequently believe that a key ingredient of their better life would be greater wealth and more money. In other words more money would make them happier. They can be excused for having this belief because it is part of modern culture for us to be constantly bombarded with advertising suggestions about how desirable all these goodies are that we simply must have. In this chapter I want to give you some alternative ways to think about money and wealth.
You will have heard many times that money does not make you happy, but do you really believe it? You think, ‘Well of course it does; it cannot fail, and it would certainly make me happier’. But there are plenty of unhappy wealthy people around so why is that? The reason is that in the West, we already have more than enough wealth and possessions that our level of wealth is not an issue in determining whether we are happy or not.
It is true that money can help to make your life happier but only up to the point of the basics like enough food to avoid hunger, and shelter, and enough space to sleep comfortably in the warm and dry. Studies have shown that beyond these basic necessities increasing affluence does not automatically enhance happiness. Money is a commodity but has no value in and of itself to bring you happiness.
If you travel to the Far East you will find vast swathes of Asia, for example countries such as Myanmar, Vietnam, Cambodia, India, and Sri Lanka, where many and possibly most people are living on between 1 and 5 dollars a day which is less than almost everyone in countries like the US and the UK. Societies in these countries are characterised by living in extended families in communities where everyone is contributing, where there is almost no waste, everything is recycled, and expectations are modest. Despite this it is humbling to see how happy and content most such people appear and how openly they treat affluent tourists with no jealousy or envy. In vast swathes of Africa people spend large parts of their day walking to bore holes just to get water in a container. Many school children have to just listen in class because their parents cannot afford to buy them a pencil or a pad of paper. Children make footballs out of polythene bags filled with leaves. Most people live without electricity or a water supply in their homes. And yet these people are happy and laugh and smile and accept their situation as the norm.
If you visit these countries and talk to the local people you will marvel at how content and serene they are despite their apparently extremely poor living standards and you have to conclude that the levels of unhappiness and dissatisfaction in the West are in reality being caused by something other than real poverty simply because in truth very few people in the West are actually poor in comparison. In fact when I travel it sometimes seems to me that the people with the least are the happiest. It suggests that in the West it is the envy, and jealousy and resentment about the unfairness of the distribution of wealth that are actually the cause of the dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Added to this is the fact that we are constantly bombarded with images in the media that we must have this or that material possession that will make us happy. In Western culture it is the obsession with possessions and money which actually causes dissatisfaction and discontent with our lot in life.
People can construct a full life filled with loved ones, friends, and hobbies and pastimes such as listening to music, reading, walking, cycling, playing games and sports etc within the limits of very modest wealth. If you are of modest means you can still have some of the best and most memorable holidays of your life in the most beautiful locations merely by going camping or hostelling. The old adage that ‘ the best things in life are free’ is so true! It is also absolutely true that the most precious and valuable gift you can give your children or your elderly relations is your time.
Whilst money cannot bring you happiness, money can certainly make you very unhappy if you allow yourself to feel envy and jealousy when others have more than you, or if you spend your time worrying about what others have.
It is fine to enjoy and derive pleasure from material possessions without guilt but beware real attachment. In other words make sure you are not dependent on them. Try to learn how to be satisfied and to avoid craving and the cycle of chronic discontent. It is all about whether your motives and emotions are positive or negative.
I would like to close this topic with an example of positive and negative ways of thinking about a prized possession. Suppose that you want to own a classic car. It really does not matter how much or how little the car is worth. What matters is how you think about it. There is nothing intrinsically ‘wrong’ about enjoying a material possession but being materialistic can make you very unhappy indeed. Here are some positive and negative ways of thinking about your possession:
I like having my car, but am not dependent on it, and if and when I no longer have it, I could walk away from it with no regrets or attachment.
My car does not define or change me in any way.
I love my car because I see in it the positive energy, ingenuity and skill that engineers over the years have contributed to its design and development.
I love my car because I see it as a beautiful thing and am glad that I am able to derive pleasure through my appreciation of it.
I know that we never truly ‘own’ any material possession and are merely temporary custodians whilst we are passing through this life.
I feel warmth and connection with those people who have ‘owned’ this car before me and with those who will ‘own’ it after me.
My car will be the envy of my friends and neighbours.
Everyone will be jealous of my car.
Everyone will think I am prosperous and important when they see me in my car.
I would hate it if for some reason I no longer could afford to keep my car.
I like my car but deep down wish I had got a newer model, or one with a higher specification and then I would have really loved it.
I would not like it if one of my friends or neighbours now buys the same car, or a better one than mine.
I resent the fact that my friends and neighbours seem to ignore my car and will not acknowledge how smart and great it is.
I don’t care that someone else will be made envious or uncomfortable by me having this car –in fact I will relish the fact.
In summary being happy is not dependent on having every material thing that you want all the time. It is about loving and appreciating what you have and being grateful for it.