23. How The Law Of Attraction Works
You will no doubt have heard a lot about the so called ‘Law of Attraction’, much of it very fanciful, so this is my attempt to explain what it is really about. This is a very popular belief nowadays and is a modern way of expressing the old adage that you ‘reap as you sow’. The Law of Attraction simply put says that we attract to our lives what we focus on the most. If we focus on what we want and radiate good feelings and positive energy and positive emotion then good things will be reflected back. If on the other hand we for example hold grudges and blame others for our situation then we attract more of the same. Our lives are a reflection of ourselves.
You may have heard and read stuff before about how we attract our lives and maybe dismissed it as mumbo jumbo. You maybe think you would have to be mad to believe such notions. But, you know, we really do attract our lives and make our own lives and this is not for any supernatural or mystical reasons that are hard to accept.
I believe The Law Of Attraction was first expounded in the bestselling book ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne and so I give full acknowledgement to that important work. My position is that I believe there is no doubt that the Law Of Attraction exists but for me the explanation for how it works may not be as postulated in The Secret. The explanations in that book are magical, mystical
and supernatural and based on vibrations of the universe and theoretical phenomena like that. But it is my belief that the explanations for how this works are much closer to home and in this chapter I will give you rational and perfectly simple explanations as to why and how it works that all the time we are attracting the life that unfolds for us. But of course if I am wrong and the more supernatural explanations involving the energy of the universe etc are true then no matter - the important thing is that however it works that you accept it and start using it to your advantage.
People who do good generally experience good things as a result. We do not always fully understand why this is so but it is. The most likely explanation for this may simply be because it is a small world and there is a very high degree of interconnection between the people you meet and know and how people behave in respect of looking after others they know and like or dislike. Much of what happens to you is controlled by other people many of whom you do not know, but there will nearly always be hidden connections to almost everybody initially through people who do directly know you. You are dependent on the goodwill and support of a great many people in the community and family in which you live and work many of whom you may not know directly. Your reputation really does go before you in this world.
You may think sometimes you are anonymous and can behave however you like but this is rarely the case. When you behave badly, selfishly or rudely then people will always notice and remember this. Your actions come back to you in ways you can never predict or even be aware of much of the time. If you have behaved in such a way that unseen people have reason to favour someone else over you for an opportunity, or gift, or social occasion etc you are unlikely to ever find out about this. Often when people complain that they perceive life to be 'unfair' they are choosing to ignore the intense networking and communication that goes on all the time that includes the unending brief positive and negative comments that so many people pass on about others. It is part of human nature. And everybody knows that really because they do it themselves. So maybe perhaps their own behaviour in the past is attracting the life they are experiencing now when others seem to get more breaks than they do.
Another phenomenon at work in the Law Of Attraction is that you yourself are different and thereby attract different things. You really do ignore this at your peril! If you think in the way that this book advocates you will feel different and thereby you will behave differently. So you will gradually become and be perceived as a different person. Now positive energy is highly contagious and extremely inspirational. So by being different yourself you will also change to some degree the people you meet and come in contact with. The people you meet will to some extent feel different whilst they are with you. So what actually happens in your meetings is changed from how it would have been if you had been your negative and disgruntled self. If you do not believe me then try it for yourself. Try a few days where you walk around with a smile on your face taking the time to speak and be pleasant with everyone you come in contact with and taking an interest in them. Try a few days where you only spread positive thoughts and offer unconditional compassion and love. You will, I guarantee, be amazed at what happens. And trust me we are all so dependent on other people (family, friends, colleagues, and co-workers) for the help, support and breaks that we seek that will make our own lives better. You will find after a time that those breaks come from the most unexpected sources and places; from places and in ways you would never have predicted.
Do as you would be done by is also a truism because our positive or negative energy is reflected back to us and what we experience is a mirror of the energy that we give off. Buddhists refer to this as our karma. In fact the reflections can be immediate as you find if you go around radiating goodwill and altruistic love and everyone you come in contact with will seem to enjoy their contact with you. It takes courage to be yourself and spiritual in front of others, but when you demonstrate this behaviour it allows others to behave in the same way. This applies with friends, in business, and with strangers.
It is also true that good and bad things that you say and / or do come back to you in ways that you can never predict but they do come back – and this is demonstrable and we all experience it.
You Attract What and How You Are.
You don't attract what you want. You attract what you are. Dr Wayne Dyer
There is some awful misinterpretation of the Law Of attraction out there some of which borders on the laughable. I observe on the internet people promoting the Law like it is a tool for online shopping or an alternative Father Christmas! They encourage people to believe that all they have to do is think about being hugely rich and huge riches will be delivered to their door the next day! They even complain as to why the Law does not seem to be working for them and what are they doing wrong? It is self evident that the 'universe' cannot make everyone hugely rich for all the obvious reasons. But the Law can make you feel like you are rich, or indeed help you awake to the realisation that you already are rich and already have a blessed life of abundance. And if the family, friends, customers and co-workers in your network like you and do not perceive you as a greedy, materialistic person who is never satisfied then they are much more likely to help and assist you financially when the opportunities arise.
What you attract is more of the same of what you truly are inside. Please suspend your reactions to this while I attempt to explain this concept.
So with anything that you want, you need to genuinely start to think and feel as you would if you already had it. So if you want to be more loved and cherished by others, then you start by visualising yourself as someone who is already well loved and so needing to be loved more is simply not an issue. This visualisation and the consequent living as if you are already enjoying the situation you wish for will lead you to assume the positive thoughts and feelings associated with this state and as a direct result, you will attract more of the very thing you are seeking. Whereas if you are a person who for example feels an unloved victim, angry or hard done by, unlovable and jealous and envious of others, then you will merely attract more of the same. Once you think that way you act that way.
Similarly, if you are a complainer, then you will find that you attract more and more situations into your life to complain about. And if you spend your time listening to, and whipping up someone else complaining, and agreeing with them, then you also will attract more situations to yourself to complain about.
To illustrate how the Law of Attraction works here are some examples. As a general principle if you obsess about wanting something it will have the opposite effect to what you want. To attract changes you need to adopt the feelings as if you already have the thing that you desire.
Your Desire: Give up smoking and / or alcohol
Negative thoughts which will attract more of the same: Life would be boring and no fun without them and I would not be able to enjoy myself. Without these pleasures I would feel denied.
Positive thoughts which will attract the change you seek: I am lucky to have a full, happy and wonderful life of abundance, and would not be giving anything up to cease these unwanted habits.
Your Desire: More money
Negative thoughts which will attract more of the same: I feel poor, deprived and that life is unfair. There are many material things that others have that I want and which would make me happy.
Positive thoughts which will attract the change you seek: I love my life, and am happy, and have all the things in life that matter in abundance. I certainly have enough money and do not want for anything.
Your Desire: More friends
Negative thoughts which will attract more of the same: I feel lonely, and unpopular and awkward in social situations, and people seem to exclude me
Positive thoughts which will attract the change you seek: I am comfortable in my own skin, and am my own best friend. I do my best with making friends but when it doesn't seem to happen then I chuckle and shrug my shoulders and am very happy with my own company.
Your Desire: I want to meet a partner to love me
Negative thoughts which will attract more of the same: No one will ever love me as I am unlovable and unattractive. It is just not fair. Everyone else has a partner.
Positive thoughts which will attract the change you seek: I am happy at the moment on my own and am busy making some great new friends and exploring new interests and hobbies. My life is so much fun, and so full it is hard to see how I would fit a partner into it if I should meet someone. I know you cannot force your own agenda and need to let life unfold in its mysterious way. I am meeting lots of nice new people, so who knows what will happen, but I let go of the outcomes. If I meet someone special but they do not love me in return then it’s not meant to be.
Your Desire: I want to lose weight
Negative thoughts which will attract more of the same: I am overweight, fat and ugly. However hard I try I never seem to be able to lose weight. I think I am doomed to always be fat. Everybody else eats more than I do and seem to be able to eat what they want. It is just not fair. Eating is one of the few pleasures I get.
Positive thoughts which will attract the change you seek: I know that at the moment I am carrying a few extra pounds but I am now resolved to lose it over a period of time. I still have the love of friends and family, and have lots of fun and being overweight does not affect my relationships with the people that matter in my life. I love and respect myself and am not defined by my body or weight. I have a lot more about me than that. I have already embarked on a fitness and diet regime that over time will get the extra weight off and in the mean time I am not worrying about it because I am confident that over time I will get there. It is exciting seeing the losses that I have already achieved although I accept I have a way to go yet.
So now follows a short summary of what the Law Of Attraction says:
I want to finish this chapter with a short story about two friends of mine who visited the same recently opened restaurant on consecutive nights which illustrates the Law of Attraction in action.
On the first night my friend, let us call him Mr Cloud, went with his partner and was immediately frustrated and irritated that he had to wait in line to speak to the receptionist and to be allocated a table. He had had a long and difficult day at work and wanted to just go straight in and eat. Mr Cloud felt that his town was becoming over populated and also that the restaurant was inefficient. When he did eventually get a table it was not by the window as the restaurant was very busy and he had to settle for a table in the middle without a view.
Mr Cloud soon became even more irritated because the group on the adjacent table were enjoying themselves too much and laughing and joking too loudly. He felt this was selfish and inconsiderate behaviour and after a while asked them if they could quieten down a bit which they did. Although Mr Cloud did not know it at the time by coincidence one of the group on the next table did recognise Mr Cloud by sight because he is the boss of the company that Mr Cloud’s son works for. From then on the group at the adjacent table were more subdued; they were not able to have so much fun and there was an atmosphere and tension between the two tables.
Anyway when the waiter came to take the order, Mr Cloud was a little annoyed by the young waiter’s accent as he was an immigrant and his English was not that clear and Mr Cloud found him difficult to understand. He turned to his partner in the waiter’s hearing and said that he would have thought they could have hired someone who spoke English. The waiter who was fairly new and inexperienced became increasingly nervous and flustered by Mr Cloud’s attitude and bluntness.
Mr Cloud became even more cross when he was told that the dish of the day that he chose had run out so he had to make a second choice of something that the waiter recommended. The restaurant was very busy and the food was a little slow to arrive. Mr Cloud is a busy man, so while he was waiting (and getting progressively impatient) he took to catching up on his emails and texts on his phone. Because the restaurant was busy, the WIFI performance was also very slow and Mr Cloud became further irritated by how long it was taking for his emails to load. When the waiter finally did arrive with the food he was anxious not to upset Mr Cloud further but in his nervousness he knocked his glass of water over and some went onto Mr Cloud’s trousers. His partner reassured him that is was only water and would dry out but Mr Cloud was nearing the end of his patience and snapped angrily at the waiter. Meanwhile, the group on the next table were watching with great interest and smirking.
Mr Cloud did not like the alternative dish that he had been persuaded to choose. He kept telling his partner, quite loudly and impatiently that he had been really looking forward to his original selection and was annoyed and disappointed that that was not available. His partner was not enjoying the evening either because of Mr Cloud’s moaning and negativity.
Mr Cloud then started to package all his complaints together in a long litany of issues – the restaurant was too crowded and noisy and the food overpriced, without adequate choice for customers. His partner picked up on his mood, and became increasingly disenchanted with the evening, embarrassed at being looked at by others, and ultimately, tired of Mr Cloud’s company.
The waiter too picked up on his animosity and attitude and became increasingly curt and tight lipped in his responses. When Mr Cloud came to pay the bill, he demanded a reduction due to the poor service he had received; the waiter was not able to deal with this, and the manager was called. Mr Cloud argued volubly with the manager and took another 20 minutes during which time Mr Cloud became more angry, loud and animated, and his partner more and more embarrassed.
When he left of course Mr Cloud did not leave a tip but was further irritated when he got back to the car park because he had spent so long arguing with the manager that he had incurred a hefty parking surcharge as he had exceeded the maximum stay. On the drive home he moaned further to his partner, swearing that he would never go back to the restaurant and that this always seems to happen to him – in his view, the standard of service everywhere is in serious decline as he never gets good service (any more). Over the next few days Mr Cloud took every opportunity to tell friends and acquaintances, which of course included me, all about his experience, how angry it made him and how this is symptomatic of a wider decline in society.
By complete coincidence, another friend, let’s call him Mr Bright, went to the very same restaurant the following evening. When he arrived with his partner, Mr Bright was not surprised to be met by a queue because he knew that the reputation of the restaurant was growing, particularly given some recent positive press reviews. This made him even more excited about the prospect of the food to come that evening, and he reinforced this to his partner by saying how lucky he felt to have secured a reservation and what a good addition the restaurant was to the town.
When Mr Bright finally got to the front desk and the hostess apologised for the wait, Mr Bright said, with a smile and enthusiasm, that he was glad business was so good for them and was delighted to be able to come as he had wanted to for some time and had heard so many good things. He also noticed and complemented the decor of the restaurant and its fresh modern design. The restaurant was just as busy as the previous night and Mr Bright similarly found himself on a table in the middle. He commented to his partner that this table gave them a good view of the chefs frenetically cooking the food out in the open at the back of the restaurant which is always interesting and amusing, and also it was warmer away from the entrance and the windows.
Coincidentally they were served by the same waiter and Mr Bright enquired of the young man where he came from as he had such a ‘melodic accent’. When the waiter explained he was an overseas student doing a summer job, Mr Bright engaged in a short discussion on the course the young man was following , and where he came from and found out that he had visited that same city in Europe. The two men exchanged some friendly small talk about the historic nature of the city and how well it had been preserved and what a terrific visit Mr Bright had had a couple of years previously.
It was now time for Mr Bright to order; he asked the waiter for his recommendations, saying that he was always up for trying new things, and had had some great recommendations in the past from waiting staff. Mr Bright followed the waiter’s tips and thanked him for his suggestion. While they were waiting for their food, Mr Bright and his partner could not help noticing that the table next to them was engaged in a rather noisy celebration. They seemed to be really enjoying themselves and Mr Bright and his partner exchanged smiles, commenting to each other that this was definitely the fun place to be. They both felt uplifted by the laughter and enjoyment around them and excited to be part of such a buzzing venue.
The food was again slow to turn up – but Mr Bright was content as this gave him and his partner the chance to catch up on the day, savour the wine, and indulge in a little light romancing.
When the food finally arrived, the inexperienced waiter again accidentally knocked over the water and Mr Bright was quick to reassure him not to worry, saying, with a smile that ‘we’ve all done it’ and that it was only water.
Mr Bright was glad to have tried a new dish, but felt he probably wouldn’t choose it again. He was however delighted his partner really enjoyed their meal and made a joke of stealing a couple of mouthfuls.
Towards the end of the evening, the manager toured all the tables to check with customers how they had found their dining experience. Stopping at their table, Mr Bright and his partner replied enthusiastically that they were so glad to have got in, that the place had a real buzz and that they had had a lot of fun – and would definitely be back. The manager thanked them and offered them a liqueur on the house and a loyalty card which would give them a discount for this and future mid week meals.
Mr Bright’s evening ended positively, with both parties feeling that they had had an enjoyable experience – one that they would want to repeat, and that it was always fun trying somewhere new. They told 5 other couples within the week about the new restaurant. Mr Bright reflected on how up and coming the area was and how great it was that the service and quality of all the restaurants in that area was so consistently good and that he felt lucky to live here and be able to experience it.