Living in the moment requires that you do not stick rigidly to a pre-conceived plan for how your day should be. When someone in your life is suggesting that you do something different to what you had originally planned then listen with an open mind. Living in the moment is about being flexible and light on your feet. Sticking rigidly to your own plan is a form of trying to prevent life unfolding as it is. When someone else wants you do something different , of course, they may be ‘wrong’ but they may also be ‘right’ so be open minded. When someone persuades you to change your plan or schedule it can often turn out that they were right and it was a better decision. It also has the benefit that they feel better because they have succeeded in influencing you. When you do change your plan to accommodate someone else’s suggestions buy into it and give it your full commitment. Living in the moment means not being stubborn, and inflexible and clinging to a preconceived plan that is in your head.
The way to happiness is to control your thoughts. It is the purging of all negative emotion, the purging of all mental toxins such as resentment, jealousy and craving which literally poison the mind. If on the other hand you are having good positive thoughts it is impossible for you to feel bad at the same time because your thoughts control how you feel.
You must eliminate the pride, ego, self importance and egocentricity that places the self at the centre of the universe. We imagine that by living in a bubble-the ego- we create an illusion of being separate from the world hoping to avoid suffering. In fact what happens is just the opposite, since ego grasping and self importance are magnets for attracting suffering. By reinforcing the separate identity of the self we fall out of synch with reality. The truth is that we are fundamentally interdependent with other people and our environment. We are droplets of water separated from the ocean and merely the continuum of consciousness is no justification for seeing the self as an entirely distinct entity. We get so accustomed to attaching the label of I to the mental flow that we develop an attachment to the self and the notions of mine, my mind, my possessions, my friends. The erroneous sense of duality forms the basis of all mental afflictions be it hatred, jealousy, pride, or selfishness. It is the cause of believing that when anything adverse happens to you however trivial that in some way it is personal and an attack on you-the self. It nearly always is not personal and nobody has even thought about you and certainly the universe has not. Think of a massive shoal of fish or flock of birds-and you will see the true perspective of the individual. If tragic events befall us e.g. war, terrorism or accident we have not personally been selected-we are just caught up at random by chance. However the ego interprets such events as a personal attack and as such are e.g. bad luck, or as being cheated or punished.
It is ironic that most of the time when the ego feels the need to defend a view, or knowledge, the very thing that the ego wants to defend was not your thought in the first place but originally came from someone else.
When we are physically hurt by someone else or even merely insulted the ego’s wound lasts much longer than the physical pain. When we see the self as a mere concept and not an autonomous entity that must be satisfied at all costs we react in completely different ways.
The source of disturbing emotions is attachment to the self. If we want to be free of suffering once and for all, it is not enough to rid ourselves of the emotions themselves; we have to eliminate our attachment to the ego. Is that possible? The ego is merely a concept that can be dispelled, but only by the wisdom that perceives that ego is devoid of intrinsic existence.
People that free themselves of the ego think and act with spontaneity and freedom. Stripping the ego of its importance is tantamount to winning incredible inner freedom. It allows us to approach every situation with natural ease, benevolence, fortitude and serenity.
As we progressively drop the ‘ Self,/ Me, I’ perspective then we start to see others more clearly. There is a lot of suffering in this world and through increasing Insight compassion for others arises. Feelings of compassion for others drives away egoism. When the self ceases to be the most important thing in the world we find it easier to focus our attention on others and gives us the resolve to work and act on their behalf. This is in contrast with the constant paranoia provoked by the whims of a triumphant sense of self. In our day to day lives we experience the self through its vulnerability. The self is always there ready to be wounded or gratified.
Intuition is the 6th sense and is an essential part of the process of developing SI. Follow your heart and intuition. Recognise the power of your intuition to guide you. There is a voice inside all of us that knows what is best for us more than anybody else. Follow it. We all know deep down whether something is right and good. This may well be because a moral code is our genetic inheritance . An intuitive sense of what is good for the general benefit of the community or group has conveyed survival advantage in our evolution.
Many people have become so used to suppressing their emotions that they have become deaf to their instincts. Following your instincts and intuition is far more likely than using reasoning and logic to lead you to make the right decisions for you and happiness .
Intuition is invaluable especially in dealing with people. Take note of physical and emotional feelings associated with intuition. Your heart will tell you what to do. Try to listen to that rather than your head. It is the heart or intuition that knows when to trust somebody. Our head may try to overcome our deeper feelings but deep down we know the truth. When you have been betrayed or let down you need to understand yourself and know your emotional limits. Can you still trust someone? It is not mean or wrong to protect yourself from further emotional damage. Only your heart knows the answer. Listen to it.
Do your best and be the best person you can and live by the principles in this guide but you must let go of the outcomes. Things are as they are and life is as it is-not always how you want it to be. Letting go is not getting rid of. Letting go is letting be. Let other people around you be who they are and settle into the relationships. Others around you are not perfect but then neither are you. Making demands on others around you that they must behave in the way you think is right destroys relationships.
How we cope with tragedy, disaster and bereavement depends a great deal on our attitude. Suffering can be intense without destroying our outlook on life. Once we have acquired inner well being it is easier to maintain our fortitude and recover it quicker when confronted externally by difficult circumstances. If we let ourselves be overwhelmed by our personal problems, no matter how tragic, we only increase our difficulties and become a burden on those around us. If our mind becomes accustomed to dwelling solely on the pain that events or people inflict on it, one day even the most trivial incident will cause it overpowering sorrow. Eventually everything that happens will assume a hostile character and we will rebel bitterly against our fate, bemoaning our luck. Ride the punches, and go with the flow.
If there is no pre destiny and no referee then logically there is no such thing as luck. But there is more to it than that. We all know that some people seem ‘lucky’ and also we know that at times we can feel ‘lucky’.
Of course the randomness of events means that a statistically unlikely bad thing can happen to you eg an accident or illness and if you define that as ‘bad luck’ then nobody is immune from that.
But how can we raise the odds of feeling and enjoying generally ‘good luck’ ?
Firstly we can feel lucky by truly appreciating and feeling grateful for all the good in our lives and not dwelling on the elements we would like to change i.e. thinking positive. Conversely if you are feeling ungrateful then this negative emotion and negative energy will attract more of everything you do not like or are dissatisfied with.
Secondly you can definitely make your own luck by unconditionally giving out love and positive energy, and building a network of friends, supporters and allies who will look after you when they get the choice and chance. You make your own luck in this life everyday and this is largely through how you treat and deal with other people. All human interactions can lead to other things for you in the future in ways you can never predict or imagine. But people need to like you and feel you are someone they could work or play with. For a successful life you should work on the principle that you are never in an anonymous situation and behave accordingly , and secondly that it is a small world and everyone knows everybody else. Clearly they do not but there are far more unknown connections that are invisible to you than you would ever imagine.
Thirdly the saying that ‘the more I practice the luckier I get’ is absolutely true. Another way this is expressed is that ‘Luck is preparation meeting opportunity’. If you decide what you want in life and work and prepare for it, when events occur that can potentially be a step towards that goal you are ready to seize that chance. People who have already thought about what they want and studied their options can recognise a good tactical card when it is dealt to them and act decisively. Sadly some people are not clear about what they want, and are fearful of making decisions and as a result allow good cards to slip through their fingers. Almost everybody can think of an example of an opportunity that they passed up and subsequently regret.
As you get older you will find that you regret what you do not do, and very rarely what you do . You regret the decisions that you did not make, not those that you did.
You must always of course have no expectations and having done the work and preparation you must let go of the outcome. Remember it was always the preparation (the effort) that was the result, and not the outcome. So when the planned for ‘break’ does not come, you can still feel lucky, and so often in life something else good happens instead if you are open and flexible and not rigid. Life is as it is and is not following a plan that is in your mind.
At this point I want to include a morale and spirit rousing paragraph on keeping your faith in the human spirit and humanity. It is a big problem is that all we hear about in the media is greedy and selfish and / or corrupt behaviour and it wears us down. It constantly attacks us and threatens to make us disillusioned and cynical. But these people are a small minority. All around us are ordinary people who are not like that and are not driven by greed and a ‘Self, Me ,I’ agenda and are ‘ nice' and will help others and put themselves out for others. All around us are people who are generous in spirit and loving and genuinely doing their best to be good partners and / or parents. There are so many people who quietly get on with and contribute to society through voluntary work and charitable giving. But they do not make news.
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You are now far enough into understanding how life and the world works to be ready for the Law of Attraction. This is a very popular belief nowadays and is a modern way of expressing that you ‘reap as you sow’. The Law of Attraction simply put says that we attract to our lives what we focus on the most. If we focus on what we want and radiate good feelings and positive energy and positive emotion then good things will be reflected back. If on the other hand we e.g. hold grudges and blame others for our situation then we attract more of the same. Our lives are a reflection of ourselves .
People who do good generally experience good things as a result. We do not always fully understand why it is so but it is. It may be simply because it is a small world and there is a very high degree of interconnection between people you meet and know and how people behave in respect of looking after others they know and like or dislike.
Do as you would be done by is also a truism because our positive or negative energy (karma) is reflected back to us and what we experience is a mirror of the karma that we give off. In fact the reflections can be immediate as you find if you go around with a smile on your face radiating goodwill and altruistic love and everyone you come in contact with seems to enjoy their contact with you. It takes courage to be yourself and spiritual in front of others, but when you demonstrate this behaviour it allows others to behave in the same way. This applies with friends, in business, and with strangers.
It is also true that good and bad things that you say and / or do come back to you in ways that you can never predict but they DO come back – and this is demonstrable and we all experience it.
With anything that you want, you need to genuinely start to think and feel as you would if you already had it. So if you want to be more loved and cherished by others, then you start by visualising yourself as someone who is already well loved and so being loved more is simply not an issue. This visualisation, and the consequent living as if you are already enjoying the situation you wish for will lead you to assume the positive thoughts and feelings associated with this state and as a direct result, you will attract more of the very thing you are seeking . Whereas if you are a person who e.g. feels an unloved victim, angry or hard done by , unlovable and jealous and envious of others , then you will merely attract more of the same. Once you think that way you act that way.
Similarly, if you are a complainer, then you will find that you attract more and more situations into your life to complain about. And if you spend your time listening to, and whipping up someone else complaining , and agreeing with them, then you also will attract more situations to yourself to complain about.
Hopefully by now it is self evident that you are deciding moment by moment how you view and regard and respond to your life as it unfolds . You decide whether every event is funny, amusing, fun, frustrating, annoying, exciting, disappointing, challenging, interesting, boring, etc. And how you interpret every event is .......how you want and choose it to be and what you focus on the most.
I want to tell you a story about two friends of mine who visited the same recently opened restaurant on consecutive nights.
On the first night my friend, let us call him Mr Cloud ,went and was immediately frustrated and irritated that he had to wait in line to speak to the receptionist and to be allocated a table. He had had a long and difficult day at work and wanted to just go straight in and eat. Mr Cloud felt that the his town was becoming over populated and also that the restaurant was inefficient. When he did eventually get a table it was not by the window as the restaurant was very busy and he had to settle for a table in the middle without a view.
Mr Cloud soon became even more irritated because the group on the adjacent table were enjoying themselves too much and laughing and joking too loudly. He felt this was selfish and inconsiderate behaviour and after a while asked them if they could quieten down a bit which they did. Although Mr Cloud did not know it at the time by coincidence one of the group on the next table did recognise Mr Cloud by sight because he is the boss of the company that Mr Cloud’s son works for. From then on the group at the adjacent table were more subdued; they were not able to have so much fun and there was an atmosphere and tension between the two tables.
Anyway when the waiter came to take the order, Mr Cloud was a little annoyed by the young waiter’s accent as he was an immigrant and his English was not that clear and Mr Cloud found him difficult to understand. He turned to his partner in the waiter’s hearing and said that he would have thought they could have hired someone who spoke English. The waiter who was fairly new and inexperienced became increasingly nervous and flustered by Mr Cloud’s attitude and bluntness.
Mr Cloud became even more cross when he was told that the dish of the day that he chose had run out so he had to make a second choice of something that the waiter recommended. The restaurant was very busy and the food was a little slow to arrive. Mr Cloud is a busy man, so while he was waiting (and getting progressively impatient) he took to catching up on his emails and texts on his phone. Because the restaurant was busy, the WIFI performance was also very slow and Mr Cloud became further irritated by how long it was taking for his emails to load. When the waiter finally did arrive with the food he was anxious not to upset Mr Cloud further but in his nervousness he knocked his glass of water over and some went onto Mr Cloud’s trousers. His partner reassured him that is was only water and would dry out but Mr Cloud was nearing the end of his patience and snapped angrily at the waiter. Meanwhile, the group on the next table were watching with great interest and smirking.
Mr Cloud did not like the alternative dish that he had been persuaded to choose. He kept telling his partner, quite loudly and impatiently that he had been really looking forward to his original selection and was annoyed and disappointed that that was not available. His partner was not enjoying the evening either because of Mr Cloud’s moaning and negativity.
Mr Cloud then started to package all his complaints together in a long litany of issues – the restaurant was too crowded and noisy and the food overpriced, without adequate choice for customers. His partner picked up on his mood, and became increasingly disenchanted with the evening, embarrassed at being looked at by others, and ultimately, tired of Mr Cloud’s company.
The waiter too picked up on his animosity and attitude and became increasingly curt and tight lipped in his responses. When Mr Cloud came to pay the bill, he demanded a reduction due to the poor service he had received; the waiter was not able to deal with this, and the manager was called. Mr Cloud argued volubly with the manager and took another 20 minutes during which time Mr Cloud became more angry, loud and animated, and his partner more and more embarrassed.
When he left of course Mr Cloud did not leave a tip but was further irritated when he got back to the car park because he had spent so long arguing with the manager that he had incurred a hefty parking surcharge as he had exceeded the maximum stay. On the drive home he moaned further to his partner, swearing that he would never go back to the restaurant and that this always seems to happen to him – in his view, the standard of service everywhere is in serious decline as he never gets good service (any more). Over the next few days Mr Cloud took every opportunity to tell friends and acquaintances, which of course included me, all about his experience, how angry it made him and how this is symptomatic of a wider decline in society.
By complete coincidence, another friend, let’s call him Mr Bright, went to the very same restaurant the following evening. When he arrived with his partner, Mr Bright was not surprised to be met by a queue because he knew that the reputation of the restaurant was growing , particularly given some recent positive press reviews. This made him even more excited about the prospect of the food to come that evening , and he reinforced this to his partner by saying how lucky he felt to have secured a reservation and what a good addition the restaurant was to the town.
When Mr Bright finally got to the front desk and the hostess apologised for the wait, Mr Bright said, with a smile and enthusiasm, that he was glad business was so good for them and was delighted to be able to come as he had wanted to for some time. He also noticed and complemented the decor of the restaurant and i