Living with Detachment
What is living with Detachment?
Should we give up everything?
Sure we can love our 'loved ones'
But not be a slave of any being.
In this journey of life, a lot is spoken about being detached. What does it mean? What is detachment? Why should we be detached? Why is detachment even a subject in the Life Manual?
Attachment is a common attribute of a human being. We human beings get attached to people and to things. Where does this come from? It starts with desire. Suppose we desire a Ferrari car, we dream of it, until one day, after a lot of hard work, we buy our dream car. This car is something very special to us. It is not like any other car. We love it! We seek it and we are possessive about it. We even clean it with our own hands, because we don't want anyone to scratch it. We are attached to it. People may be attached to their Ferrari car or their Montblanc pen. Some are so attached to their mobile phone or laptop that they won't let you touch it. Why? This is a personality trait of a human being. Based on certain emotions, it is natural for a human being to be attached to things.
More than being attached to things, we human beings are attached to people and we think it is love. But love is very different. When we are attached to somebody, we become overly protective, overly cautious and very possessive about them and their life. The fear of losing them is immense and we try to please them all the time. It is not something we do but rather we just become attached to some people.
It is very difficult to analyse why we become attached to specific people. We are not attached to all our friends, but there may be one friend we are specifically attached to, and he or she becomes our best friend. Sometimes, we are attached to our parents or children. It is very common for a mother to be attached to a child she gives birth to. So, what is wrong in being attached? Why must we learn to live with detachment?
There was once a man who was very attached to his teenaged daughter. One day, she did not return in the evening and he rushed to her college only to find that no one was there. He frantically started calling everybody he could think of—her teachers, her friends, the neighbours but nobody could trace her. His attachment was so intense that it led to fear and he called the police and asked them to start a search. His anxiety heightened and he started calling all the nearby hospitals one by one, checking if anybody with her description had been admitted but he could not find trace of her. Later that evening, a car stopped outside the house and his daughter walked into the house. He was aghast! ‘Where were you?’ he screamed. She smiled and replied, ‘I told you last week that I had a new Buddhist friend and I will be going for chanting and meditation for a few hours. That's why my phone was switched off.’ He was so relieved. He loved his daughter. But his love was not just love, it was attachment. That is why he got paranoid, instead of peacefully awaiting her return.
What does attachment do? It makes us possessive of people and things. It leads to fear and anxiety, as we worry about those people and things we are attached to. Is this the right way to live?
The learned sages of the world have written a simple prescription for peace and happiness – Live with Detachment. Unfortunately, we have not learned to do so. Not only have we ignored an invaluable suggestion but we have also misunderstood it. Living with Detachment does not mean we must not love our near and dear ones. It just disciplines us into not being attached, because the problem is our attachment. Fear of losing our loved ones makes us miserable. A woman was so attached to her beloved husband, that she became possessive about him. She began to doubt him and eventually lost him. He too loved her, but he was attached to none. He lived a life that appeared as love on the outside but detached within. This is a lesson for us to learn.
When we become attached to people and things, we become a slave to them. They control us and our wellbeing is held to ransom by our own attachment. If only we live a life of detachment, we can be free and liberated. We will overcome the fear of losing the person or the thing we are attached to. This is the way to live.
People misunderstand detachment as not loving anybody or anything. We can be madly in love with a person and even express our love, but being detached means, not being a slave to that person's actions and words. Attachment makes us hurt at everything the person says or does, and it emotionally drains us. We must learn to let go from the inside, even as we tie strong bonds on the outside. That is to truly live with detachment. Those who live with detachment enjoy life without being enslaved by the fear of losing people or the things they love so much. We must learn to live a life of detachment if we want to live in peace.
This Life Manual will teach us the art of joyous living without attachment. As we realize the truth we will live with peace, conscious of the truth that everything is a drama. Nobody belongs to us. Nothing is ours. We come empty handed and when we go we can take nothing with us. It is better that we live with detachment and not lose our Peace of Mind.
IN A NUTSHELL