Let’s talk about attachments.
In my years of studying Buddhism I knew that attachments were a root of suffering, of dukkha. But I did not really know what attachments actually were.
Then I was introduced to my spiritual teacher, named Nome, meaning “No me.” From him, I learned what attachments actually are, and how to identify and deal with them.
Attachments start with the ego, which is our idea of ourselves as an individual being. This idea breaks things up into myself and others, myself and the world, myself and all else that is separate from me.
An attachment is when I extend my sense of identity onto something that I think is separate and see it as a source of happiness.
We all want happiness, so we become ‘attached’ to things that we think will bring it. The problem is that no thing is permanent, and we want happiness that lasts, so the happiness we get from things is ultimately not satisfying – dukkha. So when I get a new car, I am happy. Then something happens and there is the first dent, and I am unhappy. And if someone else causes the dent, I am angry at them. Why? Because they hurt me – since I am identified with the car, when they ‘hurt’ the car. And so it goes.
Attachments are habits of mind, and since we identify ourselves with them, they become a part of how we see ourselves, of who we think we are.
There are many approaches of how to deal with attachments. One approach is to really understand that nothing is permanent, so enjoy it while it is here, then let go when it passes. This is fine, and it seems to lower the stakes of this particular attachment, but the attachments keep on going, since they are habits.
So attachments come again and again. How can you ‘dissolve’ the attachment?
Nome taught me two ways to approach this.
This first is to understand what the real source of happiness within yourself is. You have that attachment due to confusion about where happiness comes from. You think it is from the object or person. If you look deeply into this, you find that the source of happiness is really from within you. It is not from any external source.
The other way is to look within the attachment and see what you have identified as the link to your identity, and then to see if that is really you. IF it is not you, then where is the need for the attachment?
Back to the new car example: You can see in this example where the happiness comes from. Is it from the car? Or is it from ideas and desires that you have that the car seems to satisfy? And then, when you get it, happiness seems to flow. Is this happiness from the car or from you? Or you can ask, “Is the car who I am, somehow? Is my identity connected to this car?” The stronger your answer is “no” then the less attachment you have.
Try this process and see if it helps. What you might find is a lessening of the attachment and an increase in the sense of freedom from it.
Sometimes you might notice what seems like a radical reorientation, and it is just gone.
VIDEO: WE CAN OVERCOME ALL ATTACHMENTS, BY MOOJI (MOOJI IS A CONTEMPORARY SPIRITUAL TEACHER WE MET IN INDIA.)