There are also times when those who are closest to you may say or do things that offend and hurt your feelings. Even in, and especially at those times, we need to apply understanding.
Here are some reasons we can consider when confronted with offense:· Maybe this person had a trying day at home or at work. Maybe not feeling well at all.
· It could be that he or she is experiencing memories from a troubling past, and may either withdraw or behave in a negative way towards you.
Every now and again, Allison would encounter flashbacks of the abusive (verbally) way her husband (Earl) treated her before his transformation. As she reminisces, each memory evokes such hostile emotions that she verbally lashes-out at him for no valid reason, at all, although Earl is a totally changed man now.
These are only smoke screens, my dear, to avoid dealing with the real issues.
Have you ever sat down with your husband and shared in detail with him how his past behavior had affected you?
Be healed my friend!
· As in the case of women, it can be perhaps that time of the month when they are undergoing
menstruation /menopause. Women have explained that at these moments they feel depressed, weak, experience headaches, hot flashes, fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, feel extremely irritable, their self-esteem is at an all-time low …… etc. etc.
Women have expressed though, that it would be really encouraging if men could give them the emotional support and understanding they essentially need, during these trying times.
· Probably you have said or done something consciously or unconsciously to provoke that individual to respond in anger.
· Poor nutrition and /or lack of proper rest can also contribute to one becoming easily irritable.Believe me there are many reasons to answer our question ‘Why’, before jumping to assumptions.
It is necessary therefore, that we understand our differences – Our different backgrounds, personalities, weaknesses, strengths, upbringing, situations, physical and emotional make-up etc. to keep us evenly tempered in the time of offense.
When Anthony enthusiastically approached his pastor for permission and support to initiate an evangelistic program, his pastor turned down the suggestion.
Could you guess what happened afterwards?Anthony stopped going to church for a long time. And he began to ill-speak his pastor with friends and others.
And even though he wasn’t aware of it, these hurt feelings he was nursing, opened the door for evil spirits to torment him because he allowed bitterness to enter his heart.
Today, he is trying to return to his previous spiritual position, but it’s not an easy road for him.Friends, this is a person who had graduated from Bible School and has his diploma to prove it. But does a diploma or degree determine your level of
understanding?
In fact, are you presently thinking ill thoughts about someone right now – whether it is someone in the church or outside of the church? What kind of behavior is this – adult or childhood?
Are these attitudes your way or style of handling similar situations?If they are – what level of understanding are you reflecting – Mature or childhood?
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i. Understanding means: Interpreting a person’s words right. Not judging peoples’ actions or inactions by what you see or don’t see, but asking that person directly, if what you are seeing or not seeing is …………
ii. Understanding means: Translating a person’s words correctly. Sometimes, an individual may not know how to clearly say what they want to say, and their words may not plainly express their heart. Again, ask sincere questions to draw out what is in that person’s heart before jumping to wrong conclusions.
iii. Understanding means: mentally and emotionally putting yourself in someone’s shoes. Ask yourself: What could be causing this person to say and do the things they say and do – To behave the way they behave?
Mature Understanding is essential for all LeadersIt is a vital criterion for anyone in a position of leadership or desiring an office of leadership.
We have leaders in our homes, churches, groups, on our jobs, wherever we are. So this teaching is very applicable to each and every one of us.
Proverbs 28:2, 16 states:2. For the transgression of a land many are the princes thereof, but by a man of understanding and knowledge the state thereof is prolonged.
16. The prince that wanteth understanding is also a great oppressor……….Translation! What does all this mean?
Leadership without Understanding and Knowledge = Oppression = Rebellion = Change of Govt. / Leadership / Change of Partner
How is knowing this stuff important to me, Roger?Let me put it another way for you:
Leadership without / minus understanding and knowledge of how to lead equals: Oppression.
Any leader who is without mature understanding will oppress, torment, harass, intimidate, dominate, boss around, and be inconsiderate of all those who they are responsible for leading.
Oppressors are tyrants and dominators, persons who like to have their own way. They do not like folks to question their decisions. Everything they say goes – It is Law.
Maybe you may say to me right now, “Roger, I don’t oppress my girlfriend / fiancé / wife”.
Probably what you are telling me is true, but for safety sake, let’s see – Undergo the following scrutiny test with me. Check and see if you practice any of the following characteristics of an oppressor.
· An oppressor is a person who is very controlling. He believes he is always right. What he says goes – it is Law. And no one must even dare to question it. And if he is not having his way, he will become very cruel and manipulative with his words – Verbally attacking anyone who would oppose him.
· An oppressor is an individual who is very jealous and insecure. His wife cannot have any male friends (not even if she had known them long
before him). He doesn’t want her to even wave or talk to any male person – whether he is a friend, coworker, neighbor, relative, or other. He is the kind of person who will check or question every phone call his wife makes….constantly looking over her shoulder and monitoring her every move.
· An oppressor is a person who will not allow his wife to go anywhere without him. He will seek to isolate her from friends and family. He will talk down to her – treating her as a child. She has to ask his permission to do even the simplest of things without his involvement. He makes her totally reliant upon him, and doesn’t encourage her to develop her own God-given abilities. He is even fearful of her finding employment – he doesn’t want her to work. Or if she does, her salary is not her own – he takes control of it all. He will also insist that she gives up activities that help to develop her as a woman.
· To maintain control, an oppressor would use derogatory words to tear down her self-esteem so she continually feels like if she isn’t worth anything. He allows her no expressed opinion of her own – she is not allowed to voice what she thinks (unless it agrees with what he believes). He abuses her emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically, too. He dominates her in every way. She must always do what he says to do, and when and how he says to do it. He is not appreciative of her. And is very inconsiderate of her feelings and wishes.
· An oppressor is a very selfish person, and only thinks about himself. She must serve all his whims and fancies. She must do all the housework without him lifting one finger to help in even a tiny way. And after she has had this kind of exhausting day – from the time the cock crows till the wee hours of the night, he still expects that when she comes to bed, she should have super sex with him – thinking and saying the world of good things to him.
Sir, if you fall into any one of these categories – You are an oppressor.Seek help!
You cannot expect your wife to endure this kind of torment and merciless injustice on a daily basis, for years, and still demonstrate love for you from the top of your head straight down to your big toe.
You may not like or agree with what I am saying here, but I would like the tables to be turned, where you experience the same kind of treatment you are dishing out to her. Can you mentally picture it? Can you feel the harsh words you have said to her, said to you? And what about the abuse you are abusing her with – can you feel how it feels if someone were to treat you the same way?
I honestly pray that Almighty God would answer my prayers, and let oppressive husbands experience the same unkind and horrible treatment they have been treating their wives with.
God please answer my prayer!When leadership is without Mature Understanding, it is oppressive and people rebel. This is what you can expect if you continue to oppress your wife, sir: Rebellion. She will rebel against your authority.
If you try to rule with an iron fist, you will reap a stormy uprising.God intended you to lead in Love, Wisdom and Understanding.
Is this the way you lead in your home?
Just like oppressive governments unknowingly incites and encourages people to fight for a change of leadership, in plain words – Your wife will seek to change leadership. She will strongly consider leaving you or changing government (getting involved with someone who would understand and cherish her).
Who wants to stay in an oppressive and domineering environment?Man, I’m sure you wouldn’t like to experience what you have been dispensing to her. So what makes you think she does?
People will only desire to change leadership or a government, when that leadership is enslaving. Or where they are expected to follow and obey blindly with no expressed opinion of their own.
If someone were to treat you the way you are treating and talking to your wife, would you enjoy that? Would you feel that that individual is justified in maltreating you?
Then why on earth are you ruthlessly hurting the most precious and priceless gift (Your wife) that God has placed in your care?
So if you are a husband and father who leads his family without specific knowledge (accurate knowledge of how a man should lead in the home) and void of Mature Understanding, you can expect these results: You will oppress your family, your family will rebel against your oppressive regime, and they will desire to escape from under your strong arm of leadership.
Sir, remember, if you continue to transgress and offend your wife – she will seek to change leadership – she will change government – she will call an early election or move for a vote of no confidence.
Leadership minus Knowledge + Understanding = Oppression
= Tyranny, Dominion
= Rebellion = Change of Government / leadership
Mature Understanding is seeing the bigger picture. Not because someone does not respond the way you want them to respond, it means that they are acting selfishly towards you or don’t care, you know.
Stop jumping to hasty conclusions and presumptions before finding out from that individual exactly why he/she did what they did or said what they said.
Some of the responses you might react with if you don’t apply Mature Understanding are: Anger, feelings of rejection, fear, criticism, insecurity, jealousy, feelings of being taken for granted, misinterpretation, verbal / physical abuse, or placing selfish demands on others.
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