The Secret to Outrageous Loving by Roger Ali Bocus - HTML preview

How to Understand

Each of us does have the capacity to understand, if we can only remember that Understanding works in close allegiance with these three (3) friends:

1. Imaginations – When you don’t understand a situation, you can allow our minds to run wild – Thinking the worst. Give the person the benefit of the doubt. Are you thinking the worst or the best of others? Okay. So, the pastor or some other member in the church past you straight, you say, when they saw you on the street. What imaginations run through your mind, then?

There is a scripture verse, which says,

 

“Whoso answers a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. Proverbs 18:13

This reminds me of the time when Jerome had called Serena to talk to her. When Serena came to the phone, she asked him if she could call him back in about fifteen minutes.
Well, after more than fifteen minutes had come and gone, and Serena didn’t call back, Jerome decided to give her a call again.
This time she sent her sister to the phone to tell him that she couldn’t come to the phone at the moment, but she would call him back.

When about half an hour had passed and Serena still didn’t return Jerome’s call. Jerome felt angry, rejected and taken for granted, and sent a heart-rending text message to Serena on her cell phone, telling her how she was loveless, selfish and didn’t act as if their friendship was important – launching additional attacks in his text message to her.

He was totally ignorant that the reason why Serena couldn’t speak to him at the time was because she was having a serious asthma attack and almost died from it.

Tell me, how do you feel Serena felt when she did read his accusatory and presumptuous text message?

 

How do you feel and think she responded?

 

Do you feel any apologies he expressed afterwards could have appeased how she felt?

 

When you don’t understand a situation, sir, it’s easy for you to misinterpret a person’s actions or inactions.

 

Stop thinking selfishly. Envisage what your significant other may be going through.

When you don’t have all the facts, don’t jump to wrong and hasty conclusions. Give the person the benefit of the doubt. Use your imaginations in a positive way. Consider all the things that could have happened. Explore all possible and legitimate reasons to explain the ‘Whys’ that may cross your mind. When you do, this demonstrates your desire to be a person of ‘Mature Understanding’.
2. Knowledge – When you don’t have the facts don’t

judge. Take the following story into account the next time you are tempted to wrongfully judge.

After a few cordial encounters with Carlton, Gail was beginning to feel emotionally attracted to him. She was starting to believe that good things could come out of these casual meetings.

But when Carlton didn’t call her as he had promised the last time they met, she felt he was not interested in her. She decided that that was the end of a promising relationship, that wasn’t far from happening.

But after sharing her experience with an older gentleman in her church, he encouraged her not to judge the situation prematurely. He coaxed her to give Carlton a call to find out exactly what happened – why he didn’t call back as he had promised.

When she did, Carlton shared with her that he felt he was beginning to fall in love with her and got scared. Because he was afraid he might get hurt twice if he allowed himself to fall in love again.

Do you see how we could jump to conclusions when we don’t have knowledge?

Knowledge of a situation helps us to be more
understanding. If you don’t have knowledge, then don’t allow a lot of negative thoughts to flood your mind, causing you to behave indifferent because you didn’t make the effort to understand.
Today, Carlton and Gail are married.

3. Experiences: I understand how you are feeling, what you are going through. To understand people even more, it would be wise for you to draw upon your experiences.

If you had faced similar situations that that individual is undergoing, it is easier for you to understand what they are going through and empathize with them.

Experiences prevent you from pointing your finger in judgment at someone – to highlight their shortcomings.

If you don’t have literal experiences of a certain situation, you can mentally put yourself in that person’s shoes – and try to identify with them.

When you feel someone does not understand you – How do you respond? You may raise your voice, get angry, withdraw, grow silent, say nothing, get frustrated or irritated, seek out someone else to confide in etc. etc. etc.

My friend, you need these three (3) associates to help you understand others better. For without them you will misinterpret the actions or inactions of people. You will misinterpret their words. You will judge them beforehand – before hearing what they have to say. You’ll respond with anger, fear, mistrust, insecurity, criticism, feelings of rejection, feelings of being taken for granted, you’ll try to place selfish demands on others, you’ll jump to wrong conclusions and presumptions, and you’ll judge others without acquiring all the facts. You will respond as if you are still under the law, with an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. “If you hurt me then I’ll hurt you back.” Whether it’s through my tongue (using my words to tell you off or slander you) or by my actions.

For without Mature Understanding you’ll make all the wrong moves.

 

The Secret to Outrageous Loving is:

Mature Understanding

Isn’t it about time you become a man of understanding? Isn’t it about time you become a woman of
understanding?

Isn’t it time to grow up – To demonstrate Mature Love – To be an example of Mature Understanding?

 

For more information, go to:

 

http://www.lulu.com/content/872166

About the Author:

Roger Ali Bocus is the author of ten (10) books, a counselor of over twenty (20) years, and a motivational speaker. Roger is also the President and Founder of The Literary Crusaders – A non-profit organization whose purpose is to employ the medium of Writing to promote lasting change in the lives of its reading audience.

For more information, go to:

 

http://www.lulu.com/content/872166