4.1. Honesty begins by looking within. You may still be afraid to look deeply within yourself in perfect honesty because your mind is not yet freed from a thought system that tells you guilt is real.
You may still believe there are lines that should not be crossed, rules and traditions that should be honored, thoughts that should not be spoken, or experiences that should not be explored. You may believe there is a correct path toward happiness and fulfillment in life, and that the world has pretty much figured this out.
If all this is so, why have you felt such a deep need to cross so many of those lines? Why is it that, when you try your hardest to fit in and be normal, it never quite works out and you feel rather stifled and miserable?
All your life, you have been made to believe that something is basically wrong with you—that what you feel, you should not feel; that what you did, you should not have done; that you’re going about things the wrong way; that you’re a sinner; that you’re wrong, and that you’re not quite good enough. Is this so?
4.2. Is anyone living in the way the world has taught you to live? If they are, do they seem to become genuinely happier as they get older?
It’s easy when you are young. You still haven’t felt the wear and tear of this grueling game yet. You still believe that there is a destination for you that will make the whole thing worthwhile. But, as you get older, your eyes begin to open. So much is wrong with the way people live that it becomes impossible to ignore. It becomes clear that nothing in life is as you were promised it would be.
When this conclusion is reached, as it eventually is at some point in everyone’s life, you may fall into despair. You may partially blame a corrupt system, and you may also blame yourself for not playing the game of life well enough. If only you had known the right people, had been a little tougher, had sacrificed a bit more, and had been braver. If only you had not messed-up your life, you could have had it all and you could have been happy.
But you may think that there’s still a chance. You might decide to work harder, to sacrifice more, to exercise and diet, to become a more loyal spouse or partner, to be a better parent, to focus on more ambitious goals. Why are you doing it all? To eventually be happy at some point in the future, right? But now, you’re not enjoying much of anything.
There is a fundamental problem with this approach to life, and it is this: you are living for the future while the future is only a concept. If there is to be a better future for you, it will be experienced as a better now.
Will you ever know how to be happy in the present moment when, all your life, you have been sacrificing happiness in the present moment because of your belief in future happiness? If this is to change, and you are to actually become happy, it will change only when you realize that happiness can only be in the present—when you let go of the concept of future altogether and begin to live in the now.
4.3. It is a very strange game you have been convinced to play and the fundamental error is that you have agreed to a game that can only end in crisis and misery.
The world’s game of life is a game where you strive to achieve happiness by being better than others. Being better supposedly means you have more approval. It means being right about things more often. It means winning more arguments and battles. It means looking better, earning more money, living in the better neighborhood or city, moving in the right circles and achieving a higher status in life than others.
In spiritual terms, this is known as seeking happiness in external form—in the material realm. This is a materialist thought system whereby your supposed happiness depends entirely upon what you have, accomplish, or appear to be externally.
In this game, your inner dimension is considered inconsequential. This is odd, because to win at this game is supposed to bring happiness; which is, of course, experienced within. Wouldn’t it make more sense to skip the game and go within to be happy now?
Sometimes the game of being better appears to work. For a time, being better convinces you that you are happy. A very attractive young man or woman may enjoy the boost of self-confidence found in being physically superior to others or being desired by many. A rich person may enjoy the experiences and all the wonderful things that money can buy. Being famous or popular can be quite a thrill for a time. Being more educated, well-spoken, well-travelled, talented or experienced in a certain area can also boost your self-esteem—which is an enjoyable feeling that does, temporarily, relieve you of suffering. Marriage is an altar to this value system—a stage upon which you can project your success and superiority, and an opportunity to appear perfectly complete according to the world’s game of life. But what happens when any of these external realities are taken away, as everything in the material realm eventually will be?
Will it not be a crisis for the beautiful woman to lose her looks in old age? Does becoming rich not require great effort and sacrifice all the while, and will wealth mean so much if you are diagnosed with cancer? Can fame last long? If it does, might it not require a desperate clinging, dishonesty, and constant sacrifice to make it so? Will someone not come along who is more talented, more accomplished, more experienced, or more successful? What if your marriage ends and everything you built together and put on display is now publicly declared a total failure?
When even one of these events happen, which it absolutely will sooner or later even for the most fortunate—and your coveted position and status in life begins to slip—will you not experience a crisis? Is it even possible that this game will not end in suffering? Don’t you think this matters a great deal? More importantly, is suffering on some level not present all the while as you strive toward and cling to the external?
4.4. In this never-ending quest to be better and more, you have learned to hate so much about yourself just as you force yourself to pretend that everything is absolutely wonderful.
You may think the problem is that you’re not the best, you aren’t attractive enough, you aren’t rich enough, you aren’t famous, you aren’t admired for your talents and abilities, and you don’t have the perfect spouse or children. For this, you declare yourself guilty and hate yourself so much.
Nobody is harder on you in this life than you are. You have suffered so much, even as you have accomplished so much. You are suffering only because you are chasing the goal of happiness with the wrong thought system.
You are not guilty, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You have merely made a mistake, and mistakes can be corrected. All you did wrong is that you’ve learned the ways of the world. Like everyone, you were forced to. The question is, how long do you plan to continue in error before making the one and only correction that brings everything you do want?
Let yourself off the hook. There’s nothing wrong with you. You are no different from anyone else. Everyone is going through the same thing. Nobody is happy for long because almost everyone is very confused. The world may have convinced you that you’re the outsider, that you’re the failure, that so many of them are better, but none of it is true. Remember, the world’s faith is in dishonesty. Everyone is only projecting that which isn’t necessarily true.
Almost everyone is playing the same game that you’ve been playing: the game that requires dishonesty to prove yourself better so that you can be happy even though you never really are. It is a silly, insane game that you can stop believing in and stop playing.