I believe passionately that God is in all of us. That our essence is eternal Spirit. That, at some level beyond my intellectual comprehension, my neighbour is my self. But every day I forget this. How easily I forget. I log on to my computer and find that the woman I am attracted to hasn’t replied to my message. I go outside and I notice a scratch on my car which was not there before. I get to work and there are a dozen e-mails all requiring my urgent response. I feel vulnerable and under attack. I am Peter Parr again, my transient self, and not eternal Spirit. My peace of mind has disappeared.
How can I remember Who I am? How can I look at another person and see the Light in them, rather than the outward form?
There are no easy answers. It is a lifetime’s work, a lifetime of falling down and getting up again and each new day attempting to live with love. This chapter describes some tools that help me remember more of the time. (They are only tools, though, and other people will find that different practices work for them.) It also offers some suggestions for things to try with others. The journey need not be taken alone.
Periods of stillness
William Penn experienced that “True silence … is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment”. [9] I have found that when I set aside time for quiet contemplation at the end of each day, it reconnects me with my True Self.
Depending on your other commitments, you may find it easier to dedicate this space first thing in the morning, before other family members are awake. Whether you choose mornings or evenings, I would recommend that you set aside a certain time each day and stick to it, so that it becomes an established practice. I would also recommend starting gently. We are more likely to keep to a practice which we find manageable. It is better to allow yourself fifteen minutes every day, than to try to set aside a full hour and give up before the end of the first week.
This quiet time is not for thinking. It is not a time to plan or to daydream, but simply to be. Outward silence will not nourish us if our mind continues to churn over events of the day, or to look ahead to the tasks we need to do next.
At first, you may find it difficult to still your mind. I suggest sitting in an open position – legs uncrossed, palms facing upwards. Focus on your breathing, giving your full attention to each breath. Another way to help stay present is to pay attention to your body. Bring your fingers into your awareness. You may notice a subtle tingling or energy. Next, focus on the sensations in your toes. Slowly, moving upwards, bring your attention to each part of your body in turn. Notice the feeling of the soles of your feet on the floor; your thighs against the seat of the chair. Are your shoulders tense? Allow them to relax. What about your facial muscles? Your jaw? Is your tongue in the roof of your mouth?… If your mind does wander, which it surely will, focus again on your breath. Many of us live our lives at a frantic pace. This is your chance to slow down.
Contemplation/Prayer
As you become more used to silence and stillness, as the internal judge in your head takes time off and gaps open up in your streams of thought, another voice may emerge.
Ask a question. What is love calling you to do now? How might you show love for yourself? How might you share your love with the world?
Don’t try to think your way to an answer, but ‘let go and let God’. Trust that, at the right moment, guidance will be there. Perhaps later, when you turn your attention to other things, you may be given an intimation: a call to help someone, to buy tea for a homeless person or to contact an old friend.
Douglas Steere describes his own experience: “In prayer, the seeds of concern have a way of appearing. Often enough, a concern begins in a feeling of being personally liable, personally responsible for someone or some event. With it there may come an intimation that one should do some little thing: speak to some person, make an inquiry into a certain situation, write a letter, send some money, send a book. Or it may be a stop in our minds about some pending decision, or a clear directive that now is not the time to rest, or an urge to stay home when we have been meaning to be away; it may be that no more than this will be given us. But this seed is given us to follow, and if we do not follow it, we cannot expect to see what may grow from it. Seeds, not fruit, are given in prayer, but they are given for planting.” [10]
Mindfulness
Most of us spend the majority of our time living in the past or the future. Our minds replay past mistakes (our own or other peoples’), dwell on grievances, or perhaps relive former successes. At other times, our focus switches to the future: we worry about upcoming events, or look forward to a golden tomorrow – which never arrives – when all our problems will be solved.
Occasionally something dramatic may jolt us back to the present, or we find ourselves stopped in our tracks by the beauty of a sunset, or a flower poking its head through the snow. But rarely do we live in the present moment, with our attention fully on what is happening now.
It is in the present moment that the Spirit speaks to us; animates us so that we feel truly alive. Only when we are present can we be guided by Its still small Voice, as opposed to the chatterbox voice of our ego-mind. Only when we are present are we released from our judgements and fears. And only when we are present can Spirit speak through us and our actions become enthused with a quality of Love.
When we join a gym or begin a new exercise programme, at first it may feel like a struggle. The more we exercise, the easier it becomes. Living in the moment is similar: we need to practice it. I take a routine activity such as making a cup of tea, doing the washing up or ironing, or brushing my teeth – and give my full attention to that task. My mind inevitably wanders, but as soon as I remember, I return my focus to the dishes, or whatever it might be.
There are times when I need to remind myself that life is not a race. Everything has its natural rhythm, from the planets in their orbits to the changing seasons and the life cycle of plants. To rush something – to give insufficient care to a task or to force myself or others to do anything at an unnatural pace – seems to me to be a form of violence. I take a deep breath, and allow myself to slow down.
I have also printed some colourful cards with the words, ‘I remember’ written on them. I place these cards where I will notice them: inside my front door, on the steering wheel of my car, on the windowsill by the kitchen sink. When I become aware of them I pause, re-centre myself and bring my attention back to the present.
Personal journal and Lectio Divina (spiritual reading)
A few years ago at a difficult time in my life, I would sit in silence at home. Once I had reached a place of inner stillness and felt ready, I would write a question. Then, without thinking, I wrote the answer. This written dialogue with my Higher Self, as I call it, took place over two months and resulted in forty pages of writing, which I still refer to now. Often the words that came were poetic, the style different from what I would have written if I’d thought about the answer to the question. Parts of this book came to me in the same way: I stilled my mind, opened myself to Guidance, and asked – in a state of expectation that I would receive – ‘Speak to me about peace’, or ‘Speak to me about equality’.
I have also collected around 300 inspiring quotations and bound them together in an A5 booklet. When I notice I’m out of alignment with my True Self, I use those writings to re-centre me; to get me back ‘in Spirit’. Before reading, I sit quietly for a few minutes. I pay attention to the movement of my breath and become aware, if I can, of the energy field of my body. I then turn to a paragraph at random and read it slowly, as if for the first time. I read the extract more than once, reflecting on the message behind the words. I pause before I move on to the next passage. I find it of more benefit to engage deeply with the message behind the words than to try to read as many extracts as possible in one sitting. I have included a few doorways into contemplation at the end of this book.
Reading a few short extracts from a spiritual book can rekindle our enthusiasm and gently wake us from our sleep. At the moment, A Course in Miracles and the writings of Eckhart Tolle particularly resonate with me. I also subscribe to emails from Franciscan friar Richard Rohr, founder of the US-based Center for Action and Contemplation, whose reflections provide daily inspiration and a fresh way of looking at the essence of the Christian message. Regardless of what I am reading, I find that less can often be more. A page or two is often enough to return me to my Centre where love and peace abide. At a suitable point, I stop to reflect on what I’ve read. How does it resonate with my own experience?
Examen
Another worthwhile practice is to set aside an hour or so at the end of each month to reflect on the weeks gone by. After sitting for a while in silence, long enough to ground myself in the present, I ponder three sets of questions and write down the responses that come to me.
First, I ask myself, ‘What have I appreciated during this last month? When have I felt most alive? What warms me most when I reflect on it now?’
Next, I ask, ‘When have I felt frustrated or disappointed in the last month? When did I feel least alive, or least at ease? What, with hindsight, would I have done differently? What do I regret doing or saying or thinking, or having failed to do or say?’ The exercise is not about judging, but simply about being aware.
Finally, I reflect on the following questions: ‘How do I respond to these experiences? What does Love require of me now? What actions or first steps can I take? What changes do I commit myself to making in the coming month?’
I record my reflections, so that I can look back on them and have a record of little changes I have made. It is an ongoing process, and every month there are plenty of occasions where I feel I have let myself down. What I have found, though, is a growing awareness of when I am or am not living in harmony with my true Self. The whispers of love have grown louder, or perhaps I have become more sensitive to hearing them. More and more, when I miss the mark or fail to choose the loving response, I feel it. I know when I am out of alignment, and I do not feel at peace.
Discerning if leadings are genuine
We each have our unique part to play in the movie of life. While love is a benchmark all of us can use in making choices, it may call people in different directions. The same love that pushes one person to leave an occupation or resign from a job might call another to move into that line of work or to apply for the very role the other person left. In this life, our task is to be true to ourselves – not to anyone else’s self.
Sometimes we may have a clear inner knowing that a particular path is for us. We feel impelled to act out of love. At other times, the way forward is less clear. We may need to consciously ask ourselves, ‘What would love do in this situation?’ If that question feels too abstract, we might reflect on some aspects of love: joy, peace and compassion. When faced with a decision, imagine that you have made a particular choice. Picture yourself as having followed one or other course. What feelings come up for you? Ask yourself first, ‘Would taking this path bring me joy? Second, would I feel a sense of peace if I followed this course? Last, is what I propose to do compassionate, or would it cause harm to another person, or to the planet?’ If any of these – joy, peace of mind and compassion – is missing, then love is likely to be lacking too. It might be well to reflect very carefully before proceeding.
Going beyond my comfort zone
While joy, peace and compassion are facets of love, fear is its opposite. Often it is fear that holds us back from living up to our potential, following our dream or acting as a loving presence in the world. I am not by nature a particularly adventurous person. It is tempting for me to take the comfortable option. To avoid the risk of stagnation, I sometimes make a conscious decision to challenge myself and to push out the boundaries of my comfort zone. I am not necessarily talking about doing a sky-dive, but about taking opportunities to do what I really want to. I might submit an article for publication, or stop to chat with a colleague at the tea point at work and connect with them at a deeper level, or push through my social anxieties to attend an exciting event which will give me a chance to meet new people. In this way, I grow, more opportunities open up and, if nothing else, I add more colour to my life.
A ‘Living Our Faith’ or spiritual friendship group
Living Our Faith groups provide a safe space for friends to support one another in living their faith day to day. They are about listening to one another, sharing and growing together, and building a spiritual community.
Small groups of around six people agree to meet on a regular basis. The meetings may begin with simple bring-and-share food and time to catch up with one another. Then, each person has the opportunity to share about a current issue in their lives. This may be an ethical dilemma, or a situation in which they are finding it difficult to remain true to themselves. They can invite reflections from others in the group if they wish, to help them discern a way forward (others may have experienced a similar problem or struggle). Or they may simply use the time to clarify the problem in their own minds, and perhaps ask others to hold them in the Light. Each person has ten to fifteen minutes. Whatever people share remains confidential within the group.
My experience of being part of such a group is that the sharing is very deep and the atmosphere one of trust and love. Our group has found it works best if we meet at a regular time each month and commit to attending each session, unless we genuinely cannot make it. People will get the most benefit from the group if they come to it regularly and if they are willing to share their experiences and talk freely with others in the circle. Practice listening to others in a spirit of acceptance and without judgement.
Creative listening
Creative listening is a powerful tool for connecting with others and with the common Source of inspiration and guidance we all share.
Unlike discussion, which may become rather heated and where a few vocal participants may speak several times while others struggle to get a word in, creative listening sessions are grounded in silence. Space is allowed between contributions, so people have time to reflect on what has been said. Since sufficient time is given for everyone to speak, people know they will have an opportunity to contribute, and so can truly listen to what others are saying. People speak from their own experience and should avoid coming in for a second time unless, after everyone who wishes to speak has done so, there is time left for further contributions. You may find it useful to have a ‘talking stick’ or stone in the middle of the circle – only the person holding the talking stick can speak.
Creative listening will usually be on a topic agreed in advance. You may wish to explore the themes considered in each chapter of this book.
Seeing God in one another
Every day we have opportunities to practise honouring the divine essence in one another.
Why not seek to make each encounter with another person a holy encounter? Hold the thought, ‘This person is my brother or sister, eternal Spirit, a child of God’. You might visualise a light in them. Do this with everyone, even (or especially) anyone who you do not get on with so well. Silently bless them, acknowledging that at their heart is something perfect and whole. Greet them with a smile, look beyond their form and any past experiences you may have had with them, and acknowledge their holiness. Wish for something good for them. Do this silently, in your heart. See the Light in our neighbours, and we will remember it is also in us.
To begin with, you may want to try this practice in a safe space – perhaps at a faith community, such as a Buddhist sangha or Quaker Meeting, or at a social group for people who are attempting to follow a more conscious path (the web-site meetup.com is one way to find such groups). Follow your inner guidance when it comes to choosing a group to attend. Is the group held in a spirit of openness and compassion, or is there an undercurrent of fear, exclusivity or control? As in all things, let love be your guide.
It goes without saying that we can practice seeing the divine in people in any situation: when out and about, in the supermarket checkout person, or the man speaking loudly into his phone on the train; or at home, in members of our family.
You created me
and sustain me.
You are with me always;
there with each breath I take.
Help me to do Your will.
Lift me up to be the best that I can be.
Each new day, help me to live with Love.
You provide for
me materially,
and spiritually
You give me the experiences I need
as I journey through Life.
When I stumble,
You forgive me.
Help me also to forgive.
Guide me, so I
best can serve You.
Let me recognise You in my sisters
and my brothers,
and let boundaries fall away.
Help me to live
as You,
In this moment always
Amen.
‘Thank you for
this wonder-ful new day;
a chance to start over,
a fresh opportunity to share your Love.’