TAKE TIME TO RESPOND FROM A DEEPER PLACE
The first and automatic response to anything, such as a request from someone or even an opportunity, is likely to come from the ego. We are programmed to respond automatically, and this programming is released into the mind as a thought, opinion, belief, point of view, attitude, or emotional reaction. Often the response is similar to how we have responded many times before, and it usually has some psychological, emotional, or even astrological basis.
Notice how quickly you come up with a response to something or someone, such as someone asking you to do something. If a response isn't quick, it's usually because of conflicting programming: Two different programmed responses are in conflict, in which case, the immediate reaction might be confusion, frustration, or anger.
If you identify with the first response, that is, if you take the voice in your head (the ego’s voice) as your voice, your opinion, or your reaction, chances are that response won't be very charitable or wise because the ego isn't either of these. When you give voice to the ego, you won't feel very good about yourself because the ego's responses tend to be selfcentered, unkind, and narrowminded, which is how we feel when we are identified with the ego.
When that happens, you might try to feel better about yourself through various strategies. You might try to build a case to justify your responses, and judgments are often part of that. Since judging never feels good, the ego may try to feel better by seeking pleasure or in other ways trying to improve its selfimage or situation, all because you bought into your initial, automatic reaction.
Once you realize that your initial reaction is most likely from the ego, you can just wait a moment for some other reaction to arise from deeper within you, from Essence. If Essence is given a chance, it will act and speak through you. But if you act and speak automatically from the ego, you won't discover how Essence might have responded.
You can tell when Essence is speaking and acting through you because instead of being tense, confused, or unkind, you feel at peace, open, accepting, and loving. Your response to a request, for instance, may still be no, but you will deliver that "no" in a way that the person won't feel hurt or offended.
As we mature, we usually do learn to be kinder because acting out of the ego gets us into trouble. Egos aren't very nice, and most of us learn to be nice by holding back our initial reactions. Doing that is certainly better than giving voice to an unkind ego, but that can leave us with negative feelings if we still believe our ego's viewpoint. The way out of these feelings is to recognize that those thoughts are the ego's and not your true voice. Don't agree with the egoic mind, stay apart from it, and just notice it. Then you can discover your true voice.
You don't have to try to be nice; you only have to realize that what isn't nice about you (and everyone else) is the ego, and not who you really are. Step back and give some space and time to your initial thoughts and reactions, and you will discover Essence, which has the wisdom and love to bring peace and harmony to any situation.
From Living in the Now