The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with a cat."
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Your Brain is Remarkable!
THE FOUR MAIN BRAIN WAVE PATTERNS
BETA - When you are being active, you brain is in what is called Beta.
ALPHA - When we begin to relax and focus our thinking. Alpha contributes to such things as meditation, hypnosis, REM sleep, dreaming, and day dreams.
THETA - This is a deeper level of brain wave. During Theta state, brain cells are able to restore their sodium and potassium levels, which is important for proper brain functioning. The sodium and potassium levels are involved in osmosis, which is the chemical process that transports chemicals into and out of your brain cells. After an extended period in the Beta state the ratio between potassium and sodium goes out of balance. It is how "mental fatigue” happens.
A short period in Theta for five to ten minutes can refresh your brain.
DELTA - The deepest of the brain wave frequencies.
It is the stage of non-REM sleep. Delta is the deepest, most rejuvenating stage of dreamless sleep. It also produces strong levels of reduced stress.
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Chapter 4 The Standard of Excellence
“The meaning of things lies not in the things themselves, but in our attitude towards them.” Antoine de Saint
I have been writing about conditioning and comfort zones, however, I want to really get you to understand how the cause and effect of what has been happening to you and how it really affects your life.
It is called The Standard of Excellence
It’s not too often we look at the Standard of Excellence in light of our own way of doing things. It is usually compared to the Standard of Excellence to how a company performs, or a product performs, or an education system working toward a high standard of excellence, or the standard of excellence for sportsmanship.
However, it is perfectly “normal” to use The Standard of Excellence to our perceptions.
During our conditioning we have formed what is right and wrong. Our perceptions of what we have seen so far in our life are based on our experiences.
What we have read, what we have seen, and who our mentors have been, are a few places that we have learned our perceptions.
What is The Standard of Excellence for you?
The Standard of Excellence is what you decide is acceptable.
Here is an example:
You might know someone that is an absolute work hound. He/she works to make more money, and when not working at that purpose is working on living on a Copyright © 2003 Teresa King
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clean esthetic environment, which might mean absolute organization, a scrubbed porch to a beautifully landscaped yard.
If that person was put into an environment that was less than his/her Standard of Excellence, then that person will clean up his/her environment to the best of his ability. If he doesn’t, he has done a very destructive thing to his mind and he/she has been short-changed.
He has learned to accept a standard of excellence that is not up to his own standard of excellence.
Let’s go into a relationship. You have probably seen the show, “The Odd Couple.” If not, here is a quick run down of that old sitcom. Two divorced men live together in an apartment. They both have jobs. One is Mr. Very Neat and the other is Mr. Slob. They each drive each other totally nuts.
The slob is happy being a slob and Mr. Neat is not happy living with Mr. Slob.
Mr. Neat, cleans, organizes, dumps ashtrays the minute a cigarette is crushed out, and dusts anything that looks like it needs dusting.
Mr. Slob, would rather live in his mess, and not be disturbed by Mr. Neat.
This causes a lot of funny situations as the two try to live together.
Unfortunately, this happens in real life, too, however there really is not much funny about the situation. A man marries a woman. The woman wants everything just so, which means the man needs to comply to make her happy.
Maybe he has to pick up his socks, before she turns the negative emotions on.
“Why do you always leave your disgusting socks on the floor for me to pick up?” she screams.
This is not aimed at men. There are many men who live with women who are slobs in their eyes, too.
His response will be whatever he is conditioned to respond. “Because I feel like it!” or “ I was going to pick them up!” or “Why do you always sound just like Copyright © 2003 Teresa King
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my mother, if I wanted to live with my mother, I would never have married you!”
Or, maybe he doesn’t answer her at all. In fact, next time it is his socks, the towel and his jeans that conspicuously land on the floor.
Whatever the reason for any of the above, is all conditioned responses. The person cleaning up after the other, is in the “I’m being used” mode, and the one who does not have the courtesy to take thirty seconds of his time, stays angry and pushed to do something he doesn’t want to do.
The hurt one, feels unloved, for if the untidy one loved her/him, then he would pick up the socks every time, out of courtesy, out of respect or love, or to just plain avoid an argument.
In order for one to live without lowering his/her standard of excellence he/she must pick up those socks, because they refuse to live like that. It’s below his/her own standards.
The one who will not pick up the socks has a lower standard of excellence in this particular area of his/her life.
Now, these two are STUCK living together. What a mess.
So, the marriage goes on with ups and downs until both of their standard of excellence has dropped off the scale. She gives up and refuses to pick up the socks. Now, the house is full of socks, and one day, he goes to his drawer and finds no socks and is late for work. She has received her revenge.
He is upset and blames her because he has no socks.
Here is a common one:
She might leave the lights on. He might not want to pay the bills for the lights being on. She decides to make more money so they can have the lights on. He decides that money can be used for better purposes, and on goes the problems.
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She feels she is working extra time so she can have the lights on and the socks are still landing on the floor. One or both of them start eating more, or one or both of them start drinking to cover their upset, or one or both of them stop coming home because home is not, in this situation, where their heart is, until the relationship is almost beyond repair.
The kids watch and learn while all this is going on, creating their perceptions on life.
Then the big D (divorce) happens, as neither can take it anymore.
Oh my - what has happened here?
Do you think I am getting carried away with this marital problem?
Well, okay, maybe a little, however, this is how it can escalate from a BUMP of a problem to a mountain.
Is there a positive answer to any of the above?
YES.
The socks are the problem that one sees.
The lights being on, is yet another problem.
It’s not the lights; it’s not the socks. Truly, it is not the SOCKS; it is not the LIGHTS.
Think about it.
It is how the little things in life can grow huge over time because the real problem was never addressed. It is the way we communicate with one another.
Harry, I would really appreciate you picking up your socks. You’ve done it before for me. When you leave your socks on the floor, it makes me feel like you don’t care about me.
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Estelle, I’m sorry, I will try harder to remember.
Estelle, I was raised where every dollar counts, leaving the electricity on makes me feel like we are wasting money that can be put to a better purpose.
Harry, I get so tired when I don’t get enough light. My eyes are just not as good as yours are and many times, I get awful headaches. I will save in other areas, to make up for the lights being on.
Let’s make a deal, you pick up your socks, and I will use only the lights on in the room I am in, and I will try to do the best that I can do, to remember how it concerns you that the house is lit up like a forest fire.
Compromise, without using words such as ALWAYS and NEVER.
Always, and never are words that cause more battles than religions have caused wars.
Now back to Standard of Excellence. Each of us has a perception of what is important and what causes us to lower our standard of excellence.
Harry in the above example does not like wasted money. His standard is not to waste money.
She wants the home to be clean, but does not feel loved enough because he does not seem to care about how she feels about having to be stuck cleaning up after another adult.
Can this marriage work? Of course it can. It can work as long as the lines of communication stay open, and each is willing to make a few compromises to keep that relationship working. Marriage is not something that is all a bed of roses, it takes work to keep it working, and it takes understanding how the other feels, and the only way that one can know how the other feels is by having decent communication, without accusations and raised voices.
Of course, it also takes accepting responsibility for your own actions, which means maturing into a responsible person.
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Now, suppose you are not living with someone with all the above chaos?
How does your own personal Standard of Excellence reflect on your life?
Oh, this is a good one:
I wish I knew exactly what part of your life you would like to improve, however, I need a general idea so I shall pull one out of mid air.
Is it okay to lower your Standard of Excellence?
Let’s say you are single, and you are renting a house. Your dream is to purchase your own house one day, however, you are saving for your dreams. Your standard of excellence is to have a lovely yard. You work, you plan your weekends so that you can keep up the lawn, your rose garden, and maybe even have a workshop that you are keeping organized.
Your boss offers you some overtime. You want to purchase your own house, so you start working overtime. Then you come home and park in front of the television set, letting your mind say it is okay, because you have worked overtime. One day, you take a look at your yard. You quickly get up, mow the lawn, take out a few weeds, but not all. A few things at your shop don’t get put back where they are belong because time is now less than what it was before.
Eventually, you have allowed your yard to not look so good, your workshop a bit messy, but your bank account is growing. However, to have that money, you have compromised your own standards of what you feel is important.
Now, you have choices here. Get up away from the television, do your yard, and get that shop picked up, then vow to yourself that you won’t let it grow to weeds and that every time you use something it will be put back into place.
Alternatively, you can lower your standard of excellence and decide that is okay, for now, for things to be a bit messy and learn to relax with your new game plan, or, you can hire someone to do your yard for you, and take a little longer to get your dream house.
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You need to take responsibility for your own actions. It certainly is okay to not have the most beautiful yard in the world. It certainly is okay to lower your standard of excellence, as long as you don’t do it more and more, until you look around and you wonder where that “real you” went.
Here is another example. You have just lost weight. You worked hard at it, you watched what you ate, you started an exercise program, and things are going great. You are proud of yourself to take control of that area of your life. You meet someone, fall in love, and nine out of ten times, you will lose a little more weight because you are in the euphoria of “being in love.”
Time wears on, your new partner takes up more of your time, you start dropping 20 minutes of your exercise plan, soon, you drop it completely out of your life, and before you know it that darn weight is back on you again, only this time, it’s worse than it was before.
What happened? Did you lower your standard of excellence? Did you learn to accept that the extra weight was okay, or did you lose your focus or change your priorities?
Can you lose it again? If so, can you keep it off? There is now a niggling doubt, and of course, self disgust, because you allowed yourself to gain it all back again. Then you start looking at yourself, and think, "Hey, this extra twenty pounds is not so bad, look at that fat neighbor down the street"… and soon you are allowing yourself to accept something that used to be very important to you.
Do you see how lowering your standard of excellence can affect how you feel about yourself, how you make excuses, how you allow little things to continue on until they become so overwhelming that they hard to face?
WHAT if you never did have a great standard of excellence in the first place, because the perceptions that you grew up with did not teach you what is accepted as “normal” in the society that you live in?
This can be from chewing with your mouth open to passing gas in public, to it is okay to have urine on the toilet rim, and not making the bed is no big deal. Your dishes are piled up and so you use a paper plate. Your yard has two junk cars in it, so why not a rusty old mower?
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If you lived with slobs all your life, two things would happen - you would be a slob, or you would decide that it was unacceptable to live like a slob.
Now, if you are a slob, and your mate is a slob and your close friends are slobs, and this just does not bother you and your self-esteem is high and you are getting what you want out of life, you are making the money you want to make, you are happy at your job, and you are living in complete harmony in your environment, then that is your Standard of Excellence, but I am glad you are reading a self-help book ☺
I remember as a child, coming from a very poor background, thinking that if I saw a house that was clean and had some furniture, and had a television that those people were rich indeed. If they had a real dining room table with matching dishes, and food in their refrigerator, in my young mind they were as rich as rich can be. It was my perception.
When I went to live with my grandmother and I got mud on a doll and I put in the toy box, grandma came in and said. “What are you thinking? How can you put that doll back in that toy box with mud on it?”
“But, grandma,” I answered, bewildered. “I am going to take it out later to the fort I built.”
Grandma then said, “if you put it in with the other toys, then you are getting other toys dirty causing more work for yourself.”
“Oh, I didn’t think about that.”
Then she added, kindly, “Teresa, I know you are not used to having things in their place and everything in its place, and I know you don’t come from a home where everything is kept clean and tidy as this house is. In this world, there is no excuse for not keeping things clean. No matter how poor you are, soap is cheap and elbow grease takes your own desire and determination to improve your own living conditions. You can then have pride in all that you do, whether you have money or don’t have money, because you have given it your very best. There is no shame in being poor; there is shame when you allow poverty to keep you Copyright © 2003 Teresa King
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from being able to hold your head just high enough to keep your nose out of the air.”
I sure miss my grandmother.
Take pride in what you do, and do the best that you can. Do not fear failure, we all fail, then we get up and brush ourselves off, and try again. Each time we fail, we learn yet another way to not do something. It is all in learning.
Each time we learn something new we take the risk of failing and stepping out of our comfort zone. Imagine, not learning how to walk for fear of looking silly when we repeatedly fall down, or not learning how to talk because we were afraid we could not say the words properly. Keep learning something new in perspective, and failure should not scare you at all.
Did you fear failure when you got on your first bicycle, or were you so excited about getting your bicycle that you took your falls until you mastered the bike?
Here is yet, another example:
You have set your Standard of Excellence very high for your grades in school.
In fact, you strive to get all A’s. You graduate, start college, and then decide to have a baby. Now, you have another responsibility, a baby, and you still want those A’s. Do you drop courses because you only got a “B” or do you accept a lower standard because now you have a baby to tend to?
These questions I ask you really don’t have answers. What they are doing is getting it so that you can set your own Standard of Excellence. If you see someone that is exceptional in your mind, you can learn by watching them and getting an idea of what you can do to improve the quality of your life. You can Copyright © 2003 Teresa King
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add little decisions into your life. They can be as simple as deciding you will not leave the house unless your bed is made, all the way to having an organized drawer, to planning the time to do your laundry and shopping and organizing your time, to deciding that wearing curlers to the grocery store may not be acceptable to you.
Speaking of curlers in a grocery store, it reminded me of the time my sister told me she wanted some milk. She had her hair in curlers. She lived in a small town.
She snagged her three-year old daughter and snuck to the store, ever alert that no one knew her. Her daughter started pulling toys from the lower shelf in the store. So my sister said, “Put those back!” Her daughter didn’t comply so she stepped closer to her daughter saying, ‘I told you to put them back.!”
Her daughter then sat on the floor and started dragging her rear end across the floor screaming, “Please don’t beat me, mommy, don’t beat me mommy.”
Of course, by this time the whole store was staring and my sister, in her lovely curlers, mortified, paid for the milk, and rushed out of the store, blushing.
In case you are wondering, no, my sister did not beat her children. She never wore curlers to a store again. She did take her daughter to the store again, and that was very brave, indeed.
By watching successful people and acquiring some of their qualities, and not overwhelming yourself with trying to do too much at one time, you can improve your own self-esteem. Your self-esteem comes from inside. The more you do to improve how you feel about yourself by setting your own acceptable Standard of Excellence, the more you can achieve, and the better you can feel about yourself.
You are not the label on the clothes you wear. How many times have you purchased a pair of $60.00 Levis because they are a status symbol, rather than getting three pairs of quality jeans for the same price, or having the one pair and using the other $40.00 to build your future?