Chapter 2
LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF: Introduction Guidelines
Now that you’ve approached, or been approached by, someone and the preliminaries have been taken care of, how do you proceed with the introductions? This can become a very complicated process. The most important thing to keep in mind is that any introduction is better than no introduction. In addition, a polite person is not going to pint out the error of your ways. The only exception would be if you have mispronounced a name or incorrectly attached a title or label.
Etiquette dictates that if introduction errors occur, they should be corrected promptly. This saves all parties involved from potential further embarrassment. For example, if you name is Miss Braun and you are addressed as Mrs. Brown, you should make the correction immediately.
Remember etiquette is about putting others at ease and handling an awkward situation with dignity. If you found yourself in an awkward situation, which involved introductions, would you know what to do? Take the self-assessment and find out.
Regardless of any other rules, the most important thing to remember about introductions is-MAKE THEM. If you are unsure of the “rules” or the proper order to introduce someone, don’t worry about it and do the best you can. It is far ruder not to make an introduction that it is to introduce in the wrong order. Chances are the people you are meeting are also unsure and even if they do know better, they should be polite enough not to say anything.
QUIZ: SELF-ASSESSMENT
1. If you are being introduced to a person with no hands, what would you do
a. Shake his/her shoulder
b. Wait for his/her to indicate how the greeting will proceed c. Pat him/her on the shoulder
2. The first time you meet a client, she skips the handshake and hugs you close, what do you do?
a. Hug her back
b. Pull away slightly and grip her arm to indicate you are uncomfortable
c. Make a joke butt get the point across that you are surprised by the greeting
3. You meet someone who has a lazy eye, where do you look?
a. At the area between his/her eyes
b. Don’t look at his/her eyes at all
c. Choose one eye and maintain contact
4. How would you introduce your boss to your spouse?
a. Mr. Boss, I’d like you to meet my husband
b. Husband, this is my boss, Mr. Boss
c. Husband, I’d like to introduce Mr. Boss
5. What do you do if you forget someone’s name when you are being introduced?
a. Fake it and avoid having to say the person’s name
b. Apologize and ask the person what his/her name is
c. Excuse yourself and rush away
6. How do you react when you approach a group and no one extends their hand or attempts an introduction?
a. Extend your hand and introduce yourself
b. Ask if you may join the group and just start talking
c. Interrupt them and pass out your business card
7. What do you do when you are introduced to a visually impaired person?
a. Talk louder than usual
b. Wait for him/her to extend their hand and proceed as usual
c. Stand close to him/her and talk about yourself
8. If a colleague of yours joins your table, are you obligated to introduce them to everyone at the table?
a. No, you just need to say hello and speak to them yourself
b. No, this is up to the host to do
c. Yes, even if you do not know everyone at the table.
9. How would you introduce yourself to a dignitary?
a. You wouldn’t. Wait for them to introduce themselves to you
b. Ask the host at the event to introduce you
c. Just approach them and extend your hand
10. How do you greet yourself to someone when there is a language barrier?
a. Don’t bother, you’re wasting your time
b. Just proceed as normal, only speak slower and louder
c. Make eye contact, smile and extend your hand. No speech is necessary to make someone feel welcome
A. The status quo
The chart below outlines the direction of introductions. Remember in business situations the client is always the most important person and in social situations the non-business person is always the most important person.
If, for example you are at your staff Christmas party and you wish to introduce your boss to your spouse, you would say, “Mr. Boss, I’d like you to meet my husband, Mr. Wonderful.” If, however, your husband and you run into your boss at the neighborhood grocery store, you would say, “Mr. Wonderful, I’d like you to meet my boss. Mr. Boss this is my husband.” In whichever situation, business or social, the person of lower rank is “presented” to the person of higher rank. The person who is more accomplished in the particular situation “receives” the person less accomplished. One easy way to get it straight is to always say the highest- ranking person’s name first.
It’s always a good idea to mention the person’s title if you know it, and/or say something about the person you are introducing. This provides a starting place for them to have a conversation. For example, when introducing y our boss to a new client you might say, “Mr. Client, I’d like to introduce you to my boss the CEO of XYZ Company. Mr. Boss, this is Mr. Client; he is the marketing manager for STV Company who is just coming on board with us. You may remember meeting him/her at the client appreciation party last week.” This saves both the boss and
the client the embarrassment of not remembering each other’s name, title or forgetting where they met. In addition, each may show the appropriate respect to the other. In theory, the boss should extend his hand to the new client, but it doesn’t really matter as long as someone initiates a handshake.
If you are introducing more than one person at a time, try to introduce them according to their rank. If you are unsure of everyone’s names or rank, simply say, “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like you all to meet Mr. Guest of Honor.” This is an unspoken directive for everyone to extend their hands and introduce themselves. If no one takes the bait, prompt them further by saying to one person who you do know, “Mr. Save Me Please, I’ll let you start the introductions.”
B. You know, what’s his name? Tips on remembering names
What if you forget someone’s name when you are being introduced? Here are some tips on remembering names. Whatever you do, don’t try to fake it-you’ll only end up looking silly.
• Repeat name during introduction
• Repeat name when departing
• Associate name with object or situation
• Associate name with someone you know personally
TIP: Wear your nametag on the right side. Most people are right-handed and when they reach to shake your hand their eye will automatically go to your nametag. Seeing your name written will help them remember it.
QUIZ: INTRODUCTION SCENARIOS
Now that you know some of the guidelines for introductions, how would you handle yourself in the scenarios outline here?
1. You are one of several guests at a formal dinner. You have been seated with four people you’ve never met before. What would you say or do?
2. You have a coworker who is constantly hanging around your office, eavesdropping on your telephone conversations, gossiping and generally wasting your time. What would you do?
3. In the middle of a conversation with a potential client, your associate tells an off-color joke. It is obvious that the client is uncomfortable. What would you do?
4. At the annual Christmas party you are designated the hostess. How would you introduce the following?
a. Your boss to your key client
b. Your co-worker to your spouse c. One client to another
d. Your receptionist to a higher-up
5. You are in the middle of a meeting with a client in your office. Your phone rings and the call display indicates that it’s your boss. What would you do?
(See answers at the end of this chapter.)
C. Let the games begin: Proper use of business cards
We can thank our Japanese friends for the ritual of business cards. The exchange of business cards is one of the most important communication behaviors in business and it is practiced all over the world. Make sure you have cards with you wherever you go and remember the following rules:
• How to give your card: You should present your card as if it is a gift you are giving someone. Be discriminate and don’t become known as “The Collector” or “The Blackjack Dealer.” When you are giving your card, “present” it with the writing away from you so the receiver can take a moment to read it and ask questions. Make sure your card is clean and not scribbled on or bent. The business card is a mini-snapshot of you professionally and it will be a factor in people’s first impression of you.
• When to give your card: You should offer your card if you are involved in a conversation and the other party has expressed interest in you or what you do. Do not give out cards in social situations. Soliciting business at public events like weddings, funerals, and house parties is considered in very poor taste.
• Asking for someone else’s card: If you are a subordinate, you should wait until a superior offers you a card. Similarly, do not ask for business cards in social situations and be discreet in business when you ask. Remember, the potential client or potential employer is handing you a gift when they give their card and there are responsibilities that go along with accepting the gift.
• Business cards as part of correspondence: Only give business cards when business is involved. For example, it would not be appropriate to attach a business card when you send flowers to a co-worker or client who has had a death in the family. Nor would it be appropriate to attach a business card to a fit sent to someone when they’ve just had a baby. An easy rule to remember is that if there is emotion involved (do not send a business card). In theory, our emotions should not be mixed up with our business, right? Incidentally this is also the guideline when deciding whether to personalize (handwrite) a letter/note or not.
When giving or receiving business cards, try to avoid the examples of these characters:
THE COLLECTOR: This indiscreet individual collects cards as if they were collector’s item baseball cards. They pick up cards everywhere they go and are sometimes very obvious about how their filing system works. Left jacket pocket-Keepers, Right pants pocket-discards, inside pocket-Use for scrap paper or toothpicks.
THE BLACKJACK DEALER: This person doles out cards like it’s a poker game. People will have a tendency to think the card is less valuable if everyone has one. It’s a strange phenomenon, sort of like people will wait longer to get into a busy nightclub if there’s already a line forming when they arrive. The harder things are to get, the more people want them.
D. But is it art? The lost art of conversation
Apparently in days of old, conversation was an art. Much emphasis was placed on grammar, vocabulary, and tone of voice. People even hand-wrote letters to each other regularly. A feather pen was the vessel for poetry in motion. There’s no question that people in general have forgotten their manners when it comes to conversation. People will talk about anything. The chart below lists some appropriate and inappropriate topics for conversation. Remember, how you feel, or your opinion, is secondary in business conversations. The only thing you should be concerned about is making the client feel comfortable.
It’s all about the investment of time and you’d hate to lose a deal because you’ve insulted someone during a casual conversation. Remember, the best conversationalist is a good listener.
Inappropriate topics regardless of the social or business situation are:
• Divorce, sickness, personal issues: Meet SHERRY SPRING IT ON ME. No topic is off limits for Sherry. Whether it’s her grandma’s hemorrhoids, her last boyfriend’s prowess or the details of her last divorce… She will spring it on you when you least expect it.
• Grapefruit, fiber, protein or any other diet: RICKY SLIMMONS and his opinions on eating are a continual headache during any luncheon meeting. Prepare to swallow a fair portion of guilt if eating just one French fry in front of this calorie counter. Keep your dieting tips to yourself Ricky; we would all rather enjoy our meals.
• Touchy topics: Anything about which another party has strong convictions is a touchy topic. If it’s rude, demeaning, lewd, racist, or prejudiced, ARCHIE BUNGLER will say it and he doesn’t care whose listening. Wide eyes, gasps of disbelief and disgruntled guests just encourage him. There is nothing Archie likes better than a bantering session about a hot topic he knows very little about. He’ll make it up as he goes along though and argue until he’s the only blue-faced Bunker in the room.
• Yourself: Meet IVANA TALKALOT with whom conversations might sound like this, “Oh hello, it’s nice to meet you. Let me tell you all about myself and how much I paid for this dress. You’re quite lucky I came along when I did or you’d have missed out on hearing all about me. Don’t bother telling me about you and I won’t ask because I’m really more interesting and Ivana Talkalot about myself. Unless, that is… you’re willing to divulge the price of your new summer home”.
• Just because you think something is funny does not mean others will: Witness -THE STAND UP COMIC who is always performing- “I’m the funniest person you’ll ever meet; I even crack myself up which you probably noticed by my extra loud laughter. If you don’t laugh at my jokes the first time I’ll repeat them over and over until you do. And wait until I’m drunk. That’s when the practical jokes come out; remember when I snuck that dribble cup into the management meeting. Ha! Ha! Ha!”
Appropriate topics for any social or business situation are:
• Good news
• Congratulations
• Weddings, births and celebrations
• Cultural events
• Sporting events
• Web sites
• Books, movies, magazines
• Weather
There are probably additional inappropriate topics that apply to your specific line of business.
E. Is anybody listening?
Speech style is what differentiates us when it comes to public speaking and presenting ourselves conversationally. Mastery of appropriate speech style enables you to present your case in a way that encourages others to listen. Polished speech style incorporates the following:
Speech styles include:
• Tone of voice: Your tone should be even but not monotonous or without expression. Depending on the speaker’s style, the tone of voice can make the message formal or informal, instructional or preachy and so on. Tone of voice is often indicative of the speaker’s mood or attitude. A slow, lifeless tone of voice can be as frustrating as a high-pitched, squeaky voice. Tape record yourself and see how you sound to others.
• Volume: When you speak, the volume should be just loud enough that listeners do not have to strain to hear but quiet enough that they have to focus to get the point you’re making.
• Gestures: Remember that your nonverbal communication is a sub-text to your verbal communication. Make sure you are in control of the messages you’re sending. Dramatic hand, arm or facial gestures are often more distracting than informative.
• Accommodation: Make sure your message is being delivered at a level you audience can comprehend. Conversation, including vocabulary and tone, should be adjusted depending on whom you are speaking with. It goes without saying that you would speak differently to a group of school children than you would a board of directors.
• Listening: Pause on occasion and listen for feedback-verbal or otherwise, from the audience.
• Embellishment: Everyone loves a good story. Just be sure that you’re believable. If you do have your audience’s full attention, someone in the crowd is bound to call you on the facts.
F. Chapter summary
Here are the key things to consider when it comes to the art of conversation:
• Limit personal conversation during business hours
• Avoid name dropping and gossip
• Do not ask personal questions
• Speak clearly and use proper grammar
• Remember that conversations are rarely kept in confidence
ANSWERS TO SELF-ASSESSMENT QUIZ
1. b) Stand, smile and make eye contact but wait until the person indicates how he/she wishes to proceed with the introduction.
2. c) Without making the client uncomfortable you can use your sense of humor to get the message across that you are uncomfortable with the hugging. When you meet next, put your hand out immediately to show you prefer to shake hands.
3. a) Look at the area between his/her eyes. The person knows you are unsure where to look and may say something to let you know he/she is comfortable with the situation.
4. a) In a business situation, you would say Mr. Boss, I’d like you to meet my husband Bob.
5. b) You should look him/her in the eye, apologize and ask them to repeat his/her name. A
sincere smile and sense of humor will also help.
6. a) If no one is taking the initiative, you should go ahead and start the introduction process
7. b) Wait for the person to verbalize a greeting or extend his/her hand. Do not touch the person unless he/she gestures that it is okay to do so.
8. a) If you know the other people at the table, it would be nice to introduce everyone, however, you need only introduce yourself and let the newcomer proceed at his/her own level of comfort.
9. b) Answer a) would be fine too but the best choice is to ask the event host to introduce you.
10. c) A sincere smile and eye contact is often enough to make someone feel comfortable when there is a language barrier, without drawing attention to the issue. A handshake reinforces respect. There is no need to struggle with words.
ANSWERS TO INTRODUCTION SCENARIOS
1. If you are seated with people you have never met and the host who seats you did not make introductions, you should stand and introduce yourself to those at the table. As newcomers join, rise and introduce yourself to them as well.
2. If you have a bothersome co-worker, the easiest thing to do is shut your door and lock it
if possible when you are taking important calls or handling clients. You could also speak directly to the person and express your concerns with a sense of humor. If this doesn’t work, bring it up with your supervisor.
3. The best way to handle this situation is to somehow let the client know that you do not approve of the joke either, but to do so without embarrassing the associate who told it. Alternatively, you could change the subject, say, “I’m not sure that’s funny” or just ignore it. Eye contact with the client will be most important and make a point of apologizing to the client when alone. Let your associate know in private that his/her actions were inappropriate.
4. a) Mr. Client, I’d like to introduce my boss, Mr. Blank. The client is always the most important person in business.
b) Mr. Co-worker, this is my wife, Mrs. Blank. In business situations, the co-worker’s name should be said first. In social situations, for example if you meet a co-worker at the grocery store, the spouse would be the more important person.
c) Mr. Client who I’ve worked with longer, I’d like to introduce Mr. New Client. Old relationships take precedence over new relationships when the persons involved are of the same “rank”.
d) Mr. Higher-Up, I’d like you to meet our receptionist Anne Brown. In North American business, gender is irrelevant; the only thing that counts is rank.
5. Let the phone ring. In business the client is always the most important person. I’m sure your boss will be glad that you understand this concept. Also, in every situation, the person who is present should be treated as more important than the person who is not. For example, my dinner partner should be more important than the person who might be calling my cell phone.
