Chapter 3
INTEROFFICE COMMUNICATION: Someone’s been sitting in my chair…
Work is not what it used to be. Modern workplaces offer fast-paced and complicated interaction in new and unfamiliar social and business situations. Along with dramatic advances in technology, such as the cell phone and the Internet, the convenience of home offices, job sharing and the growing number of “young presidents,” there has been an incredible gender shift in the office-women are often the bosses and make up half of the workforce. All of this change has made the office a potentially scary quagmire.
So how do we deal with bosses, co-workers, and employees, when we’re not quite sure what the rules are? When it comes to office etiquette, the basic rules still apply. Etiquette is about putting others at ease. So when you are dealing with phone and email, you use the same basic techniques you would in person.
Whether you are dealing with a male or female co-worker, remember that person is a co-worker first and the same rules apply to both. And when you are dealing with a boss or an employee, there is clear hierarchy that always puts the client first.
How do you rate in the office etiquette scheme of things? Take the self-assessment and see how you fit into the office.
SELF-ASSESSMENT: OFFICE COMMUNICATIONS
A. Who’s the boss?
When it comes to dealing with the boss, three simple rules apply:
• Listen: This shows respect and lets the boss know that you know who is in charge. Listen first, give your full attention, and then ask intelligent questions.
• Be prepared: This means don’t be late, ever, and be prepared for anything. Most bosses prefer working with people who are solution- oriented. They generally don’t want to know every detail and they certainly don’t want to be bothered with your troubles, unless, you’re in over your head.
• Maintain your integrity: Don’t pretend you know something you don’t. Don’t take credit for things you didn’t do-good or bad-and don’t be a “brown noser.”
THE BROWN NOSER: The brown noser is the worst. “Yes sir, yes sir, how high did you say sir?” Brown nosers are very annoying company to keep. Even more annoying…it’s so obvious to everyone else in the office that Brown Nosers are brown-nosing but they come out smelling like a rose anyway.
THE IDOL WORSHIPPER: The idol worshipper is that gung ho, maybe a little naïve employee, who puts the boss or even a co-worker on a pedestal. You can only imagine the disbelief and disappointment when the subject fails to live up to the worshipper’s expectations. The unknowing worshipper will never be the same again.
Don’t ever forget that although superior in rank, the boss is still “just a regular person” at the end of the day. One of the primary reasons miscommunications occur between employees and the boss is because people have unreasonable expectations when it comes to their superiors. Don’t make this mistake. And, don’t forget that in business situations, the client is always the most important person. Most bosses would agree, however, you should always make a point of stating your boss’s formal title when introducing them to anyone, whether it’s a business associate, a social acquaintance or a client.
What do you do when you find yourself in an awkward situation where a co- worker, associate or even your boss is overly familiar or maybe gets too personal when it comes to initial contact or introductions? Well, for starters, put as much physical distance between you and the person behaving in a too familiar way as possible. Sometimes you can actually control the interaction by saying things like, “Oh, don’t get up, we’re just passing through, I just wanted to introduce Mr. Client and we’ll be on our way.” The “close talker” with bad breath, the “groper” or the “chatty” person will not have an opportunity to get too close to the client or associate. If you smile and show that you respect the person’s position but maintain control of his or her proximity to the newcomer, you can avoid a potentially uncomfortable situation without offending anyone.
B. Getting along with co-workers
Relationships with peers and co-workers can be the most complicated. Trust and mutual respect underlie good co-worker relations and it only takes one bad apple to turn the office dynamic rotten. Over the course of daily work life we interact with a wide range of personalities.
The etiquette crisis on the job not only includes phone slamming, snippy e-mails, yelling, and harsh reprimands, but there's no surprise to learn that "Pet peeve number one among many employees is when people take someone else's food from the refrigerator" (Dr. P.M. Forni, Civility Project, Johns Hopkins University)
The following is a list of rules that can help you get along with co- workers and clients. These are based on the “top ten” rude office behaviors identified by the hundreds of business people we have spoken to in the course of our corporate conduct training sessions.
Top Ten Rules for getting along at the office:
1. Acknowledge people: There is nothing ruder than having lunch with a co-worker or client and then averting your eyes when you pass in the hall or acting as though you’ve never met when seated across the table for a business meeting. At minimum, proper etiquette dictates that you acknowledge someone’s presence.
2. Don’t gossip: Gossip is the height of incivility in the workplace and it is extremely bad manners to assume everyone else is interested in the often spiteful and meaningless tidbits you’re passing on. Gossiping does not build trusting work relationships.
3. Dress properly: Inappropriate attire, too short, too tight, too revealing, and too often slept in, etc. It is disrespectful to others and to yourself when productivity or the quality of work is demeaned by distractions resulting from someone’s attire. A good rule of thumb is to dress as if you were interviewing for a job everyday. This means that even if “casual” attire is acceptable at work, have a suit jacket or tie or toe-in shoes etc available (in your office or in your car) so that you can take it up a notch at a moments notice and you will be prepared for any situation that could arise on the job, e.g., an impromptu meeting with the boss or a key client, picking a guest/client up at the airport etc.
4. Don’t smoke: Don’t smoke in public places, especially work, except in designated areas. If possible don’t smoke at all when with clients.
5. Hands off the hold button: Do not put a caller on hold so you can answer your “call waiting.” Do not keep people on hold for any reason for extended periods and do return telephone calls within 4 hours if possible. If you’re leaving a message, make sure you leave your name and number and a brief message. Nothing is more frustrating than a voicemail message where someone forgets to leave his or her name or number.
6. Get the name right: Do not address your supervisor or co-workers by his/her first name or nickname when introducing a client. Always introduce the less accomplished person to the more accomplished person. An easy way to remember proper introduction protocol is to use the most important person’s name first. In any case, any introduction is better than no introduction.
7. Be punctual: Do not be late and do not keep others waiting. Nothing says, “My time is worth more than yours” than being late. Too early is not always appropriate either.
8. Don’t interrupt: Don’t drop by just to chat. Interruptions are not always welcome. If the door is shut, knock first. Do not sit down in someone’s office until you are invited to do so and if at all possible. Call ahead to make an appointment. Be prepared and stick to the point of the meeting.
9. Dress at home: Your desk is not your bathroom vanity. Do not brush your hair, change your socks, apply make-up or use a toothpick anywhere except the bathroom unless the office door is locked and the blinds are drawn. Keep your personal hygiene habits private.
10. Neither a borrower…: Do return borrowed objects and do not “borrow” anything without permission. This applies to office supplies, reports, ideas, and even clients.
Knowing when and how to separate personal and business matters is at the heart of good business etiquette. Sometimes, in maintaining good professional relationships, we find ourselves caught up in tricky personal areas. Once again, respect, sincerity, and tact are the keys to successful (and polite) workplace relationships. Confidence and trust are vital to building long term business relationships and it’s sometimes impossible to get to know clients well and build trust without exchanging personal details. This is especially difficult these days as we find ourselves in more and more situations where business and pleasure mix. If at all possible, keep personal involvements to a minimum. Once you are mired in someone’s personal details, it is very difficult to extricate yourself. Things can get really complicated for example, if you are at a social function unrelated to business and witness a client become intoxicated and behave badly. Even if the client is in the wrong, you may find yourself having to defend his bad behavior for the sake of your business relationship even though you risk your personal and professional reputation.
Good manners dictate that we not point out character flaws in others, but it is important to recognize annoying behaviors so that we catch ourselves when our own actions are less than exemplary. Etiquettely speaking, what is the proper way to deal with the barrage of Ill-mannered co-workers or clients we encounter? Well, that depends! It depends on three things: how intolerable was the behavior; what is your responsibility towards the person portraying the behavior, and, how valuable/necessary is the client/co-worker/associate?
If the behavior was very intolerable and you have a responsibility to the person who committed the faux pas or if the person is an important team member or client, you will want to handle the situation carefully. At the opportune time where you will not draw additional attention to the action or embarrass the culprit, let him/her know where he/she went wrong. If the error was small and did not have a huge repercussion, let it go. Remember, it’s very rude to point out rude behavior.
If you cannot afford to offend the person, do nothing, but try to lead by setting a positive example and mend fences after the fact if you can. For example, if a co- worker makes an insensitive or inappropriate remark in front of a client, you may opt to do nothing at the time, however speak to the co-worker about it later in private and do make appropriate apologies to the client. Some behaviors, like lying or stealing are certainly intolerable. Usually company policy and personal ethics dictate behavior in such instances. Finally, if you are responsible for the person who made a manners error, for example you are his/her immediate supervisor, you have a responsibility to make them aware of his/her behavior in a polite but firm manner and set him/her on the path to proper business behaviors.
In daily workplace interactions, we come across a wide variety of personalities. Some will exhibit behaviors that drive you crazy. In every business situation it is important to remember that what is best for business should dictate what behavior is acceptable.
THE FENCE SITTER: This person couldn’t make up his/her mind to save his/her life. Every little decision takes much contemplation. The Fence Sitter asks a million inane questions and even with all the information still ends up where he/she started by asking, I don’t know, what do you think? Uggggg! No wonder nothing ever gets done around here.
THE PRAISE MONGER: This is the co-worker who rarely contributes to the task at hand but miraculously appears when the work is done and the accolades are being handed out. Suddenly he/she is an expert on the project and is more than happy to take ownership for the work. The praise monger disappears in a flash, however, if the reviews are less than positive.
CAPTAIN DOOM AND GLOOM: If you’ve never met someone this negative, you’ve been lucky. A big, black cloud follows Captain Doom and Gloom. The first words out of his mouth are usually “no” or “I can’t.” Pessimist through and through! Even when things are going great, Captain Gloomy can find something to complain about.
C. How to treat your employees
Showing others respect is the best way to earn respect. This is the golden rule for interacting with employees. Employees demand less time, attention and money if they know they have the respect of their superiors. They won’t feel taken advantage of, they’ll communicate their needs better, and there will be a mutual trust between employee and employer.
As the captain of the ship, the diverse needs of your crew can sometimes make one feel like jumping ship. Here are a few life preservers to help you swim, not sink. Your crew will appreciate your insight and versatility when dealing with their needs.
• You’re simply the best, better than all the rest! Some employees need a lot of praise in order to work at their best. But the difficulty with constant encouragement is that it can become exhausting and insincere. Schedule a weekly 20 minute meeting with this employee to set goals and respond to the previous week’s attained goals. Be supportive and encouraging but keep meetings short and sweet. Respect for this person will benefit your company as he/she will work hard for your encouragement and will remain loyal workers.
• You’re not the boss of me: There are always a few people on the work team who were directing the kids in the sandbox at day care on proper sandcastle structuring. As a team member the resentment they can cause among their peer group can be detrimental to your company. Although these employees can usually accomplish more in a day than most of us can in a week, the “Bossy Bob or Betsy” needs to curtail their demanding ways. As part of your discussion with them, they need to understand that final decisions are not always theirs. In their job description, the parameters of their responsibilities must be extremely detailed. They will respond to positive feedback and constructive criticism more readily than censure. Be polite yet firm with discipline.
• The over-achiever: This bundle of energy has a knack for finishing a project before the rest of the company can get to the drawing board. Keeping over-achievers challenged can become a challenge. They can be counted on to perform but if boredom sets in the over-achiever may become an under-the-table nuisance. Keep a list of duties that need to be completed and request a proposal from this employee for potential projects he/she would suggest as important for company growth.
As the leader of a team of individuals the constant change in your office can become tiring and at times annoying. A great guide must lead by example and remember that employees are judging and mirroring simultaneously. Be respectful of your team as individuals not only as a unit. Respect team members’ differences and celebrate their achievements. If a leader exhibits polite behavior and respectful responses the company policies will revolve around that positive culture.
Many managers believe that success and power equal respect. All of us, I am sure, have been lucky enough to be led down the beaten path (with beaten brows) by Attila the Hun who believes that if people cringe in fear when they enter a room they are being shown respect. Hah! There is a distinct difference between following out of fear and following out of respect. Employees who know that the chopping block has a permanent place in their office are rarely productive long- term. Management by intimidation went the way of the pet rock and mood ring. In the new millennium good manners and respect for others equals success and smooth sailing.
D. The gossip mill…churning and churning
Gossip is the height of incivility in the workplace, and in spite of this, it is the most common etiquette issue in the workplace. We are all wise to remember that chances are, if you are talking about someone, he/she is talking about you too. The best way to handle awkward or uncomfortable gossip moments is to let others
know you are not interested in gossip. By not responding or changing the subject others will quickly understand that you have no interest in the topic of discussion. If you do not make comments about others tales but are still quick to repeat them, this behaviour will quickly catch up with you and before you know it you will become the next target. Sometimes just politely nodding and excusing yourself from gossip-driven situations is the easiest and best approach.
If you find that others in your workplace continually comment on other office employees, respond by defending the gossip victim(s). Sometimes positivity is contagious. Try politely disagreeing with the negative comments, for example, “Oh really, the report was on my desk far before the deadline” or “I always find her/him friendly and accommodating.” Gossipers will find you boring and move on to another target. Or, the best case scenario is that you can change the whole tone of the office by watching as others mirror your professional response. If you hear gossip about yourself and know that it is not true you have a couple of choices. A) Start a rumor with the queen/king of the gossip mill about yourself that will make others laugh and realize you cannot be intimidated, or B) ignore it, and hope the gossip mongers move on to someone else. As a last alternative, C) you can confront the gossipers, or address the gossip head on and tell your group at the next meeting, in a clever manner, the real circumstance or how something really happened.
If you hear something about a major shake up in your company let your director know what you have heard. You do not need to tell him/her who, what and where, just the information. Let the Director know that you are not fishing for an answer just that you thought he/she might like to know about this major disruption. Usually, leadership will appreciate your honesty and your information may give them a chance to end gossip that might get out of hand.
The difference between a gossiper and someone who tells plenty of stories or has lots to say is the context in which a story is told and sometimes the intention with which it is told. Keep your stories about others friendly and positive. If stories are nasty or malicious keep them to yourself.
Please meet our office celebrities who sometimes sink before they swim (If you don’t drown them first).
CHATTY CATHY: If there’s a story in there somewhere Cathy is going to find it and repeat it. Typically Cathy is known for gossiping and is often called by other not so flattering names. If you want to know something, ask Cathy. If she’s not sure she’ll make something up.
THE PSYCHIC: The office psychic knows what is happening before you do. It’s unclear where he/she gets his/her information. The psychic is often incorrect but his/her speculation is enough to get the office news wheel moving. Here’s a prediction for the psychic, I bet he/she will be out of a job soon if he/she doesn’t start keeping his/her opinions to him/herself.
E. Integrity and ethics at work
When we enter the work environment, we have to remember some of the basic tips for etiquette and personal responsibility that we (hopefully) use in our own lives.
If etiquette is about putting others at ease, then integrity and ethics are about governing our own behavior and living up to basic moral codes that are useful both in our personal and our work lives.
There are four factors that are fundamental in maintaining integrity and ethics in the workplace:
• Accountability: This is another word for integrity in business. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t make commitments you cannot keep and answer for your actions.
• Familiarity: This concept in business refers to basic respect and issues of confidentiality and trust. We spend a lot of time with co-workers and clients and often find ourselves involved with people on personal as well as
professional levels. Whenever possible, keep confidences. If someone lets down their guard and shares something about him/herself with you, treat this as a gift and handle it with respect.
• Responsibility: In this sense, responsibility has to do with ethics and is more about our responsibilities or duties with regard to the people we work with, whether clients or co-workers. We have a personal responsibility on a human level to treat these people with consideration, respect and honesty. We have personal responsibilities not to jeopardize the health and safety of people and to represent ourselves to them as we really are. For example, don’t lie about past experience, don’t deliberately make other’s feel bad and don’t bait people.
• Reasonability: Refers to what is logical and reasonable in a business environment. This goes to the question of ethics. For example, is it reasonable to assume you’ll be paid for overtime work if you are not productive during office hours? Is it reasonable to assume that you will not be suspended even if you disregard company policy just because you’ve been there so long?
How do you rate when it comes to ethics? Let’s find out.
SELF-ASSESSMENT: ETHICS
1. What do you do if you hear a rumor that could undermine the boss’s authority?
a) Tell your boss
b) Try to find out who’s spreading it and stop it
c) Mind your own business and don’t repeat it
2. A co-worker has been discussing confidential client issues over a casual lunch with other associates, what would you do?
a) Change the subject
b) Excuse yourself and ask the co-worker to join you for a moment
c) Interrupt and tell her she’s breaking the rules
3. You receive a delivery of office supplies; you notice that there are items present that were not invoiced for, what do you do?
a) Call the supplier and straighten it out
b) Put the items in a storage room and say nothing
c) Hide the articles in your office
4. You happen upon a co-worker’s stash of inappropriate magazines, what do you do?
a) Ignore them, it’s none of your business
b) Take the magazines and throw them out
c) Report to your boss
5. You are consistently interrupted by a co-worker who insists on dropping by to chat, what do you do?
a) Ask him/her politely not to come by without calling first
b) Shut your door
c) Ignore him/her and keep working
6. A client who was happy with the services you provided sent a very expensive thank you gift to the office, what do you do?
a) Call the client, say you cannot keep the gift and send it back
b) Explain the situation to your supervisor and do as instructed
c) Keep it and send the client a thank you card
7. You’ve got some sick days and you’d really like to take a long weekend so…
a) Make plans and leave your boss a voicemail message late at night
b) Book the days off in advance as holidays, you never know when you’ll be sick for real
c) Check your workload and see if you can arrange for someone else to cover you
8. You pay into the coffee fund every week but you drink far less coffee than most people.
What would you do?
a) Bring it up at the next staff meeting and see where it goes
b) Put a note up asking people to limit their coffee intake
c) Do nothing, it’s one of those office things you have to live with
9. Even with your office door shut you can clearly hear private conversations coming from the room next door. What should you do?
a) Say nothing and try not to listen
b) Tell the person in the office so that he/she can adjust his/her conversations accordingly
c) Listen and make notes, you never know when the information will come in handy
10. You’ve intercepted a private email which was intended for a co-worker who no longer works at the office so you…
a) Pass the email along to everyone you know
b) Contact the sender and let him/her know what’s happened
c) Delete the message and never mention it
(See answers at the end of this chapter.)
F. Gender relations in the business arena
Unlike social etiquette, which in theory is based on gender and chivalry, business etiquette is often based on hierarchy and power. Gender should not play a significant role. Every man and woman should be treated equally well. Some important things to remember:
• The most important person in any company or in any business dealings is the client or customer
• Persons of lesser importance (Business-wise) or accomplishment are presented to persons of greater importance, regardless of gender. The name of the least important person is said last. The “greater” with respect to business is presented to the “lesser.”
• Doors are held for persons more senior in rank, regardless of gender.
Whoever gets to the door first, and it should be the person with less seniority who holds a door for the others. If it is a revolving door, “lesser” goes first to get the door moving, then waits on the other side for all the “greaters.”
• Elevators empty from the front to back regardless of gender.
• Only those who need assistance with chairs should be helped at business functions.
• Both genders should be helped with their coats if they are clients or more senior in rank.
• The general rule for mixed gender meetings for men is that if you would not do something, i.e., stand upon entrance, pull out a chair, kiss on the cheek, comment on appeara