There are lots and lots of boys named Jack and some of them have been quite celebrated, like the Jack who planted the famous beanstalk. But the Jack this story is about was just a bright, jolly little fellow who lived in a country home with his father and mother, and who had never had any adventures more exciting than catching minnows in the creek or getting stung by a hornet in the garden.
And so you may be sure he was very much surprised to find himself in a terrific fix one summer morning as he was digging for worms back of the barn where a wild grapevine grew. And this is how it happened.
Every time he wanted to go fishing he always dug for worms in the same place, and as a consequence he had made quite a deep hole, but of course he never thought anything about that. Or at least he did not until his spade struck something hard and a rumbling voice said: "Ouch!" And then the ground under his feet began to heave and heave, and before he could gather his wits and run away, out of the hole came a giant, head first and scowling like anything. And even then Jack did not run—he was too frightened. He just stayed where he was and trembled.
Out of the hole came a giant
"So," said the giant, rubbing a lump over his left eyebrow, "you're the chap who thumped me, eh? What do you mean by such actions?"
"Noth—noth—nothing," stammered Jack. "I—I—I didn't know you were in there. I—I—I was digging for worms."
"I don't believe it," growled the giant. "You were digging to find out if I was dead. Well, I'm not, even if my fall did drive me underground. And now I'll thank you to hand over my magic harp, and my money bags, and my hen that lays the golden eggs."
"I—I—I don't know what you're talking about," said Jack. "I haven't got your harp, or your hen, or your money bags. All I've got is a can of worms and a fishing line. You must have mistaken me for somebody else."
"Hum!" said the giant, looking at him sharply, "well, maybe I have. What is your name?"
"Jack," answered the boy.
"Jack," bellowed the giant. "Did you say Jack?"
"Why—why, yes," replied our hero. "What—what of it?"
"What of it?" repeated the monster, "why everything of it. You tell me your name is Jack and yet you say you don't know anything about my harp, or my hen, or my money bags. I suppose you'll say next you didn't cut down the beanstalk and almost make me break my neck?"
"Never," shouted Jack, "I never did. I never had a beanstalk. It was that other Jack in the story. You needn't blame it on me."
And he said it so earnestly the giant hesitated. "Well," he grumbled, scratching his head and frowning at the boy, "I may be wrong but it seems very queer that your name should be Jack also. And it seems even queerer that you should be digging in the exact spot where I fell down the beanstalk. Hang it all, I don't know what to think." Then suddenly he clapped his hands together like thunder. "I know what I'll do, I'll take you back home and ask my wife. She has a wonderful memory for faces and she can tell if any one can." And with that he caught up Jack and commenced to climb the grapevine.
"Oh," cried the boy, peering out of the pocket where the giant had tucked him, "this isn't a beanstalk, this is a grapevine and it isn't very strong. You'll have another fall if you don't look out."
"I can't help it," said the giant, "I must find my wife."
And he went on climbing, and climbing, and climbing, which much surprised Jack for he had no idea the grapevine was so high, and he had thought sure it would break when the giant got upon it. But it did nothing of the sort, and at last they came to the end and found themselves standing before the giant's house.
"Now," said the giant, "we'll soon find out whether you're the wrong Jack or not."
But when they reached the front door he gave a shout, for there he saw a sign which said:
TO LET
and found that all the shutters were shut and not a soul about.
"Zounds!" yelled the monster, "what is the matter, and where is everybody? And what does 'to let' mean?"
"Why," said Jack, crawling out of the giant's pocket and sliding down his leg to the ground, "I think it means that your house is for rent to anybody that wants it. Your wife must have moved away."
"What?" bawled the giant, "my wife gone and my house left for any one that wants it? Oh, wait until I catch her!"
Then he stamped his feet and tore his beard, and carried on something dreadfully, until he had to sit down on the grass to get his breath.
"Well," he said, after a pause, "the only thing to do is to hunt until we find her, for I can't find out whether you're the wrong Jack until she sees you. So come along and we'll see if the neighbors can tell us anything."
Whereupon he set off across the country with Jack running by his side until presently they came to a tumble-down cottage.
"Here is where Goog, the ogress lives," said the giant. "She belonged to the same sewing circle as my wife so maybe she knows where she is." And he knocked at the cottage door.
"Why, hello, Blunderbuss!" exclaimed the ogress, smiling a very bristly sort of a smile as she answered the summons. "Where did you come from? I thought you were dead."
"Indeed," said Blunderbuss, "and I suppose my wife thought the same thing and that is the reason she has locked up my house and marked it 'to let.'"
"Exactly," replied Goog. "She waited and waited after you fell down the beanstalk and then decided you had broken your neck. So she closed the house, sold the family jewels to get spending money, and then started out to enjoy herself for once in her life."
"Started out to enjoy herself," repeated the giant. "That's a nice way for a lady to act when she thinks her husband has broken his neck. And where is she now, pray?"
"I couldn't say," replied the ogress. "Seeing as we belonged to the same sewing circle I invited her here, but she just sniffed and said she had no use for the lower classes now, so I guess she is cutting up high jinks somewhere."
"Scandalous!" said the giant, "but I am not going to give up searching until I find her, for I want to know whether this boy is the one who planted the beanstalk and took my things. He says his name is Jack, but beyond that I can't be sure, but I think my wife could tell the moment she saw him, she has such a fine memory. Good morning."
So they bade the ogress good-by and resumed their travels until presently, as they rounded a bend in the road, they saw before them a towering castle of brass, all gleaming in the sun.
"This," said Blunderbuss, "is the house of the Duke of Dishwater, and I'm going to see if my wife is here, for although he is very, very swell, he is also very, very poor, and it is quite possible that Mrs. Blunderbuss with all that spending money, has been able to break through his reserve and get invited for the week end."
With that he struck the castle gate a blow with his fist and it swung open admitting them to a huge courtyard where the Duke, an exceedingly haughty looking gentleman with a Roman nose and a ruff about his neck, stood waiting for them.
"How do you do?" cried the giant, "is my wife here? If she is I'll pull your castle up by the roots and twirl it around my head. If she isn't, I'll have to hunt elsewhere. Hurry up, say what you've got to say. I have no time to lose."
"Why—why—well—well—" stammered the Duke, "I—I—I think under the circumstances I had better say she is not here."
"All right," said the giant, "then I'll be trotting along, but I'll leave this boy with you. Put him in your safe deposit box, for when I find my wife I'll have need of him."
Then kicking the gate open again he strode through it and down the road out of sight.
For a moment the Duke of Dishwater looked at Jack, and Jack looked at the Duke of Dishwater. After which the nobleman took off his wig and mopped his head nervously with his handkerchief. "My, my," he said, fretfully, "whoever heard of pulling one's castle up by the roots. Wretched taste, I call it."
"But," said Jack, "he won't do it if Mrs. Blunderbuss isn't here."
"Quite so," said the Duke, "but Mrs. Blunderbuss is here. She has been visiting us for a week."
"Then," said Jack, severely, "you told a fib."
"Not a regular fib, no sir-ee," replied the Duke, "I only said 'under the circumstances' I had better say she wasn't here, so he wouldn't pull my castle up. And now the next thing is to see she isn't here when he comes back. Excuse me."
With that he rushed indoors and yelled for his wife to tell the giant's wife to pack up her things and go away right off.
But when the Duchess told Mrs. Blunderbuss as politely as she could that it was time for her to go home, the giant's wife was perfectly furious.
"Never in all my life have I been so insulted," she cried. "The idea of inviting a person to pay you a visit and then telling her to go home. Well, I'm not going to do it. I'll stay here whether you want me or not."
"But," said the Duke of Dishwater, "you don't understand. Your husband is hunting for you and if he finds you here he'll pull my castle up by the roots."
"What do I care about your old castle," snapped Mrs. Blunderbuss. "And anyway, he couldn't because he's deader than a doornail; so there."
"Oh, no, he isn't," put in Jack. "You may think he is, but he isn't. That fall down the beanstalk only stunned him."
And then he told the giant's wife how he had dug Blunderbuss out and how the giant had brought him back because he thought that Jack was the boy who had run off with his property. "And," went on the boy, "he won't believe I am the wrong Jack until you tell him so. And of course you can see I am the wrong Jack, can't you?"
"Maybe I can, and maybe I can't," said Mrs. Blunderbuss, crossly. "Anyway it's your fault he has come back and that's enough for me to worry about without worrying to remember whether you're the wrong Jack or the right one, I reckon."
And having made that announcement she marched upstairs to her room with her nose in the air.
"My gracious," gasped Jack, "if that isn't the meanest thing I ever heard of."
"Well," said the Duke, "you needn't scowl at me. 'Taint my fault!"
Then, taking out his snuff box, the Duke of Dishwater helped himself to a generous pinch and marched upstairs with his nose in the air.
Well, as you can see, this left Jack in a very unhappy frame of mind, for how in the world was he ever going to get back home unless he could prove to Blunderbuss that he was not the Jack who had planted the beanstalk? And the more he thought about the matter the more perplexing it seemed, so finally he decided to run away and try to find the place where the grapevine grew up to the giant's house, and then climb down it quickly before the giant came back.
So when the Duke called downstairs to tell him to hurry and get in the safe deposit box, he said "all right," but instead of going upstairs he slipped out the front door into the courtyard. Then, while the man-at-arms on guard was busily talking to one of the scullery maids, he softly unbolted the gate and ran off as fast as he could. All that day he traveled back over the road he had come with the giant, and then when he reached the cottage of Goog, the ogress, although he knew it was very dangerous to do so, he could not resist peeking in at the window. And there she was, uglier than ever, stirring the big pot over the fire and singing in a horrible cracked voice: and this is what she sang:
Oh, Jack, he took the money bags
I don't know where they are.
And Jack he took the giant's harp
And carried it afar.
And Jack he took the magic hen
But when it was unloosed,
It did what every chicken does,
It came back home to roost.
And when I want some golden eggs—
(Real solid gold—I weigh 'em)
I go to Blunderbuss's house
And get his hen to lay 'em.
And then chuckling, she put on her bonnet, and took her stick and came out of her cottage door, not noticing Jack peering around the corner. And away she went over the hill to the giant's house. When she got there she pulled open a shutter and climbed in, after which she scattered corn over the floor, and presently into the room scampered the magic hen and after it had eaten the corn it began to lay one golden egg after the other until the ogress had her apron full. And Jack, watching through the shutter, was awfully astonished and understood what she meant by singing about chickens coming home to roost. Evidently the stolen hen had come back and no one knew it but Goog, and she was getting rich on the eggs it laid.
"My," said Jack to himself, "wouldn't the giant be mad if he knew?"
So when the ogress had gone back to her cottage to put away her golden eggs, Jack pulled open the shutter and climbed into the room where the magic hen was going about clucking proudly because she had laid so many eggs. And before the hen knew what was going to happen he grabbed her, tucked her under his arm, climbed out of the window again and ran off to see if he could find where the grapevine was.
"Gee whiz!" he chuckled, "if I can only get home with this hen we'll be so rich my father won't have to work again. We can have automobiles and steam yachts and everything."
And then all of a sudden he remembered that the hen did not belong to him and that if he took it he would be stealing, so after thinking over the matter a moment he decided it would not do and turned back to the giant's house to replace what he had taken. But before he had gone half way he heard a trampling sound and saw the giant coming toward him carrying the Duke's castle in his hand with the roots of it dragging on the ground, and with the Duke, and the Duchess, and Mrs. Blunderbuss hanging out of the windows, wailing and wringing their hands.
Quick as a wink Jack thrust the hen beneath his blouse, and presently the giant stood towering over him.
"So," shouted Blunderbuss, dropping the castle to the ground with a bang, "you ran away, did you? Well, now, I think I'll give every one of you to the ogress to put in her pot. And I think," he continued, looking at Jack more closely, "that you'll please her especially, for you certainly are fatter than when I saw you last."
"All right," said Jack, feeling dreadfully frightened, but trying his best not to show it, "do as you like, but if you do you'll be sorry, for I know where your magic hen is and I shan't tell you if you give me to the ogress."
"Well," shouted the giant, "where is my hen?"
And then Jack told him how he had followed the ogress and watched her take the golden eggs, and maybe the giant was not furious when he heard that.
"Right in my own house," he bellowed. "Well, it won't take me long to get my hen now."
"Oh," said Jack, coolly, "your hen isn't there. I took her away and hid her, and when you let me go home, and when you forgive your wife, and when you replant the castle, I'll give her back, but not before."
And having said that, he remarked "ho, hum," whirled about on his heel and whistled carelessly as though he did not care whether the giant accepted his offer or not, but of course he did care, and so did the Duke, and his wife, and Mrs. Blunderbuss, but when they saw Jack let on that he did not care, they let on, too, and said "ho, hum" and whirled about and whistled, too.
And of course when the giant noticed that apparently nobody cared a whoop what he did or what he did not do, he did just what they wanted him to do, and promised everything Jack asked, in order to get back his magic hen.
"Very good," said Jack, "then here she is." And opening his blouse he pulled out the giant's property and handed it to him.
"Ho, ho," growled the giant, "so that's what made you so fat, eh? Well, I suppose there's nothing to do but to tell you where the grapevine is."
"All you have to do," he said, "is to climb straight down and you'll be home in ten minutes, but before you start I wish you would come with me to the ogress's cottage so I can have proof when I accuse her of stealing the golden eggs my hen laid."
So Jack, and the Duke and the Duchess, and Mr. and Mrs. Blunderbuss hurried off to where Goog lived, and the giant, pointing to Jack, told the ogress what the boy had seen.
"And now," he bawled, angrily, "you'll just hand back those eggs and hand 'em back quick."
"Dear me," replied the ogress, "I'm awfully sorry, but they're all in the pot boiling. Look in and you can see for yourself."
And when the giant bent over the sizzling pot she gave him a push and in he went head over heels. "Ouch!" he roared, trying to jump out of the scalding water.
"No, you don't," shrieked Goog.
But when she tried to push him back he grabbed her and bing—into the pot went the ogress also, and in about four minutes both the giant and the ogress were stewing and steaming, and boiling, and that was the end of them.
And when Jack saw that, he thought it was time for him to leave, so he stole away to where the grapevine grew and climbed down it as quickly as he could. And you may be sure when he got to the bottom he took the ax and chopped down the grapevine just like the other Jack chopped down the beanstalk.
