No doubt you will think this story begins in a very strange place when you learn that it starts on board a Chinese junk or ship, as it sailed up a muddy Chinese river on its way to the city of Ki Yi.
Now most Chinese ships are dingy and dirty but this particular junk was just the opposite. Its sails were new, its decks neat and clean, and all because it carried a mandarin of high rank on his way to a wedding feast in the distant town. Very fat this mandarin was, and very smiling, and the wedding presents he carried were enormously valuable—gold and silver, and silks and jewels—packed away in his cabin; and the sight of them made the mouths of the captain and crew water. So finally the sailors and their commander determined to throw the mandarin overboard and take the presents for themselves.
However, as Chinese people are always polite, no matter what the circumstances, instead of going below and seizing him without another word, they sent the cabin boy, Dong, down with a note requesting the pleasure of the mandarin's presence on deck at once and expressing their deep regret that they would have to put an end to him.
"Ahem!" remarked the mandarin, as he finished reading the note, "how very kind of them."
Then looking over his horn spectacles he examined Dong, the cabin boy, as he stood before him. "I'm awfully sorry," he said, "that a boy like you—you can't be more than seven—and such a nice looking boy, too, should join in such a wicked conspiracy. How would you like to be drowned?"
Dong shook his head. "I wouldn't like it," he said.
"No more do I," replied the mandarin, "and yet, unless you save me, I shall be."
"But," said Dong, "how can I save you? I would if I could, but I am only a boy."
"That makes no difference," said the mandarin; "if you are a brave boy, you can do it."
Then he handed Dong a large fan and told him to go up on deck and fan the captain and the crew with three big sweeps and they would dissolve like mist. "I'd do it myself," he continued, "but I'm afraid they'd seize me before I could get a chance to do it and throw me overboard. But of course they will not suspect you."
So Dong, trembling with excitement, took the fan and climbed the ladder to the deck.
"Well," asked the captain of the junk, "is the mandarin coming?"
"No," replied Dong, opening the fan with a jerk, "he is not. He declines your invitation and says he prefers to remain in his cabin with the wedding presents."
"Oh, he does, does he!" bawled the captain. "That's what we get for being polite."
Then he shouted for the crew to follow him and started for the mandarin's cabin, but Dong, all ready with the fan open, quickly stepped in front of him, gave three big sweeps, and pish! the captain and the entire crew of the junk disappeared completely.
"Gracious!" gasped the boy, closing the fan quickly for fear he might fan himself, "wasn't that awful?" Then he ran down to the cabin and told the mandarin what he had done.
"Ah," exclaimed the mandarin, in a tone of great satisfaction, rubbing his hands together, "I'm very glad to hear it, and I'm sure they are better off where they are, wherever they are. And now let me have my fan back, please."
And then the moment he got his fan back he stood up very straight and rapped the palm of his right hand once with it, and to Dong's amazement there appeared at his right side another man exactly like him. Then he rapped the palm of his left hand twice and there appeared at his left side another man exactly like him. Whereupon the three men bowed to each other affably and then shook hands.
"Permit me," said the mandarin, "to introduce my two brothers, Sin Sum Tu and Sin Sum Wen. My name is Sin Sum. And while I am explaining things to you let me say that I am not a mandarin; that I am not on my way to a wedding; and that the goods I have are not wedding presents."
"What," exclaimed Dong, "not a mandarin and not going to a wedding? Then what are you?"
"I—that is, we," replied the supposed mandarin, "are the Second Story Brothers, the cleverest porch climbers in China. In other words we are robbers, and famous ones, too. Why we've even written a song about ourselves. It goes like this." Throwing back his head he sang and his brothers joined in:
The sailor sings of the ocean blue,
For that is the proper thing to do.
The soldier sings of the battles fought
With a hip hurrah as a soldier ought.
But, oh, our song it beats all others—
The song of the Second Story Brothers—
And this is the way the ditty closes
As we sing it softly through our noses:
Look out for your money bags and diamond studded pin, sir.
Look out, for the outlook is that some night we'll look in, sir.
Ask your fathers what to do, or better, ask your mothers.
Be prepared to guard against the Second Story Brothers.
"Well," said Dong, when they had finished, "I think it was a very mean trick you played on me. See what I did to the captain and the crew because I thought you were a mandarin and they were going to rob you. And here you are, a robber yourself."
"Quite true," said Sin Sum, "I admit it was a mean trick, but no meaner than the captain was going to play on me. And as for yourself you can have a much better job with us than you had before."
And with that he told Dong that when the junk got to Ki Yi they were going to stay on it in the day time and at night they would rob the houses of the wealthy people. "And all you will have to do," he continued, "is to remain in the cabin and sell the stolen property we bring you, to the various customers that call. Now how does that strike you, my boy?"
"No, sir," replied Dong, "I shall not do it. I may be only a cabin boy, but I'm an honest one. I have no desire to become a robber."
"But listen," put in the other two Second Story Brothers, "think how famous you may get to be. And if you should get caught and be beheaded, they'd put your picture on souvenir postals, perhaps."
"I don't care," said Dong, "I'd rather make my living some other way."
"Well, you're not going to do it," snapped Sin Sum, angrily. "You're going to make your living with us, and we're not going to coax you any longer, either. And if you try to run away I'll fan you into nothing like you did the captain and the crew."
So Dong had no choice but to join the robbers, and the next night after the vessel got to Ki Yi, Sin Sum made him go with him on a looting expedition.
"I just want to show you how it is done," he said, "in case one of us gets sick or something, so you can take his place."
Then he led the way ashore and presently Dong found himself standing before a handsome building surrounded by a high wall. "This is the Viceroy's palace," said Sin Sum, "and I am going to steal the family jewels."
"But how will you get over the wall?" inquired the boy.
"Oh, that's easy," replied Sin Sum. "All I have to do is to fan a hole in it."
So taking out his fan he waved it three times and instantly part of the wall melted away. And then after they had passed through the gap he fanned another hole in the front door, and in a jiffy they were upstairs in the Viceroy's bedroom.
"Of course," said the robber, "when there is a porch I prefer to climb to the top of it as a second story man should, but when there is none I just fan my way in."
By this time he had fanned most of the bureau drawers open and in a moment more had found the family jewels. Then having found them, he fanned them also, and pish! they disappeared, case and all.
"Goodness," exclaimed Dong, "now you have done it. What did you dissolve them for?"
Sin Sum chuckled. "Wait till we get back to the boat and I'll show you."
As he spoke the Viceroy and his wife began to toss about in their bed and it was evident that the conversation was beginning to awaken them.
"Quick," said Dong, "let's get out or they'll catch us."
"Huh!" said Sin Sum, "they'd better not. If they wake up and make any fuss, I'll give them a fanning they won't forget."
And no doubt he would have dissolved the regal couple without the slightest hesitation if Dong had not coaxed him out of the palace and back to the junk.
When they got there they found that Sin Sum's two brothers, who had also been out burglaring, had arrived before them.
"Now," said Sin Sum, "let's count up what we got to-night."
Taking a little book from beneath his sash he turned the pages. "H—I—J—jewels," he said. "Let's see how many raps for jewels. Ah, here it is, seven raps for jewels."
Then he rapped the palm of his hand seven times with his fan and the next moment he was holding the casket containing the Viceroy's precious stones.
Then he turned to his brother Sin Sum Tu. "What did you get?" he asked.
"Gold, and lots of it," answered Sin Sum Tu.
So Sin Sum looked in the book and found that it took five raps to produce gold, whereupon Sin Sum Tu rapped his hand with his fan five times, and a big pile of gold poured into it and spilled over on the floor of the cabin.
"Now, Sin Sum Wen," said Sin Sum, "it's your turn. What have you got?"
"Well," said Sin Sum Wen, "I hate to tell you but I got nothing but pies and cakes. I broke into a baker's shop thinking to rob his cash drawer, but I guess business was bad, for the drawer was empty, but rather than come away without anything, I fanned all his pies and cakes, although you may not think it worth while to produce them."
"Oh, yes," said Sin Sum, "they are better than nothing. We can eat them for supper."
Then he took his book and found that pies and cakes required eleven raps, and Sin Sum Wen rapped his hand eleven times with his fan and in about twenty seconds there were enough refreshments in the cabin to last a week.
"Ah," said the Second Story Brothers, picking up the dainties and piling them on the table, "now we will have a feast."
And with that they started in and ate, and ate, and ate; lemon pie, apple pie, cocoanut pie, cherry pie, chocolate cake, cinnamon bun, jelly cake; in fact every kind of pie and cake a baker makes, and in about an hour each of them had about every kind of a stomach ache that every kind of a pie and cake makes, and were rolling around howling with pain.
Now Dong, while he had eaten some of the goodies had not eaten much, for not being very happy he was not very hungry, so he was not made ill like the others. And presently as he saw that they paid no attention to him, he decided that here was his chance to run away. So he slipped out of the cabin and over the side of the boat, and made off into the city as fast as he could to the police station, for he knew when the Viceroy woke up and found his family jewels gone, there would be an awful row. And if he showed the police where to find them the Viceroy could not punish him for being with Sin Sum when he stole them.
When he got to the police station, however, the officer at the door told him that Ho Hum, the Chief of Police, was taking a nap and could not be disturbed.
"But," cried Dong, "I can show you how to catch the Second Story Brothers who have stolen the Viceroy's family jewels, if you will come with me."
"What!" shouted the officer, "they stole the Viceroy's jewels?"
Then he ran off and wakened Ho Hum at once.
"Waugh!" yawned the Chief of Police, "what is this I hear? The Second Story Brothers have stolen the Viceroy's jewels and you will show us how to catch them?"
"Yes," said Dong, "but you'd better hurry up before they find out that I have come to tell you about it."
So Ho Hum, the Chief of Police, and a number of his officers strapped on their roller skates and with Dong hurried off to the boat where the Second Story Brothers were just recovering from the effects of the stolen pies and cakes. And very pale and miserable they looked sitting against the cabin wall when the police burst in and confronted them.
"Surrender!" shouted Ho Hum.
"Quick!" cried Dong, "take their fans from them or it will be the worse for you."
Ho Hum, the Chief of Police, scowled. "See here, boy," he said, "are you the Chief of Police or am I? The idea of telling me what to do! Why, I was arresting folks before you were born."
"But," began Dong, "won't you please listen, I—"
"No," bawled the Chief of Police.
"Good for you, old sleepy head," shouted the Second Story Brothers.
Then they leaped to their feet, gave three waves of their three fans, and pish!—Ho Hum and all of his officers disappeared.
"Now," said Sin Sum, grinning wickedly as he turned to Dong, "we'll attend to you, my son. We'll teach you how to go off and tell the police about us."
"Shall we fan him into nothing?" asked Sin Sum Tu and Sin Sum Wen.
"Not yet," replied Sin Sum, "not until I've laid him across my knee for about five minutes and given him something to remember me by."
With that he made a rush for Dong, but Dong, half scared out of his wits, dived under the table, then behind the chairs here and there like a squirrel, and Sin Sum, who was fat and short winded, could not catch him. Then his two brothers joined in, but they were even fatter, and besides the pies and cakes they had just stuffed had left them in no condition to run a race, so do what they would they could not catch the boy. And Dong, seeing that they could not, began to grow bolder, and presently, as Sin Sum made a violent grab at him he also made a grab at Sin Sum and snatched his fan and his book from his sash. Then like lightning he turned and whipped the fan open, gave three quick sweeps with it at the robbers, and pish!—they disappeared as neatly as the police had, and Dong was left the sole occupant of the cabin.
He turned and whipped the fan open
"Gee whiz!" he exclaimed, all out of breath, but nevertheless highly pleased with himself, "I did for them that time."
Then he opened Sin Sum's producing book, found the page where it said "police" required four raps, and rapping the palm of his hand four times, Ho Hum and his officers appeared once more, looking rather pale and nervous after their strange experience.
"Well," said Dong to the Chief, "I guess you wish you had done as I told you and taken the fans away from those robbers."
Ho Hum rolled his eyes. "Don't say a word," he replied. "I feel like arresting myself, missing such a fine chance to capture the Second Story Brothers. Dear me, I'm afraid I'll never catch them now."
"Oh, yes, you will," said Dong. "Just you watch."
With that he struck the palm of his right hand once with Sin Sum's fan, and instantly at his right hand stood Sin Sum Tu, and the moment he appeared Dong snatched his fan from him. Then he rapped his left hand with Sin Sum's fan twice and instantly at his left side stood Sin Sum Wen, and Dong quickly snatched his fan also.
"Now," he said to the robbers, "tell me how to produce Sin Sum or I'll fan you both into nothing again."
So the robbers told Dong to rap his forehead once with the fan and Sin Sum would appear. And sure enough, the moment Dong rapped his forehead, there before him stood Sin Sum. And the next moment Ho Hum and his officers pounced on the Second Story Brothers and tied them securely.
Then everybody set off for the Viceroy's palace, Dong carefully carrying the stolen jewels. By the time they got there it was morning and the Viceroy and his wife having just come down to breakfast, were listening to the butler tell them how the front door had a hole in it and that he guessed some one had been in the house the night before. But not until Dong and the police and the Second Story Brothers entered the dining room and Dong had handed over the jewels, did they know they had been stolen.
"Suffering chopsticks!" shouted the Viceroy; "to think of my house being robbed. Some one shall suffer for this!"
And as he said that he looked straight at the Second Story Brothers, which made their knees knock together very much for they knew of course he was talking about them, and they did not like the way he pronounced the word "suffer" at all. Then having put the captured robbers in a first class uncomfortable frame of mind, the Viceroy turned to Ho Hum, grasped him by the hand and called him a hero.
"Stop!" interrupted the Chief of Police, "I cannot let you say that. No one enjoys being a hero more than I, but the blood of my truthful ancestors compels me to state that the boy who stands before you is the only hero in this affair. If it had not been for him the whole police force would be nowhere."
Whereupon he told the Viceroy how Dong had brought them back after the robbers had made them disappear, and also brought the robbers back so they could be arrested.
"Well, well," exclaimed the Viceroy, giving Dong a most admiring glance, "if that isn't just like something you read about. If we only had more boys like you in China, China might amount to something. Hum! How would you like to be adopted?"
"I shouldn't mind," replied Dong.
So right then and there the Viceroy of Ki Yi adopted Dong into his family, and told him if he minded his P's and Q's—particularly his Q's—he might be Viceroy himself some day.
And the chances are if you visit China in the years to come you may find that Dong has become Viceroy, for you must admit that if he was smart enough to put an end to the career of the Second Story Brothers, he was certainly smart enough to become a Viceroy or even something better.
