16. THE NEON MAZE
Las Vegas: Monday 28th May 1990.
Hymie is a rollercoaster of emotions......
Just a few minutes ago he chined me, sending me flying into the gutter full of McDonalds cups and flyers for hookers.......
..... And now?
....... Now, he's ordering bottles of Dom Perignon; those strong, green menthol cocktails; shots of Sambucca and whiskey; and- Predictably, Port Of Saint Louis....
The attractive waitress, I take to be some sort Maitre'D here, looks disgusted:
".....Port Of Saint Louis?... Er no..... No.... We don't serve that brand of rum here."
Hymie laughs:
"Yeah, it's for my British friend! These assholes will drink anything!"
She turns to face me:
"Maybe something else? Ocean Nine? Its an excellent rum from the Caribbean....."
"I'll have whatever you recommend!" I project over the music, placing my hands on the table.
"Sounds good!"
She smiles coldly and says:
"Have fun guys."
She's met Hymie before. That's the thing about Hymie: You can tell when somebody has met him before....
Hymies in full pomp as he impresses the girls with tales of him interviewing famous bands:
"So I meet these guys right? They're called REM, I said: 'What kinda fuckin' name is that?'... This asshole singer gets all offended n shit. Starts telling me: 'Get the name right maybe? It's R-E-M. Maybe we could get another seat for your ego before we start the interview?' This motherfucker! His name is like Michael Stripes or something. It's fuckin' dumb! Anyways.... The rest of the band are really cool. Peter and Bill are cool guys! But this Stripes guy is a fuckin' asshole...."
The girls arn't listening now.... And they're pretending the naked girls sliding and grinding themselves on a brass pole just in front of our table is nothing new to them- Their body language says differently.
Hymie continues his story which I find rather fascinating:
"So.... We're in this bar and I'm shooting the shit with Bill and Pete right? I'm Ignoring this Stripes motherfucker. All this asshole does is make smart comments n shit... Like I said, I just ignore fuckin' this asshole... I'm drinking a few beers and shooting the shit, but then! Then! This Stripes motherfucker takes his fuckin' coat off n shit....."
Hymies face breaks into a sly smile, his face full of evil- This will be where the story gets good:
"So, he puts his jacket on the back of his chair. This tape falls outta his pocket right?! So?... I slide the tape accross the floor with my foot and pick it up! Put that shit in my pocket! We order more drinks n shit! Get fuckin' wasted..... Outside the bar this Stripes guy is like: 'Shit! Guys! I lost the tape!' And I'm just dying inside, trying not to laugh n shit! Bill and Peter were fuckin' pissed! I left these assholes arguing on the sidewalk outside the bar..... The tape was in my pocket the whole time!"
Hymie laughs like an evil genius, head cracked back, stubbly neck on show for all to see.......
"Wheres the tape now Hymie now?" I ask, out of boredom more then anything else..... Ignored.
The drinks arrive and now the table is a sea of fresh bottles and glasses. Hymie pops one of the champagne bottles; the girls shriek and laugh- They can't believe their luck! Hymie Cohen rock star journalist......
Hymie signals to the bar for another two bottles of champagne; I can't get the tape out of my mind.
What did he do with it?
I ask again:
"Hymie, what did you do with the tape?"
Hymie looks annoyed...... Then he smiles: "Shit! This was the suit I wore that night!"
He reaches into his inside pocket and pulls something out: The tape........
Just as he's about to drop it into one of the cocktails, I grab the tape from his hand:
"Give me that!"
"WHOAA!" Shouts Hymie, "NO NEED TO SNATCH! KEEP THE DAMN THING! THERE PROBABLY AIN'T NOTHIN' ON THAT PIECE OF SHIT!"
I dump the tape in my inside pocket....
I drain one of the cocktails; I feel strangely embarrassed by the amount of booze Hymie has over ordered....
I grab my rum and coke: A monsterous, fishbowl glass which I have fumble with to pick up; huge, oversized ice cubes that bang around inside the glass loudly; the Oceans 9 flavour is lost in the sour tasting cherry cola.....
......Lovely.....
Hymie yells out and signals to the bar for more drinks:
"AYE YO!"
Both girls light a cigarette and turn their attention back to the girls on stage; they whisper and sip their champagne, almost in a trance like state. Sarah and Talia seem surprised and even slightly turned on by the sexuality of the girls gyrating on stage.
The girls onstage look very glamorous but not quite normal: Thick, tarty like rainbow make up; Long, dyed hair; large, perfectly symmetrical breasts.....
Is this what American women really look like? Is this the American dream? Perfect women who can produce perfect looking kids?
The girls walk off stage, hips shaking, G strings stuffed with dollar bills....
.....New girls walk on.......
The deejay announces the names over the public address system:
"CRYSTAL!
DARLYNE!
SAVANNAHH!
AAAAAND TAAHLOULAAAHH!!!
GIVE IT UP! GIVE IT UP!!"
....... The girl's birth names.... .... Evidently....
Hymie lights a cigar and winks at me; he puts his sunglasses back on and turns his head to the stage:
"SLUTS! GOTTA LOVE THIS SHIT!"
I turn my attention to the two girls who are sizing up the new dancers on stage. They're unaware I'm watching them......
As a loud, electronic track blazes over the sound system, a strobe light flashes away; I can see Sarah and Talia perfectly.
Talia: Over confident and cocky; to aware of her beauty; to ready to use it to her advantage.....
And Sarah: Beautiful; her ice blue eyes are open wide watching the stage; her blonde hair flows down to her shoulders; she holds the champagne glass to the side of her face as Talia talks.
She's mesmerised by the strippers. I consider for a moment she may have had a sheltered upbringing and this is probably something all quite new to her...
Maybe.....
.... Hard to tell....
For a moment in time, she looks like an angel.... She looks perfect......
I put down the empty fishbowl and pick up my champagne glass, poured by Hymie; he spilled a load of the bottles contents across the table doing so.
Talia catches me staring:
"Jeez! You're kinda creeping me out Tone! Maybe watch the girls on the stage?! Isn't that what we came for?"
It's evident she thinks a smart comment like that will embarrass me, make me feel ashamed.
That's a train that has long since departed..... I lost my pride for good underneath that rotten lighthouse in Portishead.
I say nothing, merely light a cigarette and turn my attention to the stage with the dancing girls.....
Symmetrical tits bouncing up and down... Talia is frustrated by my lack of response:
"What's wrong Tony? Dont you like naked women? Does it offend your sophisticated English tastes?"
..... BITCH!
She's one of those who turns nasty after a few drinks....
I blow a plume of fag smoke in her direction:
"No. It doesn't offend my sophisticated English taste. People who become abusive when they're intoxicated offend my sophisticated taste." I reply, answering her question, pushing my empty glass across the table to Hymie. "I'm just enjoying the sophisticated entertainment."
Hymie is in a trance like state as he gazes at the stage; He looks strangely vacant..... Lost somehow...
"Fuck you! Fucking assshole!" Talia spits back, spilling the remainder of her champagne on herself.
I can really see her for what she is: An ungly, spoilt, Mid-Western hick who needs a fucking smack across the chops!
Maybe that's the problem! She's never had anyone give her a crack- Only a matter of time if you ask me.
"WHOOOA! WHOOOA!" Exclaims Hymie. "WHAT IS THIS?"
Before Talia can say anything, he grabs her by the head and licks the side of her face with his tongue:
"You taste delicious! Like chocolate chip ice cream!"
"EEEEEEWWWWW!!! FUCKING CREEP!" Shouts Talia, violently wiping the sleeve of her dress on the side of her face.
I can't help but laugh out loud; Talia doesn't see the funny side and flings the meagre contents her champagne glass at me- A few droplets splash across my jacket.
Hymie and Sarah are laughing away, lost in the moment together.
Hymie really does look like a pimp.....
It takes me a moment to realise his tie is actually the flag of Cuba. I daren't ask why........
As if by magic, Hymie motions to a cocktail waitress and pulls a bag out of pocket. Within seconds he's cutting lines of cocaine on his part of the table; the part not drenched in beer or champagne......
Talia swoops down like an eagle and snorts. Hymie strokes her head and smiles at me. He has the magic touch.
Hymie looking at me and smiling, but I can feel someone else's attention on me: Sarah.
She looks beautiful..... Like a angel.
Blue eyes, white blonde hair..... Her eyes are so big- Very big.
I feel electricity pulse through my veins. For a moment in time, we're looking into each others eyes. She can see into my soul.
Can she?
Is it possible?
Our gaze is intense and I can sense we're being watched but I can't help but hold her attention.
"HEY WEIRDO! QUIT STARING AT MY FREIND!!" Talia shouts as the waitress places even more drinks on the table.
The waitress has words for Hymie:
"Bob doesn't like drugs in here.... Be a little more discreet Mr Rolling Stone."
Hymie starts laughing; that laugh that feels like acid being poured on your skin when it's directed at you:
"SHIT! FUCK BOB! WHO TIPS YOU FIFTY DOLLARS AND WANTS YOUR PHONE NUMBER?"
The waitress blushes; Hymie really is a silver tongued devil when he wants to be......
"Just......" She pauses. "Be careful...."
"If you give me a kiss." We all look at Hymie.
Is this guy nuts or what?
The waitress bends down and kisses Hymie on the cheek.
..... She walks off smiling.
Fucking Hymie!
Supermans Worst Nightmare- My worst nightmare right now!
Hymie cuts more cocaine and the girls snort it up: Giggling and pointing at the strippers; trying to jump on Hymie and lick his face....
Hymies loving every minute...... Good for Hymie......
For a moment I seem to zone out completely...
... Lost in this maze of flashing lights and flesh.....
I spot one of the lapdancers gyrating for some drunk businessmen on another table. The eyes are the window to the soul. She looks sexy, but her eyes look sad. She's humiliated. Something didn't work in her plans. Life fucked it up. Life always fucks up everything. Like me she's trapped in a place she doesn't want to be right now.
She reminds of those animals you see in shitty zoos back on England. That look: Sadness......
Now that! Is an emotion that's hard to mask...... Bad times....
Any port in a storm........
..... Back on our table, the cocaine is making everybody talk over one another- I need to go. If I tell Hymie this, he won't let me leave; he'll try every trick in the book to make me stay.....
...... As Hymie heads to the toilets. I watch him disapear from view and quickly make my excuses to go.
Talia isn't bothered, she doesn't even say goodbye- She just lights another cigarrette and stares ahead at the strippers grinding the poles....
"Tony! Stay!" Sarah says, grabbing my hand.....
I'M FROZEN.....
Her big blue eyes cut straight into my soul....
TO THE SPOT.....
A womans touch....
She's perfect......
I want nothing more in the whole world right now..... ............ But I can't.
She can't see the monsters that follow me...... .... I want to stay...
But I can't and that's the fucking end of it.
I need to flee this place- Right now! I just need my typewriter.....
...... And some peace and quiet. Some alcohol.....
...... Any port in a storm.