24. THE SAVAGE TWILIGHT
Las Vegas: Wednesday 30th May 1990.
The Lucid dreams continue.....
I had a lie down on the bed; I dozed off when Sarah came to lie down next to me...... Holding her in my arms felt warm.... So blissful.....
I haven't held anybody in my arms for about nine years.....
Before the accident, I had this girlfriend....... Anita....
All she'd want to do on Sundays was lie in bed and cuddle....
I was too young and stupid to realise how important these things are in a relationship; I just wanted to go down the pub and get pissed. We broke up and I never saw her again. I sometimes wonder about her: Where is she? Does she have kids? Does she ever think about me?
I felt Sarah get up off the bed; I was unable to awake and fell back into the lucid dreams again......
Tobey lived in a little cul de sac in Heron Way; I used to walk him back after closing time at The Green Man- He'd be plastered after three pints.....
Greg would ask me to walk him back- Keep him safe....
His house had these rose bushes outside, statues peeing into a little pond...
His mum would thank me for walking him home, tell me she was glad he was working hard and hanging around with nice people like me- Not skinhead hooligans like Terry and Kevin....
She'd even offer to cook for us...
.... I'd head back to the pub and join the lock in......
I should have protected Tobey. If I'd had my brakes working I could have dodged the blue van.... ...... He'd be still alive....
.... He'd be here in the world today...
I sometimes dream about Tobey's house; I dream about walking back to the cul de sac, walking up the path to the front door. Something stops me from ringing the bell; my finger stops and I can't push it. I turn around and walk away. His mum stares out of one of top floor windows, her face full of anger......
Tears in her eyes..... It was me....
I wake up.
Wayne is flicking through the television channels, stopping at some sort of mafia film:
"Oh shit! Y'all hear what the fuck went down a couple of months back?"
"Whatchu mean hommes?" Lorenzo cuts in moodily, tapping his pipe on the side of his chair and reloading it.
"Room 302?" Waynes says.... Smirking....
Hymie looks up from the hash pipe he's packing with Talia, whose halfway through a reefer- She hasn't shared any it unsurprisingly......
Waynes has a devilish expression; he has the whole rooms attention:
"Y'all know Al Giovanni?"
Although rhetorical, I can resist cutting him off mid flow:
"No Wayne..... Who is he?"
His devilish grin transforms into a scowl:
"He's head of the Vegas mob asshole! You wanna hear the fuckin' story or not?!"
"Yeah! Shut the fuck up Tony!" Talia coughs, dropping the reeefer on the carpet.
I do as I'm told. Wayne continues:
"Remember his wife? Shit! She was the hottest piece of ass I've ever seen.... Right? I seen her maybe twenty times.... She's like a former Playboy model or something.... Anyways, she's like a cocaine addict and Al wants the bitch outta his life n shit... She's like a fucking embarrassment to him n shit.... He kicks the bitch to the curb. She don't have shit. Nothing..... So........"
Wayne accepts the hash pipe from Hymie and blasts it with lighter, drawing in the smoke deeply.
He holds it. Then exhales:
"Anyways... These guys come here, film porn flicks n shit. They pay dudes like me to carry their cameras up and not say shit to the manager... It's good for a few extra C notes n shit..... This bitch decides to make a few bucks and get even with Al, make the asshole pay.... Really embarrass him....."
Wayne hands back the hash pipe and uncaps a bottle of lager. He starts laughing:
"... Shit! She's about to do this porno flick! They're ready to go! There's only one problem.....
These movies are funded by the mob n shit. This movie was being funded by this crew outta Los Angeles.... Shit! They had no idea she was a mobsters wife! When somebody at the hotel made a call, these dudes rolled up..... AND-ALL-HELL-BROKE LOOSE! These dudes walked in as she was getting pounded in front of the camera! Shit! These hippies got murked! Throats cut, one dude got his brains blasted out all over the fuckin' floor! Shit! There was blood everywhere! Mr
Henry, the hotel boss, had to get a special team in to clear up the mess..... He paid off the fucking cops so they would keep it under wraps!... Not say shit.... Shit!"
He shakes his head, laughing....
Seeing Wayne take such joy in telling such a sickening story fills me with disdain. It suddenly occurs to me again that Las Vegas is one massive sewage pipe: Full of shit.....
"What happened to Dons wife?" asks Talia, eyes wide open.
Wayne begins to laugh even more:
"SHIT! She got mad fucked up! They bust that bitch up with a fucking claw hammer! Nobody seen that bitch since! She's probebly in a circus freak show or walking around Cali with a paperbag over her head n shit!"
My blood is boiling- This little cunt doesn't even know he was born:
"You find that funny Wayne?!"
The whole room turns to look at me.
"You cunts think that sort of thing is funny?!"
"Fuck you and the horse you rode in on! English asshole...." Talia comments, flinging a bottle cap in my direction.
"C'mon guys, chill out... Let's order more drinks," Hymie mumbles, unhelpfully...
Sarah stares at me, not saying anything- But her eyes full of understanding..... Her eyes could cut through stone walls......
I sit back down at the typewriter, trying to ignore the monsters who surround me.......
Lorenzo is staring out of the window at the world below:
"The fuck! Looks like a car hommes.... Police everywhere.... Super Mario needs to speed this shit up...."
Lorenzo pulls out his pipe and blasts it for the upteenth time. When he's filled the room up with that sickening smelling smoke, he pulls a cigarette out and lights it, throwing the empty packet on the floor.....
... Surrounded by animals.... Savages......
The room is chaos: Empty bottles scattered across the floor; food wrappers and dirty plates stashed on every available surface; two ashtrays filled to capacity and overflowing....
Talia has her dirty feet on the sidetable...
"Can we open a window again," I ask to nobody in particular- Some arsehole keeps closing it. Nobody answers......
Sarah is now sitting on Hymies lap and they're locked in some sort of deep conversation.
"I hate the very idea of marriage," says Sarah, swilling her glass. "When my folks got divorced it fucked my mom up. When my dad left she used to sit around in the house all day in her night gown..... Crying.... Listening to Neil Diamond records.... She was a wreck. Who needs that in their life?"
Who indeed....
"When are we making the deal?" I ask Lorenzo, whose hitting the pipe again, poisonous smoke polluting the stale air.
"When he makes the call Hommes. Relax!" He responds, his eyes spinning in their sockets.
"I need a shower first," I state, walking to the cupboard and pulling out a fresh suit and shirt. Nobody bats an eyelid. I didn't expect them to either.
Inside the bathroom I have a moments peace. Just a moment in time to gather my thoughts and try to figure out how to escape The Neon Maze- Figure out my place in all of this.
There are moments in time when the clock just stops and you instinctively know your next move will shape the rest of your life.
Stuck in that room for hours on end has been a nightmare in itself; the cocaine, weed and booze has taken its toll on everybody......
Everybody's heads are cloudy....
Bodies are sweating out Toxins; strange triangles of lust are forming....
The two females are causing us to revert to a strange primal sexuality none of knew was deep inside us: Wayne seems to be in contention with Lorenzo over Talia; me and Hymie seem to be battling for Sarahs affections.....
How how is it come to this?
Friends turning on one another as a cocaine deal moves along slowly.... Painfully slowly..... I should have called Lorenzos bluff and called the police....
Dumped Hymie aka the cunt and caught a plane back to Los Angeles; then headed back to the United Kingdom.....
Disconnected my phone....
Shoulda, woulda, coulda....
None of it matters now- I'm here.....
Trapped back under the lighthouse- Trying to escape all over again.
What will I lose this time? My hand?
I've already lost my foot and my mind evaporated a long time ago.
Only time will-
HUH?!
There's a quiet tapping at the door.
"Who is it?"
No response.....
Sarah walks in, closing the door behind her.......
The alcohol and coke have taken its toll on everybody.....
Sarahs face looks slightly puffy.... Lack of sleep I expect.... I just stand there looking at her.... She looks back at me.
She walks closer:
"Tony.... I need your help.... I kinda feel... Look, it's nothing.. I better go..." She turns to leave.
I grab her by the shoulder:
"What is it? What's wrong?.... You can tell me Sarah... You can trust me..."
She turns around and puts her soft arms around me, lays her head on my shoulder:
"I'm scared Tony. Me and Talia have got ourselves into some shit we can't get out of.... Some really deep shit....."
Her voice grows soft and wobbly:
"Lorenzo... He's crazy... I'm scared he's gonna kill me..."
"Nobody will harm you Sarah! I won't let it happen!" I blurt out, stroking her soft blonde locks. After the accident, I never wanted sex again; it reminded me of something wicked, something evil....
Eight years later, Sarah has awoken something in me. My sexuality is returning back... The touch of a woman. So sorely missed.....
She takes her head off my shoulder and looks at me, eyes welling up:
"I've been so fucking stupid! Now I might not even-"
"Hey! Hey! Stop!" I cut in, "we're gonna be fine."
She wipes away a tear:
"Your such a good person! I've dragged you into something so fucked up..."
"Look, get back to the room or he'll suspect something... Once the deal is done, I'll get you to safety," I assure her. "I promise Sarah."
She kisses me softly on the lips- Electricity shoots through my entire body.
"Go back in," I tell her, "before he suspects."
She exits and I take a moment, before turning on the shower and removing my sweat soaked clothes.
I glance down at my missing foot. A constant reminder of the wicked past; a reminder of why I have to end this horrible situation- Quickly......
The warm water soothes me as I rub the soap into my scalp and face.
My peace is interrupted with a loud banging on the door:
"HEY HOMMES! DON'T TAKE TOO FUCKING LONG! WHEN WE GET THE CALL WE GOTTA GO!"
Lorenzo checking in on me.......
I dry myself quickly and put on my fresh clothes- You don't appreciate clean clothes until you've been stuck in a sweaty room in damp garments for a few painful hours......
I shave and take a deep breath....
Then he appears....
Tobey.
With the light on, I can see him clearly. Like I saw him... He looks like he did- Back 1982.....
The only difference is his eyeballs..... Or lack of them... Two large gaping holes..... Black holes.....
He stares into the mirror, no emotion on his face.
"Tobey I'm so fucking sorry mate. I'm so fucking sorry.... I never meant to kill you. It was a mistake!" I say, my hands shaking; the razor clanking against the sink basin....
"You did nothing wrong Tony. It was The Fourth Order Tony. I loved you like an older brother. You meant the world to me."
........ Tears pouring down my face.
"I'm stuck Tobey, I'm in some real shit. I'm lost." He stares ahead for a moment....
Then he speaks:
"But you can escape....."
This throws me:
"Huh?!"
"Look inside the jacket pocket," he says, still staring straight ahead, emotionless. "Look inside the jacket."
My muddled brain is running slowly and it takes a moment to comprehend what he means:
"What?"
"Inside the jacket Tony, inside the pocket."
I turn my sideways to look at the door.... But not at Tobey.....
Then I see it: Hymies jacket hanging on the side of the towel rack.....
The lazy bastard dumbed it there! Then it clicks......
The universe comes to a grinding halt..... A complete standstill.....
As I pick the jacket up, I realise the it seems lopsided; one half is heavier than the other..... Something is weighing one side of the jacket down- Something concealed in the inside pocket.....
Fucking Hymie!
...... It's in my hand. Silver..... Long....
........ A Desert Eagle.
The cunt had been banging on about these last time I was out here.
He fucking did it!
He went and bought a gun!
When he battered Terry half to death in the toilets, he kept trying reach for something in his inside pocket! I figured he had a knife, maybe mace at the worst....
He had a gun!
He was gonna blow Terrys head off! Jesus.......
The gun feels heavy..... My soul feels heavy...
Now, more than ever, I have to escape the neon maze.... Even if it means cutting my own foot off again; I'll take my own head off right now if it leads me to a garden of peace......
"Do what is necessary to secure your safety Tony," Tobey says from behind me.
"You mean kill somebody?" I ask without meaning to, my nerves getting the better of me.
"Yes."
Back down the rabbit hole again. ...... The room is empty.....
I push the gun into my inside pocket and fasten the top button on my blazer. As I exit the bathroom, I see Lorenzo put the phone down. Wayne is gone. "Its time to go," he says.
I look at him..... Then at Sarah:
"What are we waiting for? Pass me my cane. Lets finish this."