Albert Einstein Middle School was bigger than McCooper. As soon as I walked in, I was nervous about getting lost. I walked in the halls fascinated of how big the school was. The classes were much different than in Elementary and there were more students, much more. I spent my first year in middle school away from my neighbors. Thomas was the only one I knew from McCooper that was in my classes. The only time I got to see them was at lunch time. It wasn’t that bad though; I was able to meet new people. Einstein was actually better because the students didn’t know or care that we were from Crystal, so we didn’t have any jealousy following us around. And we didn’t have to worry about bullies, other than the eighth graders who thought they were superior to us. My first year in the middle school was an exciting time; I joined the chorus and took part in the Christmas concert my first year.
At home; my mother got my sister a cat for her sixth birthday. Ever since she was four, she cried about wanting a cat, but my parents didn’t think she was old enough to care for one. My father got her a stuffed animal and told her if she takes care of it as if it was a real cat, he would decide whether or not to get her one. She treated that stuffed thing like a person; she was determined to get a cat. I must say the cat was really cute, and it liked me. It was a Bengal and it was pretty. My sister did a good job taking care of it, she would walk it like a dog, and she named it Sandy. The neighborhood adored Sandy and would come over sometimes just to see her.
December was a fun time because I got to see Isaac, Jackie, Raymond, Andre and Andrew (Mama Jean’s grandchildren) again. It was one of the few times that they would visit. It was fun to not only play with them, but to talk to them about the latest “whatever” was going on. I spent New Year’s Eve with Christopher again. He babysat my sister and I, while my parents went to the same office party they’ve been going to year after year. He had promised to take me to New York again that year, and I started to believe him. The winter break was over and another year came in.
1991 was a year hard to forget. It was in February that the war was over. I remember going over to Papa Bill’s house a lot during this time. I didn’t know much about war and didn’t understand a lot of it. I would visit his house and ask questions. He would answer them and also tell me what he thought should happen. He was very wise and a lot of things he said I really didn’t completely understand until I got older. I went back to school and at this point I was used to middle school. All my fears were gone and I was ready for the seventh grade. My sixth- grade year was also the year that I became sad.
In April, Elizabeth moved out of state. I really liked Elizabeth, not only was she a great friend she was just a fun person to be around. I think because of everything she did for us (The Crystal Crew), while we were at McCooper, is the reason why I missed her so much. I kept in touch though; we were pen-pals for a long time.
The last thing I remember about that school year was Edward leaving town again. Everyone in the neighborhood hated the fact he was leaving again. Mama Jean had a talk with him (a nice one this time), to no avail. Edward’s favorite line was, “mind your business; no one is going to tell me how to raise my dog.” Mama Jean would return with “Well, you ain’t raisin’ the damn thing.” Edward left on that note leaving Liver alone.
Summer 1991 is a year that I shall never forget. I know I’ve been saying that often, but it was this year that my life changed forever. I had started the summer out at Zelda’s house. She had come home for a short time and Mark and I took the new crew over to meet her. It was after that when everything happened. My father was at work, of course, and my mother was with Sarah at her dance recital rehearsals. Christopher came over to baby sit and everything was fine. So, I thought. Christopher had brought over his Nintendo and some cool new games. We spent most of the day in front of the TV playing video games. After a while he said he was getting hot and he took off his shirt. He later asked me if I was hot and I told him I didn’t think so. He started playing again and I thought everything was fine. At some point he stopped playing and told me to play by myself. As I was playing, I noticed he was rubbing his stomach. He asked me if I had ever walked around the house naked. I laughed and told him no and he then asked me if I wanted to. I paused and said I didn’t know. He told me he’s done it before and thought it was liberating. He asked me if I knew what that meant and I told him no. He said it meant to be free from all fears. I wasn’t sure what exactly he meant, but he then asked me if I wanted to get naked with him. I was afraid because I wasn’t comfortable. He told me there was nothing to worry about and that it was okay. Now, I had spent some time with Chris during the past years and I trusted him. Even though there was an inner voice telling me it was wrong, I couldn’t understand why Christopher could do anything wrong so I took off my shirt. He looked at me and said that I was beautiful. He then asked me how I felt. I told him I didn’t know. He then asked me if I was afraid, and I told him no, however, I was. He said it was good that I wasn’t afraid, and that I had nothing to be afraid about. He then took off his pants and I could see his penis through his underwear. It was erect, I wasn’t sure what that meant at the time, but my fear grew stronger. Because I hesitated, he asked me if I was going to take off mine. I smiled and did so. He then took me and began to rub me. At that point I knew what he was doing was wrong. As he was rubbing me, I was remembering everything the cops told us in the fifth grade after the janitor incident, but I couldn’t stop him. I wanted to, but I was too afraid. He then took off my underwear and he began to stroke my penis. I wanted to tell him no, I wanted to yell it, but as much as I wanted him to stop there was a part of me enjoying what he was doing. I was actually feeling good from him and it was then that I realized why Freddy allowed the janitor to do those things to him for so long. It wasn’t so much of fear, but the pleasure of it is what kept me quiet. After some time, Chris took off his underwear and put my hand on his penis and told me to do the same thing. Before it was all over, he taught me about masturbation. That day was the first time that I had masturbated. Of course, he told me never to tell anyone, that although he did nothing wrong, he didn’t think they would understand. Now, I knew that I should have told, they told me so in the fifth grade, but I was afraid. I wasn’t afraid of Christopher, or my parents, but afraid that if I told it would have to end, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted it to end. I spent the rest of the summer thinking about Chris. He had baby sat me one more time during that summer, but we didn’t do anything.
The last memory about that summer was Sarah’s first dance recital. Camille was in it as well; both of them went to the same dance school near Bisco’s Family Drug Store. The summer ended and I was happy to start seventh grade.
Seventh grade was a year of firsts for me. The first and most exciting thing I remember about seventh grade was the school musical. Mark and I auditioned for the school musical and we both got in. Mark was in the school musical last year and told me how much fun it was, so I decided to audition with him. Mark got a supporting roll, and I got a speaking roll. That year we did Saint Louis Dreams. We would stay after school to rehearse for the show and we had so much fun. Sometimes we would be in the music room learning a new song or on-stage learning lines and blocking scenes we were in. Mark did a really good job, I think he got the acting bug from his cousin, who came and saw the show. She said I did a wonderful job; I think I blushed. My parents were kind of shock, I don’t think they expected me to be an actor. Although I did have fun, I knew it wasn’t something that would stick. I only auditioned because Mark did, he kind of persuaded me to and I did, and I was happy that I did. I had a lot of fun and it was a new experience that I won’t forget.
Another first was seeing the Nutcracker Ballet. My music teacher had a class trip to see it and I signed up. I enjoyed it and was glad I got the chance to see it.
Another thing I remember about this year was it was the year my mom got a job. She decided that since the both of us were in school during the day she would get a part time job. She worked as a receptionist at a dentist’s office. It was another first because I had to start fending for myself. I had to make my own school lunch and prepare my breakfast. It was also when my mother started to teach me how to do laundry and iron my clothing. Now, I realize how natural it was, whether or not she had a job, but at the time it was major. As silly as it sounds, I thought my mother would be there for me to always do things like that, so when it ended it was scary. I got through it though. Due to bleach accidents, I ruined a couple of my clothing at first, but I managed.
One thing I didn’t understand was why my parents didn’t trust me. I was able to do my own laundry, clean my room, and even iron my clothes, but I still (according to both my parents) wasn’t old enough to stay home alone. Chris started babysitting more. My mother spent more time at work and time driving Sarah to her dance recitals. My dad wouldn’t come home until seven at night, sometimes later. So, Chris and I were home alone. He wouldn’t always play with me, but some days he would. I actually anticipated it; I was happy when he would. I was getting used to it and I was enjoying it. And at the same time, I was feeling guilty and a shamed of myself because I knew I wasn’t supposed to be doing that.
My seventh-grade year was also the year that I went to a drag race for the first time. Joseph, Kevin’s dad was a huge NASCAR fan. He took Kevin, Mark, Brian, and I to a race out of town. It was exciting and different from an old fashion baseball game. Before leaving Joseph brought a bunch of items, saying they were for his collection. When we got home, he invited us over to see his collection. He took us to his basement and it was like a race track down there. Everything was race car memorabilia, shirts, toy cars, cups & mugs, posters, collector’s cards, and he even had a race track, it wasn’t real, but it was bigger than a toy race track.
Edward also returned home that year. His dog was quiet for the time he was there. That year brought many firsts for me and although things happened that I wish did not during that year it still was a good year.
Another summer vacation arrived and I was excited. One of the first things I did was go on a trip with the Chang family. David and Laura took Kathryn and I (as well as their children) to a cultural theme charity. It was organized by the National Charity for Education (NCE). They raise funds for educational organizations. The charity had many booths and tables where you could purchase items. Each booth had a theme from a culture (i.e., African, Irish, Italian, Japanese, etc.). Laura was in charge of the Chinese table. She worked at a Private school who was apart of the organization (NCE). Laura had to stay at the table, so David took us around to the other tables. It was interesting. Not only did they have items for sale, but they had brochures and flyers that had information about each cultural. I learned a lot that I did not know about different traditions and customs in other countries. We were there around 8AM because Laura had to be there to set up. The charity began at 9AM. To our surprise David took us out while Laura staid. It was about noon when we left. He took us to Funtastic Kingdom. I couldn’t believe my eyes when we pulled up to the park. David wouldn’t tell us where we were going, he just drove. It was amazing. It was a bitter sweet moment though. I enjoyed myself, every second that I was there, but I thought to myself, my first time here was supposed to be with my dad. We spent about four hours there. The rides were amazing, they had huge roller coasters, crazy rides, fast rides, kiddy rides, dizzy rides, sitting, rides, standing rides, bumper cars, and so much more. The games were funtastic, I won a toy car, Kathryn won a stuffed animal, and the twins won a whole slew of things. It was like they were pros at every game we visited. They also had two theaters where you could watch thirty- minute performances. One of them was for children, it was called Cartoons on Stage, they had people dressed up like cartoon characters and they did a half-hour sing and dance show. The other show was more catered to adults. It was a musical revue of famous songs from the 1960's and 1970's. We also went into this cool building that was kind of like the planetarium, except it was much cooler. It made it seem like you were in a rocket at first flying to outer space and then after flying they made it seem like you were walking and you saw the stars and other planets and it took you on a tour of all nine planets. It was awesome. The whole time there I kept thinking I wish my father was here. After we left, we returned to the charity to pick up Laura. She was just about ready. It was about four-thirty and they were ending the charity. They were making their last-minute sells and also cleaning up. We helped with the clean up and then once we were done, we headed home. The day was so fun-filled, I wanted to go home and tell my parents all about it, but I didn’t. I was afraid my father might be upset if he knew I had gone to Funtastic for the first time without him, so, I only told them about the charity. It was about a week or two later that I finally told him. He was actually happy for me, which was a relief for me. He then told me that one day he and I would go, but it didn’t mean anything to me. At that point I had already gone and wasn’t hanging on to his promises anymore.
The thing I remember the most about July of 1992 was the pageant. Phylicia Page, one of the new neighbors, invited the neighborhood to support her daughter, Destiny, at a local beauty pageant. My mom took Sarah and me. Mark and his mom went, Camille and Kathryn went with the Carson family and Mama Jean came as well. It was like any regular beauty pageant, they had the bathing suit contest, formal gown contest, talent show, Q&A, etc, etc, etc. Believe it or not Destiny won the title; she won a $4,000 college scholarship as well as a bunch of other prizes.
This summer also brought about a new experience with Chris. Up until now we were just masturbating with each other, but things soon changed. My mom wasn’t home a lot due to Sarah’s dance recital rehearsals, and of course my dad was at work. Chris would come over often to baby sit and it was during one of his stays with me that he taught me oral sex. It started out as regular; he would take off his shirt and expect me to do the same. Once we were naked, he asked me if I knew what oral sex was and I said no. He told me and asked if I wanted to try it. I shrugged my shoulders and he just smiled. He got up and he sat next to me and before you know it, he was doing it to me. I can’t describe how good it felt. I didn’t want it to end. He continued until I ejaculated, and then he told me to do the same to him. I did and it dated my first time with another man. I was twelve at the time. It was two weeks before my birthday and I was now addicted to Chris. According to my fifth-grade teachers this was not supposed to be happening to me, but I couldn’t stop it. Well, I could, but I didn’t want to stop. That was that summer in a nut shell (no pun intended). Time was moving quickly and I was growing older. School was starting soon and it marked my last year in middle school. I wasn’t afraid of moving on to high school. Because I made such an easy transition from elementary to middle school, I figured making the transition to high school wouldn’t be so hard. So, I started middle school making sure I made the best of my last year.
Eighth grade was enjoyable simply because I knew it was my last year. I was actually very happy to start high school, so, I enjoyed getting finished with the last year.
In October, Mark’s sister, Ashley was born. That was the last birth for the Matthews family. In November we spent thanksgiving eve at Ronald and Winifred’s house. They had a huge thanksgiving party and invited the whole neighborhood. Of course, as always, we spent Christmas Eve at Mama Jean’s house and I spent New Year’s Eve with Chris. Another thing I remember about the eighth grade is Mark getting the leading roll of the school musical. The school did Jerry’s Lollipop Shop. He was amazing in the title roll. I was amazed at how well he did. I wasn’t in the show this year. I decided that even though I had fun, performing was not for me. I wasn’t that good at it. I decided to try-out for the soccer team. It was my first year trying-out. I practiced a lot at home and started watching soccer games on television. I made it. I didn’t play much, but when I did, I was good. I was trying to find myself. The middle school didn’t have many sports. The only other sports were wrestling and basketball.
The one thing I remember about soccer is Philip Rock. He was one of the greatest soccer players between all of us and he was one of the reasons why we won so many games. One day after practice he asked me if I wanted to come over his house one day. I agreed and about a week or two later I went over his house to hang out. I don’t know what he saw in me or what he read (body language), but apparently, he was bold enough to do what he did. He was very masculine and a ladies’ man, so I was shocked to find out what he wanted with me. We were playing Sega and before you know it, he took off his shirt. He asked me if I was hot and I said no. I was confused, because I had a feeling of where it was going, but I wasn’t sure because I thought for sure he was straight. To make a long story short before I left, the two of us had oral sex. The sexual relationship between us continued until the eleventh grade. To this day I am not sure why we stopped, but we did. So, that was pretty much my eighth-grade year, my last year in middle school. Graduation was pretty cool. It was kind of long. Kathryn was the valedictorian; she wrote a great speech. It was pretty cool to see her up there giving the graduation speech. The whole experience was exciting knowing that the next time I go to school I would be in high school.
The summer of 1993 started off really cool. My father surprised me and took me to a baseball game. He took off from work and it was just the two of us. It was a great time. It felt like old times. I was never happier than I was when I was with my dad. The next week he took all of us, my mom, Sarah, and me to Funtastic Kingdom. I had so much fun. Even more fun then when David took us. We pretty much did the same things, but I think because I was with my dad, that’s what made it more fun. The summer was full of surprises, we went fishing, horse back riding, he took Sarah and me to a carnival and he also took Mark and me to a local soccer game. I think he was trying to encourage me when he took us to the soccer game, but I knew I wasn’t going to continue soccer. In fact, by the time I got into high school and saw the wide variety of sports I decided to do something different. But anyways, that summer was the best and the last one like it. Dad did take me out during the other summers, but not as much as this summer. It was also in the summer of ‘93 that Gregory Kenilworth and Phylicia Page started dating. They came to Robert’s Independence Day barbeque together, holding hands. No one asked them, but we pretty much all assumed they were together. July brought about a new experience for me.
I spent a couple of more times with Chris. We did the normal; however, one day he introduced me to intercourse. He pretty much asked me questions and before you knew it, I was bending over for him. I trusted Chris and I liked him; I think that’s why I continued to do those things with him. He made it seem like it was okay even though I knew it was wrong. I had spent so much time with him that it was normal for me to do what he asked. It was my first time and I was in pain, but I got used to it.
Other than my first sexual experience this summer brought a death. It all started with me and Mark at my house playing video games. Sarah was worried because Sandy, her cat, hadn’t returned for her lunch. Sarah would let Sandy out and Sandy would return by herself when she was ready to eat. She would return around the same time everyday like clock work. However, on this one day in August Sandy did not return. So, my mom allowed Sarah to go out and look for her. Everything was fine until about five minutes later. Out of no where we hear this loud screech. It scared me half to death, Mark jumped as well, and it set off, Liver, that stupid barking dog. My mother came out of her room and asked us what the noise was, we both shrugged. She then asked where Sarah was, she wanted to know if she had returned with the cat, we both shrugged again. She then decided to go outside and look for Sarah. Mark and I followed her and what we saw next was crazy. We saw some of the neighbors surrounding something, but we weren’t sure what it was. They were pretty far away from where we were so we just kept walking until we got closer. Finally, we approached and Mama Jean looked at my mom and said, oh, thank God you’re here. Mama Jean guided my mom to what everyone was looking at and she saw Sarah on the ground. My mother yelled, oh my gosh is she okay. Mama Jean said there’s nothing wrong with her. As soon as Mama Jean said that Sarah popped her head and yelled, how dare you say that? She’s dead, Sandy’s dead. Sarah laid back on Sandy and cried. She started speaking, someone killed her, she was hit by a car, I can tell. Which one of you, meanies killed my Sandy? She was good to all of you, I swear, if I find out who did this, I am going to get in a car a run you over. She then lay back down on Sandy and cried. It was like a scene out of West Side Story. I knew at that moment that God did not bless me with the talent of performing, but he did bless my sister. I mean the drama that poured out of her was amazing. The funny thing though was that she was serious. She really loved Sandy and she was heart-broken over the fact that someone ran her over and didn’t care to stop. I told her that maybe whoever killed her didn’t realize they did it. That comment did not comfort her. In fact, it made her even angrier. At that point my mother picked up Sarah and tried to walk her home. Sarah started falling out telling my mom to leave her alone, that she wanted to stay with Sandy. My mother trying to get her up stated, “You must get up. Sandy is very dangerous. Now, that she is dead she carries diseases and you mustn’t be around her. I’m going to call animal service and get them to pick her up.” Sarah jumped up and yelled, “No, I want to give her the proper burial. She deserves the proper burial.” My mother finally got her to get in the house. The rest of the neighbors went back to their homes, not sure how to respond to my sister’s performance. A week later the whole neighborhood was in our backyard as we held a home going service for Sandy. Mark and Brianna prepared a song, and Camille and Kathryn prepared a dance. My dad did the eulogy and I read the cat’s bio, which Sarah wrote. As crazy as it seems this really happened. I think the neighbors chipped in because they were all guilty. Believe it or not, no one actually new how Sandy died and they all thought there was a chance that either one of them could have done it. So, in guilt they all showed up to the funeral. We buried her in our backyard and Sarah had Michael, Camille’s brother to build a tombstone. It was a sad and silly moment all in one. The funeral ended with everyone conversing while my sister went to her room, she staid there for about a week, only exiting to eat and use the bathroom. After the week she showed her face, but she didn’t talk much. It was about Octoberish that she finally was her self again. That was pretty much the end of that summer. Cool times with dad, first times with Chris, and crazy times with Sarah; is how the summer ended.