Hamster Davies - A Life of Conttinual Dysfunction by Dwight J. Sernoskie - HTML preview

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Chapter 4

Might being further practical have a better improvement over somebody in addition who can not distinguish the difference?

 

Following a lengthy first act in the theatre, the theatrical play stops for its initial intermission, considering both families' depart from their seats for food and refreshments in the lobby area.

The Calpown family are soon seen first walking up to the bar area to order some drinks; however, Danny appearing at the bar keep from a short distance away who notices him as well, walking over to the end of the bar behind the counter.

Bar keep, I’ll take the second most strongest drink you got in this place, and, for the little lady, still, not positive what she can do to get out of this place … I’ll take a sturdy drink, too, and don't skimp on the alcohol, she orders, seeing her father looks intently at her, though, recommending to the bar keep … She'll have a beverage with no alcohol in it, then, turning to Bruno, mostly to find out what he would like … And, for you, pointing over in his direction, despite having a mystifying gaze on his face … I think I'll have a breezy milk, mentioning to the bar keeper; yet, the bar-keep starts to emerge bewildered … We don't serve milk sir in this theatre.

What kind-of joint is this that doesn't serve, good old fashionable milk; nevertheless, Julie mentions in a stressed out tone … This one because, it's a stage theatre you idiot, even if her father chuckles … Now kids, would you stop all the fighting and try to stay professional here, responding, in his New York accent.

What, what did I say, Bruno implies lost for words since … You asked for milk sir, the bar keeper points out, as Danny steps into the exchange … Yes, and, you don't serve it, so, what else do you want Bruno, stressing at his brother-in-law in a firm tone of voice, placing his one hand up to his lower area of his chin … Okay, I know what I will have instead, how about a chocolate milk then, as Julie suddenly jumps in front of him, putting her hands around his neck, struggling to suffocate him in confusion.

I'M GOING TO STRANGLE HIM I SWEAR TO GOD, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY LONGER, shouting; even so, her father steps in to prevent the strangling to persist, pulling his daughter off him, who’s trying to catch his breath.

Would you two stop it, this isn’t the place for an uncle and niece IN ANY LOVING FAMILY TO ACT, shouting, back in a concerned tone!

The bar-keep cuts in … Sir, we don't serve milk or chocolate milk, butter milk or any added dairy products if you were thinking about it because, I can see you likely where, or yet, any coconut milk either, declaring, in a snotty manner.

Actually I was going to ask you that next, Bruno says, bearing in mind she jumps up onto his upper body to continue choking him, while her father, clutches her off him.

At this point, the Davies family are walking over to the same bar; all the same, turning in the direction of the Calpown's in their family fight.

Christmas putting out his one hand to soon direct his attention at them … Don't you love watching those type-of family moments, taking into consideration that Danny and his brother-in-law are wrestling with Julie who’s acting very un-lady like in front of the other theatre guests that are walking in the same direction, glimpsing at her beside him … What are you going to have?

I'll have a light drink, a girl of all girl drinks; afterwards turning at another bar keeper behind the counter … She’ll have a timely ball-break.

And, what about you, Christmas mentions, looking at Hamster?

Well, if I was younger, I’d have gone for a beer, but, ever since, I started cleansing myself I think I’ll have a siphon with high-fructon syrup with a little yeast please, even though Christmas seemingly quite bewildered to what he stated, now noticing no one else understood what he assumed as well … I’ll just have a soda then, saying, in a low simple voice.

Now that's a good alternative, keeping it easy and more to the point, seeing you don't want to get drunk and come home with someone with a lonely dysfunction, who later thinks he's all that, or, would have a malicious rash on their lower region, plus, a fractional first name of a season.

Christmas smiling with some confusion to her remark; nevertheless, leaning towards the bar keeper to soon whisper … Well, that's a magnificent choice, happy I'm not that individual, randomly winking at the bar keeper.

Strangely the bar keep with a clear-cut stare to his facial appearance … Do you want ice with that, and, maybe a touch of tongue in cheek sarcasm, slipping a sudden one liner into the conversation, even if Christmas appears at the bar keep with reference to his statement … So, is that a no then, the bar keeper says another time whispering.

Hamster who’s overheard Christmas and the bar keepers whispering exchange … Good god man, don't you know ice uses extra space in the cup, regardless of the bar keeper, still, in his stubborn facial appearance, soon leers over in his direction … So, is that a no as well?

Yes that's correct, no ice for me, saying, with his head down, feeling, as if he was beaten by a bar keep in mocking words.

See, all you had to do is say no, no ice, but, you had to go on and make the bar keep seem like all of the presidents and executives of the tobacco companies in the world look so judgmental, therefore, per-versed and, as a result, spineless, patting his one pocket on his shirt … Come to think about it, I think I forgot to bring my smokes.

Yup that’s true, Hamster points out, not paying any attention to what his step-father said; however, giving him more time to stare at the Calpown family wrestling with each other, as Juggs steps in to finish her husband’s exchange … Huh, look who's talking for a man who walks around the house in his underwear for better air condition, and, I must add, it's not attractive when the underwear have holes in them, even as, Christmas notices the bar keeping glancing down at his pants.

What are you looking at, why don't you go over there and make our drinks, although Hamster placing his hands over his forehead, blocking his own eye-sight.

I know I’m still considerately traumatized from that whole event from years ago, holes, big enough to have later larger objects to suddenly slip out, recounting the factual shock in a shrugged tone.

Now look what you did, you scared him for life, says Juggs, cuffing Christmas on his one arm.

Well, he should have his eyes closed when he's in the house for god-sakes. Then, how am I going to see where I’m going?

Act like the blind, and enhance your sense of awareness, even though Hamster apparently very surprised to what he said …Wow, bravo, you currently offended everybody who may be blind in the world.

Christmas rather mystified … Well then, maybe the blind guy could stand beside a deaf guy, and the individual in the wheelchair could park besides the person, who walks with a disablement, and, to the people, who often speak out loud to themselves, might help the mime on the street, trying to get out the box, which we all know he isn't because, it's an continual process.

That's a horrible thing to say Christmas.

Listen, if I can help people who talk to themselves I would, though, we all understand I’m not one of those licensed quacks, plus, if I could aid the disabled, taking into account there isn't a big enough car even made to do so in the world, so, I don't actually look so bad, considering it's the fruitless automotive company's dilemma, therefore, point your boney sympatric finger, regardless if it’s the central pointed finger at the correct someone or individuals next time.

Well, he has us there, Hamster suggests.

Yes, disturbing as it may sound, she includes, showing his hands crossed … Well, next time when I see the blind association canvassing for contributions, I’ll immediately place a twenty dollar bill; nonetheless, I’ll likely place a five, although both of them appear in a mystified momentary stare … What, Christmas replies, placing his hands up in the air, don't look at me like that, how are they going to know THEY'RE BLIND!

That’s so unacceptable, Hamster expresses.

Listen. I can see people, who would speak to themselves, not eager to walk away after receiving a donation, bearing in mind they’re likely going to be talking to themselves any ways, usually debating things, therefore, they will possibly ask questions later on, although to them of course, Christmas suggests.

You're so impolite, but then again your mother gave birth to you and from there, it's been all downhill.

Well, then, you don't know me, AND, STOP JUDGING ME, shouting, in a pessimistic way!

Meantime, the Calpown family has composed themselves in front of the bar area, presently feet away from the Davies family.

Danny greatly tired than normal, okay you two, enough is enough.

She started it, seeing I'm the innocent silence victim of an incident here, insisting, in a slow-moving giving tone.

Julie, who is fatigued at her uncle, you’re an incident, you're really lucky I don't choke you, RIGHT HERE, responding in a shrill voice, not counting if theatre guests begin looking where the harsh tone of voice came from.

Bruno touching his throat area from all the pressure placed on it by her, turning to Danny, you have to do something with her because, she's likely going to hurt somebody.

Yeah, I’m sure, plus, it's likely going to be you, looking back at him.

I would love to, progressively beginning to walk in her uncles direct direction; even so, Christmas strolls over to the three of them, though, Juggs and Hamster are in a small courteous conversation with the bar-keep.

Excuse me; I couldn't help over hearing your spontaneous dilemma, as Bruno promptly steps in front of Christmas, acting like a protective barrier to Julie and Danny.

Well, you have some big ears then, pointing at him, who is standing there rather bewildered by Bruno's instant movement.

Christmas placing his hands up in the air … Whoa, big fellow, I don't want any trouble, taking into account me, and my family standing over there, gesturing in their direction, are here to see a theatrical play.

Bruno, Danny speaks, twisting his head towards his voice, and then, back in Christmas's direction; however, with an intimating stare.

Yeah, down Bruno, Christmas mentions, the same as Danny addresses him once more … Bruno, speaking, yet, to him in an unfaltering tone, so, he will have to turn his head towards him.

Bruno needing to soon turn his head another time at Christmas … Good Bruno, Christmas says, even though Danny much louder yet again … BRUNO, shouting, twisting his head to glance at his brother-in-law.

At this instant, Bruno, breaking his silence … Would you two stop saying my name, I'm getting a kink in my neck, here, grasping his one side, despite if Danny tries to ease any pressure that may have been created … Bruno, back off and let the gentlemen talk.

Julie appearing somewhat puzzled at Christmas … Are you nuts, just beat him once, seconds before Juggs and Hamster walk into the conversation.

Don't you dare Christmas, she replies, in spite of the fact that he’s looking very staggered, considering Bruno’s a larger set man than him?

I wouldn't because, look at this guy, he's more of a heavy set person than you are, Hamster says, moving his one index finger from the direction of Bruno at Christmas … You will likely fall like a sack of carrots in a one-on-one or unless you cheat, taking into account that's right up you your alley half the time, appearing at his step-father.

Bruno suddenly eyeballing Christmas … So, his name is Christmas, questioning in Juggs direction … You mean, like Santa, the big fat white guy where white stuff that falls from the sky anywhere, and, Bruno may, can, would, slip and soon after, break his leg in many places, adding months of general pain Christmas, needing to re-ensure himself … Yeah, so, Christmas implies.

Bruno shrugging his shoulders … Oh, nothing, just making small talk … We think he was dropped, as a child; however, there isn’t any significant documentation on it since, there was nothing to write on in those days being in the caveman times, considering a chisel and a small piece of concrete can only go so far, Hamster alleges.

Christmas expressing some laughter to what is being said about him, soon leaning in with a whisper to Danny … The boys a-little psychologically dysfunctional; nonetheless, I can't say anything else because, my dear old wife is standing beside him, adding a wink.

Nonetheless, overhearing the comment, glancing narrowly through his thick glasses … Yeah, that's right, a-little psychologically dysfunctional can regularly go a long way if not treated, implying, with a devilish intent look.

LISTEN, THAT'S NOT COURTEOUS TO SAY WHEN HE’S ONLY A FEW FEET AWAY, Juggs shouts in a scornful tone … Not now Juggs, can't you see I'm on a roll.

Danny and Bruno turn to each other … And, your first name is Juggs, Danny asks, gesturing with his one index finger … Yes, why might you be asking, while he and his brother-in-law look intently in her direction … Oh, nothing, they both speak, in spite of immense smiles on their faces.

Oddly Julie’s been standing off listening into the discussion going on in front of her, and, later notices her father and uncle, appearing at her blouse … You two should be ashamed of both of you.

Hamster noticing as well what is happening … I noticed also where your eyes were, and, being the step-son in the matter, it has that disconcerting feel to it, considering the two of them say … We’re sorry, it wouldn’t happen again, even if waving her one hand at both of them … Don't worry about it, I frequently get that all the time.

That's true, even the mailman tries to get an impulsive peep when delivering the mail in the mornings, or yet, the lawn care guy, to even the young teenage paper boy somewhat hung like a donkey for his age, mentioning, in wondering pitch.

Danny a little amazed … So, you're fine with other guys looking at your lady friend, here?

Christmas rolling his eyes … Well, theoretically no one can't distinguish anything, seeing I should own them, as an adult of course, taking into account I’m the married male in the family, well, clearly she’s wearing them in public, but I mean, we're married and all in theory, currently like all married men would have to assume, talking, noticing a very non-constructive stare on her face, then, turning his head openly to Danny … What was the question again?

Is that why the mailman keeps ringing the doorbell in the mornings, and then, coming back in the afternoons, so I have to answer the door?

Maybe I should be a mailman, Bruno says … You, be a-postman, considering that occupation would be hard for you to just walk to a house, place a letter in the mail slot, and, shortly walk off.

Meanwhile, Hamster glimpsing at her in a surprising stare … Oh, a-little insult you're good girl, stating in a sentimental way, even supposing Danny at Bruno stare on … You’re starting to drool once more, Danny adds, seeing Bruno pulls out a hanky from his suit pocket … I thought I fixed that problem.

Julie placing her hands up in the air … Just like some people often say you can't train an old dog with new tricks, and, as a result, the best thing for them is to bring them to the back of a woodshed, and, put them out of their misery.

Bruno not sure about her comment, though, turns to Danny … You better not give her a gun for any reason, although tapping his one arm closes to Bruno … She previously has one, furthermore, it's a big gun that regularly fire’s big holes, you know for protection, shrugging his shoulders since, Julie sarcastically appears at him, squinting her girlish eyes.

I’m sleeping with my door locked tonight, even if Danny turns in the direction of the Davies family watching … Christmas, Juggs, and, what's your name there?

His name is Hamster, and furthermore, it's a very general story to get into, in addition to, I don’t really have any time in telling it either, Juggs mentions.

Julie turning her head taken aback by him … What, as in the rodent that often runs on a small wheel that frequently goes nowhere in a cage, currently shaking his head in sheer surprise … Yes, but it’s not like I haven't heard that remark before by someone trying to poke fun at me, glancing at his step-father … However, the rodent you speak of, or a fuzzy hamster is continually the most intelligent of all the rodents … Yes, like the gold fish once, flushed down the toilet, it, too, often doesn’t make any noises later, Christmas mentions, with a rapid smirk.

Well, you three certainly have some peculiar names, Danny mentions, rubbing his forehead.

We typically get those strange looks here and there, other than I do believe it may be a-better thing these days, taking into consideration we usually get free, stuff from it all, normally being seen by the community as presently dysfunctional, bearing in mind people commonly present free gifts through generosity, Christmas proposes; on the other hand, Julie has been leering at Hamster, who has fallen head over heels in love … I'm sure you three do, reacting, although in an obvious tone of voice.

How can you even see with those glasses, it looks like you can fry ants with them, Bruno asks?

I sir, have remarkable vision with these chosen glasses … He possibly could observe a 747 jet fifty thousand feet in the sky with them, to maybe appear directly in the windowpane up at the mirrors on the ceiling of the plane, basically at the mile high club

doing their orgy thing, even supposing needing to take his glasses off … They're not telescopes that can see that far a distance.

You could have fooled me, Bruno replies, at the same time as Julie turns her head to momentary look at her uncle … Oh, please, you'd trade a new piece of gum for an old chewed up one that somebody had in their mouth for peat-sakes.

Danny addressing Christmas … So, Christmas, let's have a drink, pointing in his direction … Now that's what I can relate to, bearing in mind Juggs begins to chuckle … Yeah, you'd relate to anything that had alcohol or boobs attached to it, even if Christmas mockingly smiles at her … Just remember dear, bam, zoom right to the sky like a flat and round coconut pie.

Hamster, currently shaking his head side to side … What a horrible rhetorical threading statement, but then again look where it came from.

Big talk for a man, who has small fingers, Juggs touches upon, stepping closer to Danny and Bruno … Watch the boy he's a slippery one, furthermore, I don't mean oily either.

Danny putting his one arm around Christmas … Christmas, let me buy you and your beautiful wife a drink, considering she’s starting to somewhat blush … You're such a pleasant man; however, Christmas rolling his eyes, as Danny looks at her … Well, thank you, even if Bruno reaches over to grab his one shoulder closest to him … So what are we going to do, glancing at Julie and Hamster looking at him as well, turning to notion candidly to Bruno … Go play with the Hamster and Julie and entertain them both would yea?

Bruno seemingly not optimistic to the whole idea, turning his head at Hamster … He might be too smart for me, at the same time as Julie places her one hand on her uncles chest … A gerbil could be more smarter than you at times, despite her father in some considerate support, patting Bruno on the arm … Just think of something to do with him, her, and you, besides, aren’t you the older one out of the group, seeing I’m very encouraging that you of all people could come up with something constructive, can't you?

Yeah, easy for you to think, considering I’m going to try to amuse poi Dexter and later missy-goody-to-hooves over here, whispering under his breath, just, as the three of them walk away; then again, Danny quickly turns … I'm not going to touch that comment regarding the gerbil thing, so, do something of pleasure, taking into consideration I don't like furry things either that can go, or yet, even crawl up my pant legs, you know I regularly dress in scrupulous underwear, and, they can tear effortless.

Isn't a gerbil, large and round that has an extensive tail, as well as they have furry ears, or, am I getting a typical cat mixed up with a different rodent, questioning, walking towards Hamster and Julie?

Listen, let's get out of here because, I need a serious drink right about now, Julie proposes.

 

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