Shattered Faith by Kim Clarke - HTML preview

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CHAPTER 9

 

In the two weeks we had together, there was so much to see and experience, even meeting Elly’s family, although I was expectantly nervous, I felt excited to meet them and share a small part of their lives. 

Elly suggested we chilled, after all, it had been a long and eventful day, so I welcomed the idea of relaxing, as the US was five hours behind the UK and I now had to basically relive extra hours, hey I really didn’t mind at all, as you I’m sure you can understand why….

 

We had coffee, sat together talking about putting the worlds to right, general opinions, planning our two weeks of activities, which all sounded wonderful, a plan which was so structured, yet amazingly exciting.  Later that day, we ordered a takeaway and wine.  A pizza, ok it was only a pizza, which actually, was divine and rather large, but at this stage, any food tasted heaven.  The unbelievable moments we shared that day, made me smile inside and out, in fact, words are beyond how I felt and I wondered if the two weeks to follow, could be any better, perhaps they will be, but if I feel the way I do today, I will be lost for words throughout and that’s a first.

The day was drawing to an end, in fact it was effectively the next day, around 1am and I wasn’t even tired, considering at this point, I had been awake 22 hours, but we had to give in and go to bed and sleep, we needed every ounce of adrenalin, to master the art of a two week full on assault course.

We looked at each other, with a smile and childlike glances, wondering which one of us would suggest going to bed first for obvious reasons, well those were my thoughts and I felt Elly also, struggled with any kind of subtle prompt.  Sudden urges are sometimes fatal, but I swallowed slowly and leaned towards Elly, kissing her cheek, pulling slowly away and diving in to her eyes, in hope she would help me out somehow and invite me to continue, to kiss, to touch and  embrace the moment, as I hoped she would.  Sure enough, Elly pulled me towards her, holding me so lovingly tight, she caressed the back of my head, pulling away slightly, to kiss my lips, not once but many times, until we both engaged in to intense and passionate interaction, this moment was sublime, to the extent somehow, well I know how, but suffice to say, the ultimate encounter that 2 people can ever experience together, happened, it was beautiful and for sure, a memory that I would always have.  Going to bed together was no longer up for discussion, making love would now become a natural and exciting part of us and not wasting precious time on hope with forced innuendo’s.  Exhausting, yes for sure, content and ecstatically happy, most definitely, did we sleep, yes we did.

 

The following morning, I woke up, realising I was not only in New York, but waking up to the smell of percolated coffee and fresh bagels, filtering through to the bedroom, oh my, was this dream ever going to end. I couldn’t wait to see Elly, but before I did, I swiftly went to the bathroom, freshened up quicker than I had ever done, brushed my hair, trying my best to look half decent, well I tried.

I opened the small bathroom door and in front of me stood Elly, with such a huge smile, looking so, dare I say it, ok then, sexy.  Elly’s long dark hair, dark brown eyes, beautiful Peutro Rican skin and a tatty jumper, it was perfect, really it was.  I walked towards Elly with open arms, smiling as I walked towards her and Elly stood waiting to hold me.  We held each other tight, as though there was no tomorrow and kissed each other with meaningful purpose. Today, is yet another feel good day.

As we chatted over the table, drinking coffee, tucking in to our bagels, the beginning of our planned busy schedule, was sounding impossible, but to be honest, I really didn’t care, I was wanting so much to do all of these things together, but on the other hand, I prayed for the time to slow down and catch breathe.   We chatted some more and even more, but we both realised the time was against us, it made me sad, only because we knew two weeks simply wasn’t going to be enough, we wanted more, so much more.

We began to run around the trailer like wild deer, jumping, laughing, generally feeling elated at the fact, we were together and looking forward to every second we had together, pushing each other to fall on to the couch, getting up and doing it all over again, we were acting so immature for women in their 40’s, but it felt so right, so funny, loving and true.

 

That day, we had planned to go to New York city, ok I had only just yesterday, landed in JFK (New York), but there was so much more to see in this wonderful city, so many sites, so many eating places, so many people, Broadway, Times Square, Empire State Building, the list was endless, but never forgetting the heart felt visit to Ground Zero, this was going to be one of the most emotional and thought provoking moments of my trip, but a place I was compelled to visit, purely based on, saying a prayer, that I can add to the millions of others, who lost so much that tragic day, yet quietly acknowledge within, the strength  of the New York people and America as a whole.

All this was not going to be done in one day, but hey, I had two whole weeks.

I can’t tell you enough, how every second I spent with Elly, was heaven, really it was so perfect.  Such a word is used, to express ultimate pleasure and complete acceptance by many, but there was nothing that I could even constructively criticise, sickening to some maybe, but I seemed to have captured a time in my life, that genuinely showed me how lucky I was and the word humble came to mind, as so many people in my position right now, would never experience such fulfillment and joy, that I felt.

The day was full of mesmerizing sites, people, more people, high buildings, I really mean high buildings with such grandeur and mind blowing structure.  The yellow taxi’s weaving through the congested traffic, the drain holes steaming as you would see in the movies, the famous avenues, oh my, so many of them, all in one city, the smells of enticing global cuisine, along with the famous hotdog stands on each corner, the street sellers, this for me created and conjured all and much more, of New York City and there was so much more to see and experience.  I felt so over whelmed and thankful, to see all of this splendour with Elly.  I haven’t mentioned Elly recently have I, well if I said, judging by Elly’s face, it spoke all the oceans rolled into one.  Elly’s smiles, laughter, the occasional hold of the hand, her endearing suggestions, her attentive manner in which she made sure I was safe and secure, her care in planning the places of interest, where I could share conversations with others for many years to come, to take away with me, such a significant part of my life, where it was no longer a dream, but a privileged chapter, handed to me as a gift.

 

Most days were pretty full on, but to a pace which was smoothly scheduled, making sure I was cared for in every way.  I had thought on the odd occasions, when would this reality of a dream come to an end, yet there seemed to be no indication of let up, of the consistent wonders put in front of me.

I prepared myself, to meet Elly’s family, although once again, Elly made every effort to ensure I felt ok with meeting them.  Of course I was, I sincerely wanted to meet them, I wanted to see who was behind creating such a beautiful and caring women, I was intrigued to share a part of their lives and show them also, that I came from a loving and supportive family, who I love so much.

We got in the car, Elly smiled and said, “ready”, then laughed, I replied, “sure, lets do it”, we both laughed, realising how nervous we both felt, never the less, deep down, I couldn’t wait, seriously, I was so happy to be able to meet Elly’s family.

It took five minutes to get to her parents house and to be honest, I was not expecting such a large house, with a drive, large rear garden with a pool.  Elly’s parents must have heard us pull up the drive and there they were, standing at the door, with huge warm smiles.  Elly’s mum showed signs of excitement and eagerness to meet me.  I smiled with a little caution, but a wave of wanting to get out of the car, run to them both and fling my arms around them.  Actually, I did, I too was so excited to meet them.  I ran to them both, first to Elly’s dad, where he gave me a strong bear hug and kiss on the cheek, saying, “welcome Shar”, I replied, “thank you, I’m so happy to meet you”, then I flung my arms around Elly’s mum, who was smaller in stature but so cute and cuddly. I held her so tight and so did she, we embraced for what seemed ages, she felt so warm and loving, just as I thought she would be. Elly’s mum was so like my mum, her manner, warm soft voice and kind loving eyes.  Already I felt so welcome, it was a wonderful greeting from them both, which made the rest of the day a joy to be a part of.  We chatted about the UK, where I was from, my family, my career, my plans even, that was not awkward, but I really had to choose my words, after all, although Elly and I were more than just good friends, the future was “watch this space” mode and I politely said, “well, I would love to see America and maybe, I could take time out of my work schedule, to do this, I really don’t know right now”, I felt Elly’s parents were subtle in asking my plans but like many parents, they do need to know what is going on, however, Elly didn’t help me out, she simply smiled.  This at the time, could have been taken as, “hey mom Shar is coming to live with me”, or “It is too soon mom to even think of our plans”, I couldn’t work it out, but what I do know is, Elly’s dad changed the subject pretty sharpish and said, “let’s eat“, phew, was I glad of that suggestion, it wasn’t awkward but kind of too soon to make any concrete plans, even though deep down, I wanted to say, “I am coming to New York and spending my life with Elly”, oh how that would have been a revelation wouldn’t it…….

 

The rest of the day was spent eating mofongo, yes mofongo, a Puerto Rican dish, fried plantain, stewed pork, rice, garlic and red beans, it was delicious, the taste and smell was nothing like I had tasted before, I actually had more, just like Oliver, I know, how rude, but hey Elly’s mum was so happy I enjoyed it and in fact, kept spooning more on to my plate to eat.  It was a pleasure to consume such lush cooked food, especially authentically prepared by a Puerto Rican woman, who may I add, loved to cook for her family and friends, this I was grateful for.  It was time to leave Elly’s parents and in many ways, I was sad, I wanted to listen to them some more and remain in their company, I felt so relaxed, welcome and dare I say it, at home.  Although, I wanted to be with Elly alone and I sensed Elly wanted to leave, not because she didn’t love or want to be with her parents, but because, she too wanted us to spend time alone, sharing the rest of the precious time we had left, together.    

I left Elly’s parents, with so much love for them, they had met a total stranger, yet welcomed me with literally, open arms and this for me, again captured home, warmth, love and a long lasting friendship.

 

I could waffle on and tell you everything we managed to fit in those two weeks, but it would be so much of the same, I mean not the same, but the thoughts and feelings, I have already described to you.  It is suffice to say, in this precious time we had, although it was brief, the sheer volume of captivating conversation, endearing gestures, caring actions, thoughtful gifts, extremely deep intimate moments, experiencing new foods, seeing so many city sights, than many would not experience in a life time, meeting Elly’s wonderful parents, no one on this earth, could have felt the way I did back then, my mind, body and soul, embraced every second of such an amazing time, with not one thought of home, except my mum, who I missed so much, this alone, if my future lay in New York, would be the most heart wrenching for me, which would be a tug to remain in the UK.

 

The day finally came for me to leave, a day where I cried so much, Elly too was upset, yet seemed to portray some hint of strength for us both, Elly and I held each other so tightly, we both knew that we had 1 hour to get to JFK and in the traffic of New York City, this really was not enough time but we couldn’t seem to have any sense of urgency.  Ten minutes before we were to leave for the airport, Elly grabbed me in to the bedroom, lay me on the bed and slowly placed her body on top of mine, she began to kiss me passionately, caressing my body, kissing my neck, I didn’t stop her, in fact I too, held her so tight, it was inevitable what was about to happen and neither of us could be separated, my flight didn’t matter, nothing mattered at all, we were engaged and locked in to a frenzied act of intense love making.  Within minutes, we realised the main reason why we were so connected, not just sex, but the freedom we both felt to express how we really felt without words, without complicated debate or reasoning behind any of our actions, it was a natural acceptance of need between two people, with no restrictions. 

We both laughed out loud, gathered ourselves together, tripping over shoes, trousers and each other, it was hilarious to see two people fumbling around, not a care in the world, yet my flight was boarding in 1 hour and we had thirty five minutes to get there, oh my life, it was great, I was living dangerously, not for the first time may I add, but never the less, I had the potential to miss my flight, mmmmmm great, I would have to stay.  Seriously though, we both knew how important it was but still we laughed as we got in to the car, engine on, laughing, reverse, laughing, driving laughing, oh all the way we laughed, joked, but also realising it would be such a long time until we saw each other again.

That day, luck was on our side, the traffic, although hectic, Elly knew the route and took every opportunity to steer her way through the chaotic congestion of cars.  Elly pulled up outside the airport, we were rushed and had no time to process any of the events of our time together, the only words we could exchange, in between getting my cases out of the car and placing them down on the ground were, “Elly, thank you so much, words can’t express how much I will miss you, I don’t want to leave you, I want to stay”, Elly replied, “Shar I will miss you too, I want you to stay, but I know this, we will be together again real soon”.  I hugged Elly so tightly, not wanting to let go, her arms locked around me, her head nestled in to my neck.  I wanted to say so much, not that words were freely available, as I had said all of them and more.  We eventually let go of each other, standing just looking in to each others eyes, taking that last breathe of unforgettable moments we had shared.  With this, I picked up my luggage and held Elly’s hand and said, “I love you”, Elly replied, “I love you too”.  I walked towards the huge double doors, they opened slowly, enough time for me to turn and wave to Elly, I was hurting so much inside, but kept the tears from pouring down my face, Elly too clearly held her tears back, even though I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, I turned and went through the doors, where they shut quicker than they opened, then Elly was gone.

Although, I felt so heartbroken to leave Elly, my mind switched immediately, with a sense of urgency to check in and catch my flight.  I knew I had to get on that plane, I had a business to run and after all, the reality was, my home was in the UK, my family, friends and my life, but my life seemed to be left behind with Elly, what a crazy feeling this was, I wasn’t going home, I was leaving home, it felt as though I was going on a business trip and returning soon.  I knew deep down these were irrational thoughts and I had to get a grip on my life, in order to evaluate what happens next.