CHAPTER 10
The flight from New York to the UK, was a thought provoking one, six hours of leaving no stone unturned, as you can imagine. At this stage, I had already decided in my own mind, what I was going to do, but to successfully make the transition, it certainly was not my decision alone, it was also for Elly to think about. I wanted to sell all I had in the UK and spend my life in New York with Elly. A rash decision perhaps, but I had absorbed months of Elly, talking of all our hopes, dreams and expectations. I had been over to New York, actually seen for myself, where Elly lived and meeting her wonderful parents. I know, two weeks in New York, for goodness sake, how could I base the rest of my life in another country, leave my family, friends and basically all I knew, not to mention a successful business, well six hours on a plane, seems a short time to think through such a major leap, but my thought process began during about the third month of Elly and I chatting on the phone. Our phone calls were every day for months and lasted for hours, where so much was talked about and explored, the honesty was not laboured or hesitant and the relationship clearly was becoming more than just good friends.
I was still on a high and couldn’t wait to call my mum and of course Becky, to tell them both all of my two week run down in detail. I called my mum and she listened with interest, laughing with me at certain parts I was telling her, she embraced the excitement in my voice, listening with attentive replies, but then came the million dollar voice of reason, my mum said, “Shar, do I sense a smitten daughter”, well good job I was sitting down, my mum is a listener and like all mums, she detects more than a trained detective and baring in mind, my mum is a conservative person, someone who see’s and hears a situation before you do, her suspicion was right of course, which at that moment, placed me in an open field, where there was no where to run, so sheepishly I replied, “yes mum I am”. Mum giggled and said, “I thought you were, Elly sounds a lovely girl, but America is an awful long way to maintain a relationship, don’t you think ?”, I replied, “it is mum, but I’m sure we can talk and come up with a solution”. I think mum once again, already knew what my thoughts were and I detected from mums silence, her mind was churning the possibilities of me moving to America, but did she think, that maybe Elly would move to the UK.
The subject was shifted swiftly on to other general day to day stuff, but I also felt that mum sounded sad and deflated, but she was trying so hard to be up beat for me. My mum was always the optimist, her faith was a huge part of her life, which made her the wonderful mum she was, everyone I knew never had a negative to say about her, she was very well respected for her compassion and care with others and I for one, respected and loved my mum and she was mine. So it really did make me think harder about my decision, even though I thought I couldn’t think anymore than I already had, but my mum made me realise at that very moment, what I would leave behind, if I actually moved to New York permanently.
I spoke to Becky on the phone also and as usual, she wanted to know the nitty gritty of everything we did, even down to the bedroom, but as I am a pretty private person, as Becky knew, she got no detail, simply tasteful replies, which for Becky is boring but that’s all she got. We laughed as usual at my diverts from the detail, but Becky knew better than to exhaust the subject, so finally, we chatted about the whole experience of meeting Elly, her family, explaining the overwhelming and humbling time I spent in New York, Becky also, was interested and excited for me. It must have been a strange feeling for Becky to hear her ex rant on about another woman, talk about all the experience’s encountered and shared with Elly. Becky seemed in actual fact, ok with it, she came across in a word, ecstatic at the fact of a new romance developing, for Becky the thought of any chance of something new and exciting, was right up her street.
Our phone call came to an end and I wanted to sit for just five minutes, basically to take a moment to think of the conversations I had with my mum and Becky, mainly mum. Becky’s chat was more of a fantasy chat, I mean not fantasy, but light hearted chat, my chat with mum was reality with meaning and care for me. I felt put in to check, not in a negative way, but mum slowed me down, encouraged me to see both sides of my thoughts, she always does this and in most cases she is right, what a bummer that was. I really did have to think this one through, to the extent of a back up plan. In life I have always maintained, when in a position of great importance, I feel an A plan and B plan, are a crucial and fundamental element to a successful outcome, oh my I’m sounding like an Architect or business guru. What I mean is, simply have a back up, another option if the first fails, oh now I’m sounding defeated before I even begin. I knew how huge this decision was and not forgetting, Elly may not feel it is the right time for her, so I had to be respectful, cautious and attentive towards Elly’s wishes too.
During the next two months, I continued to chat with Elly, our conversations becoming unbearable most of the time. Let me explain, unbearable is a word I would use to express, we were missing each other so much, getting upset to the extent of crying with each other over the phone, unable to physically console and wrap our arms around each other. Our conversations were consumed of, when we could be together again, knowing due to work and study commitments and the fact we were 1000’s of miles apart, it was impossible. The torment and heartache we both shared at this time, really was an endurance not a romance in the making, well actually it was, but our obstacles were huge and somehow, we had to break them down one by one and this wasn’t going to be easy.
A day in December, Elly called me as usual, she sounded calm and reserved, I felt a little apprehension and concerned, as there was only one time in which Elly sounded this way with me and that was when she was sending the parcel to me, with the contents of cd’s and a letter. Basically a surprise, where she played her real feelings down, where she didn’t want to give anything away, in hinting at what she was about to do. I said, “Elly, what’s wrong, you sound cagey, subdued, what’s wrong”, Elly replied, “mmmmm well I have something to tell you”, oh was I at this stage, scared of what Elly was going to say, I believed she as going to end the relationship we had, this was going to be one of the worst days of my life. Elly paused and sighed down the phone, again I said, “Elly, please tell me what’s wrong, are you ok, please tell me”, my voice was becoming shaky and I was on the brink of crying, I felt tears welling up in my eyes, which I fought hard to keep back. Elly replied in a soft calm voice, “Shar, you know we miss and love each other so much, we are literally an ocean apart, I feel it is too much for us to continue being separated like this, you understand don’t you Shar ?”. Now I let the tears flow, I replied, “yes I do Elly, please don’t end this, I love you so much, please Elly we can work this out”. With this, Elly replied, “Shar, why are you crying with sadness, I’m on a plane to Manchester England, next week and I’m staying with you for two weeks, is this ok with you ?”, I took a sharp intake of breathe and sobbed with joy. That very moment, my head went in to an adrenalin rush, I was sobbing and shouting, yes, yes, yes, yippee, my woman is coming to see me, my woman is coming to see me. I swung around, pacing up and down in a frenzy, if you could see me at this stage, a white van would have taken me to the padded cell and left me there, I was frantic with joy. Oh I forgot Elly, she was still on the phone and listened to my every screech, breathe and tears of joy, I could hear her laughing, in between the phone being dropped from my ear and the intermittent shouts of yippee and poor singing rhyme. Elly continued to listen to my ecstatic joy, we were going to be together again, where now, I had a schedule to plan. Once I had calmed down, took a deep breathe, Elly still chuckling away at my spontaneous outburst, I said, “Elly, from my loud reaction, I think you know how I feel”, both of us laughing, Elly replied, “yes I do, you crazy lady, you nearly deafened me”, laughing as she spoke. Once we had composed ourselves, a little, we continued to talk about Elly’s visit, both of us sounding like kids in a playground, fast talking, ecstatic tones, jumping in each others sentences before we had finished, chuckles and childlike banter, which thinking back now, was an endearing part of our relationship, we had no boundaries of sensibility nor any forced code of conduct, it was simply us being us.
From that day until Elly’s arrival, I juggled, making arrangements, as though I was expecting royalty, well it was in my eyes an important event, it was my turn and responsibility to make Elly feel the way I did, when she pulled out all the stops to take care of me. The time couldn’t go quick enough for me, not only was I concentrating on Ell’y arrival, I had to make sure I was attentive to my business also, this was an important part of my life, it was my financial income, where I made sure, I ticked every box, in order to apply less disruption as possible, prior and during Elly’s visit.
The day had eventually arrived, where I was finalizing the finishing touches to my appearance, yes a woman has to look half decent at least, don’t you think.
I left the house, realizing that I was going to see Elly and I felt deep down a surge of so much happiness, a need to be with Elly. Oh my, Elly was staying with me for two weeks, which for me was not enough, I wanted to keep her forever, so corny, but this was heart wrenching and this was going through my mind, all the way to the airport, was I going mad, to think such a thought, well actually, no it wasn’t, it was a case of wanting and needing. I was and still am a realist, it may not sound that way to you right now, but really I am and although these thoughts were swimming around in my head, I was contious that our time together was short and that our future, would be decided at the right time for us both.
As I approached arrivals at Manchester airport, I felt anxious whether Elly would be be on the flight, excited that she would walk through the double doors, with that beaming smile of hers. Although deep down I felt anxious, there really would be no reason, why Elly wouldn’t be on that flight, unless there was something genuinely wrong. Oh I was just being foolish, I didn’t want to take all of this for granted, I was just being silly I know, but never the less, until I saw Elly in front of me, I couldn’t begin to relax and enjoy the fact, Elly had travelled so far, just to be with little me.
Oh my, the double doors opened, flocks of people milling through the doors, I was on my tip toes to catch a per glimpse of Elly, I couldn’t see her, my eyes were scanning everywhere, still no Elly, anxious no, frantic internally for sure, where was Elly. Oh my life, I caught sight of a woman with long dark hair and a long coat, was this Elly, I couldn’t quite see for the floods of people passing through the doors and then, sure enough the smile to light up the room, there was Elly, looking tired after her flight, yet her beaming smile banished any signs of fatigue. I walked towards Elly, dodging other people to get to her, it was a magnitude of joy, to actually hold and feel Elly again, we held each other so tightly and the JFK arrival scenario happened all over again. We were locked in our hold, in the middle of a busy airport, which lent itself to crowds and noise, but neither of these, seemed to deter us from savouring this very moment.
We cuddled up side by side and began to walk back to the car, our childlike behaviour began to kick in, a combination of endearing gestures, looks and silly chat, for goodness sake we were women of forty something, but hey to us, this was only a number. We drove for just over an hour, catching up on our lives, chatting of our plans for the next two weeks, suggestions from me, Elly agreeing with total trust of my ideas, smiling glances, Elly’s eyes looking outside as I drove, taking in UK soil and what it had to offer or not maybe……….
As always, our chats, glances and fooling around, came so naturally, we had become a wonderful partnership in every way. There was no barriers or obstacles which came between us, the openness and trusting relationship we had built, was developed over months of listening, talking, seeing and sharing each other without any influences around us, to distort our thinking or interfere with our decisions. This was a clear indication, where we both were and felt about each other right now.
Once again it was that two week time slot, where we had to pack as much as possible and just savour every precious moment together.
My home was my business also and although I had closed the business for two weeks, whilst Elly was here, Elly had a an insight of the business and the size of the property, a substantial difference in size than her home.
I helped Elly unpack and gave her the grand tour before settling down to a well deserved cup of tea, in a warm cosy lounge, with the tv on in the background, typically a sense of normality.
Elly looked most definitely at home and said, “You have a great place Shar, it’s so warm and homely”, this made me feel happy, the fact that Elly felt comfortable, I replied, “so, little England is to your satisfaction then ?”, Elly smiled and said, “yes of course and a great cup of tea”, the tea seemed to be the key to Elly’s comfort right now and with a cheeky smile, Elly went on to say, “Shar, I’m happy and you know why, cos of you, your home, oh just being here is all I need right now and thank you”, I replied, “for what”, Elly replied, “just you, I have found in you a person who is real, beautiful and fun to be with, I never thought or imagined, I could find such peace again with another, especially in the circumstances, we both came together, I am blessed”. With this I became so humble and a little tearful, there goes my emotional wreck mode, perhaps I was tired, or maybe it was a simple case of gratitude, to literally stumble on a genuine woman, whom I had fell in love with, yes, there I go again, I had fallen, hook line and sinker for.
The remainder of that day, was spent talking, watching tv and enjoying each others company, with not one phone call from anyone and that included Becky, oh joy. Seriously, I was thankful, not that I didn’t want to speak to Becky, but because I knew in the two weeks Elly was with me, there would be plenty of time for Becky to catch up on gossip and meet Elly for the first time.
The first week was spent, visiting many places of interest and beauty, well most of it anyway, giving Elly a little taster of a small part of the UK, where she had never been. Elly seemed happy and full of fun, her camera clicking away, to capture those “look back & smile” memories, laughing, joking and being Elly, warm and affectionate, which I had been drawn to, right from the beginning, amongst other things…. It was again, sheer joy to be with Elly, to be happy and carefree, to watch and be a part of a romance, that in reality, really was priceless.
You may wonder, did I really think this would last, was Elly really all she was, why would I be so lucky in finding true love, could all this come crashing down on me, all over again, is this relationship based on having a good time then make a quick exit, all of this and more did run through my mind, it really did, but then I thought, how can Elly be so consistent for such a long time, how can she portray so many endearing characteristics, along with sincere gestures without wanting anything in return. Our relationship was different, a corny statement to make I know, but right now, there was no indication of any kind of deception, in fact, these thoughts were banished from my mind from that minute onwards, it was a defense mechanism inside me, that raised doubt, from past heartache and I needed to have faith again, to trust another without casting further doubt in my mind, it was a momentary flash, simply to keep myself in check and all I needed to do, was embrace all of this, for what it really was.
We both had one week left before Elly had to return home, without me. I kept sweeping the thought from my mind and focusing on the here and now, as I knew the moment Elly had to leave, was going to be heartbreaking for me. So, let the happy times continue, three days to New Years Eve and Elly would be with me to welcome a new beginning, where resolutions and dreams, would be wished for, in hope, they would all come true.
Ok, at least I can dream, who knows, being optimistic is certainly not to scoff at, I have always been an optimist, always thinking of the positive, I wasn’t the type of person to take anything for granted but always tried to pull a plus out of a negative situation, or I try hard to understand people with a cynical opinion and even turn that in to a bright outcome. I also know, life is not a bowl of cherries, nor angelic harps in white fluffy clouds, I’m not that naive, but it is true to say, if I think the way I do, it keeps my mind always in a good place. I do have my down days and fortunately, although my heart has suffered, my head is my strength of character, even though it still gives me a headache, when tough situations decide to challenge my little brain, pain killers do wonders……….
Oh sorry back to my story, I was rambling then, sorry again. Ok, New Year, well, guess who had to invite herself and her new girlfriend, yes you have worked that one out, Becky. Becky was a master of organizing everybody around her when there was a big event, so rather than dampening Becky’s plans, within reason of course, Elly and I were happy to humour Becky and let her take the reins on organizing our New Year venue. Elly seemed absolutely fine with this, infarct she thought it quite funny, we both did and although we had no clue at this stage where we would end up, it really didn’t seem to matter, as we both knew, that whatever or wherever we went, the celebration of the New Year was going to be together and that to me, was one hell of a party.
The morning of New Years Eve arrived, Elly and I woke up, smiling with excitement, like a pair of loved up teenagers, we were a constant bubble of happiness, having fun and enjoying every moment as it was our last. The day was consumed with us being us, along with sorting what we were going to wear and the phone constantly ringing, on the other end, Becky teasing us about the night ahead, Becky was loving it, as she always did. Becky was deep down a thoughtful person and although she couldn’t help the past, it seemed as though she wanted to make up for the bad choices she had made, I could see Becky was trying and this was part of a heartfelt attempt to get things right, in light hearted way.
Elly knew that Becky was a huge part of my life, but also acknowledged, that although Becky was my ex, there was no going back and that my romantic life with Becky was over, it was a simple case of, better friends than lovers. Elly expressed she understood totally and didn’t feel threatened in any way. To be honest, I made sure Elly felt the only one for me, there was no doubt in my mind, Elly was my focus and I loved her so deeply, this Elly knew, as I told her, well more or less every sentence. Ok, a little excessive I know, but it’s new, fresh, mind blowing, beautiful, exciting, loving and most of all full happiness, I’m a hopeless romantic, so what’s wrong with that, I hear you, some may say, oh how lovely, others, oh give it a rest, well guess what, no I won’t, I feel so happy, bursting with it all , is an under statement.
Ok, now we are twenty minutes away from Becky ringing the door bell and bursting through the door, bold, brash and very loud. I prepared Elly, so that the culture shock was softened, but to be honest, no one can prepare you for the entrance of Becky, it is a sight to behold and only Becky, I mean only Becky, can blow your socks off, with a boisterous, overwhelming, beaming smile and a laugh so infectious, it breaks the ice with joy. Oh my life, the door bell, here we go, I turned to Elly, she burst out laughing, pushing me towards the door as I was fighting back not to open it, we were both hysterically laughing so loud, Becky would have heard us. Elly went back in to the lounge, I don’t blame her, I on the other hand, braced myself and opened the door slowly. One big push, Becky powered through the door, shouted “hi baby, where’s Elly, come on where have you hidden her”, Becky pushed past me, threw open the lounge door and dived at Elly with open arms, oh my, if you could have seen Elly’s face, it truly was a picture to have. After the grip Becky had on Elly, I had to pull her off, Elly and I laughing so hard, Becky saying, “what’s wrong, why are you laughing so much”, we really had to contain ourselves, Becky couldn’t understand why we were speechless with laughter. Elly dropped on to the sofa, simulating exhaustion, I too copied Elly, dropping beside her, Becky still bemused of the situation. Oh sorry, Becky’s girlfriend, stood at the lounge door, also seeming puzzled at the whole scenario. I felt a little rude, that all of this was happening, when she stood alone, feeling quite distant from the frolics of the situation, but I sincerely got caught up in the brief moment, where Elly and I enjoyed the fun behind Becky’s wonderful floor show.
We calmed down, still having the occasional giggle, we first did the introductions. Becky’s new girlfriend was Lucy, a young girl about twenty, much younger than Becky, but they seemed in tune with each other. Becky was introduced to Elly properly, even though no introductions were needed, I felt it was only right to give Elly the opportunity to see Becky, at her calmer state, well a little calmer at least. Once the introductions were over, I felt Becky was a little too close to Elly at times and although I knew this was Becky’s tactile manner and a part of Becky I knew, for Elly it seemed a tad overwhelming, so I stepped in at times, placing Becky back in to check. I also felt for Lucy, Becky at the time, seemed to be more attentive to Elly than Lucy, this again was a characteristic of Becky, it always had been and you have to know Becky, to understand, that it is a simple fact of friendliness, which to some could come across as too much at one time, hence I had the job of observing what was going on around me, I know I shouldn’t have to do this, but I felt it was a protection for Elly, until such time, Elly felt she could feel more comfortable around Becky and right now, I would step in if needed. Sometimes, I felt Becky did this, to draw attention to herself, Becky was no harm, her heart really was in the right place, but her head certainly was somewhere else, no thought at the time, what impact her tactile and forthright actions were having on others.
It was New Years Eve and we would all enjoy ourselves, with the added bonus of Becky’s bizarre one liners, along with her odd ball presence, this for sure, would certainly add a sense of the unknown, which I felt was appropriate for a New Years Eve celebration, for Elly, mmmmmmmm a site she simply had to witness for herself.
The night began with drinks all round, in a local club I felt comfortable to be in and not overwhelming for Elly. The club was intimate, good music and great stage comedy. Elly seemed to be pretty much at home, drinking, joking around, smiling and very close to me, which was bliss. Becky and Lauren seemed close in more ways than you can imagine, embarrassing sometimes, where Elly and I turned away, to give them some space, as we both felt certain behaviour has it’s place and to be honest, this really wasn’t the time or place. Becky was a show woman, she had no problem with her extrovert character and in some ways she made me laugh, in others, she pushed the limits to another level.
At this stage, Elly and I decided to take a walk outside to get some fresh air, it was becoming stuffy in the club and the reprieve of oxygen, was welcomed at the right time. Elly and I joked about Becky and how open she was, where Elly commented by saying, “how on earth did you cope”, my reply was simple, “I shook most of it off, as it was funny sometimes, but there were may occasions, it was pushed too far, where I drew the line”. That is Becky and now it is for Lauren to adapt, who knows, Lauren may tame the beast.
Elly and I went back in to the club, where it was loud, chaotic but fun. Becky was still acting the joker, flinging her arms around Elly and I, by this time, with a skinful of alcohol, which as I’m sure you can imagine, fueled Becky’s inner beast, mind you, she was so funny and although on the odd occasion, she pushed the limits again and again, I was aware the night was for celebration, Elly seemed happy and getting a little tipsy also, so who was I to worry my little self.
It was approaching midnight and everyone was ready with glass in hand, the anticipation of the crowd as they began to be quieter, the club comedian stepping on to the stage with microphone in hand. Then over the booming speakers rang out Big Ben, everyone went crazy, Elly and I held each other tight, saying Happy New Year and I whispered in her ear, “I love you”, Elly replied, “I love you too, this is our year and many more to come”, with those words, I felt it really was the start of many great things for both of us. Becky and Lauren had disappeared, but then Elly and I saw the crowd around us disperse a little, a clearing only enough to fit two people on the floor, laid flat, kissing the faces off each other, sorry to sound so blunt about it, but it was literally a floor show. I was mortified, I really sound like an old fashioned, stuck up, narrow minded individual, but Elly’s face was a picture, as too was mine. The crowd in actual fact, were loving it, roars of laughter, finger pointing, nudging of arms and both Elly and I standing in shock, then looking at each other with total amazement. Elly and I began to laugh, only to join in with the bizarre chain of event, I felt so embarrassed, Elly said to me later, it was fun, however in my opinion, I sensed it was purely to cover up her embarrassment too and to make me feel better, even though Elly knew, I was not really impressed.
Elly and I decided to leave the club, Becky and Lauren were enjoying themselves so much it seemed and after all, they were adults, they had arranged a taxi home, so I knew they would be get home safely, even though they may not remember, but certainly worse for wear the next day.
Elly and I decided to go home, the whole night was eventful, to say the least, we both enjoyed ourselves so much, but it was time to make our exit. We both walked home with one thing in mind, no not what you may think, well maybe, but simply to be together and open a bottle of wine in the warm and comfort of just us, which we did and yes for your information we did become intimate, but again this is for me to keep and suffice to say, it was more than beautiful.
The next day was the eve of Elly returning to America, I knew the day would come and consciously fought to push it away in my mind throughout Elly‘s stay, but the reality won the battle eventually. Elly and I spent the last day, with the telephone off, door shut and I created a haven of uninterrupted bliss. I had enough food, drink, music, tv, warmth, comfort and scented candles to last a month, but I know, I only needed all of this for one day and a night, but at least those hours, minutes and seconds, were used to there capacity, not leaving any precious moment unused. I couldn’t by magic, extend the day or turn the clock back, but for my sanity’s sake, I had to believe that I would be with Elly soon. Elly became quiet throughout the day, I asked her, “tell me what you are thinking”, she replied, “what do you think I’m thinking”, I replied, “I can only imagine your thoughts, tell me Elly, what are you really thinking”, Elly replied, “well, I don’t want to go home, I love you, I will miss you, why do we have to live so far apart, how did we come to this, when will I see you, come home with me, book a flight, I love you, I love you, I love you”, with this I leapt on Elly, rolling around on the floor like a pair of school kids, then stopped, I gently kissed her nose, her forehead and her lips, I pulled away and said, “I love you Elly and I too, echo all you have just said, I will see you real soon and let’s just say, one day, I will come to America and we will be together”. Elly looked at me puzzled, Elly said, “what do you mean one day, together”. With this I smiled and rolled off Elly, leaving her with a smile and a nod, to solidify my statement.
I think Elly knew what was going through my mind, but at that moment, didn’t want to entertain the possibilities of my intentions, nor did she want to presume my thoughts, or perhaps she was terrified of the implications of such life changing events.
The day was coming to an end and although we both packed as much of each other in to so few hours, we simply couldn’t stop time. Elly had already packed her case, due to the early morning flight and we toyed with the thought of, staying awake all night, but this just wasn’t a sensible option, Elly needed to sleep, she had a long journey ahead of her, I on the other hand thought, it’s ok I will stay awake and watch Elly sleep, beautiful thought, where after 2 hours, I too, drifted off to sleep, at least knowing Elly was by my side.
My alarm began to sing to me, one of my all time favourite songs, although I smiled hearing a great track, I adjusted my mind to the fact Elly was leaving soon and I realised it was instead, a day that I was hoping time would not take from me. I turned to Elly, who was slowly stirring, her eyes were still shut, she looked so comfy and restful. I gently placed my arm over her torso and snuggled up close to her, she responded by, moving tight to me, we lay there with no sense of urgency, simply enjoying the last beautiful moment together before she had to leave.
Elly turned to me and said, “Shar, we have to get ready, we have to get going, I don’t want to, but we really have to move our butts”, I replied with a little giggle, “Elly, 1 more minute, please”. In that minute I had asked for, seemed I had asked for the world, it was to be the longest minute on record, as both Elly and I couldn’t resist one last rush of passionate intimacy. A frenzied t