Intimacy
What is Intimacy? The word “intimacy” is derived from the Latin word intimus, meaning innermost or deepest. (thefreedictionary.com). Today the word intimacy has taken on many sexual connotations in our culture. Intimacy however involves much more than that.
Intimacy includes all of the different dimensions of our lives. It encompasses not only the physical but also the social, emotional, and mental aspects of our lives. In short intimacy can really be interpreted to mean a total life sharing.
Many people have all had the desire at one time or another for closeness and oneness. They also have a need to share very private and personal aspects of their lives with someone else they care for and totally trust.
Intimacy for some means being emotionally close to a partner. It is being able to let your guard down, being comfortable and at ease. Intimacy is sharing with your partner and letting him/her know how you really feel.
Intimacy is also being able to accept your partner’s feelings without necessarily asking for any justification. Sharing, showing care and being there when he/she wants to let his/her defences down completely are also critical.
When one is able to share his/her ‘inner-world’ with a partner whom he/she loves and share in his/her partner’s experiences, it can be one of the most rewarding elements of a sound relationship.
Very often intimacy does not even need words. It is while people are able to put feelings and experiences into words that intimacy is more likely to occur. Intimacy involves the ability to share the complete range of feelings and experiences people have. These feelings range from pain to sadness, joy and sorrow, in addition to happiness and love.
An individual can become physically intimate with another person in minutes, in hours or days. As they may soon discover, the end result of many instances of physical intimacy may lead to sex. This may only be a temporary relief for their desires. There remains a much deeper need that still remains greatly unsatisfied.
What can be done when the thrill of intimate passion wears off and the more you have sex the less you like it? Many people rationalize their emotions by saying that they are in love. Is this really true?
It is the view of some that what many of our adults are seeking is not sex. Many of them are searching for intimacy. Unfortunately intimacy does not occur like magic does. It must be developed over a period of time. For some people this will take longer than others. The harder you work at intimacy the more valuable and rewarding it becomes.
Some of the components of intimacy include caring, sharing, trust, commitment, honesty, empathy and tenderness. None of these can exist separately or without the other. When they are uniquely blended however; one or more of these components solidifies and strengthens the others.
Some of you find it easier to share some of your feelings than others. For example, you and your partner may be able to interact and let each other know your feelings about each other.
Saying ‘I love you’ is very significant. When you presume that your partner knows about your love through the way you behave, this is usually not enough.
What is Love? Love is much more than our emotions. It is also more than simply a good feeling. In recent times our culture has taken what God intended for love, sex and intimacy, and have interpreted it to be merely emotions and feelings in many instances.
The simplest and most reasonable definition of person to person love is given by Robert Heinlein in his book, “Stranger in a strange land”. He says, “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own” (Masters’ & Johnson 1988, p.214).
God describes His Love in great detail in the Bible. In the Book of first Corinthians, chapter 13 (King James Version), there is a great layout of how great God’s Love is for His children. So that you may understand a little of God’s definition of His Love, let me focus on Verses 4 through 7 (King James Version 1 Corinthians 13:4-7) to you this way.
How much would it meet your needs if a person loved you as God says we should be loved?
These are some of the characteristics of how God intended for us to see love.
It is all capped off by Christ’ teachings in the book of Matthew (King James Version) “Love the Lord with all your heart soul and mind and love your neighbor as yourself.” As difficult as it may sound, be reassured that this is fully attainable.
Agape Love
Agape is based on the traditional Christian view of love as undemanding, patient, kind and ever-present (Masters’ & Johnson 1988, p.218). Agape really means a focused and unconditional love. This type of love is how God defines the type of love we are to have in relationships. Observe that this kind of love is focused on the other person/partner. It is the type of love which focuses on the receiver, rather than on the donor. Herein lies the solution to many of our relationship problems.
Eros
Eros describes a type of love which is based on physical attraction-an intense, sexual magnetism (Masters’ & Johnson 1988, p.217). Eros can be characterized by a whirlwind of various emotions, from passion, to jealousy and maybe anguish. It is unlike any other type of love. One