Power of Parenting - a Handbook for New Parent and a Guide to All Parents by Dr Ram Lakhan Prasad - HTML preview

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CHAPTER 5 : HELPING CHILDREN TO DEVELOP OTHER TYPES OF PERSONALITY

 

 

Good personality development in children is largely dependent on the early efforts of the parents. We want our children to be alert and attentive, calm and collected, bold and brave, confident and self-motivated and above all full of enthusiasm and energy but all these traits in human beings do not always come naturally. We need to nurture these and ensure that our children grow up with these and many more good human traits to lead a healthy, wealthy and wiser life.

 

If your children are alert and attentive then they can definitely learn to take care of themselves in this competitive and fast moving world. Your children can be developed to be reasonably good at various types of games, their schoolwork and in other demands of family life. Parents need be methodical in their approach and be very patient.

 

If you are able to keep your children healthy, fit and happy, keep their world about them interesting, show them that there is fascination in common things then you are successful in broadening their interest and keeping their spirit of adventure alive.

 

So instead of interrupting the concentration of your children, you must regularly be with your children, see what they are doing and try to share their interest for a moment before you ask then to do any work for you. These actions will hopefully make your children more alert and attentive.

 

If your children are able to pay careful attention to and concentrate well on their work at home, in school and in the community, then as parents you have been able to give them adequate training and great value. You can develop solid concentration in the children by giving them appropriate and adequate play and work materials with many possible uses. Guide them towards new possibilities as soon as they seem restless and tired. Always admire what the children do themselves and avoid distractions while they work, play and study.

 

In order to develop the traits such as appreciation and gratitude among your children, it is advisable that you follow the Biblical injunction:

 

“Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think of these things.”

 

Once you have taught your children to appreciate and express gratitude for all the kind and lovely things of life, your children are certain to be popular throughout their life.

 

Our modern living demands that we look at the virtues of Hinduism and teach the essence of: Satyam! Shiwam!! Sundaram!!!  Which mean - truth, beauty and goodness.

 

We have been told that all children treasure their aspirations and they can be greatly influenced by their parents and their home life. Our children aspire to be like their beloved parents and later in life they choose role models or their heroes on these models. Never make fun of your children’s aspirations.

 

If your boys want to become firemen, aviators, detectives or sailors and your girls prefer acting, nursing, teaching or cooking, encourage them and show your faith in their lofty ideals, praise their progress but do not impose your own aspirations on your children.

 

As the children grow up, their aspirations and choice of career would change, and with careful guidance you as parents can make them admire and work towards their choices with best results and quality thoughts.

Many of our children are neither cautious nor prudent and can fall into danger but we as parents have to protect our children from all dangers by making them aware of all good safety practices and giving them the knowledge about any dangers that they are going to face in their growing up process. Children quickly learn to be cautious when they encounter things that hurt them. This self-awareness leads them to become cautious and prudent themselves.

 

However, if we continuously warn our children of danger and instil fear of darkness, ghosts, villains, giants and other terrible things, we are teaching our children some aspects of cowardice. Instead of keeping children out of the water or swimming pools it is vital that we teach them how to swim well. Similarly, instead of forbidding them to climb up the tree or stairs we must teach them to do these things safely.

 

Let the children learn to rely on themselves as far as possible so that they can recognize on coming danger and to meet or face these themselves. Our children must be taught the right way to cross the street and to carry knives and scissors so that they realise the danger in these activities and be cautious. Simply speaking we must tell our children to move ahead but warn them to watch their steps.

 

Our children must have firm belief that things would turn out for the best and to brighten their lives they should learn to be cheerful. Optimism and cheerfulness among our children rest largely upon their good health and their faith in the parental love. To keep the children happy we need to do little things like giving a genuine word of praise, telling a little joke, singing a song, playing a game and providing simple toys. Parents should always show sympathy for pain and disappointment in the children.

 

It is absolutely vital that we as parents instil a habit of cleanliness among our children. Cleanliness brings good health and we all know that “a sound body has a sound mind”. We also know that cleanliness is next to godliness. Firstly, the parents should set good examples and then it will be easier to ask children to wash hands before meals and after visiting the toilets, brush teeth after every meal, comb hair properly and put on clean clothes. If we show our children clean and healthy attitude to life then our children will automatically learn to be clean and healthy.

 

The state of feeling sure and certain grows in the children gradually. If as parents we are to make our children confident, we are improving their chances of success. Instead of giving up and running away from difficult situations and undertakings they learnt to tackle these head on. The confident children will size up, prepare themselves and tackle these tasks with determination and definitely show good progress and success.

 

We as parents should show our confidence in children’s schoolwork, their teachers, friends and neighbours. Our faith will make the children develop better self-confidence as well as maintain confidence in others. So let us make our children realize their limitations because if they fail and understand the reasons for their failures then they will be better prepared to try again. We must let the children realize that they have the required confidence within them and they know that they can do the work.

 

The state of being satisfied with what one has is very rare quality in human beings. A wise family refrains from uttering such words as, “we wish we could afford that” or “we wish our father had better job and made more money”. These attitudes will make the children discontented.

 

So it is better to make your children be thankful for and be appreciative of all the common and beautiful things around them rather than feel that they are never satisfied with whatever they have got. Teach your children to appreciate a bright day, sunny morning, moonlit night, colourful garden and everything that is around them. Let them be satisfied with whatever they have.

 

When we make our children learn to act jointly with another person for a common purpose we give them a sense of satisfaction. Our family works together in harmony and we have a smoothly running household. By making the children feel that they are important and necessary part of the group we can encourage co-operation.

 

It is good to let the children feel where they can help others and get help. Younger children seem eager to co-operate and usually take directives but as they grow older and become self-assertive then we must be tactful to ask, suggest and consult rather than directing and commanding them.

 

 

 

 

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CHAPTER 6 : DEVELOPING MORE PERSONAL QUALITIES IN CHILDREN

 

 

Many parents ask a valid question when their children are growing up. How can we make our children more courteous, polite and good mannered? These qualities in human beings help them to make and win friends.

 

Since these traits are largely learnt through imitation, the parents should always set examples by being courteous, polite and well behaved themselves. This is the reason why proper parenting has become more difficult because we are not able to set good examples for our children to imitate.

 

If as parents we set consistently acceptable examples of personal human qualities such as consideration for others, thoughtfulness and kindness, then our children will learn to be courteous and polite as well. Any show of impoliteness will seem ugly and rude to them and they will grow up having good manners at all times.

 

Of course, we want our children to be tolerant of and be respectful for the rights and opinions of others; we want them to believe in and practice equality of opportunity for all and we would like them to be opposed to snobbery and social exclusiveness.

 

These human qualities need to be inculcated well from early age in our children. Many parents are careful not to give their children prejudices as regards to what people wear, what they know or have, where they live, what their race, creed or colour may be because these things matter very little to children.

 

We can definitely help build better human relationship among our children if we let our children choose their companions without any feeling of superiority and inferiority. If we manage to make our home and environment such that everyone is equally important there and all are consulted on family and other matters, then we are preparing excellent atmosphere to develop good human relationship and make our children learn the spirit of democracy.

 

Some social scientists say that our inhumanity to mankind and our display of injustice are increasing because we fail to properly and adequately develop and put into practice the needed ideas and standards of fairness and social justice in our children.

 

This is failure on the part of parents but the situation can be improved if early action is taken. We need to educate these kinds of parents and use various community groups to help people with the ideas of good parenting.

 

Then we will be able to help our children by being scrupulously fair and just and by showing no favouritism towards no one. We should learn to be absolutely impartial when settling disputes and quarrels. It is unwise to penalize the whole group for the fault of one person. It becomes so clearly unjust that children rightfully resent it. Instead of punishing arbitrarily, try to arrange things so that they will learn that uncomfortable consequences are the natural result of wrongdoing. Show that you have high standard of fairness and justice and also expect your children to play fair as well.

 

Developing personal human qualities such as friendliness, generosity and good sportsmanship among our children is another very important responsibility of parents. Your own feeling of affection, esteem and sympathetic understanding towards other people will encourage the children to have good and friendly relations with others.

 

We must display our genuine desire to share and to give and show liberality in good deed, thought and spirit in order that our children learn these human qualities as well.

 

By sharing things from the beginning with our children, by working together, by playing with them and planning things together we can make the children feel that their help is needed and it is important. Thus, they are able to build a reasonable desire to give aid and to be of assistance where it is needed and wanted.

 

Another important question that is raised by concerned parents is: “How to teach children to be honest and truthful?” There is no easy answer to this question but we can help. Firstly, we must understand that children do dishonest things because they do not know any better.

 

We can make our children see that honesty is the best policy and the world can and does rely on truth, beauty, and goodness. We have to be truthful, honest, good and beautiful in all our words, deeds and actions. If your children notice that you have set a high standard in this area of human personality development then they will definitely do the same.

 

If ever you find that your children steal and cheat, you must first of all find out why they do these things. Good and proper information will help you take appropriate action and give good advice. Instead of making your children feel wicked try to give them more emotional security at home by showing them the dignity of being honest and truthful.

 

‘A child with courteous manners, with some deference to adults, automatically attracts the affection of its elders, each of whom will delight in teaching the child something new. Thus the courteous or mannerly child has acquired a virtue that attracts other virtues, including knowledge and expert coaching in the complexities of living in an ever-changing world.’ (Maxwell, et el, Super Parenting)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 7 : DEVELOPING NEEDED HUMAN QUALITIES IN CHILDREN

 

 

 

The poet Wordsworth said that the best portion of a good person’s life was made up of acts of kindness and love. The personal human qualities of kindness and love are very essential ingredients of a happy family life.

 

If we want to create a better, more peaceful, kinder and lovely home, community and nation, we need to develop these essential human qualities in our children from very early in their life by suppressing the savage instinct among them. Keep good checks and balances when it comes to displays of actions and words that depict violence in your children. Never treat violence with violence. Show solid examples of kindness and love by good explanation, practice and experience. Encourage your children to think of pleasant little services that they can provide to others by being kind and friendly.

 

We must be able to train our children to guide and direct others and also accept guidance and direction. It is essential that our children are able to follow and to lead. If they are good followers then they will become good leaders. It is unfortunate that neither some of our local nor some of our national leaders provide us with good models of leadership all because of cheap point scoring and party politics. Therefore, we parents must find other good models of leadership and follower ship.

 

When good models of leadership are not readily seen then we have to give our children a lot of guided experience in leadership and also train them to follow others with sincerity. It is important that our children are properly trained to handle difficulties our leaders meet and they should also be shown how to deal fairly when they hold leadership positions. Once we have provided enough confidence, motivation and information to our children then they should be trained to face an audience and be prepared to share their views with others they interact.

 

Obeying laws and regulations is vital part of good citizenship and our children should learn to follow these without question. They will need good discipline and training in this area because of the existing adverse influences that they may face.

 

Our children should be taught to give and take directions to meet the controls and requirements of a balanced social system. Giving too many and unnecessary directions, rules and regulations to the children can build resentment for these so we must be tactful in making our children good law abiding citizens. Give them time to respond and when the children ask for reasons we must carefully give them correct and logical explanations.

 

Always try to listen to their opinions respectfully and dispassionately but always be ready to compromise if their ideas have validity. Of course, always remember that there are certain times when the children must obey their parents immediately without question and arguments. Careful and wise parents know this well. Children who find out that their parents act wisely, they are kind and reasonable in their approach and there is love and affection in the family, they develop a mutual trust in their parents and obey at once when the demands are made.

 

Patience is a virtue and it is a necessity development for all human beings. If we succeed in teaching our children to be patient, we will have fewer failures and frustrations around. Children are impatient because they are full of energy and they are eager to learn new things. We can develop this trait in our children by asking to wait for a while for whatever they want and then reward them after recognizing their patience. They will be able to wait a little longer the next time.

 

If we have instilled into our children the characteristic of keeping engagements and obligations on time, then we have given one more good habit to them. Time does not exist for most children and over fussiness about punctuality may make them rebel against it. It is important to set some form of timetable for the children. Warn them ahead of various times such as breakfast, lunch, and supper times so that they are ready for these activities. Form a habit of asking, “What comes next” in their daily routine and make them feel that needless delays cause them miss out on many enjoyable things.

 

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