Retirement often sounds like fun and relaxing and then reality hits in-and you visualise the next 20 years of doing nothing and realise it is a formula for a boring life. Work provides many things that enhance our lives, such as challenge, structure to our days and, for most people, a social forum as co-workers and customers become friends. In fact, in retirement the stress of our job is often replaced by other forms of stress, and sometimes even depression. The truth is there is anxiety over deciding what to do next. Then there is your spouse, your life time companion, or the new domestic partner. Yes we love them, but not for 24/7 for the next however long we live! It’s like boredom central to be with the same person, day in and day out. That cute habit she had, suddenly starts to drive you to think of murder. The fact he chats over the cornflakes, makes a spoon become a potential lethal weapon. For many women suddenly the house cleaning becomes your job, while he sits and watches TV, or plays TV games-results in a massive fight daily. Eventually since we are not normally murderous, we may get driven to the divorce courts, probably by our frustrated kids who can no longer stand the fighting. There is a reason so many marriages and partnerships die with retirement.
Finding new meaning and purpose in life after retirement takes not only thought and introspection, but also a leap of faith for a couple. Failure to be proactive will eventually lead to health issues, divorce or mental problems.
Our first step is to accept you need to adjust. You may have gone on that world cruise, but eventually you will have to come back and deal with the rest of your life, hopefully together.
In this chapter we look at ways other than work to keep us young and to work as a team if we are with another person.
Retirees often have arthritis and other aches and pains and use this as an excuse to be sedentary. This worsens the physical distress. While physical aspects do dictate the activity to a degree, slow walks, yoga, dancing or Pilates are advised even for the inactive. It is best to try and get a group together or join a class, but other options do exist. Skyping for example, may allow you to join with a friend across the world to do your activity as well as keeping in contact with that friend.
Swimming and water aerobics are two excellent sports for those with arthritis or movement difficulties if there is access to a pool.
For those with serious mobility issues chair exercises can be designed. A biokineticest should be consulted for any weakness in the muscles.
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Back problems are a major issue for mobility. David was a keen runner who ruptured his vertebral disc and was in extreme pain. He went to a chiropractor who referred him to a neurologist to see how bad the damage was, due to the extreme level of pain he was in. The neurologist wanted to operate, but David’s wife, a massage therapist refused after being told he would probably never run again. David obtained a second opinion from another Orthopaedic surgeon who also stated the only option for relief was surgery. The couple then went to another surgeon, who had been highly recommended before they made the decision. This was an excellent idea, as this surgeon worked holistically with a chiropractor, physio therapist and a biokineticest. Life style changes resulted, the main one hurt -when the Chiropractor banned David from driving in his car, a low slung convertible and the couple bought a sedan for him to travel to work with, which David said was like driving an armchair. David’s wife agreed to massage David daily after his exercises, and three months later David was running again. s. His rehabilitation cost was one third of the back operation. He missed two half days for specialist visits and he had been unable to go to work for three days, due to the pain in driving. The back operation would have been a six week period where he could not work. When on a follow up with the surgeon, the doctor told them that back surgery was one of the best paying surgeries in the country and as a result the country had high unnecessary back surgeries. David wondered about the surgery, and if it would have been a quicker fix option. The specialist assured David he would probably not have run again after the back operation and that the recovery period would have been substantially longer. The physiotherapist told them the success of the treatment was the holistic interaction between all parties and the willingness of the couple to comply with the life style changes and exercise program. David will have to do core exercises for the rest of his life. Should he stop within weeks he can feel the weakness in the back returning. He also uses the chiropractor once a month. Since doing this his general health has also improved. |
Despite the health benefits of sport, the proportion of people participating in sport decreases with age. While I was working, many people would leave home at 5 am to miss the traffic, get to the wonderful gym near our work and do their morning classes. In one of my companies there was an on-site gym for those who followed this procedure. In the afternoon the same thing would happen and the gym scene was an active one. It is sad to meet those people now and see the increased weight and complete loss of sparkle as they have gone into retirement. While in some cases, the need to give up sport has been a physical or monetary one, for many it simply has been too much effort.
For those people who enjoy their gym or sport joining the nearest one to their homes is often the way to go after retirement. However, many people find the change of gym traumatic because the local gym may be smaller than the one they use close to work. I do not recommend people stay with a gym far from home as they will eventually find the distance a problem.
Sport is a great way to stay active and keep in contact with people. Park runs are a cheap (free) way to keep active, and offer an opportunity to become a volunteer, which increases the engagement and social aspect of the sport of running. Even those that do not play sport, may find a new interest in the bowling club or taking up that old tennis racket. Joining a club is advised where possible as this brings about increased social interaction.
The worse thing about entering the afternoon of your life can be the goodbyes that you say to your friends and colleagues. Don’t all of us need some form of human contact? We need to be able to discuss our lives and have respect shown to us. On retiring that is lost. The sense of worth goes with it.
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Sawubona (I see you) I am told by Nofoto. Nofoto has retired back to her village due to cost implications of retirement and a desire to leave the fast run life of the city. She misses the city she tells me, as here she must walk to catch up on the community news because both electricity and cell phone signals are erratic. Church is a fair distance and Nofoto does not drive, so walking or catching a taxi is her only means of transport. ‘It is strange’, she says” that I do not understand the elders despite being one”. When I ask her why she explains the modern way of speaking is different to the really old people who still use traditional isiZulu. She finds it difficult to fit in, Nofoto has another problem, because she is considered wealthy and many of the village are very poor, so she is expected to help financially. Her family members are popping in and out as we speak and you can see she is kept very busy. “Would you move back to the city?” I ask She shrugs and takes her time about answering. “My name means I am like my Grandmother, and my grandmother lives near me now. I think I want to be like her.” Nofoto believes that a financially literate person should be able to meet their financial obligations and use their financial resources in a way that would allow them to maintain their lifestyle. I hope she will be educating her village on finances -as unemployment is rife and most the village depends on monies sent from working relatives from the city. |
Loneliness is a reality. The solution may be to take up the knitting needles, woodworking or paintbrush and join a group. If you find that you are getting stressed then maybe a chat with a counsellor is in order. Find one that specialises in retired persons. I promise you a young person will not understand the problem. There are specialist counsellors and coaches that deal with the retired. Yesterday’s People hopes to train more as the number of retirement coaches is low.
If getting that help will involve cost you cannot afford, then see if the religious group you belong to can help or go to the local old age offices. Often they have counsellors there. Your plan for emotional and psychological stability is just as personal as your plan for financial stability.
Get your sense of self-worth back- you can offer to babysit the neighbour’s children, do a charity, but ensure at least twice a week you interact with other humans meaningfully. In our area we have active retirees that have organised walking groups, pet sitting services and pool services.
An existing hobby is a wonderful way to continue to keep busy. Even if you have to scale it down, there will still be opportunities to use. Many churches and organisations have weekly meetings.
Business clubs such as Probus can also be a source of fun and meetings. Probus is an association of autonomous clubs, around South Africa and throughout the world, that cater to the fellowship needs of retired professionals and persons who have held office in any business or organisation. Senior clubs are both a great way to make new friends, and can help you get needed resources.
We have a list of these clubs on the website. WWW. Yesterdayspeople.com
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David is a keen craft beer brewer and has won awards for his beer. He is an active member of the Worthogs and takes great delight in managing the finances by collecting club fees. His beer brewing has to fall slightly on retirement, since the cost of the ingredients is high, but he has created a smaller brewing capacity by building his own brew set and is now able to concentrate on speciality beers. His children have been instructed that gifts come from the local brewshop. He will spend some time researching his recipes before brewing in order to fully explore the cost versus the taste. It has become a matter of some fun for the family, who enjoy a trip to one of the local brewpubs in the area with their Dad. David also is showing people how to brew, so they can enjoy the pastime and enter into the competitions. He has an international network which he can use to learn new methods of brewing, via his computer. It keeps his mind active and the rewards are good tasting beer. |
Technology has bought a reward for those who do not have the privilege of living close to loved ones. WhatsApp groups keep families and friends in contact. It may not be possible to have a lunch, but a skype session means the grandchildren are aware of the existence of Granny and Grandpa. Emails make contact almost instantaneous and allow us to communicate with others, with ease and immediacy. Face book and Instagram means pictures may be shared moments after they are taken. It may be a glass half fill, but it is better than having no glass at all.
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Digitalise family ties. Don and Bev have no children left in South Africa and they have digitalised family ties. Bev tells us they have weekly skype lunches with the overseas family and a WhatsApp group has been named “Family matters”. “The Facebook page allows us to keep in contact with photos and articles that we like. In fact sometimes we may share a little too much….” The children find it great as they can give the gift of mobile data to their parents even if they cannot afford to put them on a plane to see them. This gift kills two birds with one stone. Bev laughs “When we get notification our data has been upped, we know the kids are thinking of us and they know that we enjoy the extra freedom, and the cost of sending the present is nothing, so we get the full benefit.” Don feels that there is a snake in the grass because data gets taken away from you on a monthly basis in South Africa. Bev still misses the real physical hugs, but says “half a glass is better than no water at all!” |
In the late afternoon and evening of our life it may seem we have little control on our circumstances, money or social circle. Often the retiree feels helpless or dependant on others and less than what they were. This feeling can be aggravated by how their immediate society treats the aged and what society seems to think.
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Gail wanted to feel a sense of worth after she was hit by retrenchment. Unable to find another job in South Africa due to her age and her skin colour, it would have been easy to climb into a depression. Gail became increasingly angry at society for what she felt was an unfair situation. Fortunately Gail realised the futility of this emotional roller coaster. With the help of a mentor she decided to use her wealth of experience to help others. Using her professional expertise, she started doing volunteer work for a professional organisation she is a member off. She also proposed a non-fiction book to a number of publishers. The reason she chose non-fiction was because publishers are more inclined to consider a first time author in an area of expertise. She had been involved in compliance training and had been part of the consult team who created a compliance practitioner qualification. Ironically one other reason she was given when applying for other positions after her retrenchment, was because she had not obtained this qualification. With the help of her mentor she realised this would be the perfect subject choice as she had felt unempowered and needed to get her self-worth back. Her book is the A-Z of compliance (Governance Risk and Compliance simplified) published by Juta. She was aware that the book would not bring in substantial income but would increase her self-worth. The book started a new interest and direction in her career. She was asked to create a training course around the subject and to train the subject to others. At first payment was sketchy, but within two years she has a number of international courses per annum. Although not yet sufficient to pay all the bills, this money is a welcome addition to her family and allows her to travel. The spin off in her own country was offers of local work and today she has a permanent part time job working three days a week. She admits that the journey was tough, but she has learned that she is resilient and capable of learning new skills despite her apparently decrepit age. Age is not an excuse to stop the learning process. She intends to go back to university as soon as she can afford it to study further in the area of training. She has remained committed to her mentoring and volunteer work, despite the fact that she now has limited time to do this. |
Research shows pensioners involved in acts of service to a community, such as volunteering, are less likely to suffer from depression. We call this the “meaning loop” in which creating value for others gives a sense of personal value, which in turn supports psychological wellbeing. Whether it is small non-profit or a worldwide organization, charities with volunteer work are an integral part of every community. Since there are tons and tons of non-profits finding a volunteer opportunity is pretty easy to do. The issue is finding an opportunity that fits your needs and interests.
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Terrence is a widower and has retired to the coast. He has no children and no friends there. After going into a depression, he realises he needs some company and joins the local animal anticruelty. He starts to foster older animals which he takes for walks on the beach and in the local park. Soon he has a routine in which he is able to talk to other people. He keeps to a routine everyday resulting in people becoming used to his face. His enthusiasm and dedication to his senior animals excites others to join his endeavours. Should he not be seen for a day these people have shown concern and will come to his home to see if he is okay? Terrence not only has helped himself but others as well. His life is full and he is much happier. |
The volunteer work can be in many areas from animal welfare to spiritual development. Health and environment jostle with the poor, websites need to be developed and people fed, read to and counselled. Churches often have causes they need the church members to work with. Other areas are hospices, animal shelters and orphanages.
Wealthier pensioners will often find they enjoy leaving an endowment or trust fund, as a legacy to the charity or activity they enjoy. Such a legacy is also an effective way of reducing tax payable on death, if the charity is a recognised non-profit organisation. Another effective method to reduce tax on death is to loan items of value on a lengthy time period to museums
If charity work is not your thing, mentoring or training another generation may be a good fit. A mentor is responsible for one mentee, whereas one trainer may be responsible for an entire group of students. When entering into these fields first determine what you are an expert at and how you would develop a program. The best method is to approach professional organisations active in mentoring and training programs and ask if they need qualified volunteers.
Charging for training may be subject to certain laws of the country. In South Africa you cannot form a school without registration. The most important body that you have to comply with is the South African Qualification Authority (SAQA). However if you are giving small classes to teach practical skills that are not designed to lead to any qualification, such as pottery or knitting, then you should be okay giving classes in such skills.
Volunteering and sharing knowledge is one of the most potent forms of attaining your sense of worth. It gives a sense of achievement. However do not do it with a desire to be thanked. Often such work is not recognised for the importance it has and recipients of free training programs are known to be rather demanding and ungrateful. If you can deal with people and do not have high expectations, the occasional wins you do get will lift you up.