Sadly, sometimes being spiritual does not exclude experiencing elderly abuse. As a professional I often find those who appear most pious, may have skeletons in the cupboard and elderly abuse is often one of them. It is a subject no person likes to talk about. Unfortunately it is a reality and one I have seen in my own country and others.
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Please not like many of our cameos, names have been changed: Jonathan was a very religious man who believed he was head of the family, as the eldest male. His mother lived with the family and was used to look after the children, clean and cook, while Jonathan and his wife were working. When his mother became sick, Jonathan got the church to pray for her soul and cast out the devil of sickness. His mother’s health deteriorated and she was subjected to fasting and further prayer. Jonathan did not believe in doctors, sickness was from Satan and was a result of sin. The estate, in which they lived, became increasingly concerned about the health of the woman. She became thin and rambled on about strange things. They tried to talk to Jonathan but were met with hostility. One day the old lady collapsed and could not get up. Her neighbours called for an ambulance who took her to a local hospital, were they found she had cracked her hip -the pain was leading to the dementia. Jonathan was enraged his mother had gone to hospital. He retaliated by moving out the estate. He refused to allow her to return home since she had allowed the “devil to treat her”. She died in a government home some months later, alone. |
I quote from the statistics from New Zealand as published in their official Seniors Publication in 2017:
“Elder Abuse - the facts:
Elder abuse can be physical, mental and financial.
Physical abuse is the most likely to be reported because it is the most visual abuse. The physical abuse may be slapping, hitting, shaking, pushing, and use of any physical or chemical restraints, administering incorrect or excessive medication.
Mental and financial abuse is normally not reported.
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My mother-in –law died 10 years after we got married. She had employed a maid for much of that time, whom we all deeply loved. I even made her come to our wedding. She was a delight, bright and outspoken. It came as a shock, when one day she pitched up after her retirement clutching her bag. I made her coffee and we sat to chat about her life. I knew Mom had been fairly generous in her retirement of the maid and I was fairly certain I was about to be asked for more money. I was dreading the issue as my husband and I were a single income family and had already two extra people to support as well as the three kids. Finally the words I was dreading came. “I need a favour!” The maid rummaged in her bag and I tensed expecting some bill or account that I would be expected to pay. I was astounded when she handed me a bank book. Had the pension not paid into her account- what was the problem and how was I to fix this when everyone was now dead? In fact the papers were sitting in the UK with my sister-in –law? “Please will you keep this for me” “What?” I said in surprise. The maid lived in KwaZulu Natal, a trip of 5 hours drive away and I must keep her bank book? It just made no sense. Finally, after much asking I got the story from her through her tears and sniffles. Her children had been taking the money and withdrawing the cash. Her only solution was to come to me. It had been at great cost to her. This showed me her desperation. I knew what the price of driving in a taxi from her home to me to ask this favour must have been. How could I refuse? I agreed to keep it on the condition that she tried to find someone nearer to her in the next few months. It was not necessary, her son died of HIV and she came to reclaim her book so she could take care of the grandchildren. I remember thinking how sad that the Zulu lady had to trust me, a person who had married into the family to protect her from her own flesh and blood. |
Elder abuse has no geographic limitations and is often done by those who are closest to the old person. Nursing homes and old age villages have also experienced this abuse by those who are employed as health care givers.
Senility, term is a used to describe a decline in an older adult’s physical and cognitive health. Like dementia, senility can cause changes in mental health, such as memory loss or a decline in judgment. Senility is hard to deal with for the family. The older person can react in strange ways when senility occurs. Abuse becomes a two way street where the elder abuses the family that tries to help them. This is a very difficult situation to deal with.
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Harry was a 65 year old male who had lost his job and hurt himself. Cellulitis set in to the wound, The family took him to the hospital. A few days later he came home to his family. He had certain drugs which unfortunately caused a bleeding ulcer. Again he was rushed to the hospital. Despite the distance the family tried to visit daily for the three weeks he was in hospital. Harry called them one day and said he had been discharged. The family took him home, not questioning why he had been waiting outside the hospital. A week later his daughter took him back to the hospital. The nursing staff were very antagonistic. It appeared he had left the hospital without permission. On being brought back he had regaled the staff with stories of abuse and being forced to leave the hospital. The daughter asked the nursing sister, if she could logically see how they were abusing the man, when they had bought him to the hospital three times. The sister responded with the fact the wound was septic and full of animal hair. The daughter pointed out they had a number of dogs and Harry refused to allow them to be put off the bed. When the wound was sore he would rip off the dressings and let the dogs lick the wound. He also refused to bath and fought her and his wife when they tried to get him to clean himself. The daughter was frustrated and angry. The wife no longer visited with the daughter preferring to use the excuse she needed to look after her grandkids. The nursing staff eventually came to the conclusion the patient was senile and helped the family to deal with the situation. By that stage, the one granddaughter had developed ulcers from the stress, at the age of eight years. |
Senility and dementia have a commonality of a loss of cognitive thinking making the person difficult to live with for a loving and patient family. In environments where alcohol and drug abuses is found these cases tend to be more severe and have a higher incidence of abuse.
Dementia includes various forms, but it seems to increase the reported incidence of abuse, however it may also be linked to the dementia itself, as opposed to genuine abuse and care is needed when dealing with these unfortunate souls. A person with dementia will often find the world has become terrifying and people become impatient with the person. Often dementia is accompanied by a psychological abuse of isolation. It is difficult to determine unless there is physical evidence to show abuse is occurring.
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We had one delightful old dear whom we had to stop leaving one of the old age homes I worked in. She would then become increasingly hostile and would have to be restrained. One day she got out the home and we found her, after she had been taken to the police station where they were trying to understand her accusations of kidnapping. When we identified her and explained her condition the police understood completely. It appeared this was not the first time such an incident had occurred. |
Alzheimer’s disease is a type of dementia. The most common early symptom of Alzheimer's is difficulty remembering newly learned information, because the disease typically begins in the part of the brain that affects learning. Patients are unable to remember what they ate for breakfast and will confuse timelines. In the one old age home, I helped at I was told by a sufferer that she was being beaten, but I could find no evidence of any ill-treatment. Finally when speaking to her daughter she told me her mother had been beaten by her stepfather as a child. The poor soul could recall that, but not the fact her loving daughter had been to see her. As the disease, Alzheimer progresses, it leads to increasingly severe symptoms – including disorientation, mood and behaviour changes, deepening confusion about events, time and place, unfounded suspicions about family, friends and caregivers, and difficulty speaking, swallowing and walking.
If real abuse is occurring in such dementias, it may be traced to a lack of education on the family and frustration of the parties in dealing with the dementia.
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What is the situation in South Africa? South Africa has passed the legislation for older persons that promote and maintain the status, rights, well-being, safety and security of older persons. (Older Persons Act 13 of 2006) and its regulations. This is an “umbrella” or principal Act that has been legislated in a manner that forces changes to conflicting legislation that may exist, to be changed in order to conform to the intent of this Act. In a sense therefore this is the same as the Constitution of the RSA which is the main source of measurement applied when legislative conflicts occur. This Act allows you to report abuse and be able to expect action. It says for example: “The Director‐General or the social worker to whom a report has been made must investigate the matter.” Chapter 5 25(3)
If your rights as an older person are being violated or if you want to help someone who is being abused, neglected or exploited you can contact one of the following organisations for help. The South African Human Rights Commission Go to https://www.sahrc.org.za/index.php/what-we-do/lodge-complaints for the complaint form Action on Elder Abuse SA Email: action@actiononelderabusesa.co.za Halt Elder Abuse Line (HEAL) Toll-free: 0800 00 30 81 Tel: (002711) 483 7497 You can also contact Magistrate’s Courts or Equality Courts and Police stations. |
Psychological abuse such as ignoring the elderly person; isolating them from friends; humiliating them, shouting or swearing at them or intimidating them is rarely reported. Often psychological abuse is inadvertently given by the family in a misguided attempt to help the older person.
Abuse is given to the care giver as well, and it can be hard to restrain those on the receiving end from retaliation.
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My mother would lash out at us, as kids, both physically and verbally throughout her life. It became very difficult, when without resources she had to live with my family, We were fairly non-violent and believed in negotiation rather than physical punishment for the children. My mother felt we spoilt the children and they deserved hidings. Staying at home seemed to make her more childlike and quite nasty at times. The resulting situations could get quite unpleasant. My kids would try and resist if she wanted to hit them, without any retaliation, but I felt bad, especially when she became abusive. The crunch came when my eldest daughter, physically assaulted her grandmother in retaliation. I was not home, and her grandmother had started screaming, tried to hit them and in the process ripped my daughter’s cross from her neck breaking her chain. My daughter hit her back. I knew we had a problem, yet it was difficult to deal with it. The guilt of what she had done made my daughter attempt to take her own life. It made me aware of how difficult it was for the social workers to deal with such cases. In the end, on the advice of a psychologist, we had my mother put into a government run, old age home, both for our sanity and safety. Strangely enough, that move restored her mental abilities to a large degree, as she was no longer coddled by a family and had to make her own decisions. It made me aware that inadvertently I had abused her, psychologically, by making her a child when she was an adult. |
Sexual abuse is another area which social workers tell me is prevalent with older persons. This is an area which is on the increase.
In Africa in particular elderly black people, mainly women, are sometimes "identified" as witches by others in the community. Witches are claimed to have wrinkled or darkened skins due to age, or are reclusive or independent. This accusation will mean the person along with their hut are set alight and burnt to death. Witchcraft accusations are an easy way to rid an elderly person from the community and obtain the elderly persons' property or possessions.
For the older person preventing abuse is a matter of insuring safety. If you have to stay with children, try to have a defined place in the household, with responsibilities. No one wishes to order Mommy to wash the clothes, so you as the person will have to state “I will wash the clothes as part of my duties in this household, but I am not responsible for ironing them.”
Living with your children can easily make them the parent figure and you the child. Some form of counselling may be required, to help the different people in the family understand a healthy individual role balance for each person in the family as a whole. This counselling should be re-visited in any case of change in the family, to ensure everyone understands their changed roles.
If you stay on your own in a free standing house, then keep security gates or doors, locked at all times, unless you live in a safe neighbourhood which is well policed. Make sure doors and locks open and close easily without jamming. Make sure your house number is large, well-lit and unobstructed so that emergency personnel can find your home quickly when needed. It may be wise to carry a panic button on you around your neck.
Often we forget that with age, we lose certain physical functions. Quite often if we have not been exposed to keeping an elder person we are unaware or too embarrassed to tell people that our eyesight is not what it should be, or we are forgetful, or even that we have not got the physical dexterity to do things. Older people have urine seepage and may battle to control other bodily functions. They get embarrassed and will not talk about such things. The family may have to take action to help the person deal with such issues. Older people may find it difficult to get into a bath, remove clothing, or feed themselves correctly. Often they become abusive because they are frustrated. The care givers in turn give abuse, due to their frustration. Not all abuse is because people are fundamentally nasty. You have to understand the situation and see what is giving rise to the abusive circumstances.
To minimise the risk of injury consider rails and grab bars in the bathroom and on stairs to reduce the chance of a fall. Get rid of loose rugs or install non-slip backing on rugs. My experience is that wall to wall carpeting is really better for an older person than tiles, however there are drawbacks to that as well.
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I had three fires in my house caused by my mother who wanted to meditate with candles. In the last fire she had locked herself in the room and we watched her burning through the windows while we tried to get access to the room. Thank God I had been cleaning the garden by the window while my husband and children were all nearby. Fortunately she only had mild burns, but she was in serious shock by the time we reached her and carried her out the burning room. Another fire was caused by her putting clothes over a heater Fortunately we found a dri buddi clothes drier to be handy for her in this matter going forward. The dri- buddi hangs the clothes and then this edifice is covered with a tent and the fan heater turned on. It helped with both the ironing of her clothes and drying. The added bonus was that it folded up into a small bundle for storage when she was not using it. |
Keep emergency numbers next to the phone, or programmed into a cell phone and ensure someone close has keys to get into your house. On your phone programme an in case of emergency number (ICE). Paramedics and other personal are trained to look at a mobile phone for this number
For those who have power failures, try to get an inverter or battery operated light. When cooking try to get the older person, who is less steady on their feet to make use of a microwave rather than an open gas stove top to heat food.
For all older persons turn down the thermostat on the geyser to avoid accidentally scalding.
If you live in a retirement home, ensure you have communication with the guard at the main gate. I would also suggest that you ensure that someone checks on you on a daily basis. This may be by a simple WhatsApp message. When we get old we cannot stop getting hurt, but we can minimise the chances substantially.