THE BLACK SHEEP
On the 25th of December 2009, after much thought and tears, I finally made the decision to renounce my Catholic faith because I couldn’t prove, biblically, some of its doctrines. As an Advanced level Religious Studies student, I started questioning some of my long held beliefs. The more I searched for answers, the clearer it became that somehow I was being misled. Chief among the doctrines I was not at peace with was the use of images and relics in church. I cringed every time I bowed or knelt in front of a wooden cross, or the statue of Mary the Mother of Jesus praying to her to intercede for me when the bible clearly states in 1 Timothy 2:5 that Jesus is the only mediator between God and men. One Good Friday service I refused to bow and kiss the Cross that was placed on the altar, ‘as a way of remembering and honouring the sacrifice Jesus Christ did at Calvary.’ I was suspended from participating in all youth activities for three good months.
One Tuesday morning, on my way to school- Zengeza High One, I met a good friend of mine, Kudakwashe Nzombe, who was an ardent Seventh Day Adventist. Kunta was his nickname. We were desk mates and astute defendants of our faiths. To make the journey short and exciting he decided to school me about the Decalogue. “Why is it you Catholics, your ten commandments are different from those of us Protestants?” He asked wiping his Polar branded spectacles with a clean, small white fleece cloth. “I don’t know about that.” I replied hesitantly. I also took off my spectacles and started wiping them with the tip of my school tie. It was written all over my face that I was lying. Since grade five, I knew very well that the Catholic Decalogue was different from that of the Protestants. That Tuesday morning was just not the day to debate about it. The reason why I was so afraid to engage in such a discussion was that I didn’t have the solid facts to defend why ‘my’ ten commandments were different from ‘his.’ He caught me off guard. Sensing my discomfort, he grabbed the opportunity and gave me his piece of mind. “I am not surprised that you don’t know.” He continued. “Many bible-believing…, even the so called spirit-filled, tongue-talking Christians don’t know that the Catholic’s version of the Decalogue is different from that of the Protestants.” He took the case of the spectacles that was in the left pocket of his blazer, placed them there, and returned the case in the pocket. So typical of him. Every time Kunta engaged somebody in a faith shaking argument, he always took off his glasses.
“Why is it important to know that anyway? Is it like a password to heaven or a passport to paradise?” I interjected, waving at my high school crush, Martha, who was walking on the other side of the road with her friends. She waved back. My heart skipped a beat. For a moment I forgot about the faith shuddering conversation I was having with Kuda and started appreciating Martha’s beauty… in my heart. Truth be told, Martha was gorgeous. Her hazel eyes, uniquely and seductively piercing, gave her an aura of grace that made her so attractive. Skin type five on the Fitzpatrick scale, her flawless brown skin made me crack up every time I set my eyes on her. Martha was two streams behind but a year younger than me. We first met on her first day in High School. I was already in my third year. She asked me where the Library was, and instead of pointing to the direction, I escorted her to the Library making small talk. And since that day her beauty always enthralled me… but I never had the courage to tell her how much I wanted her to be my girlfriend. “The difference only brings to light the idolatrous nature of your church.” Kunta answered. I could tell from his eyes that he felt relieved and proud that he had shared with me that faith shaking information. “Your leaders defend this discrepancy by saying that the Catholic Church follows a version of the Ten Commandments that was established in the 14th century by Augustine.” He spoke softly now, opening his back pack which was hanging on his left shoulder. He pulled his school I.D. “He eliminated the second commandment against idolatry and then subdivided the last commandment against covetousness to keep the number of commandments at ten so that he can cover the idolatrous nature of the church.” He continued. “Really! I didn’t know that. I am sure there is a much better explanation for that than the one you shared with me…” I took a deep breath of despair. “I will look into it and get back to you when I have the answers. Now can we change the subject please…?” That was too much for me. “Oh, yes of course!” He replied, poking at my right shoulder with his school I.D mockingly laughing at me. “You wanna talk about Martha’s ass now…?” We both chuckled.
He knew that he got me. Never have I ever chickened out of an argument. Kunta conveyed his thoughts with deep conviction and confidence that got me thinking for weeks. I prayed to God for wisdom. Week after week I kept on stumbling on information that led me to question my Catholic faith even more. I started asking faith shaking questions and I started to get accused, both at home and at church, of being rebellious. Finally, the Lord gave me the strength and I renounced my Catholic faith in December 2009, during festive season, after a lengthy and painful conversation with my parents. “You are a bloody fool.” My father shouted. He was hurt. I was hurt too. Worst Christmas ever!