Decisions - Destiny by Elissa Scott - HTML preview

“WIRED BLOOD”

I pass onto and into the night, my feelings of fright following me. When will they end? Why won’t they end? Shadows are creeping up on me. I can’t stand the pain.

The days come to light, but my world is still full of darkness. Roy, Keith, whoever you are—are you both real or are you just thoughts and objects in my imagination? Who actually did come first? Was it you, Keith, or was it you, Roy?

Now, stop! Stop right there, thank you very much. I don’t need my palms laced with silver powder anymore, Miss. Is it you who brings me down into this world of confusion, wiring my blood with that paste of yours?ours?

I want a normal life, please. Please, I’ve had enough. Listen to me.

 

Is there anybody out there who feels the same pain?

Stop! No! Get away from me. Don’t dare come any closer! I’m in charge of my own destiny now. I’ve made a decision. This decision is to stop.

No tablets or paste ever again. The signals will now be allowed to run free in my brain. These currents will control me but, this time, the right way.

It now must end. I know the end is near. Near to me. There is no other horizon in sight; this blood of mine is boiling out of sight. Didn’t you hear me, Miss? No more paste! I’m normal now. I don’t need you; I don’t need anybody else to be with me. I’m normal, Miss. Can’t you see?

 

My words are straightforward; my blood pressure is fine. No more drugs for me.

Mum said she would come soon. I promised her that I would do fine. My chart says I’m fine. What’s this? What does it say here? I’m not normal? How dare they say that! Maybe that was yesterday but not today. I feel fine.

I’m not weird. Who gives you the right to criticize me? I’m just bored with my life. There’s no excitement, no light.

It’s an ordeal to make it through the night. Don’t you care? Don’t you understand?

Where is my sunshine? Where is my wine? Don’t you worry your pretty little heads. I’m not going to hit the bottle and re-drink the red.

Lock me up? How dare you chase me again? Go away, man. Go away. You’re no help in my new life.

 

That’s the problem, man—you. They say that to me over and over again, all the time, in fact.

If you just go away and hide they said they’ll let me out of here. Once I’m free, I’ll let you know, and then you can come back—when we are free.

No one will know; it’ll be our secret. You love secrets; you told me that all my life.

 

Decisions = Destiny

The doctor said that what I focus on is what I feel. So I will no longer focus on you so I won’t feel you. That’s why the doctors wire my blood with that sticky paste, to slow down the thoughts of you, now and forever. You will become my past.

I know we said we loved each other. I know it’s true that we did. Yes, we spent many hours together, but all I know is that we must now part.

I will love you forever and ever because you have loved me unconditionally. You are very powerful and will remain always in my heart.

Man, this is the time we must part. These wires are coming out of my heart. It will be the end of us, I know, but it must happen.

I will be back, and I know you will be back, but for now we must separate and move forward to gain momentum as we move in separate ways.

We will be free; just wait and you will feel it. You will be single and I will be single, and our lives will be like before we met. It’s the end now. Goodbye. Our molds have been broken. I’m feeling normal again. The sun is shining and life is beautiful. I will always love you.

 

“Man, you mustn’t call me again,” I whispered as I walked past the hospital admissions desk for the last time, “I won’t be around.” Ends