When Kobus’s girlfriend, Lanita, called me, I was really surprised.
I had met Lanita once when she and Kobus came to dinner. She was a sweet girl, and I wondered why she would hang with a thug like Kobus, who disrespected her something terrible in public.
“He was involved in a car crash and he wants to see you,” she said in a tearful voice. “Say’s he’s gonna die.”
“Whaaaat?!”
“Says you must not let Tom know about this call.”
I never liked Kobus, who was a fairly close buddy of Tom’s. Rumor had it that he was also into stolen artworks and bulk-car hijacking. He was always upbeat and laughed the loudest in the room, and his tattoos scared the crap out of me – skulls and snakes and blood drops …
His frequent visits to the bathroom and the way he always wiped his nose made me suspect that he was a cokehead.
When I mentioned it once to Tom, he told me to keep my trap shut and mind my own business. So I did.
I looked at the time – 6 p.m. Bear was working the night shift. Maybe I should go tomorrow, I thought. But Lanita’s words about not telling Tom sparked my interest, so I got dressed and headed off to Hornsby Hospital.
I was shocked when I saw Kobus – he had a huge bandage on his head and was hooked up to about four machines. He also had three intravenous lines, a urine bag, he was having a blood transfusion, and he was on oxygen. His face was bloated and almost unrecognizable.
When he saw me, he flicked his finger at me.
I walked closer to him. “Hey Kobus. You look like shit, man.” I smiled, trying to make light of the situation.
He didn’t respond to my joke. Instead, he sent Lanita out of the room and began babbling. As he did, I clamped my hands across my mouth to prevent myself from screaming.
He told me that Tom wasn’t in South Africa during the time of Sasha’s death.
He was in Sydney lying low. Kobus had assumed Tom’s identity and traveled to South Africa, where he carefully established a paper trail on behalf of Tom.
Meanwhile, Tom had stalked me for days, sat outside my apartment, watched Bear and me on the balcony, watched us dancing with his kids, watched us at the waterfall picnic spot with Bear, saw us kiss and make out, and he was livid.
He told Kobus that he couldn’t rest until he destroyed me for taking up with another man.
Tom got his chance outside the shops. Stealing the car was his plan all along, but he planned to have both the children in the car when he did.
Luckily for Warren and unfortunately for Tom, Warren wasn’t in the car that day.
He had wanted to frame me for their deaths and send me to prison, but things didn’t go according to plan, and all I got was probation.
Disgusted? There’s more – he went one step further – enticed me to Canberra, causing me to violate my parole, then called the cops anonymously and informed them that I was violating parole by leaving NSW.
His aim from the very beginning was to send me to prison. Take away from me the freedom I craved.
He had hoped, now that he had custody of Warren, I would move back in with him, but since I refused to and was with Bear, he was fuming and was planning something big where Bear would be blamed and go to prison for life. Then I would go back to him. He wouldn’t stop unless I did.
Kobus wasn’t sure what he meant by “something big,” but he suspected it involved Warren.
All Tom’s niceness after Sasha’s death was just an excuse to get closer to me and win me back. When that failed, he moved to plan B, C, and then D.
His words to Kobus about this new plan of revenge: “Bloody. Very bloody.”
Kobus warned me not to approach Tom, as nothing he said could be proven, and Tom may hurt Warren if I made him mad. He suggested that I take Warren and disappear. It was the only way, he said, or Tom was coming after me with an Uzi. “He’s got a P.I. on you all the time.”
“Why you telling me all this, Kobus?”
“Because I am going to die and I want to tell you before I do. I didn’t expect him to kill his child. I thought he was taking them out of the country to hide them or something.”
“Why didn’t you go to the cops?”
“Skeletons,” he said. “Too many in my closet.”
“How did he pass the polygraph?”
“Some antiperspirant shit on his fingers to mask the sweat, and he took a valium or something to calm himself down.”
“Oh my God!”
As he was talking, a machine started beeping, so nurses and doctors kicked me out of the ward.
I stood in a daze as all that I heard minutes ago reverberated in my brain.
If Kobus lived, I was okay. I could go to the cops and tell them all about it. But what if Kobus died? All proof died with him. What would I do then?
****
I raced back to Soong’s house and threw up. Mainly out of absolute terror.
How could I possibly leave Warren with Tom after hearing what I just heard? I needed to do something to keep Warren safe, and I needed to do it right away.
But what?
My mind raced – Tom killed Sasha because I left him. He may now go after Warren and Bear if I did not go back to him. It’s me he wanted, simple. I felt trapped. I felt imprisoned, actually.
Being in Silverwater was nothing compared to what I was feeling at that moment when I realized just how trapped I was. Return to Tom, or lose Bear and Warren.
I accused Tom of a heinous crime – I was right to do that. He was a monster who thought nothing about killing his own child.
When I thought of the tears he’d shed over Sasha’s death, the way he acted broken and like a man grieving…
How could he be this way? Kill his own child? Who does that? A psychopath? A sociopath? The thought sickened me.
But in a way, I was relieved – my gut refused to be fooled and kept nagging me that it was Tom.
Clever Tom – he hoodwinked police and passed a polygraph.
Brilliant Tom.
Evil Tom.
After a lot of thought, I came to a conclusion – the only way I would be free was to kill Tom.
Then we’d all be safe and at peace. I would have to fight back and fight dirty if need be.
That was a solution, but a long-term one at that. Right now, I needed to diffuse the situation, calm Tom down. He wanted me, and if I acquiesced, everyone would be safe. I needed to go back to Tom until I had the opportunity to kill him.
My calm at such a terrible thought surprised me. But I had been through so much that I too had evolved – I thought nothing of murder. In all fairness to me – a man who thought nothing of murdering a beautiful baby. His own baby.
The thought of living with Tom in that suffocating…building (it was not a home at all) sent me flying back into the bathroom to throw up again. It was by far the second worst thing I would have to do in my life. Identifying Sasha’s body in the morgue was the worst.
But it was something I just had to do – submit to Tom.
Decision made.
Bear. I groaned. How the hell did I tell him that I was going back to Tom? I didn’t want to hurt him. He didn’t deserve it, but it was something I just had to do.
I couldn’t just leave without an explanation – the man gave me his all, proved his love time and time again. I owed him answers.
He was at work and would be back in the morning, so I wrote him a long, lengthy letter explaining every little thing. After I wrote the letter, I left it on my bedside table.
As I dressed to go to Tom, I had a thought. What if Bear decides to take matters in his own hands after reading the letter? What if, while he was doing that, Tom shot him or hurt him really badly? What if Bear hurt Tom and had to go to jail?
I couldn’t risk that. I’d rather hurt Bear and explain later.
I rushed over to the letter, picked it up, tore it into tiny pieces, and threw it into the rubbish bin.
Donning a red mini skirt and a matching top, a G-string, a push-up bra, and stilettos, I got into Bear’s Jeep and drove down to St Ives.
“Arena!” Tom cried, surprise all over his face at the sight of me on his doorstep, dressed in seduction attire.
“Hope I’m not disturbing,” I said in a breathy voice.
“No, no, no!” he said. “Warren, look who’s here!”
Warren bounded into my arms. “You came, Mom, you came!”
When I saw him dressed as he was, in a matching pants and shirt, hair neat, shoes on his feet, I wanted to cry.
“Join us for dinner?” Tom said, his eyes flitting between my exposed thighs and cleavage.
“Depends…what are you cooking?” My voice was flirty, my manner teasing.
“Eh…I’m…not, but…” Small chuckle. “But, what would you like?”
He never cooked, I knew that.
“I can order it. Tell me, what would you like? Anything you want, I can get it.”
Eager to please. Mm.
“Thai would be nice. Haven’t had that for ages.” I knew that his favorite food was Thai, and today, I wanted to please him.
“Thai? You got it.” He rushed to the phone, and with his eyes fixed on my cleavage, placed the order.
As he did, I looked around the house I had left behind. Luxury carpets and designer furnishings in various shades of white and cream, expensive artworks to make us the envy of all in our sphere of influence, hi-tech furniture, marble floors…
Yet, it was never a home, it was more a showroom that courted envy and greed. I hated the place, but I reminded myself that my son was there, and I had to do what I had to do to save him from whatever his father had in store for him.
Tom hung up the phone and rushed to Warren and me.
“Merlot?”
“Just a glass. I’m driving.”
He handed me a glass and sat across from me. Slowly, I crossed and uncrossed my legs. Not quite Basic Instinct, but enough for him to salivate.
“You look good,” he said, his eyes on my lips.
I eyed him above the rim of my glass and gave him a coy smile.
He talked about…something – I didn’t hear half the things he was saying.
Without asking, he topped my glass, then his.
“Hey, I have to drive home,” I protested, nursing my coy voice.
“Relax. This is home.” His turn to smile at me over the rim of his glass.
“Mm, the place looks good, just like I remember.”
He gave me an I-do-my-best shrug. “So, sexy, what brings you here?”
I let out a delightful giggle and watched him visibly relax. “Felt like seeing you guys.”
We sat around the table when our food arrived. I couldn’t eat, not after what I heard from Kobus, but I pretended to, and moved food around my plate. He was nervous I think, because he drank a lot, and quickly too.
After dinner, I put Warren to bed. He was so happy to have me at his bedside, he couldn’t stop holding and kissing me. My heart broke at his neediness. “Come live with us, Mom,” he begged. “Daddy is nice to me, now. I’ll tell him not to hurt you again.”
“Okay, my baby, I will,” I said, and lay in bed with him until he fell asleep.
When I walked out of the room, Tom, now definitely drunk, took my arm and led me to the hot tub.
“For old time’s sake,” he said.
I absolutely did not want to get into the hot tub with the murderer of my child and my tormentor, but I had to remind myself why I was there – I give myself to him, and everybody is safe.
I could do that.
“But, but, I don’t have a bikini, Tom,” I protested in a girlish voice.
“You don’t need one,” he slurred. “God, I love it when you say my name.”
I was aware that a ton of my clothes were probably still in this house, so clothing wasn’t an issue.
“C’mon!” He tugged on the hem of my top. I didn’t stop him.
Slowly, he peeled off my top and threw it aside. Then he unzipped my skirt and let it drop to my ankles.
I allowed him to unhook my bra and free my breasts as I kicked away my skirt. When he reached for my G-string, I stopped him. “Easy now,” I said with a smile.
“My turn…” I unbuttoned his shirt, removed it, and threw it over my shoulder. Then I slowly moved my hands down his chest, over his stomach, and undid his belt buckle. As I unzipped his pants, I allowed my hands to brush against his erection.
“God!” he groaned.
I dropped down to my knees as I tugged off his pants.
He was going crazy with my moves. Go crazy you son of a bitch, I thought to myself. I didn’t remove his underpants.
Once inside the tub, he tried to kiss me as he fondled my breasts. He was literally going nuts with desire for me.
I couldn’t believe just how obsessed he was with me. It wasn’t like I was a raving beauty or a sex kitten or anything special. In fact, I was exactly the opposite of what he wanted. He just wanted to win, and I was his prize. If Bear got me, then Tom would have lost the game, and that was not something Tom could live with.
I giggled and allowed him some tongue action. He pressed his erection against me and tried to dry-hump me, except that we were in the water, so it was more like wet-humping me.
I allowed him that too before I moved away. “Gosh, you’re like a hormonal teenager, Tom!”
He nodded as he ran his tongue slowly over his lower lip. ”You still turn me on, baby,” he whispered as he moved closer to me.
“Yeah?” My voice was breathy again.
“Oooh yeah!” He grabbed my face and licked it hungrily. “Nobody makes me hard like you do. Zero to solid in less than two seconds. Feel it.” He took my hand and slipped it into his underpants. “I wanna fuck you so badly.”
“Yeah?” My voice was enticing.
“Yeah. I wanna hear you call my name when I’m deep inside you.”
“Yeah?”
“I wanna take you from behind.”
“Ooooh.” I dropped my head back, as if I were weak with desire for him.
He ran his tongue down my neck and around a nipple before he took it into his mouth and sucked vigorously on it.
“You like that? Huh? Huh? You always liked that, remember? ”
“Oooh yeah.”
When he tried to slip his fingers between my thighs, I clamped them together, stopping him.
“Whaaaat?”
“Too soon.”
He nodded, a look of disappointment on his face. “When? Tell me when?”
With a kittenish smile, I ran my hands slowly over my breasts, then my thighs. “Soon.”
“Tomorrow!”
“Tomorrow? That’s too –”
“No, c’mon!”
“I’ll think about it.” I turned like I was about to leave.
He was behind me in an instant, pressing his hot dick against my butt.
His hands reached around me, grabbed my breasts and squeezed. “God, I want you! So badly.”
“Why me? There are so many other girls…”
“Nah. You do it for me. From the day you first rejected me.”
“Rejected you? When did I do that?”
“That day at the party, when we first met? You were the only girl who wasn’t interested in me. When I looked back and saw you looking bored and unimpressed, I knew you were the girl for me.”
“Mm.” True, I wasn’t interested in him.
“Then why the fuck did you treat me like shit?”
“I’ll change. I promise. I already have.”
“Really?”
“Please! Come back. I need you. Tomorrow. Everything else…bygones.”
I turned around and faced him. “I’ll give it a trial. But I want more freedom, and you better play nice.”
He responded by kissing me wildly. I managed to leave without getting fucked by him. But I knew that I had him hankering after me, which was what I wanted.
I felt better and safer now that I knew he wasn’t mad at me. I knew that he wouldn’t hurt Warren or Bear as long as he had hope.
Bear! Oh God, how the hell do I tell him that I’m leaving him? My heart broke at the thought of not seeing him again, not holding him, not kissing him. But I had to stay focused, so I forced Bear’s feelings out of my thoughts.