CHAPTER ELEVEN
Things were looking up. All my family now knew. My mum went on a blitz at a family birthday and told everyone in sight. The grapevine will tell the remaining few. Apparently, there wasn't really any bad reactions.
I wasn't at the birthday party because I had to work but my mum told me everything. I received a few texts saying how brave I was for 'coming out'. They were all very nice. My family have all been great to be honest.
Oh and guess what? I was out one night in a gay bar and guess who was also there
Freddie!
And he had his tongue down some two-times-his-age guy's throat.
I couldn't resist going over to speak to him.
“Hi Freddie!” I said without a friendly bone in my body.
I looked at his friend and shock his hand. “It's really, really, really, lovely to meet you, Sir.”
Freddie was dumbstruck.
I ignored him and again addressed this guy he was with. “Sir, I wouldn't sleep with him if I was you. He's so far in the closet, he's practically living in Narnia! And if that's not bad enough, he gave my friend crabs!”
I felt I'd gained a bit of revenge as I minced away.
My new job is still in fashion but for a department store rather than high street. The job is fine and the pay is fine but, more importantly, it is full of fit men. They're everywhere. It makes going into work that bit more interesting. There's plenty of gay guys as well. I made sure that I was 'out' from the beginning. Every one was fine about it at least to my face. There was a couple of guys I had my eye on during my first weeks at the job; one was a straight guy with a girlfriend and the other a gay bloke with a boyfriend. I made sure I didn't fall into the trap. I've learnt from my mistakes.
I did recently become embroiled in a juicy will-they-won't they saga with one of the managers from work. I say a juicy saga but it wasn't really. I mean it seemed to be to everyone else at work. They thrived upon the scandal of manager and staff attraction. We work on different departments so it's not as awkward as if he was my manager. His friend, Thea, definitely frowned on the developing situation though when she came to speak to me one day.
“People are talking about you and Jerry,” she said. “I think it should stop!”
“There's nothing going on,” I insisted.
“Well you know I'm close to Jerry, don't you?”
“Yes.”
“Well he's told me and some others that he fancies you. He shouldn't -”
“I can't help that, Thea,” I interrupted.
“But you've telling people you fancy him, right?”
“Yes, that's true.”
“Can you see why people are getting carried away? People love the rumour mill. And you've both said you like each other. Plus you're both single.”
“I guess but I don't really care. So what? It's not a sack-able offence is it?”
“No, but he's worried.”
“Who? Jerry?”
“Yeah because he's a manager. And he's trying to progress up the ladder to running his own store.”
I was annoyed that Jerry didn't talk to me about this. We weren't even going out, but asking someone to step in as a a go-between was stupid.
“I need to speak to Jerry about it,” I reasoned. “It's our problem. Not yours.”
“OK, but I was just trying to help.”
“I know you are. I'm not mad at you. Thanks for talking to me.”
I headed towards Jerry's office. I tried to be as discrete as possible but I noticed a couple of winks and smiles fired in my direction from work colleagues. Oh no, everyone must know I thought to myself.
I knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Jerry's unmistakable voice said firmly.
He didn't realise it was me at first.
He is much taller and slimmer than me He also has an air of authority around him. That's understandable as he was nearly ten years older than me and had been a manager for the last eight years and had progressed a few rungs up the ladder in that time.
“Jerry, can I have a quick word?”
He was taken aback my boldness in coming to his office.
“This is not a good place,” he said hurriedly. “Let's go for a drink after work. Are you working until the stores closes?”
“Yes,” I responded smiling.
“Good. Meet me in the car park after work and I'll drive us somewhere near-by and we can talk there. There's too many people around here and were supposed to be working.”
I aimed a lips-sealed gesture at him and quickly left the scene.
Jerry is a complicated soul and that's me talking. He's had girlfriends on and off for years but he's recently come out to his family and friends including people at work. The main issue with him is that he's a manager. He doesn't want to tarnish his reputation. I like him but I'm not going worry myself silly about what might or might not happen any more. We hadn't even kissed but there has been lots and lots of flirting between us.
I jogged out of work at closing to ensure no-one else would be near-by. I was lurking in the dark like a fox waiting for him. I wasn't going to pounce of him though. We just needed to chat things over. I could see him in the distance so I started jogging again, had a little look around to make sure we hadn't been noticed, and dove into his car as soon as he had opened the passenger door. He seemed slightly annoyed with me, most probably for barging into his office earlier. Maybe that was stupid. I put it down to my more confident, who-cares attitude.
I spoke to break the ice as Jerry drove out the car park. “I'm sorry for coming into your office.”
“It's fine. I shouldn't have sent Thea to talk to you. Did any one see you come into my office?”
“Yes, sorry.”
“Never mind. We should have been more careful.”
“You're right,” I agreed. “We have both been blabbing about our attraction to each other. People are just taking an interest in the gossip.”
“Yes and if we had just told each other things would have been simpler.”
We were very friendly towards one another, there was a definite spark in our interactions but we were coming from different places. I felt all my drama was finally over. I was comfortable being single for now. I didn't have anything to lose. He had his career to think about.
We drove for a good twenty minutes and we were now away from any possible prying eyes. We stopped at bar near where Jerry lived. He offered to drive me home after our chat which I accepted. I had to initiate the conversation. Even though he was much older, he was very inexperienced around gay men.
“So, Jerry how did your family take it when you told them you were gay?”
“My mum was fine for the most part. I think it freaked my dad out a bit but not too bad. But I think we should talk about us,” Jerry suggested.
“That's fine,” I insisted. I'm OK about things. I'm not that bothered about people knowing. It will be old news soon. There's isn't really anything to talk about, is there? But Thea told me you were worried.”
“Yeah sorry about the Thea thing. I was too shy to approach you. And thanks for coming to my office. This drink was a good idea.”
“So Jerry, it's up to you what we do?”
“Thanks for being so understanding. To be honest, I like you. But I'm still accepting being gay. I don't think I'm ready for -”
“Mate, it's fine,” I insisted. I have been really enjoying the flirting between us. I wasn't expecting or really thought about anything more.”
He smiled at me. “Me too. I think it's best if we're just mates. I don't want my career to be affected in any way. And I need to get used to the gay thing.”
I nodded in agreement. “Yeah that sounds good to me, mate.
We hugged each other.
There's plenty more fish in the sea!” I added jokingly.
He dropped me off home after a few more rounds. I wasn't that bothered. I didn't matter who fancies who more. I didn't know the answer to that anyway. It was nice to have an adult conversation with another gay lad about feelings and stuff. I know I've made a friend in Jerry. I'd never been able to do that through the dating web site or even the support group.
I can't help but compare my feelings for Jerry with those for Tom. I know nothing has happened with any of these guys, but the feelings felt much more real than with any of people I met online. It's probably the nature of meeting them. I met them randomly and over time developed friendships which morphed into feelings and sexual attraction. Meeting people online is obviously a much different kettle of fish. Maybe I could try looking for friends online and seeing what happens in the future rather than looking for love or go out more with my existing gay friends at work and see what happens.