8
The Time is Never.
This story begins in a small town but people with big hearts and ambitions. A dentist who is fed up with his life wants to end his life. He is hanging at the edge of a roof on a nearby building in that tiny township.
If anyone at the ground level had bothered to look up, they would have seen a lonely figure at the precipice head bent forward, looking down at the street below him. Busy people don't look up. They are too busy doing their daily activities as they want. Most of them are the Mind Your Own Business (MYOB) type.
So there he stands unnoticed, trapped in the act that he wants to perform, an act that could end his life. He surveys the scene complete with potential landing spot and sees an old horse cart passing by which reminds him that life has to be a journey worth moving on. Yet he was here doing just the opposite.
Then there were a few people going about their business. However, none was so eager to worry about him because in the past few years the world has become a place to mind your own business. On seeing the approaching death everyone begins to see the past happenings of their life quite clearly. So a lot of events began flashing in the screen of his memory but none seemed relevant now that he had made his decision to go.
He began to think. ‘Who cares? Well, at least I will go out in style. It's the closest I will ever get of being a witness.’ He expands his view to the surrounding area filled with scurrying people who are too busy to notice him. Look at them running around in their ignorant little lives. So completely oblivious of what is going on around them like thousands of tiny little ants.
He floats a foot in front of him squashing each little human bug in turn making a splat sound each time. They continue to scurry around seemingly too busy to notice their demise. But Rani could not continue to torture herself with this dreadful scene. “What are you doing up there?” she yelled.
"Ah! … What?" Caught totally off guard by the voice that just should not have been there, he jumps uncontrollably, losing his footing in the process.
"Oh my God!" He tries desperately to regain his balance, his arms swinging around in the hope that if he manages to grab enough air then he could somehow pull himself back from oblivion. His mind screams at him, ‘I am going to die. Yes I know that is why I was here in the first place but now it is actually going to happen and I cannot change my mind. It is too late.’ “O God, help me!"
This is not new for some desperate human beings. Whenever they reach a point of danger they either start praying or begin to think of God Almighty. This is realization in futility.
Time seems to crawl as if wanting to stretch out the torture of his demise for its own sadistic pleasure. Every second is traced in slow motion and minute detail like you see with those fancy slow-motion cameras they use for sports replays.
For a while, the person on the roof seems to balance right on the edge before gravity wins out and he tilts forward headlong into the abyss of his inevitable end.
"No!" Everything is a blurred, spinning, colors and shapes blending into one crazy kaleidoscope. Seemingly, in no time, he is lying on his back on a pile of hay that was there for sale to the dairy farmers. He is gasping for air both from the breath being knocked out of him and the sheer terror of the ordeal.
Wow, that was quick! Somehow, he was expecting it to take longer with him floundering in thin air, his voice slowly trailing off into the distance just like in the movies. But wow, he actually did it. He took his first step in committing a suicide, even if accidentally and unsuccessful.
He is actually dead, isn't he? He must be because there is an angel hovering above him, surrounded by the sky so blue in which puffy white clouds sauntered without a care. She was a vision of incredible beauty. Her hair is a glowing cascade that falls down towards him like a golden shower.
Even if we are unable to decide what the color of her hair is, she is still gorgeous, unbelievably gorgeous. Like the most gorgeous creature that had ever lived. ‘Oh My God,’ he thinks, ‘if I knew Heaven was going to be like this I would have ended my life years ago!’
The angel seems to be studying him. This is probably what angels do with new and despondent people. It struck him that she seemed vaguely familiar even though he had never seen her before. Maybe this is an angel trick to make people like him feel at home.
"Are you ok?" Her voice sounds like an orchestra of harps all played in perfect harmony. Actually it probably just sounds like a voice but in his dazed state he took it as his life saver. His internal monolog repeats, ‘yes I suppose. I mean I am dead, of course, and I have got a rotten headache but apart from that, all this is not too bad. Death does not seem to agree with me.’
"You were lucky I managed to grab you in time and let you fall on the heap of hay otherwise you were gone forever,” the angel continues.
At this point, he reluctantly tears his gaze from her and turns his head to see the familiar surrounds of the roof. “Ah. So I am not dead then and you are not an angel. Oh, but you are still a heavenly beauty.” He manages to control himself.
He wants so much to rip her clothes off, bathe in her beauty and then ravish her until the end of time itself but he crazily settles for, "I am Raju."
She takes his outstretched hand, "I am Rani."
‘Rani, the Queen. Sweet Rani of Raja, the King. If only he was called Raja then this would be perfect. Wow, I bet no one has said that before!’ But what are the odds that on a lonely day some helpful stranger would happen to turn up right at the moment he was preparing to take his last step ever? Was this destiny? She beat him to the question. "Why were you up there?"
He grimaced slightly as he sat up, “Committing suicide.”
"Oh and I ... I'm so sorry ... I didn't realize. You didn't actually look like you were going to jump. In fact, you looked like you were trying not to."
"No well I was up there committing suicide alright but a lot of thoughts of the past were worrying me."
"I see ... you don't seem very good at it."
“Well, I have not had a lot of practice. I thought I would give it a try to see if it worked out for me."
"And?"
"I am not sure it is the career move I am really looking for." Raju stands up slowly still shaky from his experience. ‘Maybe one day I will have the guts to actually see something through to the end,’ he mutters to himself.
“Sorry?”
He changes the subject quickly in order not to have to explain him. "So what brings you up here then to save me from myself?"
"I just moved in the house next door and was having a look around when I saw you on the roof." She pauses, "You could still do it, assuming that you were desperately interested in doing it. I could stay away until you were gone so you could spend your last moments alone. You want to give it a second try?"
"No, I have kind of lost the mood now after seeing you as my saviour."
She nods her head in an understanding manner. "I understand."
There was a slight pause, then Raju, perhaps still in a state of shock, did the one thing he thought he would never do, he asked a girl out. "Do you want to help me shorten my life with some drinks instead?"
She smiles, "A much nicer way to go. Sure.”
And so, moments from supposedly ending his sad lonely miserable life, Ragendra Prasad Shriwastow found an angel and a reason to hang around just a little bit longer. There was a problem of course. While Raju had managed to ask the girl out he had no idea what to do with her next. Of course, the age difference was obviously revealing old age and youth.
Raju's local haunt was not the classiest joint in the town by any means. Even if you redefined classy to mean total crap this place still would not make the grade. It was dingy, falling apart and smelt like things had been done in it that were really not worth thinking about. Not only that, but it smelt like those things were done some time ago and no one bothered to clean them up. Also, it was not a place where pretty girls visited very often judging by the way the local inhabitants reacted to Rani's arrival.
Suddenly there was an eerie silence as everyone stopped muttering to each other and turned to stare. It was rather unsettling, made worse by the fact that the locals then decided that they wanted a closer look at the strange looking but pretty woman. They gathered around her like Bollywood zombies each trying to grab a bite. It was only when Raju opened the curtains at their table did the drinking dead retreat back into the shadows ever peering but still waiting.
They sat at the table peering uneasily into the glasses of their amber liquid. It was Rani who took it on to start the conversation. "So what do you do for a living?"
“I am a dentist.”
“Oh, and how is that working out for you?”
"I was on the roof contemplating suicide and that should explain something."
"Point taken." Pause … long pause … awkwardness rising. "What about you?"
"I am … um … at Uni."
"Ah, studying what?"
"Law … I think."
"You think?"
"I don't turn up much."
"So what do you do with your time?"
"Oh ... you know ... stuff. Earn and pay for my studies."
"Like rescuing desperate men from committing suicide from the roof top?"
Her face lights up in response. “Exactly!"
From that point, they start to relax and gradually share each other's life stories. Raju feels what it is like to be a normal human being and even as a dentist be able to talk to another normal human being without having to stick things in their mouth first.
Eventually, when evening threatened to take away their protective light, they left the dump and wandered back to their places of residence, which so happened to be another dump. At the entrance to her door, they say goodnight. "I enjoyed today."
"Me too. How about we do it again, perhaps even tomorrow?"
Raju is astounded, like unexpectedly slapped in the face kind of astounded. "Really?" He is too astounded to conceal how astounded he is.
She smiles, "Sure, you are a fun kind of guy. I am glad I saved your life today." She kisses the now speechless and still astounded Raju on the cheek and retreats to her flat.
He regains his composure, sprouts a smile, spins around, does a little jig and falls down the stairs! Probably should have looked where he was standing first. Many people do this when they are either confused or excited.
"Are you OK?” a muffled voice queries from the other side of the closed door.
"Fine ... nothing to see here,” the idiot responds, hurt.
And that is how it began. The man tired of life meeting up with the beautiful young girl so full of it. What adventures will they have I wonder? That is a rhetorical question. I already know what happens. You will just have to find out.
Raju wasn't really that old, not physically anyway. But mentally and emotionally he had lost his youthful edge at quite an early age. He was eroded by disappointment until smooth and featureless early life.
Now he just spends each day going through the motions as dictated by routine and an inability to break free. He didn't really want that much out of life. He never sought fame or fortune just a simple happy life and yet somehow even that seemed too much to ask for. He had contemplated suicide before but somehow he could not take that final step.
And that was Raju's life really, unable to go that one step further, to take a chance. He was the guy who would run away from a fight, who couldn't ask a girl out, (today being the exception due to his apparent shock) who couldn't stand up for himself. He would be one of those people who would steer away from someone in trouble because he didn’t want to get involved. Not because he didn't care, but … well actually he didn’t really know why. The upside of all of this was he didn’t have to care about anyone else or face the prospect of them leaving him.
The simplicity meant that he lived a risk free life that left him free to do anything he wanted. Except this was Raju and it seemed that he couldn’t do anything other than what he was doing now. But suddenly, there was this pretty young thing actually asking to spend time with him. This was a bit much to process and Raju was getting a headache trying to digest all this. He was feeling a bit dazed and confused.
Part of his problem was that Raju didn't have a lot of experience when it came to successful interactions with younger members of the opposite sex, particularly pretty ones. His only other intercourse, for want of a much better word, in the last God knows how many years involved the all too brief conversations with his receptionist, Maya.
Conversations were usually brief with his receptionist mostly because they spoke different languages. Well, technically they both spoke English but she spoke modern urban English whereas his was a somewhat more dated rural version that was in serious need of an update.
Much about Raju was in need of an update. To be fair, he had recently installed a patch that helped him to finally understand words such as internet, website and email although social media and illegal downloads were still beyond him.
"So what are you doing?" Raju often asked Maya.
"Facebook,” came the disinterested reply.
"Facebook? I see." This was a strange concept because Raju couldn't remember a time when he ever saw her face in a book. In fact, he wasn't overly convinced that she could even read let alone writing and publishing her photo in a book. But he didn't want to her to know that he had no idea what she was talking about in case it made him look more stupid than what he had so far displayed himself.
To be honest, he had hired her for her looks and the slightly delusional possibility that something might happen between them. It did, and it was called awkwardness. It helped to lower his self esteem that little bit further. So while they were working in the same place their physical distances seemed that one was in London and the other in Tokyo.
Tomorrow took ages to arrive mostly due to a long night where he couldn’t sleep due to the excitement of actually spending a day with someone else. Not even the time-tested act of relieving the tension worked for him tonight. Eventually though, in an act of mercy, the Saturday morning did arrive.
There was a nervous tap at the door. It opened to reveal the same vision of beauty that had saved his life the previous day. “So where are we going?”
He hadn't actually thought that far ahead. He had become so wrapped up in the excitement of actually going on a date, if that was what this was, that he completely forgot to plan where. Anyway, Raju was in a dilemma. He was also in jeans and sneakers and he had tucked his shirt in.
“Um … how about we just walk and if see something good we can go there.” She smiles.
“Cool.” Raju says to convince Rani that he knew a few modern conversation pieces.
They vacate the building and head towards the park that borders the river. Eventually they find a cafe where they drink coffee and eat cake in the sunshine. Then they wander and do some more chatting about nothing in particular. Sometime later, after the almost mandatory visit to the local tourist haunts, they grab a bite to eat whilst watching the sun slip below the horizon. Then they see a movie.
Several hours after the movie had ended Raju still hadn't figured it out but he never let on and gave up trying. After the movie, they ate some Mexican food. By the end, they had managed to fill in an entire day and most of an evening as well … most impressive.
Once again, they found themselves at her door saying goodnight and once again, to his surprise, another date was suggested at a time to be arranged. This time however, the dance occurred well away from the stairs. It had occurred to him that suggesting a nightcap might be the go but in the end he chickened out. It was probably just as well.
All that chilly and bean stuff had caused somewhat of a disturbance in Raju's intestines and he was grateful to finally be by himself in his apartment so he could relieve the pressure by farting to his heart’s content, if you know what I mean. It escaped with such force that he was convinced that he was forced forward several centimeters as a result.
The next day was Sunday. Sunday normally consisted of waking up, spending the day wandering around in his under wears and worn t-shirt and subjecting himself to the torture of what constitutes entertainment in his apartment. As usual, he woke up in his under clothes and worn t-shirt and was thus prepared for the forthcoming day's events.
There was a knock at his door. That did not usually occur on a Sunday or indeed any other day. He opens it to a bright beaming face. “I’ve come to take you shopping.”
“But I don’t need anything.”
She looks him down and up, “Yes you do. Come on.”
She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the building. It should be said at this point, to protect what was left of Raju's dignity, that he was permitted to clean himself up, put on fresh under clothes and t-shirt, and cover them in something more suitable for wearing in public. Then she grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the building.
Anyway, soon they were on the bus to the main shopping precinct. This was not a place Raju was familiar with. Fashion was something that skinny pouty poker faced barely post pubescent girls wore. It was not the place for sad lonely men who had become old before their time. But, he went along with it because well he was with her and while he was with her he was not a sad lonely old man so what the hell.
He tried on clothes, reluctantly at first but then he started to join in the act. He even started to improvise with his combinations, something that was quickly stamped out! Raju had to admit that while he had originally felt a bit peeved by the whole experience by the end he had to agree he did look good. At the end of the day, he had a new outfit. A shirt plus one or two other items.
He wasn't sure how much this had hit his credit card but what the hell. It had been years since he had bought new clothes. He sort of figured that if you hung onto something long enough then it would become fashionable again. Of course, you would have to continue to wear them during the unfashionable years as well.
This was a small price to pay for paying as little as possible. Besides, no one could tell under his dentist garb so it didn't really matter. Now he had new clothes thanks to the lovely Rani, and his credit card. The question was … why?
It struck him that she had decided to turn him into a project. The question was … why? And who was this person who suddenly popped into his life? The young vibrant beauty, who wanted to spend time with him and not with people who were her own age, the question was … why?
The fact was he didn’t know anything about her, even after all that talking the other day, apart from her name, her waist and an estimation of her bra size. Well, let’s face it, up until now he didn’t care but now he was learning to admire what was displayed before him as a beautiful young girl.
The whole hanging out with such a heavenly beauty was more than enough. At some point during the day, he even started calling her Angel after the first day they met. She didn't seem to mind so he kept on doing it.
Something else struck him this day and he felt happy. He hadn't felt that for so long that at first he thought there was something wrong with him. But no, something was right. Something was very right. A hard day shopping can sure build up a hard-earned thirst and beer was definitely on the menu. But not at his usual haunt. He didn’t want to go back there and have Rani gawked at again. In fact, even if he was by himself he didn’t want to go back there. He was learning to be dignified.
Something had changed. His taste seems to have accidentally improved. The company of this beauty had changed the thinking of the beast somewhat. Instead, they found somewhere a bit more upper class. Somewhere that smelt of good food not something has died somewhere and no one can be bothered finding out what. I think this may just become my new local. They consumed their beer unmolested and this time the talking was easier.
In a second of honesty, he had to agree with her. “I did think about working in the outback at one point or even overseas in a rural community. I even got the brochures.”
“So what stopped you?”
“I don’t know what,” He pauses, “I always do.”
“Why?”
“I figured that I wouldn’t be up to it. I'm not good with change. Leaving behind moments in time has never been easy for me. Change has always been a dirty word.”
"But you could so easily change everything, live a whole new life. Become a whole new person.” She quickly put her hand up in a stop sign, "not that I’m saying there is anything wrong with the old person. But if you are not happy then why not change things? Change is one of the best things for all of us. To change your thinking you need just four things and these include your brain, your wisdom, your self-confidence and the clear understanding of defeat and win.”
It all sounded so easy when she said it but she wasn't him. She was everything he wasn't and he almost resented that fact.
“It's OK for you. You are young and free and have your whole life stretching way out in front of you. You can do anything. Go anywhere."
She had an instant response. “But so can you. You've got stacks of years ahead of you and you have no commitments. So why not go?”
He hung his head like a schoolboy who had just been scalded. He didn’t want to face the truth, he wasn’t sure he wanted to be part of this conversation anymore.
But he thought, ‘God she was pushy. Stunning but pushy. She was efficient and professional in one smart package.’ If it wasn't for the fact that he wanted to her so much he could have thought otherwise.
She reached forward and lifted his chin with her finger so she could look into his eyes. Somehow, she seemed to know what he was thinking. She kissed him and said, “You need to believe in the impossible as against what is possible.”
A fortnight flew by as quickly as time has a nasty habit of doing when you’re not paying attention. The visits and outings remained regular and they slipped into a kind of familiarity that people who normally spend a lot of time in each other’s company do. The questions regarding whom, how and why disappeared and he slipped into a happy acceptance of his situation. And so after all this time all he knew about her was her name and the fact that she is beautiful beyond compare. But that was all.
She remained a mystery, a beautiful mystery that fuelled fantasies in all the men that observed her including him, he just couldn’t help himself. His clients started to note that he seemed a little different to the norm. He seemed, well, somewhat brighter, almost like he had an injection of personality.
There was even a bit of light chit chat and a few occasions to joke. Well it was so bad that it was hard to tell. Only his receptionist seemed to notice the changes. She just kept on as normal completely ignorant of what was going on around her. Although there were a few times when she would give him an odd glance, he did see her.
When he wasn’t looking, there was just a little flick of the eye as if she was noticing him for the first time. It was soon over and she returned to whatever she was doing which was probably facing or defacing a book, I’m not sure. Maya was contemplating something plausible but when she could not get the right vibes.
Raju had stopped thinking about how meaningless his life was even though it was pretty much the same as it always was, Rani being the sole difference. Ah, but what a difference! It is amazing how easy it is for one person to completely change someone else's view of the world by giving them the attention they never had before.
Suddenly there was a reason to be positive. Whenever he was with her, he felt good about life. She was someone he could really look up to especially since she was a good two inches taller than he was. And for all intents and purposes, she seemed more than content to spend her evenings with him and not anyone else even though she easily could have anyone she wanted.
He had no idea what she did during the day when he wasn’t around. He assumed it was study. What else could it be? She didn’t seem to work which raised the question of how she was able to pay her way. Probably has a rich daddy somewhere busy underwriting his little princess’ life style. Although, considering the apartment block she was living in, he was not being massively generous.
He wondered what her daddy would say if he knew that she was hanging around with some old crusty like him. He probably wouldn’t be too pleased. Raju smiled to himself. ‘Well it’s not my problem.’ The song ‘Common People’ popped into his head thanks to the local radio. It seemed to fit the situation so it stayed there for the rest of the day buzzing around without much else to distract it.
Life is good, thought Raju to himself as he wrenched out a septic tooth and cast it into the tray, life is good. It was another beautiful sunny day as he made his way to the surgery with the rest of the workday crowd. His thoughts were, as was usual, with his youthful often present friend. It occurred to him, fleetingly, that he would really miss her if she was ever to lose interest in him and move on. Actually, he hadn’t previously considered the concept of her moving on. ‘Oh my God!’
His world began to close in on him. His life had become so wrapped around her that the concept of her not being there didn’t occur to him. But why would she stay? She had no real reason to. But what if she goes? What would he do then? The prospect of returning to his old pre-Rani life was almost too much to take. His thoughts returned to the rooftop. Maybe that is where he will return one day. ‘No not yet please, give me a little more time.’
Is that too much to ask for? He wasn’t chirpy that day. There was no chitchat or terrible jokes just quiet polite responses. Even his receptionist seemed to be showing some concern or she could have been confused by a big word in one of those books she was facing. It’s hard to say without actually asking her. Maya was happy because Raju often gave her a pleasant look and greeted her nicely in the mornings.
It was a long hard day, an endless parade of drilling and filling in his surgery. Of bad breath, bad teeth and inane nothingness. It was a slow form of torture and showed him no mercy as the day dragged on its anchor until it finally berthed in the evening letting him disembark.
At the end he was happy to leave the world on the other side of the door that clicked shut behind him. As soon as he reached home, two seconds later, there was a knock. He sighed. Once upon a time, a knock at the door would have been an event worth noting but now it had become a regular event.
“Hi, what are you doing?” She seemed to be in a particular perky mood. Well she was in fact all round perky.
“Um … Nothing exciting. I was just going to drink some beer while watching the football."
"I like beer and football and I think it is a good mix for today," she beamed.
"Right ... um … do you want to s