Chapter Ten
Although I was worried about Elijah I was more worried about myself, my nerves now that we were safe had been shot to pieces and the full horror of what had happened on the peninsula had caught up with me. The kindly old doctor who had operated on me had transferred to the Mauritania from our mail ship and he told me that I had been extremely lucky. It seemed that the machine gun bullets that hit me had been deflected off something and so had not hit me with their full force. The doctor said to me. “I expect you to make a quick recovery and there should be no lasting damage from the bullet wounds however the shrapnel may be a bit harder to mend but given time to rest I see no reason why you shouldn’t soon be back with your unit.” I thought to myself what unit as far as I knew there were hardly any of the Company left and surely they wouldn’t transfer me back to the peninsular because I didn’t think I could take it back there anymore. The one ray of sunshine in all of this mess was that a fair bit of mail had caught up to us so there were a few letters from Helen and Rosie to read Helen had trained as a nurse and was now working in a hospital in Manchester but she had written that anytime soon she expected to move over to France and a field hospital to carry on her nursing duty. The news did not fill me with enthusiasm and I hoped that she would still be at home when I got back there or at least I prayed she would. From Rosie’s letters it seemed that she was doing her bit as well and I read that she had got a job making ammunition in one of the new armaments factories that had sprang up in the town.
Archie read Elijah the letters from his wife and at least these seemed to cheer him up for a short while but soon he would be back to normal just lying there and saying nothing to anyone. It was like he had just given up altogether and if he didn’t pull out of this depression soon I didn’t think he would pull out of it at all. I had tried talking to him but it was all to no avail he had only spoken to me once saying. “You should have left me on the battlefield because I would be better off dead than blind with half a lung and half a face.” I didn’t know what to say to this and a black depression settled on me as I realised that Elijah was blaming me for his condition. However a few days later George, Frank and Bert turned up they had heard we were here and had wangled some time off to come and see us. I looked at Frank who had aged quite a bit over the last few months and it was hard to relate him to the jovial quite man who had joined up with us at the Town Hall. He sat down and asked me if I would mind going over what had happened so I told him the story of the landing and what had happened to the twins when I finished he went and stood in the garden staring into space. Bert told me that Jimmy had survived but that he had been sent back to blighty and would be invalided out of the service as his wound was far to serious for him to stay in.
Of course George and Bert wanted to know everything that had happened so I had to go through all of the deaths again Charlie, Eli, Johnny, Lt Cole and a lot more then Archie had to ell them about Ben and Snowy. They looked down in the mouth after this but they were no where near as down as me and Archie had to go through all this again. Then they informed us that they would have to be leaving in a minute to get back to Mex Camp but they would come again when they could and they would fetch some supplies for us fruit and the like. They had tried talking to Elijah but he had just ignored them as though they didn’t exist so they just shook their heads shrugged at us and then went to get Frank and to travel back to camp. A lot of the time we would sit out in the gardens that surrounded the hospital and the warm sun and fresh air made a wonderful change from the antiseptic smell of the ward. We read and smoked played cards and crown and anchor we pushed Elijah round in a wheelchair and he didn’t seem to mind this but he still didn’t talk or even seem to recognise who we were. A lot of the time we would talk to the nurses and doctors just to hear different voices from the ones we were used to and heard all the time. A few days later George, Frank and Bert turned up again and shocked me by telling me the Battalion was heading back to England and then over to France for some big show that was about to happen. The advance party would be leaving in a couple of weeks and the rest would leave a couple of weeks after that. They also told us that our Company from Gallipoli was coming back as there were so few men left in it that it wasn’t worth it staying there. This news of embarkation had shocked me severely and I said to them. “I will have to find out what is going to happen to me and Elijah and whether we will be returning with you or staying here for some time longer.”
After the lads had gone a nurse came to change my dressings and I asked. “Can you tell me how long I am going to be kept here”, she looked at me saying nothing and finished the dressings. I continued saying. “You see my Battalions going back to England and I wouldn’t mind going back to blighty with my mates if that is possible?” She smiled at me and told me. “I will find out what I can for you and I will ask one of the doctors to have a word.” She was as good as her promise and a short time later a doctor in a white coat turned up beside my bed and asked me. “Is it you that wants to leave our lovely little hospital?” I told him what I had told the nurse about the Battalion leaving so he said. “I am afraid that we can’t let you go just yet as those shrapnel wounds are taking longer to heal than we thought but you should be able to leave us by about October then you will be ready for duty.” He continued saying. “However your friend there will be leaving on the next hospital ship in two days time at home he can be taken care of better and they have more expertise of caring for his face wounds and the depression that is gripping him. Of course he will be invalided out of the service but he will live and with time I am hoping he will recover a lot of his mobility and his mental health.” He walked away and Archie came over to me and said. “Listen Billy Boy its for the best he will get more specialised and better treatment back in England than he would do here.” I replied. “I know your right Archie but I can’t help feeling that I have let him down in some way and I feel so helpless. Archie patted me on the shoulder saying. “Well you haven’t you’ve been a good mate and when he is better he will see that so don’t worry”, and he went off to get a book to read.
We said goodbye to Elijah but we might as well not have bothered because he was in a world of his own and as he was carried out he didn’t say a word or even acknowledge us. I said to Archie. “I hope they can do something for him back home it’s a crying shame what’s happened to him.” Archie nodded his head as he watched him go saying. “I hope they can as well mate because it would be tragic if he stayed like that for evermore I mean what will his missus and kids think if he is like that with them?” I didn’t need to answer that as we both knew they would be heartbroken and who could blame them. The doctor came and examined me and a nurse changed my dressings again as the doctor said. “You are making excellent progress and I am quite pleased with the way you are mending you are right on track”, and he then went to examine Archie.
A few days later the lads came back to say goodbye and take their leave as they were going back to England with the advance party we told them that Elijah was on his way back so it was a sad day all round. Gorge came up to me first saying. “Well Billy Boy take care of yourself and get better soon don’t be hanging around here chasing nurses get back to the Battalion as soon as you can.” Bert came up next and hugged me as he said. “Take care of yourself old friend I will need you to be my best man next year as me and Mabel are getting married I popped the question in one of my letters and she said yes.” I shook him by the hand. “Good for you Bert I am so pleased for the pair of you and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Archie shouted across good on you cobber I hope that your Aussie mate here is going to get an invite?” Bert replied. “Course you are Archie after all we regard you as being one of the lads and I can grantee it will be a day to remember.” I saw that George had a rueful smile on his face at this news and I remembered that he had taken quite a shine to Mabel at one time. Next Frank came over to me he shook my hand saying. “I just wanted to thank you for telling me what happened to the twins I saw the pain and sorrow it caused you but it made a big difference to me knowing. So you take care and get better the catch us up as quick as you can because it wont be the same without you after all you are now one of the only battle hardened veterans we have.” The lads left after saying their goodbyes to Archie and the ward seemed a sadder place for their leaving and I would be glad to get out of here as it was getting a bit depressing now. After the lads sailed for England time began to drag at the hospital and I would watch the people who had been cured heading back to their units with envy. Then came a real low point when Archie’s turn came to be released he was going back to Mena Camp to Cairo to join another Battalion. We said our goodbyes and he told me. “Well Billy Boy mate its time for me to be off but I will surely miss you so watch your back and take care of yourself and I will see you at Bert’s wedding in the summer so till then look after yourself cheerio Billy Boy”, we shook hands and then hugged we broke apart and Archie left the ward stopping at the entrance and giving me a last salute.
With Archie gone it was nearly unbearable and a black mood descended on me and I moped about the ward like a dead man walking locked into my depression. The trouble was that with no one there I knew my mind was dwelling again on the events that happened on the Peninsula and the nightmares had returned with a vengeance. I was spiralling father and father down into the depths of despair and I didn’t seem to be able to stop myself. Then when I had been at the hospital nearly two months the doctor came to see me he gave me a thorough examination and said. “Well I suppose you will be glad Pte Lamb because you will be leaving us the day after tomorrow you era finally going home and will travel on the hospital ship Asturias and judging from the grin on your face it wont be day to soon.” I replied. “Thank you very much Sir you don’t know what it means to me I am itching to get back to my Battalion.” He now had a frown on his face as he informed me. “You will not be able to go back on active service straight away you will still need some treatment and this and your dressing changed will be set up at your local hospital. Also you will have a spot of leave coming so just enjoy it after a few weeks and when the doctor back there says so you will be able to rejoin your unit.” The time really dragged now and I couldn’t wait to leave here though I thought I never would but the time came and I did boarding the hospital ship Asturias and then sailing that night in convoy for home.
I was over the moon and couldn’t stop grinning like the village idiot the thought of seeing home again filled me with happiness and I willed the ship to sail faster. Then I thought about seeing Helen and all of a sudden I wasn’t so sure the black moods that had overtook me since Gallipoli were frightening and things seemed to have changed irrevocably forever. I would just have to play things by ear all though in her letters nothing seemed to have changed and they were full of love and endearments still you never knew. After all I had certainly changed because nobody should have to go through the squalor, filth and danger that we had been through let alone losing your friends at such a rate as to make your head spin. I was terrified that the things I had experienced might have changed my feelings towards Helen made me more coarse or brutal I didn’t think they had but the again you never knew. It was a wet Wednesday when the hospital ship docked at its berth at Southampton Docks and the badly wounded were being disembarked on their stretchers. I and the rest of the walking wounded filed down the gangplank and there at the bottom were a group of FANNY’S running a canteen and handing us mugs of tea as we filed past. I drank my cup of tea and then went to see the Transportation Officer about my rail pass as I had no money apart from a few pennies. I went to the Office and waited in line behind the rest of the blokes that were there the line seemed to moving very slow but that might just have been me. There was a Captain sitting at the table as I got up to it he looked up as I saluted and seemed non to pleased to see me the first thing he said was. “Where the hell have you come from and where did you get a uniform that looks like that you are more like a tramp than a member of his Majesties army!” I must admit that my uniform was a bit informal the shirt was three sizes to large for me as was the tunic I had on a pair of shorts that were a might small I had no cap and was wearing plimsolls on my feet. The Transport Officer continued berating me. “How dare you turn up dressed that way I’ve a good mind to have you slung in a cell and brought up on charges? Well what have you got to say in your defence and it had better be good?” I could feel the black mood begin to descend on me but I thought careful you could be shot for clouting a fucking wind bag like this Captain so I said. “Well Sir I have just stepped off the hospital ship Asturias and before that I was in hospital in Alexandria and before that I was on Gallipoli.” Things had gone deathly silent in the office now so I continued. “My uniform was cut off at the aid station Sir and ever since I have been dressed in pyjamas and a dressing gown I was given short notice about coming home and these odds and sods you see me in mow Sir were all the nurses on the hospital ship could find me.”
The whole queue was listening now and the mention of Gallipoli had them all hooked and I could see the astonishment on some of their faces as well as on this jumped up Captains and he looked like someone had just fed him a turd as he turned to me again saying. “Well it would seem that under the circumstances we can overlook the uniform this time so just wait there a moment”, and he shouted of a Corporal in the back room. Then he turned back to me and said. “Right lad where are you going show me your orders, right Blackthorn”, he stamped my papers and gave me a rail pass saying. “I see you have convalescent leave did you suffer from some kind of disease?” I nearly said. “Yes a Turkish one”, but I thought better of it and just replied instead. “No Sir I was wounded at the third battle of Krithia.” He looked up at me and I saw the shock on his face then he said. “Right lad go with the Corporal here and he will see you get a new uniform the see the Paymaster he will issue with a little of your outstanding pay the rest you will get from your Battalion.” I thanked him and followed the Corporal to the stores and there I received a brand new uniform including socks underwear and boots. I changed out of my mismatched stuff and left them for the stores NCO to burn then I boarded my train to begin the first part of my journey back home I sat back and closed my eyes as the train started but they soon flew wide open as the nightmares started again.
I don’t know how many times I changed trains or how often we stopped to let other trains pass us by but eventually I arrived at Blackthorn station and it was joyful but sorrowful at the same time. Because I could not help but think about a time not that long ago when five soldiers were exited about stepping off the train to start their leave. Now two of them were dead one was a cripple and one was blind and had only half a face and lung and I had been wounded the odds had not been in our favour. I stepped down onto the platform and it seemed to be a dirty shade of grey and with the rain sweeping across in a curtain of silver droplets it was dismal and depressing I shivered for I was unused to the cold and had no greatcoat for warmth. I walked out of the front of the station and went to catch a tram to General Gordon Street but as I walked to the stop the memories of Charlie came flooding back and I all but fainted at the vivid recollections that assailed my senses. As the tram rattled across the junctions and carried on towards my stop the wound in my leg was giving me jip and my groin had started to ache abominably and I didn’t know if it was because of the weather or what. I got off the tram and walked along towards General Gordon Street at the junction with Nelson Street I considered going to see Charlie’s mother but I just didn’t have the stomach for it. In fact the last thing I wanted to do was to relate the tale of Charlie’s death to his grieving mother it would not only upset her but it would upset me as well as starting off the nightmares again. So I kept on walking and as I did so my limp became more pronounced so the by the time I turned into the gate of 123 General Gordon Street I felt as though I only had one leg.
As I was about to knock on the door I stopped and thought do I really want to enter here I mean so much had changed in such a short time and nothing would ever be the same again. I couldn’t bring myself to knock at least not just yet too may things were turning over in my head I had some money in my pocket and so I decide to head to the Intack inn and see if anyone I knew was there on leave. I caught a tram back to town and got off at the stop walking over to the Intack and pushing open the saloon bar door as I walked in Mr Tillman said. “Hello Billy Boy I haven’t seen you for a while here the first drink is on me.” I walked over to the bar and Mrs Tillman came over and joined me she said to me. “Come on lad lets get you a seat with that bad leg of yours we cant have our heroes standing up can we”, and she sat me down by the fire and sat next to me. She really was a good looking woman and just as strong minded she shouted over to the bar. “Come on with this poor lads drink and fetch me a sherry with it while your at it your slower than a drunken slug.” As she turned back to talk to me I could see Mr Tillman muttering under his breath and pulling a face at his wife but he made sure she could not see him do it. He came across and his whole attitude had changed to one of fawning on his wife he really did have more faces than the ‘Town Hall Clock’, as he said. “There you go my love and here you are Billy Boy”, he placed the drinks on the table and retreated back to the bar were he poured himself a whiskey. Mrs Tillman sipped her sherry and said. “Get your pint supped lad are you just back from France is that where you got wounded?” I looked into her beautiful face and replied. “I was at Gallipoli and have just come back from Alexandria today on a hospital ship.” Mrs Tillman exclaimed! “You poor lamb we have read about the terrible conditions out there and all the young lads being killed and injured and those Australians and New Zealanders. I was only saying to Joshua the other day how terrible it must be out there”, she stopped talking and there were tears in her eyes.
The place was beginning to fill up now and get busy and a lot of the people that were coming in seemed to be war workers with reserved occupations. They were rowdy and noisy and waving a lot of money about and when I looked at them I thought what a bunch of cowardly shits I had lost a lot of good mates so that these scavengers could have a cushy war. Mrs Tillman must have seen the look of disgust on my face because she said. “I know their a noisy set of coves but Joshua likes them coming in if it was left up to me I wouldn’t have them in the place I think it’s a disgrace the amount of money they are making.” She glared at heir backs as she continued. “No I don’t like it at all when they sit safe at home while brave lads like you are away fighting. It’s not right and like I say they are making real good money and to me that’s taking advantage and profiting from our boys at the front.” She sipped her sherry and at this moment I felt very lonely with out my mates I would have given anything to have Elijah or Bert or any of my other comrades in the Battalion here with me. It was different being in the army and especially being in a Pals Battalion because we were special and a race apart from civilians like these stood at the bar. I could feel the black depression descending on me again and the almost tangible hate that I felt for those shirking bastards stood at the bar waving their money and drinking.
I stood up to go and Mrs Tillman said. “Where are you off to lad it’s only early yet and I don’t want you going home in that frame of mind so sit yourself back down and get warm in front of the fire you look freezing.” I was going to argue but she continued. “My name is Anne and all your drinks tonight are on the house that’s the way a returning wounded hero should be treated. So you just sit there have a drink and stop fretting about those good for nothings at the bar I will sit here and look after you don’t worry.” I thought to myself what a good woman the exact opposite of her husband because this was just like her she would do anything for you and had a heart of gold. She shouted to Mr Tillman. “Did you hear what I said Joshua young Billy Boy doesn’t pay for a drink tonight?” She turned back to talk to me but then stopped saying to him again. “Put your face straight it looks like a wet weekend a few beers aren’t going to put us in the poor house so while your at it another beer for the lad and another sherry for me and don’t take all day.” When he went back to the bar after serving our drinks Mr Tillman’s face had a bigger scowl on it than usual and so he poured himself another whiskey then polished a glass furiously while his wife drank her sherry and talked to me. So I stayed at the Intack for a short time and enjoyed myself talking to Anne and watching the misery on Mr Tillman’s face every time a free drink was ordered for me. I might have stayed even longer had not one of the shirkers noticed my uniform and detaching himself from the bar came over he then proceeded to tell me how we should go about winning the war. I thought to myself what a fucking cheek this bloke who had never heard a shot fired in anger in his miserable life was telling me how to fight the war. Of course there were a lot of this type in the pubs talking a good war from the comfort of bar or vault, bloody idiots who had no idea what war was all about.
I could hear him rambling on but it seemed to come from miles off as he said. “Now take what is happening in France I would have that sorted out in no time I can tell you we have to get our lads out of the trenches and get them to show a bit more aggression going forward after all its only the Germans we are fighting.” The room seemed to come to life again and the noise from the bar was loud and crashing and hurt my ears at first. Then I thought I can’t listen to this bullshit anymore and I was just about to stand up and punch the bastard right in the middle of his smug well fed face when Anne exploded like a signal rocket. She stood up and her hands went onto her hips and although she was only a small woman she was a real hellion with a tongue that could cut like a knife she started on the man stood in front of us saying. “Listen here you pompous windbag what would you know about anything let alone the bloody war. You sit here safe at home with no intentions of going anywhere near the fighting and try to tell brave lads like this one how the war should be won you make me ill you really do.” Her chin jutted forward and her eyes blazed and she was awesome to watch I can tell you however I was glad that he was on the receiving end and not me. She continued. “This young lad has been in the fighting and he got wounded for his troubles so he doesn’t need a shithouse like you butting into a private chat and shouting the odds and neither do I. So take your advice elsewhere and your unwanted presence as well and think yourself lucky that brave lads like this are fighting so you can carry on making lots of money nice and safely.” The ‘Armchair General’ looked at Anne in amazement and I noticed that his face was as white as a baker’s apron that was until the colour rushed back to his cheeks. Now his face was lobster red as a blush of shame covered his face and neck and he tried to stammer out a few words but failed miserably and his mouth just opened and shut like a ventriloquist’s dummy.
Anne had not finished and said. “Not another word out of you mister get out of my pub and don’t ever come back we don’t need the likes of you using the Intack Inn so just crawl back into which ever sewer you came from.” The man stepped forward whether to remonstrate with her or to grasp her I don’t’ no but before I could move Anne’s hand curled into a fist and she lashed out like a striking snake. It caught this cove square on his upturned nose with enough force to squash it and make the blood flow down the front of his clothing. The look of shock on his face was worth all the shit he had been talking and then to see him flee the battlefield with his tail between his legs was priceless and made my night. He went through the door faster than Anne had hit him and she shouted. “Mind the door doesn’t hit you up the arse on the way out.” She then apologised to me saying. “I am sorry about that lad what must you think and me using language like a docker but I just cant stand blokes like that they make my blood boil.” I looked at Anne now with a new kind of respect and also a certain amount of wariness as that right hand would have made the Battalion boxing champion proud. But I was not the only one looking at the landlady through new eyes all the war workers at the bar had watched the altercation and were now staring at Anne. She glared back at them and said. “What’s wrong with you lot have you never seen anyone evicted from a public house before? I would suggest that unless you want the same treatment as that idiot that you get on with your ale and stop staring as though this is a penny peepshow”, and having blasted the shirkers she sat back down with me.
I had never seen a bunch of blokes move as fast for they had all spun round faster than a pickpocket could dip a wallet and were now staring into there drinks and never once did they look in our direction. I turned to Anne and said. “Thanks for everything tonight you made my first night back a lot better than it would have been.” She looked at me and smiled as she replied. “Stay longer if you want I like your company and it is easy to chat with you.” I told her. “Sorry I can’t stay any longer I had better get back home I haven’t seen anyone there yet and I don’t want to turn up too late on the first day of my leave.” She said. “I understand lad you get off home to your loved ones and make sure there alright but just wait there a moment.” She went to the bar and came back with a whiskey gave then gave it to me saying. “To keep the night chill away love you get that down you.” I thanked her for I was really touched by her kindness she kissed me on the lips and said. “Off you go lads and if I was a few years younger I would be off with you I bet all the ladies are falling over themselves to get at you”, and she laughed. My face turned beetroot red at this comment but I managed to stammer out another thank you before I left the Intack and headed for home. On the way back to General Gordon Street I thought about Anne’s generosity and what a fine woman she was going out of her way to make a young soldier like me welcome on leave. I also thought again about her standing up to that bloke and bridling like a ginger tom cat and the punch she had gave him no wonder Mr Tillman always did as she told him. But then I thought about the other civilians I had met we were no longer the same if they asked you about the war you couldn’t talk to them and explain because you would be wasting your time they were only bothered about their own ideas of it. They hadn’t the slightest idea of what conditions were really like nor would they ever be able to grasp the sheer horror and gut wrenching terror of battle or even a raid. So I had come to the conclusion that I would say nothing to these strangers it would be better that way I would only talk with my own kind.