Chapter Fifteen
As we entered the hallway I saw a black frockcoat and top hat on the hall stand Helen looked at them and her face went white as she said. “Those are Dr Durkin’s things Rosie must have taken a turn for the worse.” We ran up the stairs to Rosie’s room and Helen entered I was following when she stopped me saying. “No Billy Boy if this is bad Rosie won’t want you to see and neither will Dr Durkin I will tell you as soon as I can what’s happening.” She entered the room shutting the door behind her I knew she was right in what she had said but I was left to smoke and pace the corridor and I almost ended up climbing the walls as I waited for any news. I had been there for about half an hour when Helen came out of the room. I asked. “What’s wrong with her you have to tell me Helen?” She replied. “She has had another bad turn but Dr Durkin has relieved the symptoms for the moment and she is resting more comfortably now there is not much more we can do for her love but I and the doctor are going to stay with her tonight.” I said. “Then I will wait out here I cant leave her in her hour of need”, and I looked down at the carpet close to tears. Helen took my hand saying. “Listen love there is nothing you can do out here go back to the room and get some rest.” I knew once again she was right so I didn’t argue with her instead I went back to the room I tried to sleep but I couldn’t because of the worry and in two days I was due to return to France so I ended up smoking through the night. At first light Helen came into the room tired and drawn she undressed and climbed into bed beside me I gathered her into my arms and she laid her head on my chest. She said. “Rosie will be alright for now the crisis has passed for the moment I’m glad to say.” I kissed the top of her head as I replied. “Thank god for that I was worried sick but that’s a weight off my mind for now.” I continued saying. “Now you better get some sleep or you will be ill as well and I couldn’t bear that.” She tried to talk for a while but I soon heard the smooth sound of her breath as she drifted into the sleep that she so obviously needed I stayed awake a while longer and then I too drifted off into a deep sleep.
It was mid afternoon when we awoke so we washed and got dressed and went down stairs to the kitchen Beth was there and she said to us. “There are a couple of chops in the oven they should be right in about ten minutes then there are some spuds ready for mashing that pan there peas in the other one and gravy on the back burner simmering.” Helen turned to Beth with a look of affection saying. “How do you do it Beth you are a life saver and me and is lordship here will feast like royalty thanks to you”, and they hugged each other. I said to Beth. “Thank you I really don’t deserve all this but it is sweet of you to do it.” She replied quite waspishly I thought. “I didn’t do it for you I did it for Helen poor girls run off her feet and she hasn’t the time to start making your meals. However I will nip out after to get something special for your tea tonight so you can all sit down and have slap up feed together.” She laughed at the expression on my face as she continued. “Mabel is sitting with Rosie at the moment and Bert’s coming here tonight and will be staying until you both go back mind you the things you young ones get up to its enough to make me blush”, and she smiled at us both. Helen blushed bright red and I was left speechless as Beth breezed out of the kitchen like galleon under full sail laughing like hell. I would not have thought it possible that she could have changed so much for the better after the time she had been through but she had. The comparison between the old Beth and this new one was unbelievable I never thought I would see her happy again and I knew that when Charlie came home finally we would not be the only ones to share a bed together.
We had a leisurely lunch and then we went back upstairs Helen told me that she would go in and sit with Mabel and Rosie so I said I would join her and say hello and see how she was. Helen entered Rosie’s room and I was just following when I heard. “If that’s Billy Boy tell him to come back and see me in the morning when I’m looking and feeling better I will talk to him then”, and I heard a lot of coughing as Helen turned to me. I said. “That’s alright I heard alright, Rosie I will come and see you in the morning.” The coughing started again and I heard Mabel say to me from inside the room. Bert will be here any moment why don’t you go downstairs and wait for him Billy Boy?” I replied. “Alright Mabel I will do seeing as the old harridan in there doesn’t want to see me”, and I turned from the door and walked downstairs. About ten minutes later there was a knock at the door I answered it and there stood Bert with all his kit I said. “Come on in pal and dump your stuff in the front parlour your just in time to have a beer.” Bert dumped his stuff and we adjourned to the kitchen where we had a couple of beers and a fair few smokes Bert started to tell me that him and Mabel were stopping here but I told him I already knew. He said it was best with his dad still away that Mabel was here she would give the girls a hand until his father returned and then she would return to Bert’s. It was now getting on for evening and Beth came into the kitchen to make our special meal seeing as this would be our last evening one here she kicked us out saying she couldn’t work with us under her feet. So we ended up in the front parlour just chatting and relaxing in each others company until the girls came down and went into the kitchen. Beth came in and said. “I hope that you enjoy your special meal I’m just going up to be with our Rosie and give her something to eat.” I jumped up and kissed her on the cheek saying. “Thanks for everything Beth I know how much you have on your plate at the minute and we rally appreciate what you have done for us.” Bert jumped up and kissed her on the other cheek as Beth blushed and said. “Nonsense it was worth it just to get kisses off two handsome soldiers”, and she left the room laughing to go and see to Rosie.
The girls were stood in the kitchen as we entered and Mabel said. “Here’s a meal fit for heroes and no mistake.” The girls served us putting down plates on which was steak and potatoes with carrots, peas and gravy, Helen poured us two beers and whispered in my ear. “There’s jam roly-poly for afters I know that you will enjoy that.” My god I thought steak I hadn’t seen anything like this in ages and jam roly-poly for afterwards it wasn’t as though things were at starvation levels yet but the food situation was getting tight. So really Beth had worked a miracle with this meal and had even got enough so the girls could join us I had to say something so I said. “Here’s to good old Beth for getting us this steak I really didn’t think we would be able to get any.” Bert joined in as we toasted her saying. “Hear, hear and I will tell you something else it tastes marvellous there is a real tang to it that really complements it.” I nodded my head in total agreement as Mabel shattered everything by saying. “You can’t get steak anymore and even if you could it would cost a lot more than we could afford.” I replied don’t talk nonsense Mabel Beth managed to get some and we are eating it now and I say good on her.” Helen turned to me and said. “Listen my love we are all eating steak but it comes from a horse not a cow”, and they both laughed. Bert and I looked at them thinking they were joking but we realised they weren’t then Bet replied. “Horse or no bloody horse it tastes so good who cares”, and me and him grinned at each other and finished our plates. We really enjoyed that meal even if it did turn out to be horse meat instead of proper steak I know that I had certainly eaten worse than this so it didn’t bother me and Bet didn’t seem concerned either. We watched and chatted to the girls as they washed up and then they shooed us out while they cleaned the kitchen. So we took a couple of beers into the front parlour and had a drink and a smoke while the girls finished their work they came in shortly after and we played cards for a bit. After a while we stopped and just chatted as good friends do then we had a few more beers and smokes and finally without anyone saying anything we made our way to bed. We told Bert and Mabel that we would see them in the morning for breakfast and then later on we would all go to the station together.
Helen and I went to bed and held each other tight we whispered sweet nothings in each others ears the silly little things that lovers do. I told her that she was the only woman I would love in this lifetime or the next and that we had been blessed to have found a love like this. She said that she loved me more than life itself but that if it hadn’t been for the war we would still be at the hand holding stage of our courtship or maybe we might have got round to prim kissing. I agreed with her we might have kissed each others cheek or maybe even lips but this would have gone on for year after year until we wed. She said. “The war has changed everything love and speeded things up you must take chances now because death and destruction is all round us. It is women that have moved on though they are more in charge of their own destiny now and the old values that we used to hold as sacred are worthless now when you are faced with the possibility of losing your loved one.” I held her tight and replied. “Yes things can only change for the better after what we are going through and like they say at the end of it there will be a land fit for heroes that is partly why we are fighting the old order is gone.” After this we made love one last time slowly and tenderly and then we went to sleep sated and clinging to each other like the children we were but for once when my eyes closed the nightmares stayed away. In the morning I was up early but so was Helen I gave her the belated Christmas present that I had brought home with me and she gave me hers. It was a lovely locket with a picture of her face and a lock of her midnight black hair I put it on and it lay against my skin she kissed it and told me it would always protect me. I gave her the enamelled ring with the emerald in it that I had got in Egypt I slipped it onto her ring finger and it fitted a treat I was glad to see. She held it out in front of her admiring it I could tell that she really liked it she put it to her lips and kissed it then she kissed me hard on my mouth she stepped back saying. “I love it Billy Boy but does this mean that we are engaged?” She held it out to me showing which finger it was on and I waited for the smile to come that would show me she was joking but it never came instead I saw a look of hop and love on her beautiful face. I didn’t know what to say and thoughts whizzed through my head were we too young and I answered myself no she was the only woman I would ever love there would never be anyone else so I replied. “Of course it does my love if you will have me that is”, and tears coursed down both our cheeks. She came into my arms and whispered. “You are the only man that I would ever marry I love you more than life itself I’m so happy”, and she rushed out to show the rest of the females of the house.
Meanwhile I got my stuff together and then I looked at the beautiful girl in the locket that had just consented to be my bride and I pinched myself to make sure it was true. I went downstairs and had breakfast with Bert and the rest he shook my hand and the slapped me on the back saying. “Congratulations Billy Boy it couldn’t have happened to a nicer couple you belong together.” Mabel stood up and came round the table throwing her arms round me and kissing me as she said. “Well done I have never seen Helen looking happier you two are made for each other and its time you cemented that fact who cares about how young you are as long as it feels right. With things the way they are at the moment you grab your happiness where you can.” Helen came in holding her hand out and still admiring the ring she looked radiant and I couldn’t stop smiling thinking how lucky I was. She looked at me and said. “Billy Boy go up and see Rosie she is waiting to talk to you upstairs in her room”, so I left my fiancé in the kitchen and went upstairs to see my other love that was dying. Beth kissed me as she left Rosie’s room whispering. “I’m over the moon for the pair of you you’re a smashing couple made for one another so don’t ever let each other go and you keep your head down out there” and I saw a shadow pass behind her eyes. I kissed her on the forehead and walked past her into the room Rosie was propped up in bed and looked better than I had seen her in a while. I don’t know what it was but the pinched look had gone to be replaced by softness and translucence to her skin that made her look beautiful even the yellow had faded so you could hardly see it. She said. “Come and sit beside me love I have a few things to say to you and not much time to say them in.”
I sat down on the bed and she began by saying. “I’m so glad that you and Helen have got engaged I love you both dearly and I was wrong when I told you before that you were both to young.” Tears rolled down her face as she continued. “I know now that what you are doing is right life is to short for anything else believe you me.” She started coughing again and I held her to me she felt like a little bird frail and tiny then I gave her a drink of water she took a sip and settled down. Then she told me. “Oh Billy Boy how I wish it was you and me that were engaged but that wasn’t to be and you and Helen are made for each other and that’s how it should be.” She stopped and took a laboured breath saying. “I’m getting tired now but before I let you go there are two things that I must tell you before it is to late. The first thing is that I love you with all of my heart and that will never change not even after I’m gone.” She smiled at me before continuing as she said. “The second thing is watch out for Tommy Smith please Billy Boy he hates you and it’s an unnatural hate. Helen told me you knocked him out and might have broken his jaw good I’m glad”, and she laughed but then started coughing again. When she had settled down she said to me. “Watch out love because this will make him twice as dangerous now and he will try harder than ever to get his revenge on you”, her voice trailed off. I replied. “Never you mind about Tommy bloody Smith I know how to take care of him if he tries anything I will knock him flat again. Anyway I won’t see him because he is with the 2nd Battalion and not ours.” Rosie was getting agitated now and it wasn’t doing her any good as she said. “You don’t understand I know him believe you me and he is evil and he has the gift of the gab so never let him get into a position were he can use it against you.” I looked down at her and thought I know how to take care of him alright in a way that he would understand with my fists so I told Rosie. “I know the lad and like I say I will take care of him but why should he hate me so bad I have never done anything to him much?”
She shook her head and replied. “Because of Helen of course he has never gotten over her dropping him and he never will he loves her with a demented evil love and he will never forgive you because she loves you so much”, she coughed again but it soon subsided. I was watching her now and I held her hand saying. “How do you know what Tommy Smith thinks you hardly know him so how could you possibly know the things you have said?” She looked at me and tears started to run from her eyes as she replied. “Because he told me while he raped me that’s how I know how much he hates you.” My jaw dropped open and a red mist formed before my eyes as I screamed. “He raped you the little bastard I will kill him I will snap his fucking dirty little neck”, and I stood up ready to make good my promise. I could hardly speak never had I been so angry it was all encompassing it washed over me like paint and soaked into my very soul I thought that I might go mad But Rosie stopped me saying. “Do you not think that I would have had him put in prison for what he did if I could have proved that he raped me the trouble was that it was half my fault in a way” I protested but she shushed me. Then another cough racked her body and she shook in what I though was a fit but as I was about to send for Helen it passed. She continued with the story. “It happened last Christmas when I came down to the station to see you off” and she smiled at me as she remembered it. Then she said. “I was so envious of Helen god forgive me that’s why I kissed poor Charlie Slater to make you jealous but it didn’t you never even noticed.” I replied. “I am so sorry Rosie I had no idea really at that time how you felt about me.” She looked horrified at this and responded by saying. “No please don’t be it wasn’t Helen’s fault or yours it was mine and as for Charlie well there’s no doubt I will probably see him shortly and I will apologise”, I gave her another sip of water and she sighed.
She settled back now saying. “That’s better now what was I saying oh yes the station Helen and the rest were going home and Mabel asked if I was going with them but I reckon the devil was in me because I said no I needed some things in town really I just wanted to be alone.” Another cough rattled her chest as she continued. “Mabel had just gone when this lad came up he seemed quite presentable and was in uniform he asked me if I had just seen someone off. I said yes it was you and the rest of the gang but I was still wary.” Rosie’s breathing was now coming in short gasps labouring to inflate her lungs and she stopped for a moment as I said to her. “You don’t have to tell me all this now it is obviously upsetting you and wearing you out as well.” She shook her head saying. “No I must tell you now, anyway he said I know Billy Boy well we worked together at the foundry and he is a good mate of mine and by the way my name is Tommy Smith and I am very pleased to meet you.” I gave her more water as she stopped for breath again before continuing. “Oh he was a sweet talking devil alright I was about to introduce myself when he said you must be Rosie Moffat. I was impressed as I looked at him and asked how did you know that? Oh he replied Billy Boy often talked about you and I must admit that his description of you was spot on you are beautiful.” I looked at my darling Rosie and thought the little fucking bastard tricking her like that by using my name I now knew that when I next saw him I would kill him. She laughed and then coughed saying. “He asked me if we could go out on Friday night to the ‘Picture Palace’ then he said he was sure that you would like him to look after me as you were such good friends and you would do the same for him. He seemed so charming and plausible and he was supposed to be a pal of yours and so I said yes and to tell the truth I was feeling lonely everyone seemed to have someone but me but little did I know what he was really like.” The red haze was forming in my eyes again and Tommy Smith would not know what hit him when I got hold of him. Rosie went on. “He called for me that Friday night and he was the perfect gentleman but what I didn’t know was that he had planned everything in advance and I was going along unknowingly with everything.”
I offered her more water and she too a sip and smiled at me saying. “Anyway Helen had gone back to the hospital at Manchester Mabel was spending more and more time round at Bert’s with his father and Beth was looking after Ma.” I could have screamed when I realised how easy it was for the little shit to worm his way in Rosie continued. “Well we went out a few times and he was always the gentleman and always behaved so about the fourth time we had been out he said his mother and father were away and would I like to come to his house on Saturday for a drink? I could see nothing wrong with going and having a drink so I said yes why not and in doing this I played right into his hands although I obviously didn’t know it at the time.” I asked her. “Why on earth did you do that what ever possessed you it was a really silly thing to do?” Now she got mad and spat. “It’s alright for you sitting there saying things like that where were you when I needed you off playing bloody soldiers that’s where.” Her breathing was getting quite shallow now and I was worried so I didn’t bother replying she looked at me as her breathing settled down and said. “I’m sorry Billy Boy I know it’s not your fault it’s just that I’m so mad at myself for being so gullible and I’m taking it out on you.” She held my hand and I could feel how hot she was again I wanted to stop her but she continued saying. “I don’t know what it was call it nosiness call it devilment but on Saturday night he picked me up and we went back to his house.” She stopped again to catch her breath and then went on. “Well everything went well at first and I was really enjoying myself we had a couple of drinks and enjoying his company anyway he must have done something to my drink because after the second I felt really funny. He asked me if I was alright and he seemed quite concerned I said I felt really tires which I did but I put it down to the shift work at the factory.” A whole lot of coughs now wracked her body again and I said to her. “That’s enough I’ve a good idea what went on so you can rest now alright.” She laughed and replied. “In a while I will get all the rest that I will ever need so just listen to me I must tell you, he took me upstairs into a bedroom and told me there was a bed in here that I could use until I was feeling better.”
She shook her head and continued. “Anyway he didn’t leave and at first I thought that’s sweet he’s looking after me but that was the last thing on his mind. He started to take my clothes off I tried to fight him but he held a butchers knife to my throat and told me he would kill me if I resisted.” I was absolutely livid as I listened to what Rosie had told me but she wasn’t finished as she said. “I would have fought on and tried to injure him but I looked into those evil eyes of his and knew that he meant what he said he would have killed me. Then he squeezed my bare breast so hard it brought tears to my eyes and he said who will believe a slut like you when you come to a lad’s house by yourself when you know his parents are away. I knew he was right nobody would believe me so I let him take the rest of my clothes off and did everything he told me to do I will not go into everything he did because I’m too ashamed.” There were tears now in my dear Rosie’s eyes as she continued saying. “Anyway he hurt me Billy Boy and while he was making me do these revolting things he kept saying this is for that bastard William Lamb tell him how easy you are and to try you now I’ve broke you in. He will enjoy a slut like you after all he already has one but I bet she doesn’t know how to please a man like you do now.” I knew now that nothing on earth could save the fucking shit from death he didn’t know it but he was a dead man walking. Rosie was talking again. “He made me lie there naked as he told me how he had planned everything as his revenge on you and that now he had raped me the next one would be Helen. He said it was justice for the way you and her had treated him she had betrayed him and by rights should have still been going out with him and not you.” She was sobbing freely now and I held her to me as she continued. “The final humiliation was when it was over and I was lying there naked he looked at me and there was disgust written all over his face. He threw my clothes at me and said get dressed you whore and get out of the house you are contaminating it most women would have rather died than subject themselves to what you did so all I can say is that you must have loved it you slut.” The tears were now flowing like a river as she told me. “I tried to run out but as I was leaving he said to me don’t even think about reporting this or telling anyone or I will tell the police you came here and charged me money for what we did. I knew in my heart he was right and that if he branded me a prostitute he would probably get away with it after all I had gone back to his house alone and I knew that it would kill Ma.”
She sobbed her heart out my brave Rosie brought to this state by that bastard Smith I would take great pleasure in killing the little fucker and I laid her back against the pillows as she said. “That’s why I was so worried about you two a hate like that in a lad of his age is not normal and he will try to get back at you and Helen anyway he can. You must always be careful Billy Boy like I say he is a smooth talking devil and he is very clever.” She squeezed my hand saying. “Please warn Helen for me will you for he hates her maybe even more than he hates you. So try not to hit him again or do anything else foolish because he will have set a trap for you just as he did for me. You must promise me love you must swear on Helen’s life and I will rest easy?” I replied assuring her that I would be on my guard at all times but I reminded her that he was not in my Battalion and it would be unlikely that our paths would cross. But underneath I knew that they would and that I would kill him not just for what he had done to Rosie although that made me feel sick but because of the threat he posed to Helen. Rosie was really tired now the length of time she had been talking had really taken it out of her so I said. “I will leave you now love to rest but always remember this you have and always will be my sister and I couldn’t wish for a better one.” She smiled and I smiled back before I continued saying. “I will try to get some more leaves as soon s is reasonably possible so that I can come back and see you CSM Domby will fix it for me I’m sure. “Rosie replied. “Yes he has been a good friend and a tower of strength when he was home last he made all the arrangements for when the time comes.” I tried to shush her but she went on. “There is no trying to hide the fact for everyone knows that I’m dying and it’s good to know that at least I don’t have to worry about the funeral arrangements he really has been a rock.” I was startled for I never knew that he had done all this but then again that was typical of the man he just got on and did things. I’m sure he saw no reason to tell anyone what he had done for he didn’t look for praise or recognition and the respect that I had for him before was even higher now.
Rosie said. “Please forgive me Billy Boy for what’s happened?” I replied. “Forgive you for what there is nothing to forgive it was not your fault that the twisted bastard raped you. It was his believe you me he wanted to get back at me and he knew we were close and so he took it out on you and for that I must apologise.” I held her and gave her one last hug saying. “Don’t you ever blame yourself for what happened there is only one bastard to blame, and I will see you the next time I’m on leave now you must get some rest.” I kissed her forehead and started to leave the room but she stopped me and said. “I love you Billy Boy always remember that, goodbye and look after yourself and don’t forget to tell Helen.” I looked at her and there was sadness in her eyes and I knew that I would never see my beloved Rosie again I left the room my mind in turmoil as Beth stepped in and walked past me. I went back down stairs and my mood was a bad one to say the least Helen saw my face and wasted no time in dragging me into the front parlour and asking. “What is it love has Rosie taken a turn for the worst I had better go to her?” I replied. “Please wait Helen I have something that I need to tell you and it must be now.” She turned back to me and I guided her to the table and pulled out two stand chairs for us we sat together with our knees touching and then I took both her hands in mine and I said. “Rosie has just given me a warning for both of us and I promised her that I would tell you.” So I went on to tell Helen what had occurred I spared her nothing telling her about the rape and the planning that had gone into it. As I finished she was visibly shaking and she swore saying. “That bastard Tommy Smith I will kill him myself if I ever see him but what about poor Rosie I had better go and see her before we go to the station.”
I squeezed her hands as I replied. “Wait a moment Rosie’s right love we must keep a weather eye out for friend Smith because hate seems to have warped his mind?” Helen released one of her hands and held it to her mouth as she said. “I can’t believe that someone could hate us so much at our age and after all I only stepped out with him a couple of times he meant nothing to me.” I looked at the love of my life and the compassion I felt for her knew no bounds as I replied. “He obviously though there was more to it than that and it just unhinged the little bastard when we took up together.” I could see tears in Helens eyes as she said to me. “I know all that but I’m mortified that he would plan and rape Rosie because of me I just cant grasp such evil.” Her face was crumpled with grief s I replied. “I know my love but I don’t think that was the only reason he did it Smith is one of the evil bastards that you sometimes meet in life. But don’t worry I will pay him back for what he has done believe you me he will reap what he has sown and it wont be long neither.” Helen then said. “I must go now and see Rosie before we go to the station and you had better get your kit together as we will be leaving shortly”, and she stood up leaving me there as she went off to go upstairs. I left the front parlour and went to get my kit as I was walking down the hallway Bert came out of the kitchen and greeted me saying. “I have just been to see Rosie with Mabel e have aid our goodbyes I do hope she recovers as she is such a trooper.” I nodded my acknowledgment as I replied. “Listen Bert I’m just going to get my kit and then I will come back down with it alright we will have a smoke and by that time the girls should be ready o accompany us to the station.” Bert’s face hung down like a bloodhounds and was just as sad as he said. “I wish we didn’t have to go back I can’t bear to leave Mabel behind it physically hurts me when we are apart and I know it hurts hr as well.” I didn’t like the turn this conversation was taking and so I replied. “Well we have to go back you know that I feel the same way about Helen as you do about Mabel but you know the penalty for going AWOL on active service its death old chum and don’t you forget it just think were she would be then.”
We walked into the front parlour and I dropped my kit on the floor near Bert’s we sat in the armchairs by the fire and lit our fags Bert said. “I didn’t t mean in the hallway that I wouldn’t go back it was just you know wishful thinking I wound miss this upcoming show for the world especially when all my mates are going to be in it.” I replied. “I know that we all dream about not having to go back but it is not that part which gets to me it is down at the station saying farewell that’s when it hits me.” We sat in silence for a few minutes each contemplating the time when you would have to let the person you loved most in the world go and dreading this final parting. The girls came in just then and Helen nodded at me they both looked drawn and a tangible air of sadness hung over them Mabel looked at us and with a wistful smile said. “Come on you two heroes its time to go though god knows Helen and I don’t