Chapter Ten
Carrie rose quietly just as the morning was casting its first rosy hues onto the horizon. She was careful not to make a smidgen of noise as she dressed and pulled her hair back into a loose braid. No one would see her. She would make sure to be back before the rest of the house began to stir. She had always loved to rise early. This morning especially, she needed the quiet solitude found when the rest of the world was still asleep.
She eased the door to the room open and looked back to see if any of her friends were stirring. Satisfied they were still deep in slumber, she moved down the hallway, descended the staircase, and carefully closed the big door behind her. Once she was sure she had escaped detection, she turned to skip down the stairs of the wide porch.
“Oh!” A delighted gasp escaped her lips. Motionless, she watched as the early morning sun, still lurking below the horizon, teased the wispy clouds into a mural of pink and orange flames that cast their light onto a purple canvas. Mist from the river rolled through the trees and shrubs, beckoning her to come explore the mysteries of the world. Carrie smiled and flung her arms out to embrace the morning, then ran down the stairs and across the wide expanse of lawn. As she approached the edge of the lawn, she glanced back once more to make sure no one was watching. What was that? Had she seen a drape fall? She stared hard at the house until, satisfied, she shook of her imaginings and headed toward the wooded trail leading to the river.
The day promised to be a warm one, and yet, Carrie was grateful for the warmth her cloak offered as she hugged it close to her body. It would take the sun a while to burn off the mist and heat the early spring air. For a moment, she considered going to the stables and claiming Granite for a ride, but it would take too long. She needed time alone before she had to be back for breakfast. Fragrant odors of dirt and decaying leaves assailed her nostrils as she moved down the trail beneath a canopy of new spring foliage. Wildflowers raised their heads to catch the first rays of sun. She rounded a curve and surprised a deer just moving from the woods to cross the trail. Startled, they both stared at each other. Sensing Carrie meant no harm, the tiny doe turned and stepped carefully back into the trees without issuing a snort of alarm. Enchanted, Carrie walked more slowly. She didn’t want to miss a single treasure the woods had to offer. Already she felt her heart responding to the magic of the early morning.
When the trail emptied out onto a clearing along the river, she dropped down on a lichen-covered log and gazed out. Fingers of moist air surrounded her, causing tendrils of her curly hair to escape the confines of her braid. She tilted her head back and watched the last flaming clouds flicker and die as the purple dawn turned to a deep blue, and the clouds transformed into puffy white cotton balls. Just as she felt that her heart would explode with anticipation, Carrie caught the first edge of the golden sun sneak its way onto the canvas of the morning. Mist swirled around her as it sought to escape the warming rays of the giant orb. Carrie knew she would never tire of the miracle of God’s world.
She leaned back on the log, listening as the tiny waves of the James River lapped against the shoreline, interrupted only by the occasional splash of a fish jumping in search of its breakfast. Gradually the sounds faded, replaced by the demands and questions of her heart. The events of the last two days rose in her mind to crowd out the reality of the world around her. She allowed herself to be drawn inward, closing her eyes to block out any distractions. It was why she had come. Why she had gotten up so early to escape the house and Louisa’s acid tongue. Only when she was outside and alone could she really hear her heart.
Carrie relived the day before—the tournament, and the thrill of Granite and Robert winning; the fear Robert would choose her as the queen, and the thrill he actually had. Carrie frowned as she examined this feeling. Never before had she been so intrigued by a man. Vividly, she recalled the pleasure of dancing with him, the ease with which they moved together, the feel of his hand on hers, the swirl of the music sending her to heights she had never experienced. Her frown deepened. The feelings bothered her, but she didn’t know why.
“You look much too serious for such a beautiful morning.”
Carrie gasped at the sound of a voice behind her and spun around so quickly that she lost her balance and began to fall off the log. She grabbed at the slippery bark, barely managing to regain her balance. She must have looked completely foolish. “Oh, my…” she started to say, but her voice was lost when she identified the speaker. She was dimly aware that her blank stare made her look even more foolish.
Robert was immediately at her side, reaching out to steady her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Carrie could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t sorry at all. Laughter was pulling at them, and the edges of his mouth were twitching. Speechless, she stared at him for a moment. Then she laughed merrily.
Robert joined her and sank down on the log at her side. “What a surprise to find you here,” he finally said.
Carrie heard something in his voice and looked at him closely.
He squirmed under her steady gaze. “Okay, it’s not a surprise to find you here,” he confessed after a few uncomfortable moments. “I saw you leave the house this morning and disappear down the trail to the river.”
Carrie continued to look at him steadily. She had no idea what to say to this revelation.
Robert continued. “We’ve had so little time to talk since we met. And I have to leave today...” His voice drifted off. He shrugged. “I simply wanted to spend more time with you, Miss Cromwell. I wanted to get to know you better. I hope you don’t mind.”
Carrie’s eyes widened and she found her voice. “I don’t mind at all,” she said, smiling warmly. “I’m glad you came.” Robert’s obvious discomfort had set her at ease. She would be herself. No more and no less. She was glad to see him and saw no reason not to say so. There would be people in the Blackwell household who would be appalled at their lack of decorum in meeting at the river like this, but it would be easy to claim it was an accident if they were discovered. She almost laughed at Robert’s visible relief that she wasn’t angry or put out. Knowing he was a little unsure of himself made it easier for her as she treaded these unknown waters.
Robert smiled in return. “Good. Because I still have yet to tell you how I won the tournament yesterday.”
Carrie waited for him to continue. Louisa would have immediately begun to pester him to tell, using her simpering ways and batting eyelashes to manipulate him. Carrie couldn’t be bothered. She hated games and didn’t want to play them with Robert.
Quickly, though without leaving out any details, Robert told the story of how Granite’s slight swerve had netted him the winning ring. “So you see,” he concluded, “it wasn’t I who won that tournament, it was actually Granite. I wasn’t even aware I had the ring until everyone started cheering.”
“He’s the best horse there is,” Carrie responded. “Although,” she added, “I’m sure he had no idea what he was doing. I’m just glad he did it.” She decided not to tell him she had guessed the truth already.
Robert continued. “Granite and I talked about it after the victory and knew that no one but you could be crowned the Queen of Love and Beauty.”
Carrie looked at the handsome man seated next to her with the proud-little-boy look on his face and felt completely at ease. Robert was going to be a good friend, and she just wanted to enjoy that. He was fun and surprisingly easy to talk to. She wasn’t going to spend any more time trying to analyze her feelings toward him. Her other friends would have a lot to say about how a proper plantation owner’s daughter should conduct herself in the company of a possible suitor, but she shrugged those thoughts away. She hadn’t worried before what people thought about her unpredictable behavior, why start now?
She was very glad Robert had found her. “I quite enjoyed being crowned queen last night. Thank you.”
Robert acknowledged her words with a nod and turned to her with a serious expression. “So, Miss Carrie Cromwell. I still know so very little about you. Please remedy that.”
“I don’t know that there is much to know, Mr. Borden. You already know I’m a fanatic about my horse and that I love to dance. You may not care to know that in spite of the privileges of my position in society”—Carrie drew the words out for emphasis—“I have absolutely no desire to spend the rest of my days as a plantation mistress. I can think of nothing more positively boring.” She had mentioned it the night before, but suddenly it was important he know how she truly felt.
“Well then,” Robert said as if he weren’t surprised at all by her shocking revelation, “what is it that you want to do with yourself?” He smiled as he added, “I know it’s still not really my business, but I would love to know.”
“I—” Carrie fell silent and looked out over the water. What was she thinking? No one but Granite knew the true desire of her heart. She hadn’t been willing to talk about it the night before. Why would she want to tell this almost complete stranger?
Robert waited. Carrie was not a girl to be prodded or manipulated. If she confided in him, she wanted to do it out of her own heart and in her own time. She knew he would not push her, and her liking for Robert intensified. She realized now why she had almost told him. She wanted him to know. For some reason it was important that he know who she truly was. Not stopping to analyze her feelings, she raised her eyes to find his dark ones watching her steadily. “I want to be a doctor,” she said.
Robert looked into her flushed face and determined eyes. “What are you doing about it?”
Carrie’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’re not going to tell me I’m crazy?”
“Should I?”
Carrie groped for words. “Most people think I should just be content to be a wealthy plantation owner’s daughter.”
“I don’t.”
“But, why?”
Robert shrugged. “No one has the right to dictate another person’s dreams.”
Carrie looked at him with open curiosity. “Where did you learn to think like that? Was it going to school in the North?”
Robert smiled. “I’ll answer that question, but only if you answer it for yourself as well.”
“Fair enough.”
“I suppose going to school in the North has made me change some of my ways of looking at things. The University of Pennsylvania is a fine school. They also have a highly respected medical school.”
“I know,” Carrie murmured.
“Education for women is much more accepted in the North. Or, maybe I should say, much more encouraged. I knew several women in the North who were excellent students.” He paused and looked at Carrie. “I assume you have had tutors?”
“All my life.”
“Good ones?”
Carrie wasn’t offended by his probing questions. “The best. Mama would have been content for me just to learn how to read and write and do some figures. My father knew how much I loved learning, so he kept the tutors coming. When one was no longer a challenge to me, he would bring another one.”
“A very unusual approach.”
Carrie nodded. “Sometimes I wonder if Father regrets it. I’m not sure he likes being caught between his rebellious daughter and his traditional wife,” she said ruefully. “It must be very difficult for him.”
Robert laughed. “I imagine it might be.”
Carrie leaned forward with an earnest look on her face. “Tell me about the University of Pennsylvania. About the medical school. Do they accept women there?”
Robert shook his head. “I have no idea.” He looked at her thoughtfully. “You realize how difficult what you’re proposing would be? There are very few women in medicine.”
“Yes.” Carrie’s voice was steady, but she hesitated. “I actually have no idea how to go about trying to achieve it. It’s a dream. Perhaps a hopeless one.”
“You have yet to tell me where this dream came from.”
Carrie smiled. “It’s the only thing about plantation life I have any interest in. I’ve been helping Mama in the quarters ever since I was very little. Finding someone very sick and discovering a way to make them feel better—there is nothing more exciting than that.” She paused. “But our methods are so simple. My father receives two medical journals. I read them from cover to cover every month. The things they talk about! The advances made in surgery! The new discoveries being made!” Her words flew from her mouth now as she grew more excited. “I want to be a part of all that. I want to help people.” She stopped. “I just don’t know how to go about doing it,” she admitted.
“Why don’t you go visit the University of Pennsylvania Medical College? Surely they would be able to give you information. The very least you could do is write them.”
The idea of going to Pennsylvania was very appealing, but Carrie had no idea how she would talk her parents into it. What reason could she give that would not throw her mother into hysteria over her unconventional daughter?
Robert’s voice grew serious. “No one but you can make your dreams come true, Carrie. If you want them badly enough, you’ll find a way to make them come true. But you have to want them badly enough.”
Carrie absorbed his words. “You’re right,” she said. “Until today, they were little more than a fantasy in my head. But saying the words—actually telling someone—has made my fantasy seem more real. It’s been something I’ve wanted all my life, but I suppose I never truly thought it could happen.” She stopped, lost in thought. Suddenly she looked up with a brilliant smile. “Thank you, Mr. Borden. You listened to me. You didn’t laugh. I’ll never forget that.”
Robert nodded. “Dreams are not to be laughed at.”
Carrie leaned forward. “Enough about me. What about you? What are your dreams?”
Robert settled back onto the log and swung his gaze to the river. “I love the South. The North is exciting and different, and the cities are intoxicating, but nothing draws me like my home. The beauty of the fields. Watching things come to life under warm sunshine. But it’s the river... The river pulls me. I seem to find myself in it.” He turned to look at Carrie. “I wasn’t surprised when you took the trail here this morning. Somehow I knew you were that way, too.”
Carrie looked at him with full understanding.
Robert continued. “I want to expand Oak Meadows, my plantation. My brother wants to leave, I think. Daniel wants to live in one of the bigger cities—probably Richmond— and build a business there. My mother and I want to stay. I want to see the plantation grow. I want to make all the improvements that have had to wait for so many years. I want to see the plantation thrive again the way it did when my daddy was alive. Now that I’m done with school, I can make it happen.”
“What happened to your father?” Carrie asked.
“He died.”
Carrie was taken aback by the sudden flash of fury that tightened his face. She would ask no more. It was apparent he didn’t want to talk about it. “I’m sorry.”
Robert lapsed into silence, staring out over the water. Long minutes passed. Carrie wasn’t uncomfortable with the silence. She didn’t believe there always had to be words. Quietly she waited, until most of the tension drained from his face.
“What did you think of our elderly neighbor last night?” she finally asked.
“Ruffin?”
Carrie nodded.
“He hardly came across as being elderly,” Robert said, smiling.
“He’s sixty-seven.”
Robert looked at Carrie in amazement. “I hope I have that much energy when I’m that old. He obviously felt strongly about the things he said.”
“Our Mr. Ruffin can only feel strongly.”
“A rather admirable quality, actually. One you seem to share with him.”
“I guess you’re right.” She grew serious again. “The things he says scare me. He would push the whole South into secession if he could, and I’m sure he intends to die trying...” Her troubled voice trailed off.
Robert leaned forward to look in her eyes. “Seeing the Union remain is the most important thing to me. I agree with your father that staying together is our greatest strength. I think ways can be found to deal with everything the country is struggling with.” He paused. “But I agree with Ruffin on one thing. If there is war—if the North comes down here to force their beliefs on us—I won’t stand idly by. It will be my land that is being threatened. My home. My way of life. If they come, I will fight.”
Carrie’s heart grew heavy as she imagined Robert going to war.
Robert’s voice was strong and confident as he continued. “I pray it doesn’t come, but if it does, the South will be victorious. It will be a short struggle. The North has not a chance against us. We will fight and then we will build our country the way it needs to be built—on each man’s right to decide his own destiny.”
Carrie said nothing, but her mind raced with one thought. Why then has the South taken away a whole race’s right to decide their own destiny? What about the black man? Her thoughts remained just that— thoughts. She knew she felt them strongly, but they were still too new to understand, or deal with, or even know if she agreed with.
Carrie shook her head and forced a smile. “This is black talk for such a beautiful morning.”
“You’re right.” Robert, too, shook his head slightly as if to rid himself of his intense thoughts. He turned to look deep into her emerald eyes. “I’d like to see you again, Miss Cromwell.”
Protocol demanded she be coy. Carrie looked directly into his eyes. “I would like that, Mr. Borden.”
Robert smiled broadly. “I’ll be coming through here on my way back from Charleston. May I stop by? I’d like to see you on Granite. How about a tour of your plantation when I’m next here?”
“I would love that. And I would much rather you call me Carrie. If you don’t mind,” she added.
Robert shook his head. “I didn’t want to make assumptions, Carrie.”
“You’re my friend.”
“Thank you. And please call me Robert.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but he turned to gaze at the river.
Carrie’s own thoughts were spinning. She liked Robert more than any man she had ever met. She knew her mother was hoping she would find a wealthy plantation owner to marry and settle down with. Robert Borden would be the perfect answer. Yet, everything within her was rebelling. Not yet. There was still too much she wanted to do. She didn’t want to get married. Robert himself had encouraged her to follow her dreams. She didn’t know how, but she was going to find out. She was going to do more with her life. In the meantime, there was no reason she couldn’t enjoy a friendship with Robert as she explored the new feelings springing up within her.
They walked back up the trail, both loath to end their time together. “When do you leave for Charleston?” Carrie asked.
“Today. My driver is taking me straight to the train station.” He paused. “I find myself even more eager to attend the Democratic Convention than before. After hearing Ruffin talk last night, I have a feeling it is going to be quite a show.”
“I want to hear all about it when you return.”
“I’m sure you do,” Robert responded with a smile.
“You find it funny?”
“Not at all. I find it refreshing, for I believe you actually mean it.”
Carrie stopped and stared at him. “Why wouldn’t I mean it?”
“Carrie, you have no idea how different you are.”
Carrie grinned ruefully. “You are wrong, kind sir. I know exactly how different I am. My mother tells me constantly that she wishes I could be more like her and the other girls my age, who are becoming exactly what they were destined to be.”
Robert shrugged. “How boring.”
Carrie smiled at him brightly. “How right you are!”
“I like you just the way you are. Please don’t change to fit what everyone wants. I would miss your refreshing honesty.”
“I shouldn’t worry if I were you. I tried to change, but I can’t. I guess the world is stuck with me.” She smiled and increased her pace up the trail. “In fact, the whole world is going to be awake soon. I want to be back before anyone knows I’m gone.”
Robert grinned as they rounded the final curve. “You’re too late. I think the world is already awake. Seems to be a lot of activity going on around here.”
Carrie looked up and gasped. Gone were her illusions of slipping back into the house unnoticed. For the first time, she thought of her casual appearance. Her hand flew to her head, where she felt the riot of hair that had escaped her careless braid. Her face turned a crimson red.
“I can’t go in like this!”
Robert laughed again, louder. Carrie noticed heads swivel toward them. “You’re still the most beautiful woman here. Now go. And hold your head high.”
Carrie gave him one despairing look before forcing herself to walk across the lawn. She bestowed a grave smile on the two carriages full of families leaving early to start the long drive home. She knew she would hear about this from her mother. Forcing herself to maintain a stately walk, she continued up the graveled path to the porch. Just as she reached the first step, she looked up to see Louisa glaring at her from the balcony of her room.
Carrie barely contained her moan of dismay. Louisa stared down at her with a look that could kill and then lifted her eyes. Carrie followed her gaze. She could have cried when she saw Robert standing where she had left him. As she turned, he smiled and lifted his hat in farewell. Then he turned back into the woods. She knew he was giving her time to go in. Steeling herself not to look up, Carrie lifted her skirts and climbed the stairs. She smiled as the butler let her in, trying to control his look of surprise.
She held her head high.