— Chapter Seventeen —
Spock, Stu, Dao and Moo were now on their way to Koh Samet. A small island, nature and marine reserve on the eastern seaboard. They hadn’t booked anything; they had just caught the 09:30 bus to Rayong and hoped for the best. The lads ordered the girls to turn off their mobiles, and to leave them off. The bus would take three hours from Pattaya to Rayong followed by an hour on the ferry to Samet.
‘Koh’ precedes all islands names
While on the bus the girls had been trying to teach Spock and Stu some Thai language, but without much success. Thais liked the foreigners to learn a little, but not too much, of their language. The lads weren’t interested. They had the basics:
Sawasdee krap, Hello.
Tow Lai krap? How much.
Hung nam ti nay krap? Where is the toilet and Aw bia sing, koat song krap. Two bottles of Singha beer please.
‘Krap’ being the polite ending to a sentence for a male,
‘Kah’ polite ending for female.
They figured they now knew the essentials, all they needed to know, and besides their ladies spoke English, although not so good, but they could be understood. They surveyed the other passengers, who were a mixture of foreign and Thai .Stu pointed to a bald Thai man wearing a T-shirt and jeans.
“Look Spock, it’s your Thai brother and he is as bald as a bell-end too.”
Spock chuckled.
“Yeah, he is the economy size.”
They arrived at the Rayong jetty and bought their ferry tickets and then went to one of the tour desks and booked two bungalow style rooms, at the ‘Malibu Beach resort’, which looked reasonable and was situated on the beach. They walked around the small market and bought some masks and snorkels. They embarked the small ferry 30 minutes later.
“Look Spock, your economy size brother has got on, and it looks like he has a sword tied to his rucksack, ready to chop off your useless head,” said Stu, chortling.
Spock took this comment with as much dignity as he could, and gave Stu a short, sharp, clip around the ear.
Pon had never seen the sea close up, and had never been on a boat, but he had conquered the sky, so the water should be easy he thought. The old ferry pulled out of the harbour and headed towards Samet. Pon felt a little scared the first few minutes, but heard laughter coming from the giant white monk and his companions, which for some reason put him at ease.
They arrived on Samet and caught a Tuk-Tuk to the Malibu Beach resort, and they passed Pon along the way.
“Your brother looked lost Spock,” mentioned Stu. Then noticing Pon follow in the same direction continued, “No, it’s okay, he appears to be coming our way,”
They arrive 15 minutes later at the Malibu Beach resort, a large resort with 50 rooms, swimming pool, restaurant and a small mini mart right on the beachfront. They checked in, changed into their swimming gear, and went onto the hot, golden sand. The girls had bought some fruit from the market, had taken some ice from the restaurant and happily munching on some dull yellow coloured fruit that gave off a pungent aroma.
“What’s that?” asked Spock
“*Durian,” explained Moo “You try, alloey, tasty.”
Spock pulled off a chunk out and sniffed it
“Smells like crap.” He took a large bite, then spat it out “Tastes like crap too.”
The girls ranted about him wasting food. He picked up the chewed lump of Durian, washed the sand off with some bottled water and offered it back to the girls.
They had a lazy afternoon relaxing and looking out at the clear blue still water of the South China Sea. The beach and resort were quite busy, with many people on the beach and by the pool.
That evening they ate, showered and took a stroll along the beach. Malibu beach wasn’t large, but other beaches were easily accessible from there. It was a central location, and they found smaller beaches with small resorts and bars, owned by both Thais and Europeans. They stopped at ‘Inga’s bar,’ that had small bamboo sides and a thatched dried banana leaf roof. Inga, the owner, was from Norway, an amenable chap, who once he started speaking, never seemed to want to stop. They ordered some cocktails as Inga told them that they were the best on Samet.
“Why don’t you try the Long Island ice tea?” He said
His small haggard looking wife mixed the cocktail and, although the lads had seen Inga’s wife put in at least seven spirits, they assured Dao there was very little alcohol content because it had a cocktail umbrella, which meant low alcohol. She’d believed this, drank it down like water, and ordered another. Inga had told them he’d had the bar several years and high season was good, which allowed him to survive throughout the low season. He said that he lived at the back of the restaurant, in a small bungalow, which, when the lads investigated on one of their voyages of toilet discovery, there was a shabby, run down shack. And when Stu enquired as to whether his bungalow was behind the dog’s kennel, Inga looked indignant and went to speak with other customers.
They moved along the beach, stopping at several more bars and bought shellfish off the many large half oil-drum barbecues .The freshest seafood they had ever tasted.
They returned to the resort around midnight, carrying a well wankered Dao. They put her to bed, Spock and Moo staggered to their room.
Koh Samet, like most Islands in Thailand, are jungle covered rocky outcrops or mountains. The larger islands have been developed to a stage were very little jungle remained, just sporadic spots. Large islands such as Phuket and Samui have been modernised and any spare piece of land has been turned into hotels, resorts, or other buildings to attract the hoards of foreign visitors and their money. The smaller islands remain relatively unscathed. The tourist developments only being around the flat areas around beaches, leaving the harder to develop hillsides relatively untouched and still prime, lush jungle.
In this small jungle terrain, overlooking Malibu Beach resort was where Pon had made himself a small shelter in order to observe his four intended targets.
He had gathered some edible roots and tree snakes that he ate raw, as he did not want to alert anyone to his presence by a fire. He had noticed the fish in the crystal clear water from the boat, but these fish didn’t look the same as the ones caught in the shallow streams surrounding Salaburi. He therefore decided not to catch or eat the sea fish. He used the illumination from the resort and noticed the four depart. He meditated and continued with his carving. His plan was to make a move that night, but when he saw the four returning to the resort, and one of the women appeared sick, he decided it would be wrong to do anything now. Besides, he would need her to translate for him, in order to get the relic, before dispatching them to their respective gods. He had thought Spock to be a Phra farang Kaw, foreign white monk, because of his shaven head and hoped that Buddha would forgive him for killing the monk but he had the relic, of that he was sure.
The next morning the four awoke around 11am. They ate breakfast and went down to the beach; it was a hot and sunny day. Dao had a hangover and busy blaming Stu and Spock for feeling unwell, and not believing their excuse of, “She probably ate a bad prawn.”
The lads wanted to go snorkelling and got their masks and snorkels, but had to pluck up courage, because the previous night, while talking to Inga, they mentioned about sharks in the ocean. Inga had told them that there were sharks, mainly Leopard Sharks, but they were harmless to humans as they were only bottom feeders and fed on small crustaceans”
This had panicked the lads a little, as the words, Leopard and Shark in the same creature’s name, certainly did not sound harmless to them.
After spending the morning chilling out, the girls went to their room to watch television, leaving the two brave explorers, who had eventually plucked up the courage to go beyond their ankles. Spock and Stu entered the warm clear water, the sound of the Jaws theme-tune in their heads. They swam out over the coral. It was low tide and they were only about two meters deep, but as they saw what the undersea kingdom had to offer, they soon forgot their fear. Large longhorn and fire corals littered the seabed, soft and fan corals all swaying with the current. The reef was alive with sea life, schools of neon blue tetra and butterfly fish were all around them. They pointed out to each other different species, a large brightly coloured triggerfish swam past, and a large Crown of Thorn starfish caressed the hard coral, taking its lunch out of the living rock. They snorkelled along and didn’t notice the crouched figure on the rocks, who watched their every move. The two lads loved every minute.
They had their attention focused on a cute-faced, small, box puffer fish, when suddenly there was a loud splash in the water close by.
Their first and only thought, ‘Shark!’ They popped their heads out of the water and swam in a panic toward the beach. They went a short distance and then stood up on the sand. They looked back at the rocks and noticed thrashing arms, legs and a body, which kept disappearing under the water, only to return to the surface and thrash some more.
“Look,” said Stu “someone’s drowning.”
Pon had never learned to swim, the streams around the village were too shallow, nobody swam and now he learned the hard way. He had slipped off the rocks and into the sea and thrashed about in panic, with his arms and legs slapping the water in an unsuccessful attempt to keep afloat. He swallowed some seawater and felt it going into his already weakened lungs. After a few minutes and totally exhausted he stopped thrashing and sank beneath the surface. He felt tranquil; everything was still and silent under the water. He imagined that he would soon be in Nirvana and was ready to meet his Buddha for guidance on the journey to beyond. He felt a tug on his T-shirt and became aware of being lifted to the surface. He broke the surface and started coughing and spluttering as water was expelled. He then got carried toward the shore.
Spock carried Pon to the beach and placed him on the sand, and whilst on all fours he coughed, spluttered, belched and vomited out seawater, he was exhausted. After a few minutes, he rolled onto his back and looked into the smiling faces of Stu and Spock. He was confused and unprepared, he could not fight, he had no weapons and he was an easy target. He rolled onto his front, and got weakly to his feet, then ran off into the jungle. Stu waved sarcastically and said, “Yes! Well don’t mention it, no thanks required.”
Spock responded, “What a rude little shit. Gives bald people a bad name.”
Pon got to his shelter and collapsed still coughing, his lungs felt on fire.
A few hours went by and Dao and Moo joined the lads on the beach. They had been snorkelling again, but now decided it was time to shower, change, eat, shag, and go out. They decided to leave the snorkelling gear in Stu’s room and, as they entered, a familiar face dressed in monks’ robes with a sword pointed at them, was now stood, with his back against the wall. Shocked, they moved forward and the monk cut through the air with his sword as a warning not to go any closer
“Where is the sacred relic?” Pon snarled, in Thai.
Dao and Moo couldn’t understand what he meant by relic, and became scared and confused. Stu was angry and confused. Spock became angry with somebody pointing a blade toward him.
Spock reacted and threw the masks and snorkels at Pon, who slashed the masks clean in half, but did not respond quick enough to return to his guard, and received a bone crunching left hook from Spock that could have felled a horse. Stunned and rattled to the bone, Pon dropped his sword. Spock shocked at not knocking this little man out, grabbed him by the throat and lifted him against the wall. Pon was dazed and tried to shake the effect of the blow off. He now dangled off the floor with an angry Spock staring at him. He became subdued and looked at the four.
Stu instructed Dao and Moo to ask him what he wanted and Spock released his choke-hold slightly, to allow the monk to reply. Pon tried to think of a way to reach his Glave. Moo then asked him what he wanted and he croakily replied.
Dao and Moo then understood.
“The little gold box belongs to him, and he wants it back,” said Dao.
Stu thought for a moment and said.
“The portable ashtray?. . . Why didn’t he just ask?”
Dao relayed the message and Pon fell silent, deep in thought. He thought about the events of the past week, of how he had lost his brother monks, and killed his own real brother and now he was confused about these two white men. He realised that he had been driven by his lust for revenge in his quest to return of the holy relic to restore the honour of the Tinju, and he considered, ‘surely it could not be as easy as just to ask’.
He looked at the serious face of Stu, and the frightened and confused faces of Dao and Moo, he glanced to his side and looked at the giant monk, these people didn’t appear the same as the other white men he’d already dispatched. They had saved his life and he owed them that. He quietly said.
“Have you got the holy relic...and could I have it?”
Dao repeated this to Stu who said.
“Tell him I found it, it is safe in Pattaya, and of course if it meant so much to him he could have it with pleasure.”
Pon could not understand this, he was confused, and could not think of his next course of action, he was a Tinju warrior, but he was also a man who lived for peace and harmony, and had slipped off his path to enlightenment. He was a Buddhist monk, who now unexplainably, non-Buddhists had jogged back into returning to his path. He never expected this after everything that had happened. What do I do? He thought.
Spock eased his grip and lowered Pon to the ground. Pon looked startled at the four, not knowing what to do next, he nervously started laughing. The hurt, misery anguish, and lust for revenge had been building up like a pressure cooker and now with his thoughts conflicted, the only release valve was laughter. Spock looked at the laughing monk and smiled and put his arm around Pon’s shoulders and looked deep into the small monks’ eyes, and said, “You my small friend are a nutcase.”
Stu started to laugh, making Pon laugh louder. Spock joined in followed by the girls. Spock picked up Pon’s sword tapped him on the head with the handle and gave it back to him, which kept the laughter going and, although nobody in the room knew what had been so amusing, it felt good and continued for several minutes.
Once the laughter had died down, Pon sat on the bed and briefly told his story via Dao and Moo. Although their English wasn’t so good, the two lads got the gist and noticed that the two girls look sheepish, every time the contents of the box were mentioned. They had to lie when asked if the box had been tampered with, this brought a smirk from Stu and Spock.
“Well at least they have new teeth now, last another 2000 years easy,” said Spock.
Stu, Spock continued with their laughter and Pon, who didn’t have a clue what they’d said, laughed anyway, which bought quick scowls from the girls. Pon was careful not to mention the demise of the previous duties, including his brother.
After Pon had related his story. Stu and Spock told of their plan to spend two more nights on the island and then return to Pattaya. They assured Pon that the relic was safe and he was welcome to stay with them until they returned to Pattaya. Pon, although cautious, reluctantly agreed, he did not want to spoil their holiday and besides, he could learn more about these strange foreigners. Spock went to the mini-mart and returned with a large bottle of Sangthip Thai whisky, four glasses and a wine cooler for Dao. He poured the whisky out and asked Moo to tell Pon it was an English tradition when new friendships were made. Pon had never tried alcohol before and the first taste came sharp to the back of his throat .By the third glass, he had gotten quite a liking for this new liquid, by the fourth glass, he was wankered and fell fast asleep. Spock and Stu booked him into a room and carried him to his bedroom. It was only seven o’clock. The four went to Inga’s, for another night on the Island. Pon woke up once during the night and rolled onto the floor and fell back to sleep.
The next day there came a tap on Stu’s door. Stu opened the door to a very angry looking security guard and a sheepish looking Pon, who had woken up alone and presumed that he had been duped. He had been running around, swishing his sword and causing mayhem. The resort staff eventually subdued him and said that he had been put in a room by his friends, and he calmed down when they took him along to Stu’s room. Stu brought Pon into his room, after Pon had blessed the staff and apologised. Stu didn’t think he had slept that long but his watch read five o’clock, so he left Dao and Pon in the bedroom, while he showered and dressed. He wanted to do a bit more snorkelling, so he would get Spock up and grab a bite to eat first. He walked back into the bedroom. Pon and Dao where watching television. Dao showed Pon how to work the TV remote controller, and Pon flicked through the Thai channels.
“Come on,” said Stu to Dao, who was still naked with just a sheet wrapped around her,
“We’ll go to eat and grab the last of the sun before it gets dark.”
Dao smiled
“It’s five o’clock in the morning, stupid man.”
Pon, the assassin, who could easily kill a man in the blink of an eye and whose fighting skills could, on a good day, take out a small army, got led, with his ear gripped firmly between the finger and thumb of an irate, small, fat Englishman and placed in his room. Stu sat him on the bed turned on his TV, gave him the remote and his watch and pointed to ten o’clock,
“Come back to the room then,”
He spoke and made gestures, in the hope that Pon would understand.
Stu closed the door and went back to his room. Dao lay naked on the bed, smiling. ‘That’s a bit of luck,’ thought Stu, ‘she appears to have accidentally left her legs open.’
They all had fun during the day, including Pon, who was an amusing little chap under all that seriousness. Stu and Spock taught him to snorkel in the shallows, after hiring two more sets of snorkelling gear. He was scared at first, but the two lads held onto him and marvelled by everything he experienced. He brought the rest of his meagre belongings to his room. Stu and Spock taught him a few traditions, like the normal English greeting of placing your hand into a fist and displaying the middle finger. The lads had fun watching him perform this greeting especially at Inga’s’, but they received a bollocking off the girls, who told Pon it was a joke and not a good thing to do. They ate at the barbecues and Stu and Spock thought Pon would finish the contents of a small ocean; he tried everything that had been cooked, and finished it all, bones, shells, everything. He drank a couple of beers, after he was informed this is a harmless liquid, but after being put straight by the girls, stayed off it after the first few. They all had a good time on the island with their new friend who was a source of friendly mockery. The next day, Stu and Spock decided that when they returned to Pattaya, Pon had to stay the night, as it was time, and indeed their duty, to get him laid. They caught the two o’clock boat the following afternoon and headed back on the bus to Pattaya. Pon had turned on Towhee’s phone and called Taksin.
Taksin had told Pon of the investigation and Pon confirmed that the relic would be in his possession soon. Taksin had told him about the two suspect foreigners who had vanished, but the third had now been discharged from hospital and would be able to lead the police to the other two. Pon had realised they had been referring to Spock and Stu, so he told Taksin that he had everything under control and asked him to inform the Pattaya police to back off from the investigation. He informed Taksin that he would get the relic later that day and return with it to Bangkok the following morning. However, Taksin told him that he would travel to Pattaya first thing in the morning and escort him back. Pon thanked him and turned off the phone.
Buddhist monks devote themselves to the teaching of Buddha. Both male and female monks are taught to be distraction free, hence, why both sexes shave their heads, as grooming is a distraction. Tinju, a male-only order, knew nothing else until now. Tinju monks had no time for women, all their time is taken up with work and teachings, Women are a distraction and never enter into their lives. Therefore, what they have never had, they never missed. Pon having spent time in the company of two attractive women and whose scent was different. He had suddenly and without warning developed a new and exciting sensation when he was near Dao and Moo, that is why he told Taksin the ‘next morning’. He wanted to spend the night in the company of his new brothers and learn more about women, for the first time in his life. ‘He was horny’
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*Durian. A large round knobbly/spiked green Fruit about the size of a large Watermelon and resembles a large medieval mace. Its flesh is dull yellow segments containing large seeds. It has a pungent aroma and is banned from most hotels in Thailand many displaying stickers in their lobbies. It is considered by most foreigners as the vilest of fruits, but it is a favourite amongst Thais who look forward to the Durian season, which occurs three times a year.