practical laws. Rules that can be easily understood and followed.
No one will join us with this feeble commandment of love.‖
Peter nodded and said, ―First point of order. Divorce‖
―We could connect it with adultery. Listen,‖ suggested Matthew
picking his writing up into his hands. ―I say to you that everyone
who divorces his wife, except on the ground of unchastity, makes
her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman
commits adultery.‖
―Good, Matthew, this seems something Jesus would say,‖ said
Peter.
―Wait there is more,‖ said Matthew raising his hand. ―I say to
you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already
committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes
you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose
one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into
hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw
it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that
your whole body go into hell.‖
―I don‘t know, this seems a little too harsh…but sounds pretty
cool. Next point of order. Homosexuality…‖
―Jesus never spoke about them directly, shouldn‘t we leave
them alone?‖ asked Andrew, his eyes filled with doubt.
―That doesn‘t count,‖ answered Philipp. ―He didn‘t speak of
many things. This is his first visit, he can‘t see everything, we
must help him and translate his words into our language. What if
we spread the word that we were chosen by the Saint Spirit as
vessels to convey the message of God. What do you say?‖
Everyone nodded and sat up a little bit straighter as they tasted
the manna that made them chosen.
―So listen,‖ said Peter opening his mouth. ―God gave them over
to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural
function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way also the
men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in
their desire toward one another, men with men committing
indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty
of their error. So?‖
―Perfect, Peter,‖ said Philipp. ―Saying to love each other is easy.
What homosexuals do is unnatural. Jesus clearly didn‘t want to
speak against the laws of traditions of a million year old society.
He cannot expect that everything changes with a snap.‖
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―But these people don‘t harm anyone…‖ said Andrew a little
aggravated by this meeting.
―Maybe they don‘t, but if we turn against the traditions of
society, no one will listen to us. We must reach out to them, make
them believe that we don‘t want to change the world. Once they
do believe this, we can start by making small amendments, taking
out passages here and there until only one law remains: Love
each other as I love thee.‖
Everyone nodded.
―Listen to this, people, this will blow your mind,‖ said Matthew
smiling. ―A rich man shall hardly enter into the kingdom of
heaven.‖
―Good, good, the rich, blame everything on the rich,‖ said
Peter.
―And what about his words about hate without reason? Shall I
take it out? It will do no harm, only a few words less,‖ said James.
―Yes,‖ said Peter, ―and that part about the victims too, we
cannot permit anyone to believe that we are selfish. We are prone
to sacrifice, and through sacrifice, we will win the heart of the
people. Everyone feels sorry for a victim.‖
Everyone agreed.
―I actually like writing,‖ said Peter. ―It‘s fun. A perfect exercise
for the imagination and the mind.‖
Everyone agreed once again.
Philip felt the heat becoming unbearable. The sun was beaming
down on the world punishing it with its melting rays. Philipp felt
the world deform around him as if he were drunk. The sky
became wavy, and the three dimensional world began to
compress itself into a two dimensional one as the millions of
colors of the world began dripping down from the canvas. He was
the only three dimensional object in the picture. Wherever he
turned, the paint was dripping down, and Philipp saw a perfectly
white canvas behind it that shone so brightly he had to close his
eyes. When he reopened them, he was lying in bed in his room.
He stood up and knew what he had done was a mistake. The
cognizance spread through his veins and turned into pleasure, a
pleasure that seemed to have no specific cause, just a tint of
recognition. He had to touch himself. His checked pajama pants
slid to the floor, and his firm instrument rose toward the sky. The
morning sun caressed his tanned muscles, shining and bulging.
The wind brought the scent of lavender as his joy was
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culminating. The rapture was building up, and Philipp realized
that beyond the recognition, this was a celebration, a celebration
of the gift of life that should be cherished over all, all times. He
reached the summit, and the seed of life fell to the ground as a
revitalizing drizzle.
He stepped into the shower and slowly returned into reality
from the elevated state he was in. For a second he was over the
clouds, so close to the sun that gave light but did not burn, gave
hope and did not ask for anything else just to accept the gift itself.
He obeyed it and now knew what had to be done.
He jumped into his dark blue suit and tied the red tie around
his neck. He combed his blond hair backwards elevating the front
part, creating a wave like the ones of a turbulent sea. He hurried
down the stairs and said farewell to his parents sitting in the
kitchen. Through the rectangular window over the door the rays
of the sun fell onto the pine parquet, the specks of dust flying by
carelessly. Philipp rushed out the door and made haste to the
reverend.
He hurried down the lane lined with lavenders, leaving his
home the color of a pale banana behind. He was strolling down
the main road protected from the sun by the great oak trees when
he saw the bus approaching the stop. He jumped onto it, knowing
that any second of delay is a sin that will never be forgiven. The
bus doors closed, and his home sped by.
The bus floated through the suburbs, and Philipp could not tell
where he was exactly. The homes and roads were all the same,
little boxes on the hillside, it seemed like a set in the world‘s
greatest studio, and perhaps it was. Everything seemed fake. It
felt to him as if in the night the roads sometimes rearranged
themselves. It was just a feeling and nothing more because he
could not tell whether anything changed at all. The church finally
appeared, and Philipp gripped to this familiar point, pulling
himself out of the transient perdition.
He jumped off the bus and hurried to the small building by the
church, its white wooden board gleaming in the sun in
revitalizing contrast to the neon green of the yard and the red
bricks of the church itself. The roses were glittering with drops of
dew, tiny diamonds on the red petals of lust. He jumped up the
stone stairs leading to the entrance and burst inside his office. He
did not look around and focused on the golden door handle, the
mean of defeating the door, the last obstacle barring the way to
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his goal, the reverend. He pushed the golden handle down, and
the door opened obeying to the energy he invested into the
movement.
He was conscious of his body as the two-winged door burst
open. He saw his shadow distend on the Persian rug in the
reverend‘s office, a blackness surrounded by light. The reverend
looked up, and in his eyes, Philipp saw wonder and awe. He knew
that something was manifesting itself through him to the
reverend.
―What is it, Philipp? I wasn‘t expecting you on a Monday?‖
―I know, I must hurry over to the fish shop, but I met someone
you must meet.‖
―You are radiating, Philipp, who is this man?‖
―I don‘t know exactly, but he bears a tangible divine presence,
something I never felt before. He might be suited to work by your
side. With him we will be able to reach out to the younger
generation.‖
―Great, Philipp, bring him to me, and we‘ll see.‖
―I promise, you will be satisfied.‖
Philipp smiled at the man who was on a separate journey,
proceeding on a different road from the mainstream religious
values, at the man who was so close to God yet missing
something, making him not much better than the church he
himself despised. As Philipp hurried out of the building and
headed through the park leading to the fish shop on the other
side, he examined these newly born thoughts of betrayal inside
him. His hero was not perfectly clean.
James‘ Gospel
James stopped before the red bricks of the church still smelling
of liquor from the night before in a black T-shirt, cut-offs, and
leather boots. He took his great shades off and examined the
roses smiling at him, seducing and charming him, inebriating
him. This was caused not by the scent itself but by what it awoke
in him, something that was there but could not be named,
something lingering in the darkness, still afraid to step into the
light, fighting against the sweet voices of the roses.
The stream of clouds flowing into the building was made up of
white heads of the elder creating an endless cumulous. James
looked at the red brick tower of the church where the great brass
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bell was reflecting the rays of the sun beaming on him and
worsening his hangover. He was one of the few young ones here,
and the old faces were smiling at him, happy to see life in a place
where there is so few of it.
Is it the young generation‘s fault that so few attend church, not
just this specific sect‘s church, but any other? He tried to examine
why he did not attend and knew that it was because the things he
could learn in there were old and pagan, just a mystique set of
rules, hazy and not pure good. It was not his fault, but the fault of
the religions written into stone, unable to change, primitive and
cold. Blaming the young was the simplest thing to do as self-
examination was something painful and always over-looked by
the religious leaders. Finding the flaws and fixing them was
something no one had the courage to do.
The cloud of elders diminished, and James hurried to take his
place inside. He walked past the many cameras standing by the
entrance and facing the stage, ready to channel the show to the
many TV sets connected to them. The white wooden seats were
filled with sick people. The blind, the deaf, the disabled all
gathered here in hope of change. The narrow windows let the
sunshine in, lighting a very simple and puritan room waiting to be
filled by the presence of the reverend.
He found an empty seat and sat down. He nodded to the old
woman next to him who just patted his back as James sank into
his thoughts. ‗I will not perform any wonders, I will not commit
the same mistake twice,‘ he heard Neil‘s voice. As he waited for
the mass to begin, he wondered whether he was truly the son of
God, if he could perform any magic at all. He shook these
troubling thoughts away but could not deny that they were
growing in him. This was Neil‘s first appearance, and James
hoped he could see the proof of his divinity.
A door swung open, and the reverend stepped onto the stage,
his great belly protruding from under his black robe, and his face
resembling that of a well-fed infant. He was wearing a golden ring
with a diamond that was in contrast with his humble mannerism.
He approached the front of the church bowing to the ones
gathered here. ‗I will perform no wonders,‘ he heard the voice of
Neil again, and preoccupation started growing in him. He was
scared that they would blow their only chance.
―Welcome, everybody. I greet you in the name of God. Today is
a special day, the first day of a never-ending crusade to conquer
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the heart of the youth who have turned away from God toward
the foul material goods of the devil.‖
The crowd murmured and nodded. The old woman looked at
James and gave him a wink. James tried to smile but still felt
uncomfortable and felt as if the reverend were pointing at him.
This first sentence would have been enough to close the ears of
many, but James was determined to listen, at least once.
―They have turned away from God because they have been
lured and tricked from us. Instead of choosing the way of God,
they choose the easier way. They seize what they need and fall
into the arms of evil. They are lost, and they must turn back to
God. This is our job, we must try to regain their trust.
―I am growing old, and I found my successor. God led to me his
lamb, the lamb through which he will manifest himself after I am
gone. God is between us all the time but shows himself only
occasionally. I have found my successor, and you shall see his
power, the power of the healing of the Holy Christ. I present you
Neil, please give him a round of applause.‖
Neil stopped in the door with doubt in his eyes. He smiled and
stepped onto the stage, and James was enchanted by his radiance.
It was as if he were emanating a gentle light that didn‘t lose
strength as it spread like strands of hair. He felt a wire slide up
his back and connect itself to an invisible socket at the back of his
head. He was connected, yet through the wire nothing was
coming, only a pleasant feeling of the promise of a message.
Neil stopped by the reverend who patted his back. James saw
Philipp too was enchanted by Neil‘s presence. James looked
around to see that apart from them, the others were facing the
reverend who gave them what they needed. He knew that if he
could somehow solve the riddle of what it was, they could finally
find a way to deliver the infinitely complex message that Neil was
here to deliver, whatever that was.
―Now, do we have any volunteers?‖
This was the signal, the first crack in the dam. Those who
could, stood up and began waving madly with their arms like
algae at the bottom of the river. They whirled in the current
created by the words of the reverend. James saw an insatiable
craving across the hypnotized face of the old lady sitting beside
him.
―Who will be the first one to be cured by this lamb of God?‖
asked the reverend.
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The arms moved wildly, arms trying to reach the sky, arms
ready to leave the ground to rise higher than the rest, wanting to
be chosen. The reverend moved through the corridor, past the
rows, pacing on the red carpet, his hands clutching one another
behind his back, enjoying the arms reaching out to him. He
smiled and stopped, grabbing an arm and pulling an old man out
like a fish from the river. The arms slowly calmed down, and
everybody took a seat.
The old man limped to his right leg, and slowly, led by the
reverend, he approached the front. The man was moving very
cautiously as the rhythm of his movements was disrupted by the
way he put down his injured leg trying not to encumber it with
the weight of his body for too long and quickly putting the weight
back onto the healthy one. The man stopped before Neil and knelt
down.
‗I will perform no wonder, I will not commit the same mistake
of my predecessor.‘ James hoped that he would see another proof
of his ancestry as he felt the happenings of the past fade into the
world of illusion, making him think that everything he saw before
was the manifestation of a need. The same need he shared with
these men and women facing the reverend here, the need that was
slowly taking form and was waiting to be named so that it could
step onto the dark stage.
―Now, I ask everybody to bow their heads and pray…‖ said the
reverend raising both his hands into the air.
Everyone obeyed, including James, and murmur filled the
room.
―Neil, now it‘s your turn, prove to the world that God decided to
manifest himself through you, show them God, let his power
shine,‖ screamed the reverend, his voice growing louder and
louder and turning into a shriek. James‘ heart started beating
faster.
Neil stepped to the old man kneeling before him. For a moment
he hesitated then knelt down as well and put his hand softly onto
the limp leg of the volunteer. James was afraid, afraid that
nothing would happen, afraid to witness that Neil was not the son
of God, that Neil was only human, and perhaps that God didn‘t
even exist.
The murmur in the church rose over the wooden beams. It was
this monotone chanting that originated from the need that caused
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the letters slowly to unite inside James‘ head naming the one
hiding in the back of his skull.
Neil stood up and stepped back. The murmurs ceased, and all
heads were facing the front now. James‘ heart sank, Neil did not
perform the magic expected from him. The man kneeling before
Neil slowly stood up. He placed his weight onto the wounded leg,
giving out a hiss. They blew it.
The man did not give up. He gradually put more and more
weight onto it until he was balancing all of his body on the
limping extremity. The healthy foot rose into the air, and the man
was standing solely on his once unusable leg. The man looked up
smiling and spoke to the crowd.
―I am healed.‖
The crowd began to applaud and everyone stood up
unanimously. Cheers rose into the air, whistles pierced through
space.
―He is healed,‖ squealed the old woman beside James, raising
her hands and facing the sky. The crowd roared, screamed,
applauded, and all of their faces gleamed. James felt something
that was so much more than joy, so much more than the greatest
orgasm ever. It was the recognition that we aren‘t alone, that
miracles truly exist, that the world is so much more than what it
is, that after death life begins, a life with God, that nothing ends
when we definitively close our eyes, but everything begins from
there. James could not contain his joy and cheered so loudly not
caring what the others thought, not caring that maybe he was
making a fool out of himself because he was celebrating,
celebrating eternal life.
The reverend raised his hands into the air as if he were trying
to embrace the sun itself and yelled to the sky, ―We praise the
power of our Lord Jesus Christ who has died for our sins yet saves
us over and over again for his love is infinite, and everyone living
in his name shall live in the grace of God for eternity. Thy Lord is
great, thy Lord is mighty, thy Love is eternal.‖
The wounded man performed a cartwheel then finished it with
a summersault landing right next to his seat. He sat down, and
the sermon continued. James was in an elevated state throughout
the ceremony.
The unknown figure embodying the need finally stepped onto
the stage and raised his hand bearing a white glove into the
spotlight, the rest of the body still hiding in darkness. A soft
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music began playing, and the hand began snapping to the rhythm
of the drums. He stopped and started shaking his hand as jazz
defeated the drums. He clapped once, two hands in the light.
Then, as if the figure were swimming, he spread his arms through
the air, and his body became visible, the tap shoes glistening in
the light. The music was growing louder and louder, and his feat
started moving. He was wearing a cylinder hat, and his face was
hidden by the rim‘s shadow.
He felt camaraderie with this group of unknown people here,
they were all sharing the need. The body was dancing on the
stage, ruling it with his moves as the trumpets, drums, and pianos
battled.
The ceremony ended, and the people embraced Neil, caressed
his face, shook his hands, their eyes fixated to a point somewhere
over Neil‘s head. They were not seeing Neil but were seeing the
figure dancing in the spotlight on the stage inside their heads.
When finally the last man left the building, James rose from his
feet, hurried to Neil, and hugged him.
―I knew it, I knew that you could do it. For a moment you really
had me there, for a moment I really thought you were a hoax.‖
The man on the stage raised his left hand and grabbed his hat,
tossing it into the air, and James recognized him. James rose in
the deserted auditorium to clap and felt joy. The greatest need of
all, the need to be stupefied. This is what everyone is after, to be
stupefied, to see that life can be magical, that there is more than
matter, that there is a possibility that something mystical
happens.
―I didn‘t do anything,‖ said Neil making the figure on the stage
burst into thin air.
―Don‘t be so modest, Neil, you saved that man, you saved
him…‖ said James desperately trying to bring the dancer back.
―James, wake up, listen to me, this was just a show and nothing
more…‖
―What do you mean, Neil?‖
―That man was just an actor, a friend of the reverend…‖
James felt his heart break. He felt ashamed, tricked, and
ignorant. He looked at Neil and wanted to punch him right in the
face, he wanted to grab his beard and pull him to the ground.
―How could you, Neil? How could you deceive these people?‖
―James, you knew this would be a hoax.‖
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The hangover was still tugging his head. Neil was right, James
knew this would be an act yet, for some reason, forgot it.
―It is for a good cause, James. I must deliver the message, and
at the moment there is no better way…‖
―But still it doesn‘t seem right…‖
―You saw the cameras, thousands of people saw me through
them. First I make them believe me, and when they do, I will
deliver the words. Do you have a better idea?‖
―I guess not…‖
―Great, let‘s go, I‘m getting hungry.‖
Matthew‘s Gospel
Peter, John, James, and Philipp left, the