Friday, 2nd April 1999
Prophetic Dream: My sister's husband comes and takes me to the city of Ioannina, where Alice is. We walk to the lake and we swim in there for a while; suddenly, a black cloud covers the sky. Far away, in the horizon, there is a long line of smoke emerging from the water. I know bombs will fall soon and we flee in time. Verification: In the evening we hear on TV News that a toxic cloud is coming from Serbia to Greece soon, because Serbia is being bombed by Americans...۩
After work I went to a big import company near Victoria Square, where I bought fine and cheap covers for my sofa and armchairs. Then I discovered a small shop nearby, which deals in strategy and fantasy games. The strange items in the shop-window arrested my attention and I entered the shop like hypnotized. I had a careful look at everything (role playing games, card games, board games, all of them unusual and impressive) and finally I bought a card game called Esoterra. The packet contains 60 cards divided in two decks. Why did I do that? I just wanted to try something new...
Easter Sunday, 11th April 1999
My dear nephew John and I took our bikes and went cycling along the beaches of Glyfada. We rode past the funfair and we reached the motorcycle speedways. We arrived at a beautiful, quiet, isolated place by a serene small wharf. There were nice purple spring flowers all around; I picked up two of them and decorated my bicycle.
John led me along a narrow path by the cliffs. It was a little dangerous, I thought twice before following him, but I went on. On our way back I discovered another path along the coast, which was wider and safer, so I could enjoy the natural environment to the fullest.
We returned home riding up the road that skirts the airport. It was a little tiring but it was fun. When we reached Iasonidou street, we got off our bikes and walked home, tired but happy.
That was one of the most joyous experiences in my life -and it is not meant to be repeated ever again: Just one week later, John will no longer be the innocent, carefree child I've known: as if grown up suddenly, he is a typical adolescent now -not at all interested in cycling with his aunt anymore. Starting from next Sunday, he will begin to invite about a dozen of friends in the half-finished apartment right above my head, and they will make incredible trouble all day long, almost every day...
Thursday, 15th April 1999
This evening Persephone paid me a visit and I had the bright idea of trying the card game Esoterra with her. In the beginning my friend wasn't in the mood for playing, but when we got the hang of the game, she was enthusiastic about it. So was I.
Soon Esoterra proves to be a very exciting game, as it seems to be intended to convey metaphysical knowledge and great truths, mostly in an unconscious level. When I play, I feel myself experiencing another reality, where everything (wondrous creatures, fascinating landscapes, magic and enchantments, extraordinary artifacts) serve one main purpose: the perpetual battle between Good and Evil. Every moment of the game is a strong, inner delight. Whether I win or lose, is of no importance. What counts most to me is the sense of freedom and awareness this game offers...
Friday, 16th April 1999
Night Adventure: I am in the Land of the Dead. The place is empty and foggy, with an ochre atmosphere. All of a sudden, some women appear and I tell them:
“You are dead, I am alive.”
“So, what?” one of them retorts calm...۩
Maybe it isn't wise of me to worry about any “fellow-man” who seems to be unhappy. By the way, who ever worries about me? For instance, I feel sorry about Josef who is sick now and I spend my afternoons with him, because he needs company. However, when I pretended taking a bank note from him -I just wanted to joke- he flew off the handle and sought to get out of bed, so as to strangle me -although he is still in plaster! “Don't get him wrong, he is just a kid!” my mother excused him at once. I don't think I get him wrong at all...
Now I sympathize with Josef, because he is in such a miserable condition; however, I can foresee that fifteen years after, when the adventure with his health will have been forgotten and he will have begun to ascend in society, he will put on airs. Anyway, he already has all the needed qualifications to be accepted in networks and succeed in life: He can't stand being second in anything; nothing is sacred to him, he does whatever it takes to achieve his purposes; he would sell his own mother for money -he admits it himself...
Sunday, 18th April 1999
This afternoon, my friend Helen Tanagra and I went to a big hotel in Athens, where an exposition of fantasy games takes place these days -at least this is what I read in a big magazine. Yesterday, when I phoned the hotel and asked about the exposition, the telephone operator hummed and hawed, she left me on the line for a while and then she told me: “I don't know anything about that!”
Finally, as we were informed at the reception, something like that does place in the fourth basement of the hotel (it couldn't be any lower!). When we got out of the elevator, we were surprised to hear a lot of hubbub in the corridor. We walked past a security guard who looked at us full of curiosity and, as soon as we entered the vast room, we saw hundreds of youngsters who were playing devotedly a card game, probably Esoterra.
So, there was a fantasy games tournament held down there, but there was no exposition. When we approached, the guy at the desk seemed kinda worried, he didn't even ask us what we wanted, while suddenly there was deathly stillness all over the room! Seeing we were not welcome there, we swung round and hurried off. At that point, we bumped into the security guard, who had been following us!
When we arrived in Glyfada, Helen informed me that two youngsters had followed us from the fourth basement of the hotel to the bus station, they got on the same trolley-bus as us, they got off at Panepistimiou Avenue just like we did, and they kept following us all the way to the bus terminus. Then, they vanished -fortunately.
I wonder: Could such games and shops selling them serve as a cover for other, shady transactions? Anyway, this is what happens with the great majority of clubs, gyms, schools, shops, companies and so on. Surely, I am never going to attend such an exposition again...
Monday, 26th April 1999
Night Adventure: I am in a strange land which is separated in two regions: “Good” (light, unspoilt nature) and “Evil” (darkness, melancholy). I seek to ''engraft'' Good in Evil and I take by my side a woman who lives in the region of Evil. In the end the whole place changes into a kind of asram...۩
Arriving at work this morning, I was astounded to see a graffiti sentence written with big black capital letters on a white wall beside Pangaea: HELL IS WAITING FOR YOU! For some seconds the first word struck me really bad -I didn't like it at all. Athens is a vast city, did they have to write this right here? I wondered. For a moment it occurred to me it could be a sign of fate foretelling a bleak future, but I refused to take it into consideration any longer. After all, I am not the only one who can see this, I thought.
In the afternoon my parents decided to go for a walk in Glyfada (how come?), just the two of them. They reached the wonderful seaside cafe “Cataralla” but they didn't sit there because my father didn't want to spend any money for a drink.
Till late at night my mother wouldn't stop complaining about my father's miserliness: “Just once we went out together after so many years, and you weren't willing to spend two drachmas to treat me to a coffee!” she mumbled and mumbled. He, as always, accused her of being too extravagant and wasting all his pension month after month...
Friday, 20th April 1999
Once again, Mr Spyropoulos makes fun of me when I go to his office and ask for a raise. “We'll see,” he says ironically.
A little later, some colleagues gather around my desk and, full of simulated interest, they ask to know if the boss has agreed to my request. They all seem to wonder at his indirect yet clear refusal.
“What now? What are you gonna do? You must do something about it!” says Nelly.
“You can't leave it at that!” Andromache chips in.
“Don't let them take advantage of you,” says Mary Bonanos, while I feel angrier and angrier. I am about to burst, yet at the last moment I keep my composure and I only complain that:
“If they just gave me a raise of 20,000 drachmas, I would be satisfied!”
“Don't tell them anything like that, they will take you for a fool!” Nelly says smiling.
However, what depresses me most is that I've been searching for a better job for months now -to no avail: all employers like my curriculum vitae, but none of them is willing to give me a higher salary; in fact, they give much less! To be precise, I get 165,000 drachmas per month in Pangaea, whereas other employers offer me no more than 140,000 drachmas -that is the basic salary of an unskilled worker!
Isn't this a mystery: I know quite a few working people, but none of them gets a lower salary than me -no matter what their job is! Nevertheless, when I look for a better paid job, all the positions I find are worse paid than the one I have!
Saturday, 8th May 1999
It's been some months now since my father started building a room in the plot I bought in Kypseli of Aegina seven years ago. Almost every weekend he goes there alone and strives to finish the small cottage. This morning he bought the roof tiles -which means the house was almost over. However, as soon as he got ready to start making the roof, a policeman arrived and announced the house should be demolished because it is illegal, since the plot is outside the town planning zone and there is no building license.
Without thinking about it twice, without letting anyone else know first, my father began to tear down the house he had been building by himself for so many months, until there was nothing left but a heap of shattered bricks. He told us all about it when he returned home late at night, exhausted, sad and disappointed...
Tuesday, 11th May 1999
Prophetic Dream: Someone phones and tells me Selene has a serious problem in Cyprus, and for this reason she will return to Greece. Verification: Two days later, Selene will give me a call and we shall go out together. She will stay in Athens for a few days because she has psychological problems -again...۩
It is about noon and I am at work. Andromache and Mary Bonanos are eavesdropping outside the meeting room, and I can't resist the temptation to go and join them. As usual, Mr Spyropoulos and his managers are discussing the future of Pangaea, which appears to be dark and dismal. We are astounded to hear them talking about selling the company to another publishing house! They are in a hurry to sign a contract with the highest bidder -who has already been found- until the end of the summer. Naturally, this means even more dismissals.
A little later, I go to the Xerox machine so as to make some photocopies. I happen to meet Rita there, she talks to me in a friendly way, as always, and I confide the news to her. I don't consider myself revealing anything new; the miserable condition of Pangaea is no top secret, and rumours about the sale of the company have spread for many months now. Besides, sometimes Rita eavesdrops with us outside the meeting room. “I only wonder: Shall I have anything to eat after summer?” she whines and I am surprised: She is certainly not that poor...
I have hardly returned to my desk (about six metres away from the Xerox machine), when Andromache stands right before me, she stares at me and asks with a stern face: “Tell me, Yvonne, was it you who told Rita, Chris and the others that the company will be sold?”
“No! Of course not!” I deny the accusation at once, while I am astonished and wonder: How fast do rumours spread in this company, anyway? What part does each ''colleague'' play towards me? How long did it take Rita to inform Andromache (Spyropoulos' secretary and nark)? Since when has the sale of the company been such a big secret?
Andromache won't go on with the interrogation; she stays silent, though she keeps the gloomy expression of a judge who has decided to sentence the accused to death.
In the long run, the company will never be sold. It will go on firing employees and shrinking, but it will never change owners. As about the generous buyer, he will soon vanish into thin air...
* * * *
Friday, 14th May 1999
It's three months that I have been attending the taekwondo class of Acron Gym, in Argyroupolis. I haven't told the master I've had taekwondo lessons before, because I want to make an impression of a charismatic beginner. So far so good, everything is fine, but I have returned to the white belt (I couldn't care less).
Like every time, today's lesson was boring and predictable, until something amazing happened: That two-meter-tall young man with the curly brown hair and the shiny almond-shaped eyes, smiled sweetly and bowed before me, as we were about to perform some exercises together. I just couldn't believe it!
When the lesson was over, the young man hurried and got into the elevator with me. He said his name is Orestes, he is 24 years old, he studies Medicine, he is in the fourth year now. Soon I found out he leaves his bicycle by the entrance, just like I do every time. He is polite, friendly, witty, fascinating, he looks like an angel and he shows a clear interest in me! I don't know what's happening, but I think I am falling in love!
Monday, 17th May 1999
Once again I saw Orestes in the taekwondo class this afternoon. He gave me a sweet smile, we talked for a few minutes, then we performed some exercises together -how wonderful! When the lesson was over, he waited for me and we left together. He told me he likes cycling and he is used to covering long distances on his bike. I let him know I like cycling too.
“Unfortunately, I had a flat tyre yesterday, when I rode to Panorama of Voula”, he went on. “Luckily, I happen to have relatives there, so I took the opportunity to pay them a visit!” - just a few simple sentences, as valuable as diamonds to me...
Friday, 21st May 1999
I can't understand what's going on: This time Orestes wasn't at all warm towards me! In fact, he did whatever he could to stay away from me during the whole taekwondo lesson! He refrained from practicing with me, he even avoided looking at me; I tried to approach him three times but he looked away, so I had to change direction!
When the lesson was over, I didn't leave at once; I delayed for about a quarter of an hour, hoping to see him in the elevator. When we finally met, I tried to break the ice by starting a conversation regarding body building. He responded politely, yet I could feel a distance between us. Something has changed in our relationship -before it has even begun...
No matter how hard I try to convince myself about the opposite, it's crystal clear that his interest in me is waning fast. Why, indeed? We have hardly known each other! Could it be our disparity in age? But I look ten years younger than I am -everybody says so...
Wednesday, 26th May 1999
The trap of happiness: It's about ten days now that I have been in a muddle of contrary thoughts and feelings: On one hand, I am happy because I have fallen in love again; on the other hand, I am tantalized by strong doubts and agony. Especially after the latest developments, I constantly feel a lump in my throat and a burning in my stomach, as it is impossible for me to control the fear that Orestes might vanish from my life any minute.
This afternoon, when I saw Orestes in the gym again, he was even more indifferent, frigid, estranged from me. It was impossible for me to approach him anyhow. There is nothing else to do and I have to live with it.
All things considered, this short love story was a lesson of life to me: When I found out the young man wasn't nuts about me, at first I was disappointed; very soon, however, disappointment gave its place to relief! My head isn't spinning any more, and I do feel much better! I have calmed down!
For twelve days I thought I had found absolute happiness, that is mutual love. Nevertheless, right from the start, I could feel something was wrong; a part of me wouldn't be taken in by that kind of “theater”. I was excited, but I couldn't feel the nirvana I expected; in fact, the joy of love was neutralized by the fear of separation.
“Live here and now,” New Age sects command; but what is “here and now?” In this world, what you fear will materialize sooner or later. What you wish, will probably remain a fantasy for ever; but even if it comes true, in the long run it will be destroyed or distorted.
The quest for happiness in the material plain is nothing but fraud: The system methodically compels the average man to pursue chimaeras such as love, friendship, money, success, glory, etc; yet, wishes are seldom realized - but even if they are, finally things turn out to be entirely different to the expected. Moreover: the more invaluable something is, the bigger the fear of losing it is...
Weekend, 29th - 30th May 1999
Just what I needed to take my mind off all this: the incredible story with Orestes, the never-ending mobbing I endure at work every day, my bitter friends who are getting harder and harder to see: I spent the whole weekend at the nice beach of Koropi, together with my sister and her good friends Milena and Helen. I had the opportunity to enjoy the sea, the sun, the pleasant company, for many carefree hours – a rare joy which was offered to me spontaneously, without my having to run after wayward girlfriends or enigmatic boyfriends...
Wednesday, 2nd June 1999
Probably the most significant day of my life: The taekwondo lesson is over, Orestes hasn't spoken to me at all, I feel disappointed and sad. As soon as I get out of the locker-room, there he is, standing right before me, giving me a surprised and evasive look. “Come, let's go Yvonne,” he says in a strange, maybe ironic voice. I say nothing; I just obey, while a sudden joy fills my heart.
Neither of us has come by bike this time, so we walk together to the nearest crossroads, about one hundred metres from the gym. We discuss jovially various subjects, such as studies, cycling, taekwondo -does it matter? I am on seventh heaven, experiencing every single moment to the fullest, as if it lasted years.
As I walk next to him, I don't care about anything else; I even disregard that he seems to be looking forward to getting rid of me as soon as possible: “Shouldn't you turn here and walk to Vouliagmenis Avenue?” he asks me once or twice, before we have even reached the crossroads. I pretend not to understand until, inevitably, the time comes for us to go our separate ways. I say goodbye smiling, and I watch him for a while as he goes up the road; then I turn to the left and walk to Vouliagmenis Avenue, with a clasp of melancholy in my heart.
Sitting at the bench of the bus station, absolute happiness fights the deepest bitterness inside me: Indeed, I had to reach the age of 36 before I was given the chance to walk one hundred metres next to a handsome man -only once...
Monday, 7th June 1999
I content myself just with seeing Orestes in the taekwondo class. This is enough to make me feel alive, just like then, in the year 1977, when I loved George Franzis platonically.
After the lesson I linger on purpose for a quarter or so, and I manage to meet him in the elevator once again. We talk a little about various subjects -in a most typical manner- until we reach the ground floor. It is impossible for me to disregard a certain frigidity from him.
He takes his bike and goes out to the road hastily, as if he were champing at the bit to get rid of me, and the gets ready to leave before I have even gotten near him. Just a second before speeding up, he turns his head, he smiles and bids me “Farewell!”
I return the farewell and I watch him ride away, feeling sad as never before; yet I wouldn't dare imagine the truth -that I will never see Orestes again...
Monday, 14th June 1999
Aunt Despina (and her proverbial hoodoo) has come to spend two days with us, and everything is going from bad to worse already: First of all, I decide not to go swimming with my sister and nephews because I don't want to miss the taekwondo lesson. When I reach the gym, I find out Orestes is nowhere to see. He hasn't appeared since last Monday and I am very worried...
“What's up?” asks the master when he enters the big room and finds me standing by the door, looking around in frustration.
“All is quiet,” I reply calm.
“I can see that; all is quiet!” he says meaningfully.
When I arrive home at night, Alice tells me about her adventures: As she was driving to the beach, she had a flat tyre. Then she got a fine of 20,000 drachmas for illegal parking at the beach of Kavouri -where thousands of cars are illegally parked every day. Moreover, she lost a tooth filling, which will cost her 10,000 drachmas or so.
Tuesday, 15th June 1999
The penetrating, beady eyes of aunt Despina never stop observing everybody and everything in the house. She has also managed to pester us all with her incessant grumble about everything and her exasperating ravings about how perfect a housewife she is and how much everyone loves her.
In the afternoon I get ready to leave for the gym, with the view of taking part in the aerobics session of 7:00 o' clock. Aunt Despina glowers at me and says scornfully: “Are you going to the gym again? Why don't you mop the floor instead?”
I ignore her and run to the bus station. I wait there for five minutes and the bus comes on time. It is about to turn round the triangular square but it gets stuck between two parked cars and it can no longer move! I wait patiently for almost ten minutes -in vain. Then I decide to take a taxi, so as not to miss aerobics. However, when I get to the gym, I am surprised to find out the lesson hasn't begun yet because none of the fifteen women who compose my class has turned up! All I can do now is a little bodybuilding. Am I wrong to be thinking that aunt Despina's proverbial hoodoo has struck again?