Wednesday, 2nd September 1998
Nineta, Xanthippe and I are on an evening outing to “Cataralla”, a wonderful seaside cafeteria in Glyfada. At a moment I decide to propose our going to the concert of the pop singer Bill Parascos, which is taking place at the Theater of Rocks in Helioupolis the day after tomorrow. Nineta seems to be interested but Xanthippe puts forward some objections -as usual:
“Why not go to the concert of Lina Voulgari instead? She is going to sing at the same place two days later!”
“But we went to her concert last year!” I remind her, wondering at Xanthippe's desire to watch the same concert so soon. It wasn't that fantastic...
“Yes, but Voulgari is a lot better than Parascos!” she insists. “Besides, Nineta wasn't with us when we went to that concert last year!”
At that point Nineta changes her mind and says she'd like to watch Lina live. I don't like the conclusion of this conversation but -as always- I prefer to show adaptability and understanding, so I eventually agree with them. After all, it's the company that counts most, right?
Sunday, 6th September 1998
Here I am, walking up the street to the Theater of Rocks in Helioupolis; I have arranged to meet Nineta and Xanthippe outside the gate at 8:30, so as to watch tonight's concert of Lina Voulgari. To be honest, I am not thrilled about that; I would rather have watched Parascos' concert who sang here two days ago...
Now the time is 9:00, the concert is about to begin, but I am still here, outside the gate, waiting for the two top-drawers to arrive. The outdoor theatre is already full, all seats are occupied and I am the only one who's still waiting outside. The time gets 9:15; I know that even if they come now, there are no more tickets available. I try hard to hold my temper in check. At 9:30 the ladies haven't appeared yet, so I give up and start walking down the road to Vouliagmenis Avenue -quite relieved I'd say.
Later, at home, I receive a phone call from Nineta, who tries to explain: She met Xanthippe in New Faliron and they took a taxi together. The driver didn't know where the Theater of Rocks is, and Xanthippe was eager to guide him. It's a mystery how she got so confused, but they finally ended up somewhere in Pagrati, outside another gate which was deserted and closed!
“Is there another gate?” I wonder.
“In the meanwhile the time was already 9:30 and the concert was just beginning!” Nineta winds up.
Which means: how long had they been wandering around the streets in a taxi?
“How did you manage to get lost like that?” I wonder. “I walked all the way from Daphni to the theatre and I didn't get lost. How did you get so confused although you had taken a taxi? Besides, Xanthippe has been to the Theatre of Rocks before! She knows where the gate is!”
“Yes, you are right, it sounds stupid, but we lost the way!” Nineta replies sad.
Xanthippe phones me a little later and apologizes for the mess. “You have no idea how distressed I feel,” she says. I neither show nor feel any anger, although I suspect Xanthippe misguided the taxi driver on purpose, because she didn't really want to watch that concert for a second time. She only wanted to oppose me when I expressed my preference for Parascos. In two words, the madwoman engineered the whole plot just because she wanted to get on my nerves...
Saturday, 12th September 1998
Amazing! Tonight Bill Parascos is giving a concert at the Stadium of Argyroupolis -just twenty minutes on foot from my house! So, Nineta and I have arranged to meet there at 8:00 pm. “Don't mention anything to Xanthippe! She will do anything to spoil the fun!” I've recommended.
The stadium is not big and the seats we find are pretty good. The artist sings his greatest hits with brio and he excites the crowds. However, I have to try hard to ignore a little problem which has just arisen: The young man on my left wouldn't stop waving his arms full of enthusiasm, right before my eyes! For some time I try not to pay any attention. Let's no be crabby, all youngsters act like this, I think. Wrong: Taking a more careful look around, I realize that the gentleman next to me is the only one in the whole stadium who gesticulates so violently, all the time. Amongst hundreds of seated spectators, the only idiot is sitting right next to me!
At a moment I explain my problem to Nineta and she seems to understand: “There is only one lunatic in the whole stadium and he is sitting next to you!” she says. Nevertheless, when I ask her to sit on the upper tier, she is too bored to move a finger. A little later my patience is exhausted, I can no longer stand the spastic moron beside me, so I stand up and sit on the upper tier without saying anything to my friend. Nineta stays put and silent, but I know she's taken it amiss.
Friday, 18th September 1998
It is 10:00 o' clock at night and I am sitting at our veranda together with Alice. We are watching the traffic of the street in languor, when her friend July arrives unexpectedly. A little later they start talking about the concert of the famous pop group “Lofty Rocks”, which is about to begin at the Olympic Stadium. All of a sudden, July suggests their going there at once! “But the concert must have already begun and we don't even have tickets! Moreover, the stadium is in Kalogreza and it will take us two hours to get there by car!” replies my sister. However, July insists and Alice is convinced.
Unbelievable, yet true: They arrive at the Olympic Stadium at 11:30. Twenty thousand people are in there, but the concert hasn't begun yet. They ladies have no tickets, neither can they get any, because they are all sold out! But! A policement (who fell in love with them) allows them to enter without tickets! They even manage to find good places to sit, right in front! In this way, they will be able to enjoy the impressive live concert in comfort and free of charge! Now: Let's make a comparison between my fate and my sister's...
Tuesday, 22nd September 1998
This afternoon I visited Persephone at her old house in Athonos Street, for the last time. The day after tomorrow my friend is leaving for England, where she will study English literature. This old house will be demolished tomorrow and at its place a huge, modern, five-storied block of flats will be built.
Persephone's departure, along with the demolition of her old house, causes me mixed feelings of impatience and nostalgia. On one hand I want her to go because I know she is involved in suspicious networks and actions against me; on the other hand, I feel that together with Persa a whole world will soon be gone for ever -the relatively innocent years of the 80's and the '90s. Anyway, this is the end of a 13-year-old friendship, the first serious friendship of my life: No matter what happens in the future, our relationship will never be the same again.
Little by little the world I've known so far is falling apart and it is gradually replaced by another, which is being built very fast and it has nothing to do with the old one. My reality is being altered continually, unpredictably, radically...
Wednesday, 23rd September 1998
Something kinda strange happened during the taekwondo lesson this evening: The class was divided into four teams and we had a running contest. When my turn came, I outran three men who were objectively faster than me! Unbelievable but true! How did this happen? One of them stumbled and fell down. The second one was somehow confused and didn't run at all. The third one started running too late. “You were outrun by Yvonne,” he was told disparagingly.
Fate is an invisible, indefinable force hovering above our heads and it has the last word in everything. Naturally, a person's abilities can improve someone's odds -but this is no guarantee for success. Anyway, our whole life depends on specific moments...
Monday, 28th September 1998
This afternoon Mary Glenos and I visited “Spiritual Harmony”, a modern sect situated in Marousi, so as to enroll in one of the beginners' classes. First of all, I found it strange that Mary just wandered from desk to desk, chatting and smiling to everybody, without joining any class. She hasn't got any free time, she told me. At a moment, two ladies came into the vast room; they looked completely lost and Mary was eager to guide them to the right desk. “Here are two new disciples!” she said to the woman in charge, with a big smile. Why did this strike weird to me?
Later on, we decided to go for a souvlaki in an outdoor steak-house. For a while we discussed various interesting subjects, mostly about metaphysics and parapsychology; at a moment, a middle-aged man, who was sitting at the next table, turned round and asked us:
“Excuse me ladies, are you teachers?”
“No, we aren't,” I answered abruptly, thinking the man wanted to dally with us.
However, the stranger soon proved to have no such intentions. He only felt the need to confide his problem to two persons who seemed to be cultivated enough for that. As he explained, he has been suffering from disseminated sclerosis for some years now. His malady has deteriorated recently and he can hardly move.
“Once I was married; but when I began to paralyze, my wife left me,” he said bitterly.
“Did she know about your disease from the start?” I asked to know.
“Of course, I had told her right from the first moment!”
This is not his only problem, though: Some years ago he had his own profitable advertising company with numerous clients, as well as a rich social life: “Back at those times, you would have had to pull some strings if you had wanted to see me for five minutes! But now, everybody has turned their backs on me!” he complained, and we expressed our understanding and compassion to him. Mary told him about “Spiritual Harmony” and she advised him to seek psychological support there.
A little later the stranger stood up, he bid farewell and went away at a very slow pace. Mary expressed her disapproval about his ex wife, who deserted him as soon as difficulties began. A few months ago I would have agreed with her, but my mind works differently now:
“I can see you point, but think about it: There are lots of men around us who are healthy, good-looking, excellent husbands and fathers, yet their wife abandons them just because she wants to! So, why should a woman be eternally faithful to a disabled man?”
“Maybe the ''excellent husband and father'' doesn't do it right!” retorted Mary with an enigmatic smile. I was astounded at her reasoning.
“You mean that a disabled man, who's paralyzing day by day, does it right?” I answered back.
“And then we say we are spiritual persons, interested in metaphysics!” concluded Mary, with an air of profundity.
“Indeed, why is it right that two lives are wasted instead of one? Why is it considered right for a healthy person to sacrifice his or her own life so as to serve a cripple who's never going to get any better? Because religions say so?” I insisted and regretted it immediately. Yet, it was too late: Once again I wasn't wise enough to keep my mouth shut...
“Be sorry for nobody but yourself”: My whole life is the living proof that human morality is nothing but hypocrisy, since it favours the handicapped at the expense of the healthy. I have always been physically healthy, relatively good-looking and intelligent. As a person I am calm, cultivated, adaptable, understanding. Nevertheless, since early childhood I have experienced nothing but contempt from everybody. Until I was 26 years old, nobody wanted me as a friend -still I can't fully explain why. I had to search high and low, even resort to sects, so as to find a few friends -all of whom have proved to be wayward and insincere.
Therefore, the guy who complains everybody turned their backs on him as soon as his disease manifested itself, is in a much better position than me. At least once he had a wife, a successful career, a rich social life. I have always been healthy, yet I've always been shrugged off by everybody ever since I was born.
All things considered, Mary Skina is absolutely right when she advises me: “Don't feel sorry for any cripple you see! You never know what kind of support they have! Who has ever supported you? No one! That's why I'm telling you: Pity nobody but yourself!”
Thursday, 1st October 1998
This evening I have arranged to meet Maria, a 17-year-old girl with whom I keep company at the taekwondo school. I can see this is a little strange, because she is a lot younger than me; I feel even more awkward when I see her arriving, dressed casually in blue jeans; I am dressed more formally. We sit at a nice outdoor cafeteria, and we chat pleasantly for about three hours. Despite our disparity in age, we can communicate well and we have some common interests.
Odd coincidence no 1: We have hardly been at the cafeteria for ten minutes, when Ellie and her husband pass by and see us! She approaches, she greets us, she kisses us full of joy, and then she goes away smiling in satisfaction.
Odd coincidence no 2: As soon as we get on the bus home, we bump into George: He is a nice 18-year-old guy and he also attends our taekwondo class. “I didn't know you two go out! If you like, the three of us can go out together!” he tells me politely. As if the whole taekwondo class were out tonight, so that one of them might locate Maria and me. Or am I too suspicious?
Saturday, 3rd October 1998
Night Adventure: I am in a strange, dark room. Monstrous, shrunk heads rush in threateningly. I advise a child to fight the monsters by saying the Lord's Prayer. The monsters are after me and I try to escape running up and down many flights of stairs or through hotel rooms. Having a more careful look, I can see the heads belong to some of my classmates in taekwondo, namely those who belong to Ellie's clique. I keep on running full of agony, always wondering “Why?” Finally, I jump through an open window to the garden and I manage to escape, since the monsters can't come out in the sunlight. Verification: See below.
Monday, 5th October 1998
I don't know what's happening any more: All my classmates at the taekwondo school ignore me completely, as if I were nonexistent. Maria has just exchanged telephone numbers with Ellie and she has already begun avoiding me, while the clique is obviously in a hurry to include her.
This is getting weirder and weirder: As if I did something terrible to them, they all treat me like a miasma. I have never been popular in my life, but this is the first time I have faced such condensed, concerted hostility. Even Victor, who has come to my house and we have been out together many times, when we are at the taekwondo school he acts as if he were a total stranger.
After today's lesson, I plucked up my courage and approached the others, who were sitting at the bench by the door; at a moment I heard Victor announcing with a smile: “The weak should be exterminated!”
“Victor is a good guy! We should include him in our racket!” Costa (a 45-year-old half-baked karateka) responded immediately.
Christina, a 16-year-old new pupil who has a lot of arrogance for a new pupil, stared at me and asked me ironically: “When are you leaving, Yvonne?”
“Soon,” I replied, acting the fool -as always.
Tuesday, 6th October 1998
It's been a couple of months that I have been friends with Urania, an old acquaintance of mine. She has two children now, a 16-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son, she has divorced her husband because he is a gambler and a womanizer, she has worked as a military nurse for 18 years and she is already a pensioner, at the early age of 37. She has had many negative experiences which have caused her certain psychological problems, as she admits. In general she is extrovert and interesting but she often loses her temper and she wouldn't hesitate to throw out certain innuendos against me, such as: “You haven't made any sacrifices in your life, that's why you haven't achieved anything!” -which could be true...
This afternoon we had a lengthy conversation about her fervent desire for economic independence: “I have always wanted to have money in my pocket,” she says. “That's why as soon as I finished high school, I decided to work at once and become a military nurse. If you don't have money, people walk all over you, Yvonne!” she concludes with a serious mien.
She also believes that human adaptability is admirable, even before death: “There comes a day when you accept you must work so as to make a living; in the same way, there comes a day when you accept you are about to die...” she says, according to her age-long experience as a nurse.
Monday, 12th October 1998
This morning Mrs Zolotas came into my office and started bragging about her beloved son who is a computer genius, working on multimedia ever since he was eleven; he has been studying computer music in America for the last two years, she told me.
“Not like us, who waste our time on trips and outings!” I said.
“My son doesn't have to study much; he is able to finish the curriculum of two years within six months! And when his studies are over, he will be earning one million drachmas per month!” she concluded with an air of importance.
What kind of lecture was that? Anyway, I no longer take such fairy tales seriously, because I know well what's going on around me: For example, Mrs Zolotas and her son excel in one thing only: serving powerful, dark networks.