Monday, 19th October 1998
This is my first day as a receptionist and telephone operator in Pangaea. After a six-month wait, finally I was brought a desk from the abandoned fifth floor, which is big enough to hold the computer, the printer and the telephone central on it. Two men employees from the bookshop undertook that difficult task. Six months of wait for two minutes of work...
Therefore, from now on I will be responsible not only for typings and invoices but for the telephone central as well. Liliana, the previous telephone operator, resigned because she had never taken a raise in eight years of work. All colleagues advised me to ask for a raise, which I did. I am still waiting for the boss to answer.
So, here I am now, in a stuffy and noisy reception, which is full of smoke and it doesn't have a window! I have to type endlessly, while the telephone lines ring like crazy. I feel like a fool, but I try not to think about it...
Wednesday, 21st October 1998
The atmosphere at the taekwondo school is getting more and more hostile against me. I feel they can no longer endure my presence in there. Even Maria avoids talking to me. Yet, suddenly someone suggests our going out to a nearby cafeteria after today's lesson (how come?) and I am spontaneously willing to join them. Maybe things are not so bad after all, I think.
There is a little problem, though: I have no money with me. Fortunately, the others seem to be eager to wait for me to go home and bring my wallet -my house is not at all far from here. So, I go home and change clothes hastily, I take some money with me and I return to the taekwondo school -it hasn't taken me more than fifteen minutes in all. The time is already 11:00 at night and we depart in two cars.
We arrive at a nice cafeteria near St Paul church. The party consists of Victor, Maria, me and four others. The place is nice and exotic, with straw umbrellas and fine rock music. We order drinks and we start chatting in a very friendly manner. Yet, I do find this outing kinda strange, after the exhausting taekwondo lesson, while everybody is dripping with sweat; and the others haven't had the chance to change clothes, like I did.
We are still having a pleasant, animated discussion, when someone announces:
“It's too late now! We must go!”
I look at my watch and I see it is only 11:20. Strangely enough, all the others agree it is too late and we had better go.
“But... we have hardly been here for a quarter of an hour! We haven't even finished our drinks!” I protest.
“Alright, let's stay a little longer,” says Victor and everybody goes along with that.
Nevertheless, at about 11:25 they all rise from the table and they want to leave at once because “it is too late now”. We pay quickly and leave hastily, as if we were chased by hounds.
“Victor will give me a lift; but how will you get home? On foot?” Maria asks me then.
“Victor will take me home first, since I live nearby, and then he will drive you home, in Argyroupolis,” I reply calm.
Strange question: There are two cars available, so there is plenty of space for all of us; in any case, why am I the only one who should be left out? And what about all that hurry? As if they all had some urgent appointment or something. Detail: Ellie was not with us.
Sunday, 1st November 1998
Shiatsu at the asram of “Spiritual Harmony” in Marcopoulon:
Gently pull your partner's head upwards
Massage the nape, the shoulders and the arms
Massage the nape to the base of the skull with your forefingers
Massage the whole skull
Massage the upper part of the skull with your forefingers
Massage the forehead, the nose, the cheeks, the chin, the ears
Gently pull your partner's head upwards
Touch the skull with your palms; place the two forefingers on the forehead
Close your eyes; concentrate on the light, inhale it, exhale it
Take your hands off the skull slowly; surrender the energy to God
What a rare, wonderful experience! For the first -and probably the last- time in my life I've had the chance to enjoy a shiatsu session. I would have enjoyed it a lot more if the moron who happened to be my partner didn't keep pressing my head continuously, with all her might! Instead of making me relax, she was hurting me! I complained twice politely, but she kept on squeezing my head like a maniac. Was it really so hard for her to understand that shiatsu pressures are applied gently, not violently? The point is: You are either fortunate or unfortunate in life...
Monday, 2nd November 1998
The atmosphere at the taekwondo school is getting heavier and heavier against me. They don't even deign to talk to me, while they drop certain hints making sure I listen: “We'll be in touch” or “We shall all meet on Friday evening” etc. At a moment, I hear Maria saying to Ellie: “It was wonderful at the club on Saturday! It's been years since I last had such a great time!”
After the lesson Maria shunned exercising the poomse with me -like we've done every time so far. She excused herself she was in a hurry to leave, but she stayed in class for one more hour and exercised the poomse with others, until I left. Who knows what she's heard about me...
As about Nicky, the master, I can see he has no intention of giving me a higher belt. He just ignores me, he doesn't show me the poomse, he doesn't guide me, and when the time of the examinations comes, he will find lots of excuses so as to fail me: “Your leg wasn't bent enough”, or “The arm wasn't straight enough” and that sort of thing.
Just like the previous time: At the last moment, just before the exams had started, the master remembered to remark I was not fast enough. I also found out he hadn't showed me some taekwondo forms correctly; I learned I performed them wrong during the exams! He gave me the green belt finally, but with obvious unwillingness and an expression of scorn, as if he were doing me a big favour.
Anyway, I have never aspired to be a world champion in taekwondo, but I hate being a victim of discrimination. Moreover, I suspect I've never gone any higher than the yellow belt: The certificate I have received for the half-green belt says “yellow belt”, whereas I was given no certificate for the green belt. Therefore, I believe Nicky makes sure to favour his “circle” of pupils, while the others, the “outsiders”, are never meant to progress in taekwondo. The master has been pulling our legs all this time...
In addition, I can't say I am pleased with taekwondo in general: Despite the hard training we do every time, I haven't become much suppler than before -actually I don't think I have become any suppler at all. I admit the muscles of my legs are very well trained, but I can't say the same for the other parts of my body. All things considered, taekwondo is not complete work-out, since it disregards the upper part of the body almost entirely. Moreover, in Nicky's school we hardly ever fight -especially us, the “outsiders”. After two years of training, I doubt whether I'd be able to defend myself against a tramp in the streets...
Wednesday, 4th November 1998
Once again they got on my nerves at the taekwondo school: They kept staring at me with angry eyes all the time - once or twice I thought they were going to kick me out! After the lesson, when I dared sit on the bench together with the others, Victor asked me ironically: “So, when are you leaving Yvonne?” Next moment Christina repeated the question in the same tone. Then, that whale of her mother began boasting off -as usual: “When I was a bank manager, bla bla, admire me” … “Before that, I used to work as a doctor, bla bla, worship me” … “Once I worked as an insurer, bla bla” … “Now I am the exclusive representative of a multinational company in Greece!”
Once again, everybody listened to her agape. Nobody ever questions her, nobody ever shuts her up. The clique is getting larger and larger and everybody is happy because they see new profits coming. Their only problem is they have to get rid of me before I see or hear too much...
Thursday, 5th November 1998
I woke up this morning feeling fed up and wrathful, with a dominant thought in my mind: Evil to evil is good! My inner voice is screaming for revenge and I can no longer ignore it. It is like an initially weak flame, which has become a blaze or an atomic bomb. Enough with all those demons who lurk for me and fight me in every step I take! From now on, if anyone harms me anyhow, I'll make them pay dearly!
What the soul desires is what the soul needs. The obstacles to the fulfillment of a wish are mostly due to visible or invisible hostile forces. The so-called “negative” feelings, such as anger, hatred, sorrow, vindictiveness, are the natural reaction of the soul to such obstacles. Therefore, I had better take such feelings into careful consideration rather than ignore or stifle them.
First of all, I must leave Nicky's taekwondo school. It is no longer possible for me to confront all that concentrated hostility against me every time. I will attend two or three more lessons, until the end of the month, and then I'll stop for good. But! The story doesn't end here: In one year or so I will make an anonymous phone call to the police and I will tell them there is drug trafficking taking place in Nicky's taekwondo school. It doesn't matter if this is true or not; I am 100% sure that something very suspicious is going on in there...
Later, in the evening, I feel very impatient; I just can't wait so long to do something about it, I want to take action tonight! So, I decide to perform a simple magic ritual recommended to me by my friend Mary Skina -I definitely want to do it: I draw a sketch of Ellie on a piece of white paper, I write her name on it and then I burn the paper with a match. As the flame moves on, I watch the drawn figure burning little by little, until it's all reduced to ashes. In the end I feel relieved, as if Ellie were already eliminated...
Wednesday, 18th November 1998
Ever since I performed the magic ritual mentioned above, Ellie hasn't appeared in the taekwondo school. This evening her husband dropped by and informed us the following: Ten days ago Ellie passed out suddenly while doing the housework. She had to go to hospital for some days so as to have some medical tests, but the doctors found nothing wrong with her.
“Everything will be fine,” I reassured him.
“Everything will be fine, until nothing will be fine,” he replied sceptical.
Finally, the diva will recover soon and she will be back to her family and to the taekwondo school. A bad dog never dies...
Friday, 20th November 1998
Prophetic Dream: I am in England and I intend to enroll in an English university. Soon I find myself in a campus and I ask aloud: “Which university does Persephone attend?” while performing a magic ritual in the dark, which enables me to send a hostile aircraft against her. At that moment, a tidal wave comes and hits us both slightly. Verification: Early in the morning my mother is watching a documentary on TV about English universities. In February Persephone will quit her studies in England and she will return to Greece. “The climate disagreed with me,” she will vindicate her decision...۩
This morning Mr Gryparis arrived at work together with his three sons aged seven, nine and twelve. As soon as the boys came in, they all gathered around my desk and wanted to have a look at my computer.
“Do you play computer games?” I asked the boys.
“Of course, but not only that!” answered the eldest.
At that moment I heard someone congratulating the managing director on his three sons. Mr Gryparis smiled and said: “Let me tell you, my friend: The more sons you have, the more likely it is that one of them proves to be a poofter! On the other hand, I've never seen an unhappy poofter!”
Saturday, 21st November 1998
I have arranged to meet Mary Glenos outside “Spiritual Harmony” in Marousi at 8:00 o'clock this morning. From there, together with some other disciples, we'll go to the asram of the sect in Marcopoulon, where we shall spend the weekend.
I take a taxi from St Tryfon Square, because I don't want to be late. I begin to worry as soon as I realize that the taxi driver acts the madman and he speeds to the north, beyond Marousi! I urgently ask him to stop and when he finally does so, I find myself in a big avenue, while it has started to rain. I take another taxi and I manage to reach our venue at 8:00 sharp, having paid 2500 drachmas in all, while the others are about to leave without me...
Mary and I get on the car of a classmate, who is good-looking -from the waist up. The poor guy suffers from polio, his legs are wry and atrophied, and he can't walk without crutches. I wonder at his being able to drive; I also wonder at the arrogance he shows soon: He constantly brags about how much money he earns as a mechanical engineer, he says he is estranged from his wife but “who cares about her, I can find lots of women” and he winds up “there are lots of females available, but what is hard to find is a good, serious woman!”
Later, in our room at the asram, I express my disapproval of the bloke's behaviour: despite his condition, he thinks he is gorgeous. Paradoxically, Mary seems to be annoyed:
“Come on, you shouldn't discriminate against the handicapped! Even women doctors marry them! I happen to know a woman surgeon who's married to a completely paralyzed man!”
“That's perversion!” I protest.
“Smart women don't take a man's appearance into account, if they want to get married some day!” retorts Mary.
“Really? I believe that all those who mate with cripples are perverts!” I insist.
“You are wrong,” she replies with a cunning smile. “In a marriage, the woman offers beauty; the man offers money. As long as he offers money, he is alright even if he is disabled!”
“I wouldn't marry anyone just because he has a lot of money!”
“You don't invest in the future!” concludes Mary irritated, and at that point the discussion is over.
Why does the whole incident strike me as a match-making of a sort? No, thanks, I'll pass...
Later, as I go down the outdoor stairs to the yard, I slip in the rainwater, I fall on the steps and I get a huge bruise on my right hip. I can't help taking this as a sign of fate: as if some invisible force were trying to prevent me from attending the seminar “Reaching higher awareness” which is about to begin.
In general, the asram is perfectly organized and it beams with positivity and calmness. The quiet natural environment, the cultivated people, the vegetarian diet, the interesting lectures and the pious, always calm guru make a pretty attractive package. Nevertheless, I find it hard to accept some of the teachings: Paul, the guru, rules out the existence of evil and he claims that:
“There is no evil, God has created everything in wisdom. What we consider evil, is just a lesson of life” ... “Misfortunes are welcome because they teach us” … “Life is a mirror: All evil you see around you only reflects a negativity of yours.”
Translation: The whole world is good and positive, apart from you...
My soul revolts at such dogmas because I know well our world is far from angelic. Besides, when someone accepts such theories, they are embroiled in a never-ending self-criticism, which should always lead to the same conclusion: “Whatever happens, is my fault.”
According to Paul, it is not evil that causes pain; it is our personal convictions, or what we regard as evil. “The human mind is programmed by convictions”, says the guru. “Therefore, by changing our convictions, we change our programming; thus, we will be happy with the same things that now make us unhappy!”
“Which means what?” interrupts Michael (isn't he handsome!). “We just replace old convictions with new ones, so as to have a good time?”
Paul nods saying ''that's right'', and I doubt even more about the theories propagandized by sects such as “Spiritual Harmony”.
Anyway, I don't think I can follow such a time-consuming, complicated, dubious course of self-analysis and self-accusation, pretending not to see anything wrong around me. I can lose neither my time nor my way, so I decide to stop the course of self-knowledge I started a month ago. I think it's not worth the while or the money (25,000 drachmas per month).
“In general, the so-called ''schools of spiritual development'' create people without judgement, without feelings. Judgement gives birth to feelings and in such schools any kind of judgement is forbidden. The absence of judgement stifles feelings, and without feelings a man can't act!” says my friend Urania, when I explain to her all the above. And when someone can't act by themselves, they obey any order they receive from a leader, I suppose...
Sunday, 22nd November 1998
On the other hand, I wouldn't like to lose contact with dance-therapy, which takes place in the asram almost every Sunday. As we all dance to the evocative music, we share a strong sense of freedom and joy, without any desire to show off. At a moment, as we dance in a circle, I take a glimpse of a middle-aged woman who has come here with her mongol adult son.
Later, during the break, another woman approaches Mary and me and she talks to us about her son: The young man is a genius and he had been studying Astrophysics in America until recently; then he got a strange neurological problem and started to paralyze; within a few years' time, he is due to end up completely paralyzed on a wheelchair. However, thanks to Paul's teachings, this lady has come to consider her son's disease as “a blessing in disguise” or “a lesson of life”!
Another case: A young woman in my class has confided to me she often feels her hands going number and number. “Could it be tendonitis?” I asked. “No, it isn't; I wish it were,” she answered with an expression of bitterness.
Take into account the dandy with the polio as well - aren't there too many serious illnesses gathered in “Spiritual Harmony”?
And a pleasant coincidence: Mrs Vivian, the dancing mistress, teaches dance-therapy at the Recreation Centre of Glyfada every Monday at 7:00 in the afternoon! That's no further than twenty minutes on foot from my house! And I found that out completely by chance, thanks to a conversation my friend Mary had with her during lunch! Isn't it fantastic? I look forward to joining her class!
Wednesday, 25th November 1998
The same inexorable war is still going on against me at the taekwondo school: Maria had a party on Saturday night and she invited the whole clique, while I had no idea about it. It was Victor who blurted out the secret: “We all had a wonderful time in your party on Saturday, Maria!” he told her, loud enough so that I could hear. I fell from the clouds but said nothing. Nevertheless, the young lady was pretty friendly with me this evening and she was eager to walk along with me after the lesson was over -which has never happened before.
The die is cast, then. During this month, I've had all good intentions of letting it pass and forget all about revenge. Yet, they've lost that chance. Therefore, when the time comes, I will do what I must. Evil to evil is good: (-)(-) = (+)
* * * *
Thursday, 26th November 1998
Mary Skina has proved to be a very good friend -actually she is the only friend I really trust. I can talk to her about all those weird facts happening to me all the time, without being afraid she might misunderstand or disapprove of me. We also discuss various ''forbidden'' subjects such as magic, parapsychology, networks, social injustice etc. She is the only one who listens when I talk, without her putting forward all kinds of stupid objections. She is also the only one who takes into account my wishes: “Tell me, where do you want to go? We'll go wherever you want!” she often says when we meet. In fact, she is the only one who always shows a sincere wish to see me, without the unbearable shilly-shallying of my other friends: “If nobody else calls me, then we'll go out together” (Persephone) … “I can't meet you this evening, I must mop the floor!” (Louise) … “I am not in the mood!” (Urania). Every meeting of ours lasts five or six hours and I don't get bored even for one minute.
This time we had lunch at “Neon” in Kolonaki and then we went for a coffee. Six hours passed pleasantly, as we talked about the secret forces which rule the world through magic and witchcraft. Then Mary had the opportunity to narrate some of the odd experiences she's had in her life:
Many years ago, when she was afflicted by all kinds of misfortunes and her mother suffered from severe dementia, my friend decided to seek help from a renowned professional witch. The woman explained she would have to search all over Mary's house for “hidden magic, invisible to the eye”. My friend agreed to that and the witch visited her one night. She took off all her clothes and started looking for bewitched items, room after room. She returned from the kitchen walking on all fours, with a big purse hanging from her teeth. When she let it fall down, it proved to be full of strange items such as small scythes, dolls tied up with string, a human skull etc. Mary screamed frightened, but her parents (who, in the meantime, were sleeping in their bedroom) didn't wake up. The witch explained the devil blinds people so that they can't see the bewitched items, even if they are right before their eyes. Then she agreed to break the dark spell which deprived Mary of all good luck and made her mother sick; however, the very next day the witch fell down the stairs and broke her pelvis; she has been on a wheelchair ever since! Mary's mother died a few weeks later, having lost her mind completely, at the age of 62.
Some years ago Mary's mouth started closing gradually, until she could no longer speak or eat! She could only suck liquids through a straw! She saw lots of doctors who told her all kinds of nonsense, but they had no idea what was wrong with her. One of them diagnosed trigeminal neuralgia and advised her to have an operation, but Mary wasn't convinced. Finally, she went to a priest who specialized in breaking spells; he advised her to lift a red cushion from a chair, so that she could find a piece of bewitched holy bread under it. “But I don't have a red cushion!” Mary wondered, yet the priest insisted. When Mary returned home, she realized she did have a red cushion with black stripes on a chair in the kitchen. She took it in her hands and discovered a piece of dried holy bread under it. She got rid of it at once.
I would rather not believe Mary, but I know she isn't lying. Sometimes she exaggerates but she doesn't lie. Besides, this isn't the first time I've heard stories about magic. In fact, I suspect that what has happened to Mary and her family may as well be happening to lots of unfortunate families. Could it be possible that half of the human population casts spells on the other half?
That was a metaphysics seminar, indeed! Nothing like all that rigmarole I hear in various “schools of self-knowledge” which trap your mind, eliminate your judgement, and methodically discourage you from exploring ''forbidden'' subjects such as magic, satanism, networks, invisible forces etc. Real metaphysics is taught nowhere...
Appearances are deceptive: I can see it clearly now; it is my destiny to sink deeper and deeper into the abyss, facing darker and darker forms of evil. As time passes, I will be coming in contact with diverse kinds of evil, as it has now spread all over humanity. And yes, you can fight the system; but you can't fight the satanic forces that lie underneath...
It is often said: as above, so below; only that “above” is the world we live in, whereas “below” is the world of black magic and demons. Behind the everyday reality we experience, there is another plain of existence, which is a lot more filthy and demonic: It is a world made of scythes, lancets, blood, dead body parts, skulls, dolls tied up with string or stabbed with knives.
The whole story goes down to the energy games played by human souls: Success in life is not enough for “smart guys”; the others must be entirely destroyed. A castle in France is not enough for a “smart guy”; the others should be completely homeless. In order to secure that kind of success, certain people use certain means. There are quite a few stories about magic I've heard from various people. Here are some examples:
a) Vanessa (an old friend from Janus) had a friend who suddenly started losing weight and got thinner and thinner every day. The sick woman saw many doctors but none of them could find out what was wrong with her. Finally, she went to Egypt and found a renowned wizard, who broke the black magic spell cast by a cousin of hers. A few months later, her cousin died of leukemia.
b) Louise once knew a woman who, just like the above case, suddenly began to get thinner and thinner -but that one eventually died. A few days later, her mother dreamt of her dead daughter saying: “Please, mother, remove those pieces of coal from the big flower-pot in the yard, because they burn me even here, where I am now!” When her mother emptied the soil from the flower-pot, she found some pieces of coal buried there.
c) Mrs Daphne (Persa's mother) has told me about an aunt of hers who had been wasting away for years, sat on a chair in a corner, her shoulders hunched up. Since there was no reason for her condition, everybody believed she was a psychopath. One day an unknown man knocked on their door. He introduced himself as a gipsy wizard and told them he could see their house was under a black magic spell. The family ruled out that possibility and sought to get rid of him, but the man insisted: “And what's wrong with that round-shouldered woman in the corner over there?” he asked, although he could not see the sick woman from the threshold, where he stood. Finally, he was allowed to break the spell and the woman recovered at once.
d) There was a time when Mary Glenos had very serious family and health problems; her husband was very sick and soon died of cancer. Some days later, she discovered some excrement hidden in a cupboard in her kitchen.
My personal experience includes lots of similar incidents, which I have taken lightly up to now:
i) The broken Easter candle (the wax perfectly cut in two pieces, as if with a knife) my godmother brought me every year, until I was 14 years old. Strangely enough, my parents always let me hold that broken candle during the Easter mass; they never thought of buying me another one. I was an adult when I read in a book of magic that a broken Easter candle is supposed to transfer all good luck from goddaughter to godmother.
ii) Many years ago Mrs Lemony (an old neighbour) brought us some liquid butter in a glass bottle. When the bottle was half-empty, we found a small knitting needle inside! When mother complained to Mrs Lemony about that, she excused herself that it was done by mistake.
iii) During the '70s, we often found broken eggshells dyed dark purple, right outside our front door.
iv) Aunt Wilma's strange visit, just a few days before Jasmine was born (18th March 1972).
v) On 31st December 1980, uncle Jim (my mother's brother) died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 52. The very next day, Mrs Lemony came and offered her condolences, pretending to be devastated for the loss of a man she hardly knew -since she hadn't spoken to us for years. Detail: A big flower-pot had disappeared from our yard three days before uncle's death; mum had regarded that as a bad omen.
vi) On the day I was to take the Pan-hellenic examination in maths for a second time (June 1982), as soon as I got out of the house I noticed our canary was not in his cage. We had left him out all night, and obviously someone had found the opportunity to take him during the night. Once again, my mother considered the fact as a negative omen. When the time came for me to write, the subjects looked completely alien to me; Eventually I got a 01 in the exam -the worst grade in my whole school life.
So, what has been dogging us since the 70's? My family has been afflicted by all kinds of incredible misfortunes ever since: Jasmine was born a quadriplegic and died when she was five; Alice got married when she was 16, her husband proved to be a bum, she got divorced ten years later, and my parents are almost destroyed financially because of her never-ending needs. As about me, no matter what I do to improve my life, there is never any progress in any field; “Nothing but rigor mortis”, as my friend Mary Skina appositely remarks.
Secrets of power: The co-operation with demonic entities and the use of black magic is the ter