Wednesday, 17th January 1994
The new year has found me in a state of disorientation. I thought I were about to make a new start in life, however nothing seems to be going well. At work I confront a never-ending war from persons of dubious value: First of all Nicoleta, a clerk, who is always insulting, mocking and slandering not only me but other colleagues as well. Then Athena, who has studied multimedia in London and is supposed to be a great expert in computers, yet she is completely off base. Moreover, she is always trying to sabotage me in various stupid ways: She steals my back up floppy discs and accuses me of losing them, yet I see them as soon as she opens her drawer; she refuses to show me some useful things on the computer; she gives me to type the wrong texts and then she says I am the one who doesn't work right; she drops hints I am illiterate and I don't know the computer program, and so on. Luckily, Mrs Julia, our chief editor, knows what's going on and she is on my side.
As about my social life, it is not at all satisfactory: I don't see the guys from Janus anymore and I seldom go out at night. I occasionally meet Mandy (aunt Hermione's extremely boring niece: the only thing she does is answer ''yes'' or ''no'' to my questions), Lena (an incredibly dull, married hen: I visit her once a week, and as soon as I get there she starts helping her sons with their homework; she won't stop until I leave) or Persephone (rather depressed, yet she is the only one with whom I have something to discuss).
For some months now, I have been attending another centre of spiritual development, the “School of Superior Knowledge”. This centre is of foreign origin, it is widespread all over the world, and a branch happens to be in Glyfada – hardly a 15-minute walk from my house. However, I don't like their fascist theories at all, let alone they are obsessed with the so-called “karma of retaliatory justice”, which excuses and praises even the most blatant injustices in this world.
As about the guru, it is a woman called Donna; she is a very aggressive person, full of irony and malice, and doesn't hesitate to insult anyone who dares express the slightest doubt about her teachings. “Certain people here make me feel like vomiting,” she said this evening staring at me with a malignant look. I know she dislikes me because I often show disbelief to her preachings. I must admit, though, I am still not smart enough to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I even present my own ideas in class. I face disapproval and hostility almost every time.
In my opinion, some of Donna's teachings are unacceptable: For instance, she believes that people are divided in two basic categories, “the ascending” and “the descending”. The rich, the powerful, the lucky, are ascending; the poor, the weak, they unlucky, are descending. Insupportable pain and mortal danger can make a person spontaneously aware. Nazi concentration camps were something very good, because such horrible living conditions made the inmates live every moment in full awareness! “Many ex inmates of those camps often feel homesick of the years they spent in there!” claims Donna complacently and everybody listens.
According to the basic dogma of this school, man's most important goal in life is the breaking of the Ego (how original!). In every single lesson Donna trumpets forth the urgent need for wiping out all the separate “egos” which compose a personality: Any personal like, dislike, opinion, thought, feeling, will, is an expression of the Ego and for this reason they must all be eliminated, so as to achieve the so-called “awareness”. She also teaches all human beings are One, and for this reason they should all think, feel and act identically. Any expression of a personal opinion is considered to be an aberration. “You head for the darkness! I head for the light!” said Donna full of arrogance, when a disciple dared disagree with her about that. So much of breaking the guru's Ego...
The purpose of all these new age cults mushrooming all over the world nowadays, is the creation of human puppets. The majority of these cults are international and widespread in most civilized countries. In Greece there are hundreds of such schools which prepare the people for the New Age, let alone the systematic propaganda in the mass media: Innumerable articles on magazines and newspapers, as well as plenty of TV programs regarding modern cults, oriental religions, alternative medicine, yoga, magic, astrology, tarot fortune-telling etc.
Modern cults appear to be different in many ways, but actually they are all the same: they all trumpet forth the “breaking of the Ego” with a view to creating obedient, passive citizens who are always ready to carry out any order without thinking or asking questions...
Sunday, 30th January 1994
Lucid Dream: I fly freely over green fields, then I enter a narrow path between two lines of leafy trees. As a hover in the air, I feel the fresh leaves in my hands, I enjoy a unique sense of jauntiness. Yet, the scene gradually fades away; I wonder why and I consciously try to reshape it -in vain. The only thing I finally manage to form is a strange, white, relief picture which unfolds before my eyes: The narrow path winds its way among white tree trunks which sprout out of the white ground towards the white sky. I try harder, but I finally ''fall'' into a dream, where I swim in the sea together with other people...
Saturday, 12th February 1994
Astral Projection: I change a lucid dream into a meditation exercise. I wake up instantly but I fall asleep again, thinking I would like to be on the bridge of Rialto in Venice. I find myself walking along the bridge, observing the small shop-windows with the fine clothes, handbags and accessories. I can also see the blue water of the canal flowing under the bridge.
Verification: Early in the morning, while having breakfast, my mother says suddenly: “Do you remember when we were in Venice, walking along the bridge of Rialto, observing the shop-windows with the handbags?”
“We were not together in Venice,” I remind her.
“Yes, you are right” she agrees.
Mum visited Venice in the summer of 1980, together with Alice and met my father on his ship. I didn't join them because I was having the Pan-Hellenic Examinations then...
Sunday, 27th February 1994
Lucid Dream: I am in an open wagon speeding into a dark crater. Before it goes any lower, I consciously get out of the wagon and fly towards the huge, dim sun. The atmosphere is steamy, whitish, full of strange beams. I fly over a white stairway, until I arrive at a vast playground. There are lots of people there but they all look like ghosts...?
This afternoon my sister and Antony finally decided to take a divorce by mutual consent, after ten years of misery and irresolution. The basic reason for the divorce is hunger: If Anthony provided his family with a minimum sum of money, Alice would never leave him. The carpenter's workshop he opened last year had enough clients, yet he hardly earned anything because he used to grab the money paid in advance and disappear, without even setting foot in the workshop. Creditors were furious, they even went so far as to knock on their door and the couple pretended to be absent! So, Alice finally got sick and tired of this all and decided to ask for a divorce. In the meantime, she still works as a chamber maid in the Hotel “Blue Rose” in Vouliagmeni, while my parents have undertaken the bringing up and support of her two sons – which means at least half of my father's pension is spent on the needs of Alice and her children. Nevertheless, all friends and relatives regard my sister as “a “heroine, who works and raises two boys all alone”...
Thursday, 17th March 1994
Astral Projection: I induce my astral body to get out, in the darkness of my bedroom. Then I fly out of the window and along Nereid st; black dogs get in my way as I fly towards the playground, yet I manage to leave them behind. I go to the painted red swings, then to the slide with the wooden pyramid on top. Around its base there are nice lilies and nearby there is an apricot tree. I go there, I cut a leaf off and hold it in my hand. It suddenly occurs to me I could bring it with me in the material world. I force awakening at once, while I hold the leaf tight. I wake up, feeling the leaf melting in my hand, as if it were made of some liquid substance...
Interpretation: Dark enemies, in the form of dogs, try to prevent me from exploring the astral plains. Obviously, it is impossible to bring an object from the astral plains to the material world. Nevertheless, when I return from work this afternoon, I will unintentionally bring home an apricot-tree leaf, which will be stuck under my shoe.
Tuesday, 3 May 1994
Psychic Experience: I can feel my legs in bed, but at the same time I feel myself walking; then I hover in the air, but soon I fall into a black tunnel crossed by a thick luminous beam. Numerous thinner beams intersect it, forming a kind of mesh. The dark tunnel ends in a square bottom, where there is light, a bright white light. As I sink towards the light, it seems to be growing bigger and bigger, until I can almost touch it: liquid, runny, white light. It feels wonderful...
Tuesday, 10th May 1994
Night Adventure: Aliens have invaded the earth. Alice and I hide behind a thick green hedgerow and we watch them. A handsome, muscular, blond warrior fights against the aliens with his weapon. They capture him but he finally escapes, although the enemies carry heavy firearms. Inside a vehicle there is a woman who has been tainted by an alien micro-organism: it “melts” the human figure within a blue aura, and the woman is transformed into a kind of plant. She regains her external appearance but is one of them now...
Psychic Experience: I wake up at about 1:00 after midnight. To my great astonishment, I can discern something hovering half a metre above me: it is a black, hideous shadow which looks like a living creature. I observe it for a few moments and it scares me stiff. “Jesus Christ!” I shout in the darkness. Then I reach for the standard lamp and turn on the light. There is nothing up there. Interpretation: Maybe one of the “shadows” which dominate humanity -according to many modern cults? Anyway, that was no dream. I was not asleep when I saw it...
Sunday, 15th May 1994
Night Adventure: Aliens which look like human beings are enclosed in metal capsules and are cast out from an extraterrestrial spacecraft. They all fall on an inhabited planet, probably earth. One of them hides in the basement of a cottage. Finally, he gets out and meets the family, which consists of five people: mother, father, two sons and a beautiful blond daughter.
The extraterrestrial spacecraft is dangerous to the planet, but only the stranger knows that. A little later, weird natural phenomena start taking place: Odd-shaped clouds cross the sky in incredible velocity; strong winds blow furiously, uprooting trees and carrying away telephone booths and other heavy stuff. Something crashes against the window pane, breaking the glass before me and I (the stranger?) have to remove the fragments from my back. The violent natural phenomena are repeated several times.
Eventually, the stranger reveals his true identity. This doesn't prevent him from going steady with the daughter of the family, but their happiness won't last: While she is in the garden, she bumps her head against a tree branch; she falls down on the ground and some mutated plants swallow her up; when they vomit her she is no longer what she was: she looks like a gigantic snail-like monster, a living horror. Her alien boyfriend swallows her up with a view to reshaping her; a little later, when he vomits her, she becomes an ethereal fairy. Yet, the only thing she wants now, is to harm him. The wind blows again and the landscape changes completely. Then I wake up, feeling confused and bewildered...
Monday, 6th June 1994
Night Adventure: I go down a white spiral stairway; suddenly I fall deeper and deeper into a whirl of crystals, until I find myself in a kind of asram. At first, it all looks nice and peaceful, everybody is kind to me, but I soon realize that the members of the cult gradually turn into monsters. At a moment I hear them say they intend to spread the taint to all humans on earth. I don't know what to do, I am in agony, and I want to get out of there as soon as possible. Then, I wake up and I am sorry I can't remember any more details...?
Now that I live on the second floor, I certainly enjoy more peace and quiet: at least, I don't hear the noises of the street so much. Of course, there is still some sonic war I cannot avoid: The residents of the second floor in the next block of flats still have parties two or three times a week. Some new tenants, who live across the street, listen to music on full blast all day long till 1:00 after midnight, every night. Don't these people ever go to work?
Yesterday, at 2:00 am, I woke up with extra loud folk music in my ears! The duds across the street were having fun once again, right at that time, so I decided to call the police at once. When I explained to the telephone operator what I wanted, she just hang up to me! Nevertheless, whenever old-Zarifis calls them for the same reason, the police arrive here in no time so as to restore peace and quiet! When my sister threw a party some months ago, the old man called the police as soon as the clock struck midnight and they arrived five minutes later. Oh, I forgot: Mr Zarifis belongs to a political club...
Saturday, 30th July 1994
Psychic Experience: It begins as a lucid dream, but I change it into a meditation exercise using the mantra “Energy” (inhale) - “Ecstasy” (exhale). Almost immediately I hear a strong hum in my ears and I see before me an endless cosmic vortex composed of umpteen white spirals. I feel cold, I am inside the cosmic vortex, I am the cosmic vortex... Fear... Suspense... Hypertension... but I don't intend to stop, I wish to go on. However, mum wakes me up right at that time, disrupting my unusual experience. It is only 8:00 o' clock in the morning and she only wants to ask me if I went to the supermarket yesterday afternoon...?
I have just finished the third book of the series “Sandra Anderson - Astral Fantasy”, which is composed of four stories. The most important contacts I observed are the following:
First story: I write about a ship sailing among lightning. Just an hour later, in a film on TV there is a similar scene (a ship sailing among lighting in a thunderstorm) which lasts many minutes.
Second story: I write about an ocean and its sea life. On the same day, my friend Mandy buys an aquarium.
Second story: I write about an elephant cemetery guarded by a monster. In the same evening, in a movie on TV there is a similar scene: A tribe of Indians lives near an elephant cemetery guarded by a monster.
Third story: Venor, Sandra's enemy, is wounded by an arrow on his chest. At night, in a film on TV the hero resembles Venor a lot and he is wounded by knives on his chest. Moreover, uncle Alex gets a heart attack the next day.
Third story: I write and illustrate a scene where Sandra passes through a window and gets into a room, so as to escape from enemies who chase her; below the sill there is a sofa decorated with colourful cushions. On the same day, in a film on TV, the hero escapes from his enemies exactly in the same way. The sofa with the colourful cushions is identical to mine.
Fourth story: Sandra gets a nasty blow on her heart. At the same night my sister feels a strong pain in her heart and goes to hospital; the doctors find nothing wrong with her.
Saturday, 6th August 1994
I was sunbathing at the beach of Glyfada, when a beefy guy with tiny swimming trunks accosted me and started flirting me with trite phrases such as: “Have I seen you before? On an island maybe? Was it in Corfu? Or in Rhodes?” and so on. I noticed the white foam around his lips (a sign of serious mental disease), yet I let him talk on – lest I should lose the opportunity of meeting Mr Right, or maybe because I wanted to prove to myself I am “sociable”, “extrovert”, “open to new experiences” and the like.
I was rather confused and he was quite eloquent, so we soon started chatting like old friends. His name is George and he works as a literature master, he said. When he offered to give me a ride to St Tryfon in his car, I just couldn't refuse. So, I suddenly found myself in a small, green flivver, which could hardly speed at 40 klm per hour, together with a stranger...
Monday, 8th August 1994
This afternoon I walked all the way to St. Constantine Square in Glyfada, where I had a date with George at 7:00. Reaching the venue, I noticed his green ramshackle car passing by; in all likelihood, he didn't see me. Anyway, I waited for him outside the church; more than half an hour had elapsed when he finally turned up. I didn't show any displeasure and we walked to a nearby cafeteria.
George managed to win my confidence very soon, as he appeared to be a thoughtful and understanding person. He listened carefully to what I said, he agreed in everything and declared he had just found his soul mate. I was seduced into revealing many things about myself and he made so bold as to suggest our going to his house “for a drink, as friends”. I refused, of course.
At a moment I mentioned I had seen his car going round the square at about 7:00. “Eeeh, I was driving to the seaside, because I wanted to change clothes. I had gone swimming first!” he excused himself. Nonsense; he was well-dressed and his hair was nicely combed; he had not gone swimming. In all probability, he was late on purpose, so as to strain my impatience. But no, probably I am all wrong he can't be so silly, I thought. “It is not right for a woman to be stood up and accosted by every bum! No, this will not happen again!” he said pompously and I believed him.
A little later, as we were chatting on, I complained about the awful noise made by cars at the outdoor garage below my window every night; he expressed his understanding and then he asked smiling: “Outdoor garage? What's does ''outdoor'' mean?”. I wondered at his not knowing this word, but I explained it to him.
After that, he confided in me he intended to buy a house in Glyfada (meaning he is wealthy) and then he asked: “When I read the classified ads, looking for a house to buy, I often see an advertisement saying ''Naxiotis real estate''. What does ''naxiotis'' mean?”. I explained to him it is the name of the real estate agent and he smiled satisfied. He is either pulling my leg or a penniless Albanian; he is certainly not a literature master, I thought but suppressed that suspicion at once.
After a while he pushed his chair closer to mine and complained “there are too many tables and people in here”. He was not wrong about that. We agreed to leave and drive to the seaside.
A few minutes later we reached the beach “Diamond” but we didn't get out of the car at all; we stayed in, facing the magical rosy-red sunset before us. Yet, I could hardly enjoy it, as the bloke started bombarding me with lots of silly questions such as: “Are you sensitive?” ... “Are you emotional?” … “Is love the most important thing to you?” and so on. I tried to give him satisfactory answers, yet I felt very uncomfortable. Soon he went on with an meticulous interrogation regarding my previous love life, while I was feeling as if I were being interviewed by a potential employer. Hoping to make him stop this, I made up a melodramatic love story about a boyfriend of mine who was killed in a car accident nine years ago; strangely enough, I felt quite emotional about it and when I said “I have lost someone” I meant it. Anyway, I don't know if the would-be groom believed me; however, we agreed to meet again two days later and go for a swim at “a nice, isolated beach in Kavouri”, as George suggested.
Wednesday, 10th August 1994
Ignoring persistently a strong heartbeat and an inner voice crying “Don't go!”, I arrived at St. Constantine Square on time, expecting to meet George at 6:30 pm. By the way, how would we ever reach Kavouri in that ramshackle car? And what time would we leave the “nice, isolated beach?” I kept wondering, rather anxious.
Anyway, the bloke didn't turn up until 7:15 so, in immense relief, I left the square and went for a swim at the nearby beach “Diamond”. At last, now I had a wonderful excuse so as to get rid of him!
George phoned me a lot later, at night, he complained about not finding me there and said he had arrived at 7:30. When I protested about his delays, he flew into a rage and started to shout: “Listen, Yvonne, from now on, when we have a date you will wait for me for as long as it takes! It might be one hour, two hours, I don't know, but I am a busy person and I can't be punctual! Let alone sometimes the car breaks down! (really?) In this case, I am usually held up for three or four hours! Got it?”
“Yes, alright, got it,” I replied hastily and he hang up on me.
After some confusion and thoughts of guilt such as Could he be right? Did I leave the venue too soon? A relationship demands sacrifices, and all this trash, I came to my senses and I disconnected the phone at once; I left it like that for a few days, so as to make sure the dud wouldn't be able to contact me again.
...Undoubtedly, the bloke was a pervert, maybe a dangerous one. Luckily, it didn't take me long to figure it out. On the other hand, someone else in my place wouldn't let the stallion go away. She would go on dating him, she would endure all his whims and vices, and eventually she would break up with him after two or three miserable years, when things would have come to a pretty pass.
That's why I can't ever have a love affair: a) I am not adaptable enough, b) I don't feel “half” when I am single; I feel “half” when I am with somebody. On the contrary, when I am alone I feel complete! c) I am also too perceptive: I can see a man's fault within ten minutes – the same fault another woman would see in two years...
* * * *
Sunday, 25th September 1994
Gregory's wedding: The first friend of my childhood is getting married this evening. He won't be living in our neighbourhood anymore. From now on I will be seeing him rarely and he won't be the Gregory I used to know.
I reminisce scenes from the carefree childhood years we lived together, back at the 70s: Some games of hopscotch, soldiers, monopoly, hide and seek, the apples; the warm family gatherings later, at the 80s, during the years of adolescence. Tonight a nice part of my life is going away together with Gregory. I lose an innocent past, I experience an agonizing present, I await a threatening future...
Nothing lives for ever: What belongs to the past is as if it had never existed at all. There are only memories left, but they fade away moment by moment like a distant dream, until everything is lost in oblivion. Sooner or later all is gone: Good or bad, success or failure, bliss or pain.
Everything fades with time. Whole generations eventually die out, omnipotent dynasties are finally wiped out -it is just a matter of time. Entire civilizations have disappeared from the face of the earth, civilizations that once thrived on vast continents for many thousands of years. Sooner or later the earth swallows up everything, all the big and wondrous works of the past. Life itself will be extinct from the earth when the sun starts to cool. Whole worlds, maybe more advanced than ours, may have vanished because of unpredictable or inevitable cosmic phenomena. The only thing that remains is dust in space -maybe not even that...
Saturday, 8th October 1994
Night Adventure: As I go out of my house, in the distance I can see a beautiful landscape with green hills, picturesque cottages, azure lakes and black statues. I fly all the way there, feeling wonderful. Yet, all of a sudden my optical field gets narrower and narrower, until it is as if I were looking through a long metal pipe. Then, darkness.
I decide to fly through the dark pipe and I find myself in a land of exquisite beauty: Vast green gardens with wooden kiosks, luxurious glass houses, marble staircases and magnificent works of sculpture. On my left I can see an impressive kiosk made of white marble with a flower pattern. After a while I fly over the green hills again and return home. I can see the smog of Athens in the distance now...?
Once again determined to escape from the unnatural stagnation of my life, since the beginning of September I have been attending a local gym, together with my friend Mandy. Sometimes Alice comes with us too. We go there three times a week and we do bodybuilding and aerobics.
We have met a nice guy there, whose name is Dimitri Papayannis; he came and talked to me after he had recognized me as an old schoolmate from junior high school. We get along very well, we have pleasant chats, I like him. I show him my interest whenever I can, I have even given him my telephone number. However, he is clearly infatuated with Mandy, he has even confessed his love for her to me, although she has a relationship with another man and she doesn't like Dimitri. Yet he insists on flirting her, using me as a point of contact with Mandy. Yet, I keep on playing the role of the match-maker, hoping that Dimitri will eventually be disappointed from Mandy's frigidity and notice me. At weekends I even arrange friendly meetings and outings, where we are all present: Dimitri, Mandy and I; sometimes my sister comes along too.
I also like another guy: It is Themis, the aerobics instructor. He is thirty years old, chestnut-haired with almond-shaped eyes, not very tall but handsome and sensual. I flirt him openly during the aerobics session, just like all women in class do; especially the married ones surround him ostentatiously during the lesson, preventing any single woman from approach him! Themis smiles and dallies with all women, giving them hope for something more. Needless to say, his class is always filled to capacity...
Sunday, 6th October 1994
Astral Projection: Persephone and I are getting ready to go to bed inside an old house. A sweet melody comes from a music box, mesmerizing me; I feel strange, as if I were falling into a dark grave. Outside the half-open window there is a bright light. The melody works in seven stages; when I reach the seventh stage I fall into hypnosis. Yet, I return to the dream fast and try to close the window with the power of my mind. I finally manage to do so, but next moment the shutters are open again. I try again, but now I can't close the window well. Persephone is there watching me, while a woman is trying to get in through the window. I go and close the shutters with my hands, but in the meantime the woman has broken into the room. She looks old and ugly. I am afraid of her and push her out. Then, I wake up with a start. The time is 4:30 am.
Verification: As Persephone herself told me this afternoon, during the night strong wind kept opening the shutters of her room. The first time she woke up, she didn't dare stand up so as to close them; she was frightened because she thought someone were trying to break into her room. The second time she woke up, she stood up and closed the shutters; the time was 4:30 am...
Tuesday, 25th October 1994
Night Adventure: I am on vacation in a village and I stay in a stone house; the veranda is spacious, made of the same kind of stone. On my right I can see a stairway which leads to the terrace. Then I am in the big green garden and I chat with a young, handsome man, the wind flapping his shoulder-long hair. I kiss him gently but suddenly I lose contact with him, while he seems to be aging fast...
Psychic experience: I change a lucid dream into a meditation exercise. As soon as I reach the ''void space'', I perceive a black star which beams white light to infinity. I am so scared that I wake up instantly. There follows a second meditation exercise in bed: I feel as if falling in a white whirling vortex; it is not empty, there is something inside; I fall deeper and deeper, I feel myself fading away, my heart stopping. I wake up with a start...
Saturday, 17th December 1994
Psychic Experience: I dream of being in another city, maybe Ioannina, together with my parents. I want to leave this place we can't find a bus at 2:00 in the afternoon. I feel tired and annoyed. Verification: At the same night Helen Roussos, a colleague in Pangaea, dreamed of being in Ioannina together with her father. She wanted to leave the place but she c